* Posts by s. pam

495 posts • joined 6 Sep 2007

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Microsoft says Skype outages are over – a few hours too early

s. pam
FAIL

Utterly rubbish

It was still /tits/up at 1840 when coworkers and I gave up in our air conditioned and offices and headed home. Been puking all over itself all day...

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IT firms guilty of blasting customers with soul-numbing canned music

s. pam

Ever been on hold with GlobalMeet?

They've not changed their on-hold music in 15 years!

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RootMetrics finds provinces stagger to 4G

s. pam
Mushroom

I just want a reliable fucking Signal, still!

On the damn A4 between Reading & Maidenhead. Is that too fucking much to ask?

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UK gov draws driverless car test zone around M40 corridor

s. pam
FAIL

M40 clucking nightmare road

If the cars are made by BMW & Audi perhaps the damn thing can be programmed to use the inside lane! The outside lane & middle lanes of the M40 are full already, of brainless BMW & Audi driverfull cars blocking the rest of us...:(

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Video intercom firm Doorbird wants $80 for device password resets

s. pam
Pint

Idiots Of The...

World only have themselves to blame for being such fucktards as to buy the damn thing in the first place.

My last doorbell came from B&Q, for £12. Works well, when it dies, I'll repeat the cycle. The spare dosh I'll used to raise a glass to the IoT wienies!

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Facebook shopped BBC hacks to National Crime Agency over child abuse images probe

s. pam
WTF?

Mucho circle jerking going around there

And the diskheads at Farcebook should have known better....!

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MP brands 1,600 CSC layoffs as the 'worst excesses of capitalism'

s. pam
FAIL

Are they trying to race Crapita & Gr4s?

To who can provide the most crap service with the least number of heads whilst holding the government hostage the most?

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UnBrex-pected move: Amazon raises UK workforce to 24,000

s. pam
Alien

Shhhh, Amazon's not really here, or doing this!

We all know they're not here because they don't pay their fair share of corporate taxes and those rather large buildings mid-country and near the Forth really say Amazin on them!

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BlackBerry sued by hundreds of staffers 'fooled' into quitting

s. pam
FAIL

N'exit means N'exit

More fool them if they didn't read what they were signing. It's not like they were going to get a £350M pay rise.

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Huge if true: iPhone 8 will feature 3D selfies, rodent defibrillator

s. pam
Holmes

Don't forget the female sex toy feature

Inserted properly, women can enhance their pleasure with the iPhone8 as it comes with their needs in mind.

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Cheer up, pal: UK mobe networks are now 8% less crap, tests show

s. pam
Mushroom

All I want is a fucking reliable signal O2

Who gives a damn about all the graphs?

I just want a reliable signal daily on the A4 between Reading and Maidenhead.

Is is too much to ask to achieve this?

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Sky fattens up broadband subs as it hovers above Fox's open mouth

s. pam
Headmaster

Screw Sky...and Murdoch!

Dumped them years ago as their fees were extortionist! Their Broadband is no better than any other DSL as it's on the old Post Office network for the last mile and we all know how reliable that isn't.

Got Virgin for Broadband only and a Freesat box + Netflix, £5.99/month we save £100 a month...

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Symantec carpeted over dodgy certificates, again

s. pam
FAIL

It's far easier -- if Symantec's in the name

Then just say NO, or Delete or rm ...... of their yet again insecurity products!!!

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Japan's terrifying techno-toilets will be made foreigner friendly, vow makers

s. pam
Devil

No shit, eh?

And a 1 and a 2 and a wahey we're done!

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CBI: Brexit Britain needs a 'sensible and flexible' immigration programme

s. pam
Pint

Oh my goodness, think of the Curry Houses

My oh my, we might have to learn how to cook more!

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FM now stands for 'fleeting mortality' in Norway

s. pam
Angel

Wait a minute....

I thought F.M. stood for Fucking Magic? At least that's what my Basics of Radio professor taught us in Univ in the early 80's....

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Don't believe the 5G hype! £700m could make UK's 4G better than Albania's

s. pam
Mushroom

Just give me a fucking reliable signal

I don't care two monkeys about what silly speed the damn G's can do in a city, I need a simple reliable as nuts signal on the stupid M4 from Reading to Slough. Or Reading to Maidenhead. Or Uxbridge to High Wycombe.

Or just about any fucking two points in this country.

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Government calls for ideas on how to splash £400m on fibre

s. pam
Pint

Just give it to Crapita and Fujitsyou

And we can watch the money go down the drain faster than a dodgy kebab on Friday night after an extended drinking session!

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Symantec sets legal wolves upon Zscaler

s. pam
FAIL

Truly stunning anyone would...

Buy their bloated carp anymore. With the myriad of dysfunctional acquisitions and a management team hell bent on self destruction it's sad to even see Symantec's name in thus fine paper!

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Vegans furious as Bank of England admits ‘trace’ of animal fat in £5 notes

s. pam
Facepalm

Oh FFS.....

At least there's no Pork in them!

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Recruitment giant PageGroup hacked, Capgemini dev server blamed for info leak

s. pam
FAIL

Is it just Michael Page site or plenty more?

Their email I got had NO details of WHICH website so I'll be filling in the ICO complaint forms shortly. Marks for letting us know El Reg, shame on PageGrouo.

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Teen in the dock on terror apologist charge for naming Wi-Fi network 'Daesh 21'

s. pam
Holmes

So I guess SO-15 will be coming to my house?

If I named a network DaeshBag or DaeshArseBug?

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ESMA urges companies to disclose potential Brexit impact

s. pam
FAIL

Will they also develop a Feckwit detector?

Phuck 'em...

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HMRC to create new compliance team focused on 'gig economy' workers

s. pam
WTF?

Uh, more delusional HMRC "thinking"

How about going after Google, Dell, Apple, Amazon, Vodafone and others you moppets? There's bound to be £15-30B in unpaid taxes.

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Today the web was broken by countless hacked devices – your 60-second summary

s. pam
Terminator

Welcome to the SkyNet party

As IoT was always going to end up in a totally fscked 'Net.

@InternetOfShit warned this was coming, but no one listened.

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Ecuador admits it cut Assange's internet to stop WikiLeaks' US election 'interference'

s. pam
Holmes

Obviously the CIA's coke supply from Ecuador...

Was going to be materially affected so in a bid to control the flow of spice, they threatened the government for harbouring such a useless excuse.

Or something like that, where's my Gruniad Translator?

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Samsung airport exchange

s. pam
Mushroom

Why isn't the goon squad DHS...

Tasering or shooting them for bringing explosives into the airport?

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Cisco president: One 'hiccup' and 'boom' – AWS is 'gone'

s. pam
FAIL

Uh, more delusional crisco thinking

How much of THEIR revenue is due to AWS being successful and buying crisco kit?

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Google 'screwed over' its non-millennials – now they can all fight back

s. pam
Paris Hilton

In californicate

If you're not suing you must be shagging

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Brit ISP TalkTalk scraps line rental charges

s. pam
Thumb Down

And Virgin iignores...

The regulator, raises prices for no reason and does S.F.A. for a useless line I don't even have a phone attached to.

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New ISO standard kind-of explains how to ignore standards

s. pam
Flame

Are the T'wonks in Brussels involved?

This reaks of Brussels mucking about in stuff that Brussels should never be mucking about in!

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Audi works with Chinese technology companies to develop intelligent cars

s. pam
Angel

Will they also develop a Feckwit detector?

For the driver incapable of driving the speed limit, giving way, or driving with any homo sapiens tendencies whatsoever please!

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Double-negative tweet could be Microsoft Surface Phone hint

s. pam
Windows

As a Product Mgr...

Who has to deliver applications on mobile devices, I can categorically state no one's buying them in corporate world so we'll never port anything to them. Even the analysts (Gartner, Forrester, etc. etc.) don't rate them nor do their devices show up in Akamai's "State of the Internet" reports as a device with even 1%.

MSFT should just throw in the proverbial towel!

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Dell swings layoffs axe at 3,000 EMC people

s. pam
Megaphone

Having worked in Michael's "flock"

If it's cheap as hell it's gotta be Dell was our motto in Dell Engineering. That attitude percolated right up to the top.

EMC staff should be worried.

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Pains us to run an Apple article without the words 'fined', 'guilty' or 'on fire' in it, but here we are

s. pam
Holmes

How well does the waterproofing work?

In beer, toilet water, or bodily fluids?

I bet it fails spectacularly!

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Microsoft redfaced after Bing translation cockup enrages Saudis

s. pam
Mushroom

If the truth hurts,

Then suck it up Saudi Arabia and clean your damn house out! You've got enough weapons from the UK and USA to do so about 1,000 times over!

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Windows 10 Anniversary Update completely borks USB webcams. Yay.

s. pam
Paris Hilton

I bet this fscked the home live porn industry

They'll not be able to get it up or get it off so they'll be filing a class action lawsuit over damage to their businesses!

I'll get me coat....

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Physicists believe they may have found fifth force of nature

s. pam
Holmes

Aha!

They've discovered the "G" spot of physics!

I'll get me hat

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Adobe stops software licence audits in Americas, Europe

s. pam
Holmes

Or it could very well be

The backlash at Adobe over Flash(aka: the Ebola viruses of insecurity) has cost them so much money they're looking for another way to make a dash for the cash!

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Investors to be allowed to sue Volkswagen over emission row

s. pam
Flame

UK Owners should be banding together and suing VW

In the USA, customers are being given the option to hand back their car, or cash + getting car SW fixed.

Here we're getting S.F.A. and that's just not right!

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IBM makes meek apology for Oz #CensusFail, offers no fail detail

s. pam
Alert

Re: Warning: Aussie census goon squad coming soon!

Yes here in Blighty we care about all, gotta keep Crapita working.

It's not so much that we weren't Aussies as it was we didn't fill it in as it specifically said "Mandatory for all Australian Citizens" and we clearly weren't.

That must have made the IBM sausage grinder spit out its dummy!

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s. pam
FAIL

Warning: Aussie census goon squad coming soon!

We did a four year secondment from the UK in Sydney.

When the census was last run, as British citizens we couldn't participate (for obvious reasons!). But NO, that didn't stop the "Census Goon Squad" as SWMBO called them turning up at our door threatening us with an AU$10,000 fine for not filling in a census form. On the third go-around these moppets had a police man with them who demanded to see our passport/visas which were dutifully recorded and they finally pissed off.

Moral of my story: I hope those who got screwed over by YACWS (Yet Another Crappy Website Screw-up) don't get fined, but being Oz, they likely will!

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Cisco gives cable industry tech for 10Gbps uploads on DOCSIS 3.1

s. pam
Black Helicopters

Virgin Media should be beaten over their asymmetric mess

What good does "Superfast Broadband" do for you if downloads can run at 150mbps and uploads are capped at 6mbps?

Yes I've seen (and participated in writing some 20 years ago) data positioning that down more than up is the home model. But the fallacy of the current algorithms is that they were based on Internet 0.5 and now we're at 3.0 or above.

There are no real technological barriers to equalising the speeds, other than providers like Virgin, BT, etc. etc. paying more upstream charges.

It is really shambolic that with the current state of DOCIS we're even talking about this.

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PCs’ PCs pwned: Irish cops probe mystery malware attack

s. pam
Facepalm

FYI: a couple of Madonna jars..

Of Poteen are more malware inducing than any computer hack...

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Symantec appoints first cybersecurity czar to woo hacking talent

s. pam
Facepalm

Temporary assignment.....

My bet is she's just gone there for the notch on her belt.

Not that there's much security credibility in having a Symantec notch! She'll quickly discover how totally ineffective many departments are, and how the meeting to have meetings crowd stifles innovation!

And then leave, either of her own accord, or in the latest RiF to end all RiF's.

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Stealthy malware infects digitally-signed files without altering hashes

s. pam
Coffee/keyboard

Yet another example of failed A/V and DRM

Perfect example why products from companies like Symantec, McAfee and others are so shit. First they'll not detect the in-flight files, then their archiving products won't detect mucked with headers.

This looks like a beautiful way to finally put a bolt-hole in MSFT's pathetically crap DRM functionality!

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Virgin signs up record ultrafast broadband subs

s. pam
WTF?

The bigger secret...

Is their entire network can do IPv6 but they're too damn lazy to do it!

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VMworld 2016: What happens in Vegas ... could be just a desert trip

s. pam
Holmes

I hope the writer can answer additional questions at the show...

There's other glaring brown spots they need to clear up:

1) Why is ANY Flash still in their products full stop?

2) What is the plan with NSX -- dead, dying, or investing?

3) Why in the name of all things holy can't customers migrate N<->S AND E<->W without more pain that a root canal done through their back passages w/o anaesthetic?

4) What's happened to innovation or do they plan to be an also-ran?

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Skyscape rebrands to UKCloud following legal challenge by Sky

s. pam
WTF?

So can I use these names Dad?

How about I rename my passage to SkyRect, is that OK?

Or how about I rename my GF to SkyReceiver, is that OK?

Or can I rename my pet inflatable love toy to SkyPorn?

Sky is just a word and B.S. like this really gets my pip.

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BBC will ‘retain your viewing history’

s. pam
Thumb Down

There's been a rampant history in the BBC

Of fiddling and diddling and I wouldn't trust them with my pole. Barge pole is optional....!

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