* Posts by David Cantrell

281 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Feb 2007

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Seven lessons from the HP Touchpad fire sale

David Cantrell
Go

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

The big conclusion I'd draw is that there is a market for dead simple devices that a non-techie can use as a web and email terminal. Those people don't care much about OS updates or third-party apps, neither of which they can count on ever receiving for the Touchpad, and they can't justify spending eleventy squillion pounds on a device that has those pointless features.

Of course, I wouldn't really draw that conclusion, as I knew it already.

Ofcom mulls smackdown for rogue religious TV channel

David Cantrell
Go

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

The channel "regularly advertises products in the middle of programmes (which isn't allowed)"?

Sweet, does that mean that ITV, Channel Four, Channel Five, Sky etc are all going to be closed down?

Dob in suspect blingy neighbours on Facebook, say cops

David Cantrell
Trollface

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

Does this mean we have to shop all the Scottish IT contractors that we know? Tax-dodgers, the lot of 'em.

Isolated human genes can be patented, US court rules

David Cantrell
FAIL

Patenting the aerodynamics of flight

Someone owned the concept of winglets, those little bits that stick up at the end of the wing on modern airliners, which increase efficiency by moving wingtip vortices away from the main wing. They were discovered in 1897, patented, and consequently forgotten about instead of being used. They were patented again in 1930 and consequently forgotten about instead of being used. It wasn't until the 70s that they started to see widespread use.

'NATO RESTRICTED': The lowest possible classification

David Cantrell
FAIL

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1689. HTH. HAND.

Sunspot decline could mean decades of cold UK winters

David Cantrell
Big Brother

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

Elven Safe Tea jobsworths who don't know anything about elves, tea, or the legislation surrounding them would never allow it anyway.

The Cube: Apple's daftest, strangest romance

David Cantrell
Angel

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

My Cube gave me ten years of almost flawless service (I had to replace the power brick once), first as my desktop for a few years, and then several more as my home file server, with several TB of firewire disks attached. Lovely machine. I only got rid of it, replacing it a few months ago with a Mac Mini, when the internal disk died.

Groupon faces multitude of legal headaches in US

David Cantrell

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

Yes, that's stupid too. But at least the differences between England/Wales/Scotland/NI are very small, and there are only four of them. The Channel Islands aren't part of the UK.

David Cantrell
FAIL

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

Can someone please explain why it's a good idea to have different sets of laws in different parts of the same country? Seems crazy to me.

Xboxer SWATTED by armed cops after online spat

David Cantrell
WTF?

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

What the heck is a "celebrity xbox gamer"?

Psychology graduates remain poor for life, study shows

David Cantrell
Go

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Good news for Blighty's blighted yoof though, from that well-known news source "Desert Island Discs". When the lovely Kirsty recently interviewed professor David Phillips, president of the Royal Society of Chemistry, he said that he's seen a big increase in the last couple of years in people applying for Proper Science courses, as they've realised that studying easy subjects doesn't help them get a job.

Germans completely humourless: Official

David Cantrell
Happy

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

Ten years ago there was a discussion on Radio 4's Today programme about the supposed lack of a German sense of humour. To this day I'm not sure if the cultural attache from the German embassy was serious or brilliantly dead-pan when he said "us Germans take our humour very seriously".

Apple releases iTunes 10.3 with beta iCloud

David Cantrell
Stop

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I too worry about uploading my contacts and diary to Teh Clowd, but not because of security. I worry because it's not clear whether I'll be able to later easily extract all my data and move it to another platform.

Apple uncloaks top 10 tools of iOS 5

David Cantrell
Boffin

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

Only a cretin installs beta versions of operating systems, and doubly so on devices as important as his phone

David Cantrell
FAIL

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I give this a big fat "meh".

Notifications? palmos had this a decade and more ago, and its lack on current iDevices is a terrible bug.

Newsstand? why?

Twitter? what, and why?

Safari? ooh, a browser update! ground-breaking!

Reminders? oh, is this the to-do list that should have been there since version 1? and again, palmos had it a squillion years ago.

Camera? meh

Mail? bet it's still shit

Game centre? pointless, still shit

iMessage? not standards compliant, therefore pointless

So about the only useful feature is the ability to sync without tethering, but i'm not sure i really trust apple's "cloud" with my data - this is the big reason that I didn't buy an Android phone. Wireless syncing done properly would sync to *my* other devices, and to no other devices.

Microsoft waves CentOS club at Red Hat

David Cantrell
FAIL

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

" MacOS is about as much Unix as Windows is.

Nothing significant that the user actually comes into contact is Unix. No Unix ideas or approaches are exposed to the end user. "

By this argument, Ubuntu isn't Unixy either, as no Unix ideas or approaches are exposed to GUI users.

Blighty's Skylon spaceplane faces key tech test in June

David Cantrell
Alien

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

Early jet engines - and I'm talking about those in series production, not just prototypes - had lifetimes of the order of 10 or 20 hours before needing refurbishment. Given how few "refurbishable" space planes we've had so far (there have been two prototypes: the Shuttle and Buran) I don't think that we can discount the entire concept yet merely because of being refurbishable as opposed to reusable.

O2 loses lock stock in Palm Pre precedent

David Cantrell
FAIL

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They're lieing. They were happy to unlock iPhones when they were exclusive to O2, provided you were a contract customer.

Amazon jumps the gun on free clouds

David Cantrell
Stop

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Amazon didn't get in first. mp3.com tried this over ten years ago, as mymp3.com, as reported in El Reg in May 2000: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2000/05/05/mp3_com_vs_riaa_judge/

Teen charged for Facebook birthday hoax that drew 200,000

David Cantrell
Boffin

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

And when it "went viral" did it shrink to being a few tens of nm across in a protein coating and infect people with a rotten cold?

Asus Eee Pad Slider

David Cantrell
FAIL

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

So this thing is even bigger and heavier than an iPad? The iPad is alrady too big and heavy to be the magic solution to all problems that some people expect a tablet to be - it won't fit in a pocket so is inconvenient to carry, and it's too heavy and has the wrong shape to hold comfortably for any extended time.

EA coughs to Dragon Age II user ban 'mistake'

David Cantrell
Thumb Up

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

Stopping someone from playing a stupid video game is good for them. Hurrah for Bioware! Now go and play cricket or chess or cribbage with actual real-life friends. If you have any.

Apple frees iOS 4.3 two days before iPad 2 Arrival™

David Cantrell
Pirate

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

If you want to turn your 3GS into a wireless access point, then MyWi is what you need. But it's murder on the battery.

Feeling heat from Macs, Microsoft sells PCs sans crapware

David Cantrell
Stop

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" Most computer *experts* aren't even aware of the umpteen different lists of startup programs that are in Windows. "

IME most computer experts don't use Windows. Go to any techie conference that isn't specifically about Microsoft these days and it's wall to wall Macs.

David Cantrell
FAIL

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Surely the first thing to get rid of if you want a fast machine is the *animated wallpaper*.

Apple cripples iBooks for jailbreakers

David Cantrell

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

iBooks? What's that? Is it an inferior clone of Stanza?

Microsoft insists autistic Xboxer is a cheat

David Cantrell
Thumb Up

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

"Xbox Live is supposedly Julias' main source of interaction outside of school"

So well done Microsoft, you've done him a favour, by trying to encourage him to GET A LIFE.

Twitter joke martyr loses appeal

David Cantrell
Grenade

Pointless title

Well, there's one judge who should have his limbs sawn off and then used to bludgeon his family to death.

Sexy Hustler honeys unlikely to corrupt Croydon yoof

David Cantrell
FAIL

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The reason kids won't see it isn't because it was mixed in with theatre ads, but because no-one reads the Croydon Guardian

Airport screeners go for the groin

David Cantrell
Go

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Finally, a reason to visit the US!

Boffins mount campaign against France's official kilogramme

David Cantrell
FAIL

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

"The metric system is the only one that can be used for accurate microscopic measurement"? Bullshit. Just like you can measure a billionth of a metre, you can measure a billionth of a yard. Your problem is simply that your tools are set up to provide easy access to SI units.

iDapt i4 multi-purpose charger

David Cantrell
Boffin

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

Nice, but I'd prefer that all my gadgets just use an ITU-T standard charger

Manchester cops hit Twitter - spoof feeds fall down stairs

David Cantrell
FAIL

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That's silly. The Lingfield road is full of grannies who don't know how to drive, so it's impossible to speed.

Ton-up speed merchant blames dyslexia

David Cantrell
FAIL

Fact-check

The road in question is a dual carriageway with a 70 limit, not 60.

Strippers hit historic Marconi HQ

David Cantrell
WTF?

Listed building? yeah right.

Back when I worked there in the early 90s it was an ugly shit-hole. What little decent architecture there was had been already ruined by having internal walls knocked through, cheap partitions installed, and tiny offices with threadbare carpets crammed in. So either it should never have been listed, or *Marconi's* should have been done over for wrecking the place. I can't see any significant harm done by the squatters.

Granny friendly phones

David Cantrell
Terminator

Hearing aid compatibility

Hearing aid compatibility isn't just useful for the ancient, y'know, there's plenty of us hip young things who are also deaf from spending too much time down the front headbanging at gigs.

Unfortunately, "hearing aid compatibility" focuses almost entirely on use of a telecoil. And telecoils are unbelievably shit - the sound quality is piss-poor (they pick up a heck of a lot of interference: you'll get lots of pops and crackles and 50Hz hum, as you'd expect from a primitive induction loop) and there's no privacy whatsoever: anyone can trivially overhear both sides of a conversation as there's no authentication or encryption. Thankfully, hearing aids are beginning to get Bluetooth. While that won't help with some of the places where people use the telecoil - such as conference centres and theatres, because of the impracticability of pairing with random devices - Bluetooth is exactly what you need for getting a good signal from your phone. So your dismissal of Bluetooth as being of no interest is waaaay wide of the mark.

Terminator, because I lurrrrve my cybernetic enhancements. All I need now is a laser range-finder I can power off my hearing aid.

Android - the winning formula for tablets and netbooks?

David Cantrell
WTF?

Voice recognition

If voice recognition is so easy in noisy environments, I'm sure that hearing aid manufacturers would love to know how to do it. Cos the place where my hearing aid is least useful is in the pub.

Webhost in five day server FAIL

David Cantrell
FAIL

Problems restoring backups

Problems restoring backups? They obviously hadn't done test restores then.

And if you haven't tested your backups, you don't *have* backups, you have hopes.

What do you call the iPad in Arabic?

David Cantrell
Dead Vulture

Orange

The Arabic word for orange (both the colour and the fruit) is burtuqaal. So "orange" isn't an Arabic loanword, but "Portugal" is.

IFPI wants another stab at OiNK

David Cantrell

More bullshit figures

107 albums released in France in the first half of 2009? Bullshit. *Maybe* there were only 107 released through IFPI member companies, but I betcha that there were at least that many released in Paris alone by unsigned bands and those on small independent labels. And some of them would actually be decent albums, unlike anything from the big companies.

'Google' crowned word of the decade

David Cantrell

Eating kittens

Surely people don't eat kittens because there's not much point. There's fuck-all meat on a kitten.

US senators tell EC: Butt out of Oracle-Sun

David Cantrell
WTF?

Ahh, the lovely smell of hypocrisy

" I have become increasingly concerned about the growing body of evidence that foreign regulatory agencies are unfairly using their review processes to impede the business of American corporations "

The time for us to start respecting that viewpoint is the moment that the US repeals all of its laws that unfairly impede the business of European corporations. They could start by repealing their stupid gambling laws, and all of the ones that restrict people from doing business with both Cuba and the US. Until they do that, the gentleman is a disgusting hypocrite.

Home Office: El Reg may be right on vetting figures

David Cantrell
FAIL

Why I don't volunteer

I wanted to train as a cricket umpire, so I could umpire for my local pub's team. To train, you have to join the national umpires' association. To join, you need to be vetted. Because, obviously, all the children in pub cricket teams are in so much danger from umpires abusing them while standing in the middle of a field where their parents can see, and in the presence of large tattooed gentlemen who would beat the shit out of the miscreant.

So, because I refuse to let the state pry where it has no business, I'm not a (qualified) umpire. Meanwhile, village and pub cricket still has a terrible shortage of qualified umpires.

Apple sends iPhones into 'Coma Mode'

David Cantrell
Happy

Thankyou, beta testers!

This, boys and girls, is why you should never *ever* update software on your devices until a few weeks have passed, so that foolish early adopters can test it for you.

Campaign Monitor reels from hack and spam attack

David Cantrell
Happy

Couldn't happen to more deserving people

"Double opt-in" is spammer-speak for "confirmed opt-in". If CM call it "double opt-in", making good practice sound like a terrible burden, then good riddance to 'em.

Battlestar Galactica eyes 'technology run amok'

David Cantrell

Moby Dick

In looking at the parallels with Moby Dick, you forget one very important reason for Melville's writing - he was deeply concerned with showing off how clever and well-educated he was. That's why he describes an inn thus:

" It was a queer sort of place--a gable-ended old house, one side palsied as it were, and leaning over sadly. It stood on a sharp bleak corner, where that tempestuous wind Euroclydon kept up a worse howling than ever it did about poor Paul's tossed craft. Euroclydon, nevertheless, is a mighty pleasant zephyr to any one in-doors, with his feet on the hob quietly toasting for bed. "In judging of that tempestuous wind called Euroclydon," says an old writer--of whose works I possess the only copy extant--"it maketh a marvellous difference, whether thou lookest out at it from a glass window where the frost is all on the outside, or whether thou observest it from that sashless window, where the frost is on both sides, and of which the wight Death is the only glazier." True enough, thought I, as this passage occurred to my mind--old black-letter, thou reasonest well. Yes, these eyes are windows, and this body of mine is the house. What a pity they didn't stop up the chinks and the crannies though, and thrust in a little lint here and there. But it's too late to make any improvements now. The universe is finished; the copestone is on, and the chips were carted off a million years ago. Poor Lazarus there, chattering his teeth against the curbstone for his pillow, and shaking off his tatters with his shiverings, he might plug up both ears with rags, and put a corn-cob into his mouth, and yet that would not keep out the tempestuous Euroclydon. Euroclydon! says old Dives, in his red silken wrapper--(he had a redder one afterwards) pooh, pooh! What a fine frosty night; how Orion glitters; what northern lights! Let them talk of their oriental summer climes of everlasting conservatories; give me the privilege of making my own summer with my own coals.

" But what thinks Lazarus? Can he warm his blue hands by holding them up to the grand northern lights? Would not Lazarus rather be in Sumatra than here? Would he not far rather lay him down lengthwise along the line of the equator; yea, ye gods! go down to the fiery pit itself, in order to keep out this frost?

" Now, that Lazarus should lie stranded there on the curbstone before the door of Dives, this is more wonderful than that an iceberg should be moored to one of the Moluccas. Yet Dives himself, he too lives like a Czar in an ice palace made of frozen sighs, and being a president of a temperance society, he only drinks the tepid tears of orphans. "

This sort of tediously obscure waffling, done solely to show off what a wonderfully well-educated man the writer is, is why I avoid most Victorian writing like the plague.

Plod punishes PC-reliant businesses

David Cantrell
Black Helicopters

Sony Tiny Micro Vault

I recently bought an 8GB "tiny" Sony Micro Vault USB disk. It's the size of a postage stamp, and pretty robust, so can be hidden in all kinds of places like, say, behind a loose brick in your garden wall. I'm gonna buy a few more, and use them for backups of my really important data.

Employees sue for unpaid Windows Vista overtime

David Cantrell
Stop

Start time

Who are all these idiots saying that people should turn up to work before their start time? What the FUCK? Why on earth should people give up their own free time, without compensation, just because the employer's policies make them waste the first few minutes after they get there?

David Cantrell
Gates Horns

Fifteen minutes isn't so unreasonable

Fifteen minutes from power on to starting work can easily happen if you have a large user profile that needs to be downloaded across a congested network from an underpowered server. Just the sort of thing that would happen when a whole load of people come on-shift at the same time.

Palm launches £399 Treo Pro

David Cantrell

Windows? Fuck off

I was getting ready to go out and buy one at lunchtime, until I got to the bit about Windows. Windows? Who the fuck wants to run Windows?

Let's hope that they release similar hardware running a sensible OS soon.

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