* Posts by cynicist365

1 post • joined 7 Feb 2019

Only plebs use Office 2019 over Office 365, says Microsoft's weird new ad campaign


Without the hype, how the ad would really have gone...

User 1: Office 2019

User 2: Office 365

1. Fill out a spreadsheet with data about 50 states:

User 1: Google's list of US states in table format and pastes into spreadsheet, in under one minute. Gets back to work, meets clients, has lunch, goes home, work day done.

User 2: Goes to perform a dataset on list, oh no, Office 365 is offline. Tries to type by hand, but relying on Microsoft makes you unintelligent, thus lacking knowledge of all US states and abbreviations. Instead, waits for the cloud to resume. Hours pass into call after call. On phone to support, outage expected to last until the end of the day, no work done, boss pissed off, wife leaves due to lack of common-sense and reliance on Microsoft solutions.

2. Make a half-finished presentation perfect:

User 1: Outsources the design to their in-house design team because no business-minded individual has time to fuck around with graphics especially with amateurish output like that shit.

User 2: Whimsically continues to finish presentation file with hours of half-baked inexperienced pre-stamped (and repeated ad nauseum) template fluff that detracts attention from the purpose of the presentation. Response from presentation attendants result is employee getting the sack, due to lack of imagination and recommended employment outlook: a microsoft helpdesk.

3. Polish a resume and start a job search: Let's do this!

User 1: Retrieves template of resume from the web in raw text, uses style to define headings, subheadings etc, adjusts text, 10 minutes pass. Refines text making it personable and unique, 15 minutes pass. Document completed, spelling and grammar checked to remove 'z' from every other English spell checker outside of the US, so they don't look like a complete moron if reaching an interview, 20 minutes pass. "Hey, how are you going over there?" Reaches out to prospective employers via other social media, because no one in their right mind would use LinkedIn after the 2016 breach, receives replies from actual companies expressing actual interest and goes to interview. One hour passes. After interview, receives notification that accepted into role, because their resume isn't a stock-standard template they've seen before.

User 2: Starts to open the document but gets new message notification from LinkedIn about a new opportunity, 10 minutes pass. About to start on 'intelligent workflows', another message received on LinkedIn from old work colleague wanting immediate assistance with job application, 15 minutes pass. Opens Word and gets out pen, Word crashes due to bug, restarts computer, 17 minutes pass. Tries to login, but trust relationship broken between server and client, waits a few minutes while calling IT, 20 minutes pass. Just give me a fucking second will you? (slightly agitated) One hour passes, Office 365 resumed, 'works on intelligent workflow' is done in a few minutes. Looks up and says "Ha, beat you fuck…er…" Office is dark, User 1 has gone home, boss still there, looking on at the exchange. Sacked for incompetence.

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