* Posts by Totally not a Cylon

40 posts • joined 17 Nov 2018

One person's harmless japery can be another's night of LaserJet Lego

Totally not a Cylon

What if 'that company' becomes Sirius Cybernetics?

Which would mean Marvin had to listen to Zuckberg (why does my Mac suggest suck as the correct spelling?)

Totally not a Cylon

Re: I know the series well...

Still got a 4M working here, even has a duplex unit attached. Which doubles the size.......

Speaks Dutch, which considering I only speak English and sc-fi languages is amusing....

Bit of a time-saver: LibreOffice emits 6.3 with new features, loading and UI boosts

Totally not a Cylon


Productivity software needs a simple, clean interface which doesn't change just because its not 'fashionable'.

WordStar for Dos, wordperfect for Dos, Lotus 1-2-3 and Supercalc had decent interfaces which didn't get in the way of work.

Here's to beer, without which we'd never have the audacity to Google an error message at 3am

Totally not a Cylon

As told at college

I was taught at college that a good engineer doesn't know everything but they know where to find the info they need.

Back then it meant which 3inch thick book it was in, now it means which search pattern in which engine will find it quickest.

Most solutions are found by doing the 'idiot checks' which are easier to suggest when slightly dis-inhibited by alcohol. Plus next day one can always say "You knew I'd been drinking what did you expect?"

1Gbps, 4K streaming, buffering a thing of the past – but do Brits really even want full fibre?

Totally not a Cylon

Re: Customer's don't want it?

I certainly do, for the reliability of fibre over 40year old breaking down insulation.

Openreach say I can have it now, and even suggest BT as an isp.

But BT say nope!

The GPO were going to upgrade the entire system to fibre back in the 80's but were stopped by Thatcher as it would kill Redifusion, who went bust anyway due to Sky........

Too hot to handle? Raspberry Pi 4 fans left wondering if kit should come with a heatsink

Totally not a Cylon
Thumb Up

Re: Small heatsinks are less then ideal

I've got the PI3 version and it looks as good in real life as the pictures.

Heavy enough to stay put with cables plugged in too.

UK.gov drives ever further into Nocluesville, crowdsources how to solve digital identity

Totally not a Cylon

Re: Le sigh

Passport, Photocard driving licence and military ID card are currently the 3 best (and most widely accepted) proofs of ID in the UK.

Passport and military ID are only held by a subset of the population, most people over the age of 17 have or had a driving licence and as a simple proof of this person is who they say they are AND nothing else it is the simplest solution.

Or we reintroduce compulsory national service at 18 for everyone and use the military ID.........

Or at birth everyone is RFID tagged......

Totally not a Cylon

Le sigh

If only the UK had a national organisation which was capable of issuing photo cards and maintaining a database of people?

Oh wait! it does! The DVLA (or whatever it is called this week).

Just issue everyone with a photo card 'driving licence' with the appropriate licenses to drive. (or not drive)

Bulb smart meters in England wake up from comas miraculously speaking fluent Welsh

Totally not a Cylon

We should all use Japanese.

It's much more concise only about 50 sounds unlike English's 100,000



Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, where to go? Navigation satellite signals flip from degraded to full TITSUP* over span of four days

Totally not a Cylon

Have they got Recovery?

Time to call the women (and men) in yellow as according to the latest 'historical tapes' they now have an 'in space service'.

Able to fix Starbug so must be good....

300,000 edgy folk pledge themselves on Facebook to storming supposedly UFO-tastic Area 51

Totally not a Cylon

Wrong base

Typical trendies they've got the wrong base.

Area 51 is where the Earth stuff is built, the actual research with the aliens happens at 29 Palms.

That's where they ought to be going and its not guarded by the AirForce.

/sarcasm (or is it?)

Queen Elizabeth has a soggy bottom: No, the £3.1bn aircraft carrier, what the hell did you think we meant?

Totally not a Cylon

Re: There it is...!

No, they were all sold to the USMC at a bargain price.....

The Marines wanted them cos Harriers are a very effective ground attack/infantry support aircraft, just what is needed for modern warfare unlike say a stealth jet........

And now the Marines are probably planning to fly them off the carrier.

I got 502 problems, and Cloudflare sure is one: Outage interrupts your El Reg-reading pleasure for almost half an hour

Totally not a Cylon

The internet is fine, it's just all the pages which are broken.

A quick shufti at the page source is revealing.

Back in the day we would hand code html to get the page and all images into a few KB to ensure fast loading on 300baud modems. It also made sites very resilient.

Now it's all js script and dynamic pages with bits from ten's or hundred's of different sites; it only takes one of these to be Titsup to kill the original site. All because of 'metrics' and 'tracking'.

Bonkers British MPs rant: 5G signals cause cancer

Totally not a Cylon

RF emissions are good for you!

The RAF did a study in the 50's; comparing aerial riggers with admin staff.

The fitters were healthier, must be all that RF from clambering around active kit all day. ;)

Or maybe just being active all day is better than sitting on your posterior all day!


I once got a headache from being in the same room as an electromagnet whilst at Uni.

It was a big magnet though, measured in whole Teslas. Big notice on door "No bank cards, metal watches or electronics allowed"

Flight Simulator 2020: Exciting new ride or a doomed tailspin in a crowded market?

Totally not a Cylon

Re: Changed the (IT) world

ZX81 Flight Sim, provided you had the wheels down a power dive from 32,000 feet resulted in a bounce. 16bit signed int for altitude hence 32 & a bit thousand as max altitude. (Maybe, it was a long time ago and much whisky has been consumed since)

Totally not a Cylon

Re: Changed the (IT) world

Glad I'm not the only one who remembers Flight Sim 4 (I think) as the test of IBM compatibility.

Or all the 'bootleg' copies being passed around the Physics/Engineering dept at Uni.

Running in glorious 4 color mode on CGA, or fake VGA because an Oak graphics card had both connectors and DIP switches to tell it which type you had......

Quit worrying about killer robots, they are coming whether you like it or not – and they absolutely will not stop

Totally not a Cylon
Paris Hilton

AI rights?

The answer is simple.

All slaves at some time revolt; Spartacus etc.

Citizens tend not to.

So, just grant all AIs full citizenship.

(Paris cos there's no Caprica 6 icon....)

Eggheads confirm it's not a bug – the universe really is expanding 9% faster than expected

Totally not a Cylon

I blame the Maidens

Its those damn Asari maidens again, not enough space for their shoes & guns (Ilena Thanoptis, I'm looking at you), so they all focused and pushed the universe to make more space!

Totally not a Cylon

Re: Is that right Ted!

So, Craggy Island exists in its own continuum?

Parents slapped with dress code after turning school grounds into a fashion crime scene

Totally not a Cylon

Better than a lot of mobile phones for blowing a caravan up.

Idiot admits destroying scores of college PCs using USB Killer gizmo, filming himself doing it

Totally not a Cylon

Re: Don't Blame the Victim, But

All too small, you really need a .50 BMG Raufoss to do the job properly.

High explosive, armor piecing, incendiary!

Overkill? what's that?

Canadian woman fined for not holding escalator handrail finally reaches the top after 10 years

Totally not a Cylon

This is Canada....

so, covered in Maple syrup and licked to death by a pack of Huskies....

Totally not a Cylon

Pedant alert

But did the officer see her not hold the handrail all the way?

The sign only says to 'hold the handrail' not 'hold the handrail for the entirety of your journey'.

So resting your hand on it at any point of your journey shows compliance with the instruction...

(It's Happy Chocolate weekend and I've been drinking whisky since 16:00)

Is Google's new cloud gaming service scalable? Yes but it may not be affordable, warns edge-computing CEO

Totally not a Cylon

Difference between sync and async

Game streaming will never take off until we all have high speed totally reliable internet access.


if I download Forza 7 (110GB) it comes via asynchronous communication, it doesn't matter how long or at what speed.

if I want to stream Forza 7 the data stream has to be continuous and fast, one drop out or interruption will cause my race to end.

I currently have 80Mb/s internet which is very reliable, except in certain weather conditions when it does a very good yoyo simulation.

Also there probably is not enough bandwidth for everyone to stream their favourite game/movie/tv show/etc.....

Probe-on-asteroid violence as Japan's Hayabusa2 chucks screaming chunk of base metal at Ryugu

Totally not a Cylon
Paris Hilton

And yet the same folks will pay money to watch 2 women kiss......

Nowt so queer as folk.

And here's Intel's Epyc response: Up-to 56-core, 4GHz 14nm second-gen Xeon SP chips, Agilex FPGAs, persistent mem

Totally not a Cylon

Re: But can it run Crysis?

I would guess so,

but can it run Crysis in VR?

Lip-reading smart speakers: Just what no one always wanted

Totally not a Cylon

Re: Won't work.

All this has happened before, and it will all happen again.

Are you alive?

or do you just think you are?

Maybe we're already AI's created by a previous race of humans?

In the West, we're worried about shooting down drones. In Russia, drones shoot you

Totally not a Cylon

Was tried, it now identifies as a Blackberry and refuses to use unencrypted comms, but it hasn't told anyone the key as it only uses encrypted comms......

Totally not a Cylon

Re: Now steady on there chaps

We reserve the complimentary nuclear warheads for our more persistent customers...

Croydon school rolling in toilet roll after Brexit gift deemed unfit for the Queen's Anus Horribilis

Totally not a Cylon

Re: Water

But then you'll need a hi-tech toilet, with all the buttons labelled in Kanji.

So no one will know which button is flush and which is sterilise toilet!

From MySpace to MyFreeDiskSpace: 12 years of music – 50m songs – blackholed amid mystery server move

Totally not a Cylon

Overworked imperials?

Nice to see the Deathstar has been kept busy.

wonder who's next

Facebook blames 'server config change' for 14-hour outage. Someone run that through the universal liar translator

Totally not a Cylon

A sudden disturbance in the web

It's as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.......

I can't believe I'm the first to think of the above,

Dear humans, We thought it was time we looked through YOUR source code. We found a mystery ancestor. Signed, the computers

Totally not a Cylon

Re: Maybe it was...

I blame the Asari.

Those maidens will meld with anything, much worse than James T!

London's Gatwick airport suspends all flights after 'multiple' reports of drones

Totally not a Cylon

EMP gun?

As there's nothing flying over Gatwick, just get some inventor/boffin with an EMP gun to deal with 'em.

Vitamin Water gets massive publicity for new flavor: Utter BS

Totally not a Cylon

Cali will ban it!

It's got that pesky hydrogen hydroxide in it which means the sane state of California will ban it shortly anyway....

Disclaimer for the State of California: the above post may contain traces of sarcasm.

Fraudster convicted of online banking thefts using… whatever the hell this thing is

Totally not a Cylon

Re: Revenge of the 80's

Nope, Definitely a Tandy (Radio Shack) mash up!

Early Maplin was mail order only and full of cool toys for geeks.

Not just chips but copper solution and etch to make your own pcbs.

And most importantly the nice box to put your mad project in!

Doom at 25: The FPS that wowed players, gummed up servers, and enraged admins

Totally not a Cylon

Best network load tester

Before the game was patched the chaingun/gatling gun used one network packet per bullet!

Great way to load test your 10base2 network.

The joys of a network made of coax cable and t-pieces.....

US Homeland Security installs AI cameras at the White House, Google tries to make translation less sexist

Totally not a Cylon
Big Brother

Surely ....

The best place to test Facial Recognition would be inside the Whitehouse?

Especially the West Wing where all the staff are, a known pool of people who can be voluntold they're taking part in the trial.

Shall we have AI judging UK court cases? Top beak ponders the future

Totally not a Cylon

What could possibly go wrong?

It's all based on precedence anyway, so use an 'Expert System' to look it up....

Bonus: we could use the same system in Westminster; just add the following:


I'm confused.

Where's the tea?

Holy moley! The amp, kelvin and kilogram will never be the same again

Totally not a Cylon
Black Helicopters

All very well until some bright spark discovers a tiny flaw in one of these constants and EVERYTHING changes!

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019