* Posts by EVP

23 posts • joined 16 Nov 2018

One click and you're out: UK makes it an offence to view terrorist propaganda even once


Re: Few questions ...

Except online p0rn. It should be safe to watch.

Reliable system was so reliable, no one noticed its licence had expired... until it was too late


Re: I generate the licenses..

Use the Force, Luke...

Techie finds himself telling caller there is no safe depth of water for operating computers


Re: Scuba diving iPhone

Yeah, a watertight case. Too bad it wasn’t that watertight... maybe I misread the quality assurance document that came with the case and they tested that water stays inside.

I have to admit that I may have overstated the incident a bit. The phone didn’t dive too deep and it was fresh water in a lake. Still, quite impressive that it survived, don’t you think?


Re: Ex designer of military kit

”When you’re in a hostile environment putting your life on the line, wouldn’t you prefer to know that a little more has been spent preventing unnecessary roughing while maintaining adequate strength to avoid digital penetration?”

Not to mention per unit stress tests and all the paperwork involved in quality control. Absolutely worth the price.


Re: Deep Six

”I kept the dead MBP. About a year later, I decided to get rid of it and wanted to scrub its internal drive before I did. I plugged in the charger in the faint hope it would power up and let me clean the drive without having to disassemble the machine. To my surprise, it booted up. A year of drying out did the trick.”

My father’s iPhone 5s did scupa diving and got soaking wet while doing it. Careful drying, a week or so, did the trick and the phone was back up and runnig. Except WLAN and Bluetooth, they were gone. When WLAN started to work in a month, I was a bit surprised. Then Bluetooth came happily back in 6 or 7 months after the incident, it was quite a bit more surprising, and it still works to this day. (The poor phone took a lot of other beating too, including bent frame and forcing it back into shape. It’s a story for another time, though, for not to get too much off topic.)

Jammy dodgers: Boffin warns of auto autos congesting cities to avoid parking fees


Re: Utter nonsense

”I do find this argument about driving to avoid parking fees funny though - parking at £4/hour might seem expensive until you work out the operating and depreciation”

In fact, parking doesn’t have to cost anything for autonomous vehicles. A hint: image recognition. Yeees, you got it right!

Since autonomous vehicles are bloated with cameras and other stuff, how difficult can it be to program them to detect approaching traffic wardens? A vehicle just parks anywhere it likes and when threat is detected, it goes into emergency mode and drives away scot free.

In fact, vechiles should report wardens to each other.

Zesla model whY: ”Hey guys, there is an incoming at 51.509865, -0.118092. Clear our!ETX”

Vulvu P18000 ”Thanks, I’m offACK”,

Toiota Guerilla: ”Me too. I owe you one, Zesla!ACK”


Re: Short term problem ...

”It depends on your use cases.”

Exactly! There is a fair number of use cases where (autonomous or not) car sharing is impractical or even impossible. Commuting between office and home isn’t the only daily need for transportation for everyone now, and it won’t that in the future. (If it happened to become the only use case, please take me to the nearest soylent green recycling station)

Peak Apple: This time it's SERIOUS, Tim


Re: Too late

”shown they were still using defective, badly designed components 5 years after their internal documents showed they were shit. ”

Interesting. Would you post a link? You have clearly been following Mr. Rossmann’s work.

My experience with Dell, Hp and Lenovo high-price laptops is that their quality is pure shit too. Hp’s laptop (~1600 €, company discounted VAT 0% price) was one steaming pile. Maybe no money can buy good laptops anymore, huh?

”multi-billion company. It’s greed, pure and simple.”

I agree, to an extent. Apple hold keys to the kindom, but are allured by possibility making a quick buck. Solidity of devices is worth a shitload of money and privacy is the new oil in the long run. They are trying to fsck it up right now, I think.


Re: Too late

”shown they were still using defective, badly designed components 5 years after their internal documents showed they were shit. ”

If you can post a link, please do it. You clearly have been following Mr. Rossmann’s work.

My experience with Dell, Hp and Lenovo high-price laptops is that their quality is pure shit too. Hp’s laptop (~1600 €, company discounted VAT 0% price) was one steaming pile. Maybe no money can buy good laptops anymore, huh?

”multi-billion company. It’s greed, pure and simple.”

I agree, to an extent. Apple hold keys to the kindom, but are allured by possibility making a quick buck.


Re: Too late

”You then go and read Apple's privacy policy, and it tells you they a are doing EXACTLY the same as what Google are, but charging a premium price for the privilege”

Please, point out the sections in Apples privacy policy showing that they are as great evil as, say, google the great satan, when it comes to abusing their users’ personal data. I’m genuinely interested in getting that information, but haven’t been able to find it. Thanks!

Border guards probe 'suspicious bulge' in man's trousers to find he's packing fluffies


Re: Real Men

Either way, was it kittens or ferrets, into such a training session real men go in, but unmen come out...


”No no, officer, I’m not smugling. I always keep 5 kittents in my pants while onboard. You see, they keep mice away. No gnawed electrical wiring, great for aviation safety!”

”There are no mice in airplanes!”

”Well, works good then, doesn’t it?”

Full frontal vulnerability: Photos can still trick, unlock Android mobes via facial recognition


Re: Securing Private Parts

”We need a Penis Unlock(TM) feature (or equivalent) instead. Would be much more secure, assuming the”

Excellent idea, bravo!

”image is not available in the public domain.”

Oh no, there goes my security :/

How about a contact based solution? Penisid, or PID in short, would definitely increase security considerably.

However, there is a tricky question to answer before implementing: Where should the reader module go? With fingerprint sensors, some people prefer placement in front, some like it backside, others don’t care and will have it whichever way. Choices, choices...

Also, there must an equal opportunity for both, or in fact for all, sexes to enjoy the benefits of such an advanced security system. One implemention won’t suffice for all use cases.

Can anyone think of a similar technical solution for women? It could well be called Penisid, I suppose.

Techie basks in praise for restoring workforce email (by stopping his scripting sh!tshow)


Re: Recursion is difficult

I usually recurse when I do the same stupid mistake again. It’s not difficult at all.

Could you speak up a bit? I didn't catch your password


Re: Australia day

”Australia was eventually bought by a vegan pharmaceutical company, which began testing lipstick and all manner of noxious potions on the masses. By November of that year it was clear the 50% protocol was having a heavy toll, as each product was tested, as it is done in animal research labs, until 50% of the group had died.”

You missed to expose the whole truth. I feel obliged to share it, as cruel as it is.

50% death toll limit was not reached because of exposure to toxic vegan chemicals. Oh boy, it wasn’t.

Ruby lipstick. Death from laughter. Crocodile Dundee’s turn to apply.

Need I say more?


Re: Solution...

”Thus, immediately upon election, any and all Aussie politicians are disqualified from holding office, because of their ingenious anti-dual citizenship law. They'll have to resign. All of them.”

Absolutely ingenious, I salute you!

Have one on me. Free as in free citizenship :p

A few reasons why cops haven't immediately shot down London Gatwick airport drone menace


Re: Why haven't they thought of.....

”Trampolines, big men and women with sodding enormous hammers. Think of the hilarity.”

Men wearing kilts, I presume?

The eulogising of The Mother Of All Demos at 50 is Silicon Valley going goo-goo for gurus again


Re: Telefunken invented the balled mouse?

”Oh fsck me! If I'd had been going for that effect I would've used a long Chinese eggplant and a couple of coconuts.”

You naughty boy. If there ever comes time when you decide to go for the effect, may I propose that you shaved the coconuts before placing them into a ”triggering” pose.

I sometimes just wonder that why people who see everywhere "sexually suggestive" "repulsive" and "triggering" things don’t have to go to see a shrink, but it’s someone else who has to do it instead.

It’s a strange world. Nuts everywhere.

College PRIMOS prankster wreaks havoc with sysadmin manuals


Re: A decade of poor configuration

>Not just the late '80s, when xhost + was still a default. Right into the '90s you could - and inevitably >sometimes did - make someone else's computer burst into song, tell a joke, admonish the user, or >just fart.

One day, my lab’s sysadmin decided to prank me and opened up a Netscape window on my X terminal’s screen with content that raised some questions among the lab’s staff.

Next day, I wanted thank him and sent a video clip on the ever so popular series ”This is how mammals reproduce” on the screen of his workstation. I was kind enough to make sure that there were no students obtaining their logins, neither head of the laboratory making his daily complaint about his mailbox being full, in his room. Nor the sysadmin himself, for that matter. He used to leave door to his room open, though, and loudspeakers swithed on. Did I already mention, that he kept his speakers’ volume turned high? Audio track of the educational piece of video raised some questions among the lab’s staff, too.


> and what about address spoofing? it was even easier to do then as it is now

It certainly was... Back in the day, one of the older students kindly showed me how to spoof an email address to make it look like it was someone else was emailing to you. Then some days later I received an email from the rector telling me ”You nasty boy” etc. Of course, I figured out that it was the aforementioned guy emailing me and wrote back ”Ha haa, you fscking guy, you don’t fool me!” and some other quite a bit nastier things. About 17 ns before hitting send, it struck me that the spoof didn’t only spoof name of the sender, but address as well. If my memory serves me, the prankster got an email back from the ’dean’ telling him to stop abusing his email account, or he will be keelhauled.

The rector wasn’t renowed for his great sense of humour. To this day, I wonder what had happened if I had realised it >= 18ns later. I should have sent it anyway x)

Microsoft menaced with GDPR mega-fines in Europe for 'large scale and covert' gathering of people's info via Office


Re: What about Windows 10 that Office is sitting on?

“A slap on the wrist won't even make them blink, a few million dollars will make them laugh, but a few hundred BILLION will shove that laughter right back down their throats so they choke on it.“

Exactly. Anything else is pointless.

What is appalling to me, is that big companies with enormous resources (i.e. they do know what they are doing) are allowed to break the law time after time and get away with it by ”oops, didn’t mean/know/whatevermuttermutter, let me fix it in six months, or maybe in twelve if we feel like it” (yet never fixing it).

If I, say, accidentally exceed the speed limit because I didn’t spot a sign, no amount of explaining will make any difference if I get caught.

Where to implant my employee microchip? I have the ideal location



“I've got a revelation for you, beware of the one who's number is six and six and six.“

Taking per annum inflation into account, the number to be beware of is in order of 1E42.

Up to three million kids' GPS watches can be tracked by parents... and any miscreant: Flaws spill pick-and-choose catalog for perverts


Re: To any children reading this

”suggest some ways to help you accidentally render your devices useless.”

The best. advice. ever. to treat those spying devices. Unfortunately, as the other readers have noted, a child forced/persuated/bribed to wear such a spying device, doesn’t propably read the Register. If a child does, he/she is already educated enough to give the Treatment without any advive.

Instead, I suggest the parents reading the piece of news to give their kid’s device the good old sledgehammer induced security patching and then sending the remains^H^H^H secured device back to the manufacturer. Including a notice of reclamation in form of a printed copy of the article in El Reg, signed with a brown sticky ’pen’, might help in getting the message through.


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