* Posts by Zwuramunga

56 posts • joined 1 Mar 2018

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Robot Operating System gets the Microsoft treatment

Zwuramunga

DOSBOT

Never fear it will work a lot like Windows BOB.

Apple in XS new sensation: Latest iPhone carries XS-sive price tag

Zwuramunga

Xcstasy!

Paying over $1000 for a phone?

It is like shopping the internet while stoned!

Space station springs a leak while astronauts are asleep (but don't panic)

Zwuramunga

HHGTG Update

Mostly Leak-proof.

US Democrats call in Feds: There's something phishy going on with our voter database

Zwuramunga

Corruption.

When you reach a certain level of corruption you can't tell lie from real anymore.

The Solar System's oldest minerals reveal the Sun's violent past

Zwuramunga

Re: 100 micron meteorites

Wipe dew from your car.

The magnetic particles stick to the steel body and accumulate naturally.

Make Facebook, Twitter, Google et al liable for daft garbage netizens post online – US Senator

Zwuramunga

Ministry Of Truth

You are unauthorized to have that knowledge. You are under arrest.

Enterprise Windows 10 users, Microsoft has some 'quality' patches coming your way

Zwuramunga

Patch the Patch of The Patch..

So much for only updating 2-3 times a year.

Microsoft needs to go back to single purpose patches.

That way you can just rollback one thing instead of four months of updates.

Shouting lager, lager... Carlsberg's beer AI can now tell pilsners apart

Zwuramunga

American Beer

Has come a long way in the last 20 years.

Come and taste the beers of California, no longer F*cking near water.

US military manuals hawked on dark web after files left rattling in insecure FTP server

Zwuramunga

Well for the record....

You can get a lot of these things around military bases and the Russians and Chinese damn well know it.

Manuals show up at flea markets and used book stores.

I have even seen night vision devices and and electronic sites at pawn shops.

US taxman wants AI to do the security checks it seemingly can't do itself

Zwuramunga

The Military Model.

Air gap the important stuff from the outward unclassified networks.

Separate network for sensitive stuff.

And another for REALLY sensitive stuff.

Vet the need to know and allow only the information needed for each job.

But none of that has the "AI" Buzzword.

Call your MEP! Wikipedia blacks out for European YouTube vote

Zwuramunga

Gentlemen...

This could be the end of Cats on the internet.

Feds charge Man after FCC boss Ajit Pai's kids get death threat over net neutrality axe vote

Zwuramunga

He commited a Felony

Really? Is Net Neutrality worth doing hard time? Is it worth MURDER?

Google weeps as its home state of California passes its own GDPR

Zwuramunga

Easy Enough

Requests immediate deletion of all records.

USB-C for Surface owners arrives in form of a massive dongle

Zwuramunga

GRRRR!

You buy a tablet.

Then plugin enough crap to make it the same as a laptop plugged in to a Docking Station.

JUST BUY A LAPTOP!

Laptops are guaranteed to come with a keyboard at no additional cost!

Big Cable unplugs Cali's draft net neutrality protections yet AGAIN

Zwuramunga

Money!

Money talks. Everything else is just BS they tell the voters and press.

Virtual reality meets commercial reality as headset sales plunge

Zwuramunga

News from 1999

Virtual Reality is the next big thing.....

JURI's out, Euro copyright votes in: Whoa, did the EU just 'break the internet'?

Zwuramunga

.eu

404 NOT FOUND

The eyes have it: 'DeepFakes' bogus AI-meddled videos outed by unblinking gaze

Zwuramunga

Fixed!

Next point of detection so we can fix that next please!

BOFH: Got that syncing feeling, hm? I've looked at your computer and the Outlook isn't great

Zwuramunga

The Original Lie in the Chain

Outlook + Phone + Synch.

Not really the Tech that is the problem.

It is the Fantasy's dreamed by those who use them. There will NEVER be a time when the technology will "Know What I Mean."

Some training is involved and your promotion will not you Mutant Powers over technology.

RoboCop-ter: Boffins build drone to pinpoint brutal thugs in crowds

Zwuramunga

Depends on the response.

Spray them with a dye or a irritant like Pepper Spray OK.

Bullets, too far.

UK's first transatlantic F-35 delivery flight delayed by weather

Zwuramunga

Re: Alternatives

FedEx. They have freight rates you know.

Dawn spacecraft to get up-close and personal with dwarf planet Ceres

Zwuramunga

Re: Height

"About Four Kilometers."

Un-bee-lievable: Two million Swedish bugs stolen in huge sting

Zwuramunga

Hamlet, Act III, Scene I

To bee, or not to bee: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them?

Lessons learned from Microsoft's ghosts of antitrust past: Step up, Facebook

Zwuramunga

HHGTG Entry

Microsoft.

Still mostly Evil.

RIP to two 'naut legends: A moonwalker and a spacewalker

Zwuramunga

Re: Two more childhood heroes gone

That is why we created an Elon Musk.

Folks are shocked – shocked – that CIA-backed Amazon is selling face-recog tech to US snoops, cops

Zwuramunga

Amazon Prime

You are either a Prime Citizen, or you are their Prime Suspect.

Get an eyeful of the stunning galaxies near us in ultraviolet light

Zwuramunga

Only Hot Until...

They speak, then you know there is no one home there.

John McAfee ‘goes underground’ in motorcade to flee SEC

Zwuramunga

And he shot a guy

Gregory Viant Faull.

Pentagon on military data-nomming JEDI cloud mind trick: There can be only one (vendor)

Zwuramunga

Tempting Military Target

Does anyone really think this is a good idea?

Britain to slash F-35 orders? Erm, no, scoffs Lockheed UK boss

Zwuramunga

Unless....

They buy back those Harriers.

Engineer crashed mega-corp's electricity billing portal, was promoted

Zwuramunga

It is Classified.

What is? I can't tell you, it is classified.

JEDI mind tricks: Brakes slammed on Pentagon's multibillion cloud deal

Zwuramunga

It was a offer we couldn't refuse!

It was on sale and they got free shipping with Amazon Prime!

BOFH: But I did log in to the portal, Dave

Zwuramunga

But the documentation is in Russian.

Whoa, Gartner drops a truth bomb: Blockchain is overhyped and top IT bods don't want it

Zwuramunga

Elon Musk Response

LUDICROUSCHAIN!

I've got way too much cash, thinks Jeff Bezos. Hmmm, pay more tax? Pay staff more? Nah, let's just go into space

Zwuramunga

The Waste

Governments just waste most tax money. No reason to waste even more resources on governments.

Virtual desktops won’t save cash in clouds or on-prem. So why care?

Zwuramunga

Been through THREE failed iterations

MANY problems.

#1 It Costs MORE money than management wants to pay to make it work well!

#2 Management NEVER accounts for the lost productivity when it fails do to connection issues to the clients. Either in a Teleworking environment or in house.

#3 Both #1 and #2 have been ignored numerous times resulting in three failed roll outs. Managements answer is to buy the next generation of dumb terminals without spending for the required bandwidth or service level agreements to make it useful.

Mannequin Skywalker takes high ground on Bezos-backed rocket

Zwuramunga

Re: Mannequin Skywalker

Hope he wore his Dark Helmet!

BOFH: Guys? Guys? We need blockchain... can you install blockchain?

Zwuramunga

Adobe

Invest in the Adobe Blockchain!

It takes up 2 TB of hard drive space. Takes 48 hours to install. An always on internet connection to prove you aren't a pirate. And best of all costs $20,000 a year.

Whats it do? Fuck if Adobe knows!

Avengers: Infinity War: More Marvel-ous moolah for comic film-erverse, probably

Zwuramunga

Million?

"who successfully milked the X-Men universe $2.6m with ten films over 18 years."

Think you mean $2.6 BILLION there.

Astroboffins discover the stink of eggy farts wafting from Uranus

Zwuramunga

They changed the name

To Urectum.

Motorola Z2 Force: This one's for the butterfingered Android lovers

Zwuramunga

Transparent Aluminum

Where are the unbreakable glass replacements?

I KNOW we have a form of this already, where are the real world applications?

Pentagon sticks to its guns: Yep, we're going with a single cloud services provider

Zwuramunga

Jedi?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Total WIPOut: IT chief finds his own job advertised

Zwuramunga

TRUTH!

Is no defense anywhere any more it seems.

Donkey Wrong: Arcade legend Billy Mitchell booted from record books amid MAME row

Zwuramunga

All three of his fans will be pissed at this ruling.

Please no Basic Instinct flashing, HPE legal eagles warn staffers

Zwuramunga

Executive Summary

#1 Look good!

#2 Facts are unimportant.

UK smut overlord declares age checks should protect users' privates

Zwuramunga

Easy Enough

User 12345678

Pass 12345678

Location Parump Nevada. Everything legal there except Marijuana.

Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, off you go: Snout of UK space forcibly removed from EU satellite trough

Zwuramunga

Elon Musk

SpaceX can do it for you at bargain prices.

BOOM! Cambridge Analytica explodes following extraordinary TV expose

Zwuramunga

Obama

But it was OK when Obama did it.

Hate to add to the wanky jargon – but your digital transformation is actually a bolt-on

Zwuramunga

Versions!

Add these words to the same old thing and patent and copyright:

1.0 - On Computers!

2.0 - On The Internet!

3.0 - On A Cloud!

4.0 - IN SPACE!

Fermi famously asked: 'Where is everybody?' Probably dead, says renewed Drake equation

Zwuramunga

Copyrights!

This civilization copyright of Xenu. Re-transmission is prohibited.

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