* Posts by shedied

42 posts • joined 9 Feb 2018

Border guards probe 'suspicious bulge' in man's trousers to find he's packing fluffies


and really really close to where it matters. For warmth. In a tropical destination.

Huawei MateBook Pro X: PC makers look out, the phone guys are here


Re: Not surprised

Now that I've seen the prices... could you show me the bag?

Nikola Tesla's greatest challenge: He could measure electricity but not stupidity


Re: The name 'Tesla' has been hijacked

Reminds me of the Chevy Nova having a hard time selling to Spanish speaking countries (where "no va" translated roughly to "no go").

Clunk, bang, rattle: Is that a ghost inside your machine?


Re: Spooning toner into the copier

Jug of milk was the sort I had to deal with, refilling the large format Laser printers (HP, Ice et al), and they were held vertically upsidedown till empty. Trust me I've read every comic book-style instruction set there was, to keep my shirt clean.

Morrisons supermarket: We're taking payroll leak liability fight to UK Supreme Court


Something new

He went postal first.

London's Gatwick Airport flies back to the future as screens fail


You almost forgot the must-have accessory for the modern whiteboard: the whiteboard backup tool that can save what was written, and save the information in a highly compressed format. It is commonly called the whiteboard eraser so that the nontechnical people can also use it, without having to resort to a "HOWTO manual" but they find the entire set very easy to use (whiteboard+marker pens+eraser), especially in a tight situation like the system failure at Gatwick's.

Boss regrets pointing finger at chilled out techie who finished upgrade early


The boss owned up? Apologised, even?

Two questions, then.

1. Was he ill? When did he last see his doctor?

2. Are your affairs in order. The world ends tomorrow.

Microsoft still longs to be a 'lifestyle' brand, but the cupboard looks bare


Right, format the C: drive to install the latest update of Windows 10++. Relax, grab a cup of coffee, make that a Large, thank you. Also stop by the take-out window for a couple of breakfast burritos (that's the best guesstimate when the update will complete

Boss helped sysadmin take down horrible client with swift kick to the nether regions


Thanks for On Call (which trained me to post from my cracked mobe and become a full-fledged commentard); best of luck!

And welcome Rebecca!

Samsung’s new phone-as-desktop is slick, fast and ready for splash-down ... somewhere


Re: Developing world use cases

Could knock a significant percentage off IT budgets

But please spare the Help desk carbon units, the Reg needs to hear about those poor sods called upon to troubleshoot a Dex-equipped dekstop.

Heatwave shmeatwave: Brit IT departments cool their racks – explicit pics


Re: Wrong Type of Leaves

In a rare display of candour, and ingenuity, their IT types will happily point out that their servers all faced Westward--that is, before the seasonal Santa Ana winds came and the hardware were engulfed in the blaze along with a few dedicated-but-hopelessly-outdated fire extinguishers

Outage outrage: TSB app offers users a TITSUP* encore


Re: Not just the website...

I recall that dystopian scene from Children of Men but not when you stopped by your bank. I've got this visual of the branch staff huddled around a fire,having a smoke or some coffee

Snooping passwords from literally hot keys, China's AK-47 laser, malware, and more


Re: Is The Power Supply Portable?

Give them to the enemy, but with all the warning labels ripped off, thereby giving them something to ponder:just where would the Chinese go to get the cheap bootleg hardware??

When Google's robots give your business the death sentence – who you gonna call?


You're back?

E: And you were, of course, going to inform us? When?

G: Our automated system sent you the notification. It will be in your Inbox. Er, how long have you been away? Three days?

E: I was just heading back to work.

G: Begging your pardon, but my phone is ringing; you should see the email in your Inbox then. Have a nice day.

Not OK Google: Massive outage turns smart home kit utterly dumb


Re: To those of you.............

And syphilis left town, isn't that what you were trying to say?

Linux literally loses its Lustre – HPC filesystem ditched in new kernel


Re: Good!

Have you been to your distro's support forum, or the distro's IRC channel? There are people there who might be able to help get your BT headset up and running--it's worth a shot.

Trainee techie ran away and hid after screwing up a job, literally


Until he sits and watches the doors close, and sees the two scratch lines on his neck in the reflection


Re: He started a new life

I think I see now why you prefer nails. For EVERYTHING.

IBM bans all removable storage, for all staff, everywhere


But even the Reg named Big Blue as iBM? Like it was an Apple Thing from the 90s.


Re: It's not for everyone but for most it could be good

"trigger happy" to fire you on the spot

Didn't get the memo, did you, the one called USB kill bill?

Pentagon in uproar: 'China's lasers' make US pilots shake in Djibouti


Re: "Not really - you only need to sweep across the cockpit windows"

Was the original comment something along the lines of

Do not attempt to land the aircraft with remaining eye nor press any more buttons labeled FIRE

CEO insisted his email was on server that had been offline for years


outsource the tier to India

That's not a bad idea; a co-worker/contractor told me that over there in his country, "You throw a rock into the air, it is likely to hit an MBA when it comes back down."


Re: Deleting emails

When I worked in the cubicle farms before, one of my Friday afternoon rituals was reviewing what has to be done by somebody-more-capable, then pitching an email in that guy's direction so that he would have to double check what his tasks were for Monday. Chances are, if it's not in MY Inbox, it's on someone else's todo list early next week.

Amazon, LG Electronics turned my vape into an exploding bomb, says burned bloke in lawsuit


Re: Health Hazard?

Steven, no stress. I should be giving him the WHOOSH sign, but I have run out of them; I also wanted to point out that it was the batteries and not the vape device -- not the unfortunate chap's smoking, mind --that made this an item in the first place.

Now I implore you to press PAUSE here for a moment.

If the vic rode on a ride share car e.g Uber, you would probably have to explain the same point to a more unfortunate dumbass with a similar view, and how the ride share is not the point here. You'd have a fulltime job.

Don't waste any more time--heck no reply needed. Go get a real pint.

2001: A Space Odyssey has haunted pop culture with anxiety about rogue AIs for half a century


Re: Headline?

I believe even the original Star Trek (Shatner and the late Leonard Nimoy) tried realistic space battles but Gene Rodenberry said there was no excitement if they were all sitting still while everything was exploding really close to the ship; to make for good TV you had to have the camera shake with the blasts, and the entire crew on the bridge had to be tossed around a bit unless they grabbed onto their chairs or consoles

Fleeing Facebook app users realise what they agreed to in apps years ago – total slurpage


Re: This is what could really do Zuckwit and his company serious harm

Don't take out any full page ads just yet.; the ball, as it were, is in the Zuckman's court.


Re: well, not exactly gave it to them

The data was, like, just sitting there, in a quiet stack on the desk/server, until the nosey visitor had to ask. Ahem, you seem to have everything organised on your desk, and clutter-free, I might add. Why is there a stack of continuous forms on the table; don't your tech staff ever work on these dreadful things?

It's just useless trivia. Sometimes I wonder how we wind up with these things, truth be told

This time, it's personals: Craigslist dumps lonely-hearts section, blames anti-trafficking laws


Re: Damn

Double damn.

Far too many dick pics, and nowhere to send them, on craigslist.

Where is a US senator to go? What should I tell my therapist? Let me see if he can help me out here. Hmmmm, what's this button on the phone for...

Good news: Apple designs a notebook keyboard that doesn't suck


Re: And the patentable new idea is ...

The US patent office 'just works'...if your company name is Apple. So it must be fine for everyone, then.

Really, I prefer the IBM solution: holes so coffee spills will simply drain the scaldingly hot liquid through to your nether regions. Have crumbs? Why fix the keyboard, when it's built bulletproof tough that a 2.5 horsepower vacuum can suck all those crumbs and chicken wing bones too that have been lodged in there even way before lenovo wet-dreamed of owning the Thinkpad brand.

BlackBerry unveils bold new strategy: Suing the c**p out of Facebook


There is a better smartphone, and i for one wish BB all the luck that David had when he faced whatshisname. The Porsche Design BB is forever on my wishlist, and could be your next upgrade.


Re: Enough, already

I unfortunately have not had tried Worldmate; though I would add another brutish corporation as an example. None other than Microsoft, buying up all these little corporations that had briliantly executed Things That Work Exceedingly Well With a Stylus, so that when the tablet-convertible-notebook form factor had arrived, the light pen or stylus to make office suites take a back seat never really took off, thanks to MS' bungling a perfectly good idea with their embrace and extinguish -- never mind extending it.

HTTPS cert flingers Trustico, SSL Direct go TITSUP after website security blunder blabbed


There was this one message

All your base are belong to us

Woe Canada: Rather than rise from the ashes, IBM-built C$1bn Phoenix payroll system is going down in flames


Re: embarrassing

Wouldn't the incoming clueless PHB bump have to share the lift to the office suite with his predecessor carrying a carton of desktop schwag? That would be an awkward moment.

Super Cali's futuristic robo-cars in focus. Even though a watchdog says tech is quite atrocious


Re: Self licking lollipop?

Now *there*'s an idea. The FINAL Cali requirement: it must determine a good route TO AN AVAILABLE PARKING SPOT at the destination, whether it is a subsurface space at the shopping mall, or another in the dimly-lit multilevel parking garage at the airport, rain or shine.

Getting the license was the easy part. Where are these chaps from Waymo? Weren't they here a second ago? What say you, Uber? Oh, out for a smoke break is he?

Foil snack food bags make a decent Faraday cage, judge finds


Re: Most microwaves are a solid metal case on three sides

My co-workers said Put some gingko leaves around the microwave to keep little bugs out. We even have the leaves in a little plastic tray beside the oven, which is kept inside a kitchen cabinet. After several days, the bugs seemed oblivious of those leaves, which were very effective elsewhere.

I've deduced that the shielding on the microwave works -- and the bugs have NOT found the hole with the lamp but they DID figure out that the hole where the spindle goes in can protect them effectively against Mother Nature's gingko-leaf deterrent. I told my co-workers that the bugs are PROOF that there is no radiation leak from the microwave to worry about -- and that the bugs are quite safe in their hidey-hole. Put as much leaves as you want, puny humans. We'll be here, all nice and warm and immune from those so-called 'death rays.'


Re: Has anybody actually tested this?

I believe you have to munch on those thingies inside, before putting your phone in there. Or get a bag of those kettle-baked (and nongreasy) Lays potato chips.

Farts away! Plane makes unscheduled stop after man won't stop guffing


Satan's breath

There is a definition of "safely" that we are not familiar with

Uber and Waymo sitting in a tree, S-E-T-T-L-I-N-G


Re: Settlement?

So you and opposing views were subjected to 'peer pressure'?


There is that ongoing saga called IBM vs SCO; even the judge commented, 'This has been going on for fifteen years now,hasn't it'


Re: Aw

Well, there's that ol' bog standard IBM vs SCO...(even the judge commented 'this has been going on like, what, fifteen years now')

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