* Posts by The Oncoming Scorn

599 posts • joined 3 Feb 2018

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Chap joins elite support team, solves what no one else can. Is he invited back? Is he f**k

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Childcatcher

Working In A Posh Private School

Did it once - Never again!

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Pint

Re: I'm lazy. Really fucking lazy!

Actually used that line at the interview for my current job (Without the F bomb obviously), that if I can find a way to script\automate a process I will as its a time saver & gives the same consistent results every time.

Got the job, created some useful scripts over the last year & working on a all-singing dancing one that populates AD, adds user to groups & moves into the correct OU. Then for shits n giggles resets the new starters passwords, emails it out to the manager & emails me the completed template with all the work order details to cut n paste into the ticket.

Yesterday it was announced that all the AD population stuff will be automated by HR\Management Sharepoint forms in the near future, I'm hoping some my stuff can be utilized for whatever's left that's not automated.

Am I a little pissed about this? No, because the time it saved me over the last year was worth it, the Powershell scripting tricks & methods I learned in company time invaluable.

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Paris Hilton

Re: not neccessarily very good at brown-nosing...

Xerox DTP system, was that the "Venturer" or similar named system that took 25 - 30 minutes to boot up to get to a operating point.

Fixing those was a right pain in the ladies front genital area (Hence icon), thanks to that. Fortunately it was only a 10 week placement with Xerox.

Don't have a heart attack but your implanted defibrillator can be hacked over the air (by someone who really wants you dead)

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Boffin

The Age Of Plastic

They send the heart police to put you under Cardiac arrest

and as they drag you the door

They tell you that you've failed the test

Icon TH Glasses.

All good, leave it with you...? Chap is roped into tech support role for clueless customer

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Pirate

Re: After I'd left ....

Shown the door....

My ability & desire to resolve your problems ended the moment you handed me my notice of termination & severance pay.

Also a unauthorised access & security issue.

Racist self-driving car scare debunked, inside AI black boxes, Google helps folks go with the TensorFlow...

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Coat

It can be quite bright

In the snow & under streetlights

When you walk home from the pub at night in Canadaland.

You stand out more with a dark coat on - Wearing white (Daredevil rabbit in a snowstorm) is not a good survival trait.

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Pint

I nearly had a spirit of ecstacy attach itself along with his pushbike along the A303 (Dark night - No lights) to the bonnet of my Vauxhall Cavalier back in the 90's.

I wonder if it was the same bloke?

Sure, we've got a problem but we don't really want to spend any money on the tech guy you're sending to fix it

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Coat

Re: Here's my contribution...

Gave up reading it....

I'm sure it was highly amusing & worthwhile though, thanks for sharing.

The sentence's today were brought to you by use of the enter key.

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Pint

Re: Reverse Penny-Pinching

2001 - 2006, saw me working around the M25 for a Pharma Co as a contractor, I got tired with the whole drive there Sunday - Drive to Devon on Friday (especially after some spectacular delays on one occasion both on the Friday & the Sunday) & so I said sod it.

Started booking on the trainline in advance, having sussed the weekend fare worked out better than Mon - Fri & claimed the mileage. On a Sunday with train overcrowding, alternative longer rail routes, Glasto etc I would take the weekend First Upgrade for a tenner, one BH weekend actually saw the return journey in first cheaper than the standard.

I think on that journey home on the Friday I shared it with The High Sheriff of Devon, one Mr N Edmonds of Crinkly Bottom.

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Alien

Re: There will be a short delay.....

He noted that at least he got a joke\script idea out of it, which was more than could be said for the rest of his fellow passengers.

Canada has lunar dreams as Germany worries about what lies beneath

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Alien

Well the chances of that are a million to one, well that's what he said

Galaxy S10's under-glass fingerprint reader, quelle surprise, makes mobe a right pain to fix

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Re: Smaller is always harder to repair

Moisture does tend to royally fuck up electronic devices, unless caught in time.

Icon PH as shes used to being both wet & hot (In some peoples minds anyway).

Ah, this military GPS system looks shoddy but expensive. Shall we try to break it?

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Paris Hilton

Re: Miltary testing

Another RACAL person?

We had a team set up to do pressure testing in that fashion & to touch up the indestructible powder coat with domestic grade paint.

PH because wet & pressure.

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Windows

Re: Sorry, but...

Are you two ex RACAL too?

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Facepalm

Re: Sorry, but...

Short version's (Not retyping & can't find the original's) of encounters with the Royal Marines.

Deliver 10 laptops - Lock in patching closet.

Get back to work, ask for signed receipt by boss & present signed document, then discover 6 of them have disappeared already in the time I left to get back to work (10 - 20 mins away).

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Officer complains that each laptop arrived with a broken screen out of the box & unusable, on the third return & wondering WTF is this guy doing, we check the event log & discover it was used for at least 6 hours out of the box.

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Flame

Re: Sorry, but...

Now there's a name from my past, along with CLANSMAN.

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Mushroom

Re: Sorry, but...

Many years ago I briefly attended a MSC Skillcentre to get a introduction to Electronics.

They used to take CRT's out the back & get the trainee TV Techs (They no longer did the full C&G 224 course by the time I got there), borrow some half bricks from the brickies course & lob them at dead CRTs to prove how robust they were.

Came the day one guy lobbed a brick, it caught the face of the tube on the corner of the brick & did it's unexpected (to the tutor) but expected (by the average attendee) to implode (briefly) & explode (violently).

A piece of glass at speed took a nasty chunk of meat (with a lot of blood) out of the guy standing next to the person that lobbed the brick.

They never repeated the exercise for some completely unfathomable reason.

Spooky! Solar System's Planet NINE could be discovered in the next NINE years (plus one to six), say astroboffins

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Alien

Re: Future name?

Ix, which in the language of Betelgeuse Five translates as "boy who is not able satisfactorily to explain what a Hrung is, nor why it should choose to collapse on Betelgeuse Seven".

I really don't see how this helps on the naming front.

'They took away our Cup-a-Soup!' Share your tales of bleak breakout areas with us

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Re: Break? out? Room?

Where they there on a field trip?

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Coat

Re: From my cold, dead hands!

A lot of workplaces over here, stock a variety of different "Earl Grey" sorts of tea & usually easily available Tetley.

When they stock "Red Rose" I'm running for the door for two* reasons.

*It's crap, not even the Canadians will drink it.

*I came to the White Rose province & I am naturally biased against the House of Lancaster.

Why are there never free power sockets when my Y-fronts need charging?

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Childcatcher

Re: International plugs

I did the same on holiday\emigrating.

We used to get US cables shipped in with computers & servers, so I bought UK mains blocks, removed the old cable & hardwired in the saved\recovered North America ones instead.

So all the UK stuff we took over as long as it was 110 - 220V compatible could be plugged in.

Icon because the kids PSP's etc needed charging.

Age checks for online pr0n? I've never heard of it but it sounds like a good idea – survey

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Coat

Re: age from an image of their face

I watched that again last week too.....

Mr. Cheeky: Eh, freedom for me. They said I hadn't done anything, so I can go free and live on an island somewhere.

Nisus Wettus: Oh, oh that´s jolly good well. Off you go then.

Insane homeowners association tries to fine resident for dick-shaped outline car left in snow

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Thumb Up

Re: "Insane homeowners association"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6TsxDGtMpA

Congratulations...

Don't mean to alarm you, but Boeing has built an unmanned fighter jet called 'Loyal Wingman'

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Terminator

Re: Don't forget your beach ball.

Bomb #20: Intriguing. I wish I had more time to discuss this.

Doolittle: [frantic] Why don't you have more time?

Bomb #20: Because I must explode in 75 seconds.

IBM so very, very sorry after jobs page casually asks hopefuls: Are you white, black... or yellow?

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Facepalm

Re: Big Blue ?

Dougal & The Blue Cat.....Damn typo

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Childcatcher

Re: Big Blue ?

I thought this was a reference to Douglas & The Blue Cat (Now there was a mind scaring experience as a kid).

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Coat

Re: There's A Bit Of A Slope On It

Nope you are not the only one, every time I see a newspaper headline for Hammond & May.

I think they would probably make a better job of it too.

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FAIL

There's A Bit Of A Slope On It

I'm of a certain age, back when politically incorrectness was common, I can take amusement out of early Jim Davidson* etc, enjoy Jeremy Clarkson trying to bridge the gap (Unsuccessfully most of the time) between then & now**.

I've dated black, white, indian, asian & currently with a lady from the Philippines, I have friends & colleagues from a lot of those nationalities too, some of them are open to a bit of ribbing about their racial stereotypes & also return the favour back in my direction.

But I cannot fathom for the life of me is what complete & utter fuckwomble thought it was a good idea to use "polite" terms like these from an era that predates\stem from the Jim Crow laws on a high profile companies, public facing website looking to hire talent.

*Even he didn't to the best of my recall use the "N" word on TV, even when using Chalky as the subject of his jokes, although other sitcoms used a commonly phrased lesser varient (Love Thy Neighbour etc, which rarely had Eddie Booth come out on top).

**See header - Failing deliberately or in error (It wasn't a term I was familiar with, others I would have been).

Not so smart after all: A techie's tale of toilet noise horror

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Facepalm

Re: Toilets, health trackers, sexual innuendo

I thought it was this weeks On-Call, which I almost missed as a result.

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Coat

Re: Ironing

Health Insurance - Coverage stops when you do.

NASA boffins show Moon water supply could – er, this can't be right? – come from the Sun

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Pint

Jenny Hanley Was Right????

The Magpie April Fools Day Jape that allegedly had water in a solid pill form & released into it's more natural state by exposure to light for use by astronauts.

Cut open a tauntaun, this JEDI is frozen! US court halts lawsuit over biggest military cloud deal since the Death Star

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Alien

Re: Farscape

Then parodied Farscape themselves in SG1 episode 200.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCNDdlCo4rA

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Maximum Power

Seeing that Tel Nation got his nose into a computer book for impressive jargon to use in his scripts or as character names (Server LAN - Servalan). I thought (Later in life) that he came across the name Oracle as well as the myth & truncated it to Orac (Or it may have been a coincidence of timing as Oracle didn't start up until Mid 77 & production of B7).

.

What did turbonerds do before the internet? 41 years ago, a load of BBS

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Paris Hilton

Re: Sinclair Spectrum

That sounds like the PCW Trade Show at Earls Court (Travel up Monday, show ran from Tuesday - Sunday) in 86. Our hotel was pretty basic (Boss found out that on a corporate level we could have had the Dorchester for about a fiver per person more than what he was paying & wasn't happy).

So we probably possibly met at that event (Quite a bit of beer drunk too over that week as per usual) & there was a joint meal between both companies, where Kaptain K. K**k in a seemingly desperate attempt to impress our side asked Felicia (I think she was from the assembly floor & apparently interested in our trainee tech Graham) how she was enjoying her first trip to London from rural Cinderford.

"It's crap!"

KKKk looked stunned & pressed on regardless "Why?"

Her answer stunned everyone into silence mid conversation\mid chew.

"I miss my boyfriend between my legs"

I have a very very vague recall for some reason of her or someone (or the threat of) being put on a train back home the next day

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Pint

Re: Sinclair Spectrum

I used to fix those, along with Prism 1000\Telemod 2, Prism 2000 Made by Thorn\EMI*, we stocked another one that was line powered & came in a sturdy metal case** & the Voyager 7 or 11 series & it's clones***.

* Smarter looking, same colour as the BEEB & a single known issue, blown voltage regulator, I think one decided to blow the other regulator on its return & only one was declared by be to be BER.

**The make & name of which escapes me right now at this hour.

***Magic Modem (Which I think came first), Kirk's Enterprise (Our OEM's knock off) after my boss tidied up the PCB a lot, the argument being,

JP "These tracks are too thin, they always break in shipping."

CaptainK "It's a design feature!"

JP "Explain!"

CaptainK "If the mains fuse blows & they replace it with a screw or wrap it in silver foil the tracks will burn out instead".

They also attended one trade show & neglected to bring any tools with them, so they had to borrow mine.

The story of one his younger staff members called Felicia, I will save for another time, unless demand warrants it here in the comments.).

Many a hazy recall of London trade show trips, including hanging out of a taxi window going around Hyde Park Corner chatting up two ladies in a open topped Merc, alas their car went one way & our taxi went another.

Icon - Happier days.

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Angel

Re: Oh yes..

We ahem recycled them from one product & stuck them on another.....Whistles innocently....

Techie in need of a doorstop picks up 'chunk of metal' – only to find out it's rather pricey

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Mushroom

A Long Time Ago In A Electronics Factory

I was working as a test tech, one of my older fellows told how returned to the village where he grew up & popped into the local pub for a pint, where he was recognised by someone he went to school with, but a few years younger than him so not in the same social circle.

A few beers & swapping tales later (Probably....I mean definately involving girls, ciggie's, virginity losing, haystacks & other "Cider with Rosie" type scenarios) when the guy piped up with...

"Do you remember when you set fire to one of Farmer Jones haystacks?

Amazed & confused he replied

"No I didn't!"

"C'mon the whole village knew it was you, you left the village two days later, he's dead now so you might as well admit it."

"It really wasn't me!"

"Really?"

"Really!"

"Oh!"

It bugged him as he left the pub & for a while afterwards, that his name had been abused in that way by the whole village for years afterwards.

Flame icon as it looks like a exploding haystack.

Crash, bang, wallop: What a power-down. But what hit the kill switch?

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Pint

Re: Cray Red Button

Thanks to that comment, I discovered Monty Python & The Holy Grail was on Netflix last night, so that covered part of my evenings entertainment.

"What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

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Holmes

Re: No? Break.

Nice I work for a Case dealership.

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Facepalm

In A Slightly Different Vein

Not my story, but told to me years ago...

RAF station had a power outage, while Top Top Top Brass was visiting & the UPS\Battery backup failed to kick in.

TTTB demanded a full investigation & wanted the report on his desk ASAP, from someone who wasn't stationed at the base.

That report highlighted two major things:

It was full of crumbs & other flaky pastry detritus, where it had been used to heat then keep pies & the like hot & ready to eat, along with tea & coffee spills inside, on the sides & at the rear (with mug rings on the top of the unit).

That the staff sergeant had signed off on, but not checked & topped up the batteries electrolyte levels, in fact It was almost empty and hence no charge, unlike the sergeant who promptly found himself on one & demoted to corporal.

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Stop

Re: It took me years...

ARTHUR:

What happens if I press this button?

FORD:

I wouldn’t…Oh!

FORD:

What happened?

ARTHUR:

A sign lit up saying “please do not press this button again.”

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Childcatcher

Sadly all the girls I loved at school are already pushing (Grandkids) prams .

Return of the audio format wars and other money-making scams

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Holmes

Re: ZpulNg

Breakroom = Bog & the DM serves at least one function of usefulness.

US kids apparently talking like Peppa Pig... How about US lawmakers watching Doctor Who?

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Coat

Re: Clangers...

https://image.slidesharecdn.com/clangers-121113113749-phpapp01/95/spacetime-for-clangers-2-638.jpg?cb=1352806925

Granddaddy of the DIY repair generation John Haynes has loosened his last nut

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Childcatcher

Re: The Haynes Manual of Life

LISTER: And worse than that -- in 25 years I'll be a little sperm, swimming around in somebody's testicles! I mean, pardon me, but that's just not how I saw my future!

Ever yearn for the Windows 95 shutdown sound? TADA! There's an Electron app for that

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Coat

My First Thought

On seeing the headline was for the Acorn Electron.

Cops looking for mum marauding uni campus asking students if they fancy dating her son

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Coat

Re: "she couldn't afford the tissue consumption"

Truely a comment that belongs as a footnote.

Hungover this morning? Thought 'beer before wine and you'll be fine'? Boffins prove old adage just isn't true

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Pint

Re: Well someone's been on a heavy drinking session

My father & uncle used to go out on Saturday nights drinking, uncle moved away family visits up to see them would at least see one protracted pub visit.......

Cut to the following morning auntie is surprised to see father is cooking a breakfast, while uncle is wishing he was dead or something.....

Comes the question "How is it you are bright eyed & bushy tailed, while Louie is suffering greatly\praying to the great god Armitage Shanks\staying under the covers in a heavily darkened room moaning a lot etc".

Simple says my dad (Described at his funeral eulogy by my eldest son as "The Wisest Man I Was Ever Forced To Listen To") "I drink beer & perhaps try a couple of single malts* & stick to that, Louie is drinking anything behind the bar that's green, blue, yellow or simply looks interesting because of the bottle with his beer.

*The old coffin dodger loved his whiskey.

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Pint

I'm an advocaat* of tea in the morning to help put me straight, especially if there's a English breakfast with lots of toast, but yes I have found that a can of coke will help straighten me out further or even during the night (Especially if I had the foresight to put one in a hotel mini bar).

*Not really sorry for the pun

Cop films chap on body-worn cam because he 'complains about cops a lot'. Chap complains

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Coat

Re: How covert was it?

On the fence here, if AB was in the habit of making complaints at the drop of a coppers hat, I'd go in with a camera recording too.

There's been a number of industrial tribunals won where the victim recorded the unwelcome advances or comments.

Icon - Getting my Teflon coat.

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