* Posts by The Oncoming Scorn

385 posts • joined 3 Feb 2018

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Haunted disk-drive? This story will give you the chills...

The Oncoming Scorn
Mushroom

The Other Extreme

Went to site on a Friday Afternoon to investigate discover why the network was slow on Monday mornings & a bit better each other morning of the week at a Doctors surgery.

The answer was evident in about 30 seconds, the router, switches, VPN box & access points were all kept in a kitchen wall cabinet full of medical items, left open during the day.

"Do you close this at night?"

"Yes"

"I know what your problem is""

"What?" (Disbelieving tone)

"You're cooking your kit, overnight & the weekends, when you open the door each morning it gives the equipment chance to cool down!"

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The Oncoming Scorn
Mushroom

Re: Condensation is not good for disks.

It's not good for paper either....

Printer constantly jamming in one area, ham-fisted (Ironic as we daily turned cows into something delicious) night shift users constantly ripping the paper trying to extract from the fuser, resulting in numerous service calls.

Cause of the jams - Damp paper.

Why was the paper damp - Old wooden table removed (before I started) & that used to soak up all the moisture in the air.

Solution - Department collected a fresh ream of paper at the start of every shift.

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The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Re: Pull the other...

Tea for me. Ta Muchly.

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Leaked memo: No internet until you clean your bathroom, Ecuador told Julian Assange

The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Really? Are El Reg user handles really getting that hard to find?

You're new here arn't ya?

I got rather tired of seeing my RL name in the comments, so I changed it (Annoyingly losing my recently acquired Bronze Commentard badge in the process).

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The Oncoming Scorn
Joke

Re: Please, someone set up a GoFundMe

Killit BANG* & the dirt is gone.

*Yes I know it's normally spelt with a "C".

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AI's next battlefield is literally the battlefield: In 20 years, bots will fight our wars – Army boffin

The Oncoming Scorn
Terminator

The ABC Warriors

Hammerstein - Mark III war droid and was commissioned in the early 21st Century to fight

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Powerful forces, bodily fluids – it's all in a day's work

The Oncoming Scorn
Holmes

Re: Shrapnel...

or indeed a metal casting facility for jet engine parts.

I always came out of that place feeling like I had been down a mine (Even for a walk in\walk out type of call).

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I find your lack of faith disturbing, IBM: Big Blue fires photon torpedo at Pentagon JEDI cloud contract

The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Re: Babylon 5 photo with Star Wars references...

Don't worry, it won't be Vorlon until they fix it.

Londo Mollari "Fools to the left of me, feeders to the right... I need to find a real job."

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Punkt: A minimalist Android for the paranoid

The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Re: Calls and Email

Work phone gets tethered to work devices to test VPN & download software updates that get blocked\won't download via our company network (Relating to laptops connecting to great big combine harvesters & construction equipment If you really want to know).

Personal cellphone gets tethered to a personally owned laptop that I keep at work for (Most) things that I don't want being on the company network.

Not that I get much time to surf in the role, as there's very rarely a dull moment.

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Microsoft yanks the document-destroying Windows 10 October 2018 Update

The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Plain And Simple

I just run a simple back up script that copies everything in my user profile to a NAS box, with semi regular backup images.

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Uncle Sam gives itself the right to shoot down any drone, anywhere, any time, any how

The Oncoming Scorn
WTF?

Re: US Police killing people

West Milwaukee police officers 2017.

https://www.bbc.com/news/stories-45739335

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Oracle? On my server? I must have been hacked! *Penny drops* Oh sh-

The Oncoming Scorn
Pirate

Re: 1200 baud down, 75 baud up

I used to fix those modems:

Prism 1000\TeleMod2

Prism 2000 (Made by Thorn-EMI 99% of the time it was a failure of the Voltage regulators).

VTX5000 - Spectrum specific.

Voyager 7 or 11 Modems (Also known as Magic Modems & Kirk's Enterprise).

Happy days & much drinking & eating in London during trade shows

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NASA's Kepler telescope is sent back to sleep as scientists preserve fuel for the next data dump

The Oncoming Scorn
Angel

Sleeping Satellite

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGL2lcaRYqk

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Ex-sperm-inate! Sam the sex-droid 'heavily soiled' in randy nerd rampage

The Oncoming Scorn
Paris Hilton

Re: "Alexa...

Kryten, unpack Rachel and get out the puncture repair kit!

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The Oncoming Scorn
Terminator

Re: Business opportunity Passion Personas .com

GPP feature.

Shes a personality prototype, you can tell can't you.

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Why are sat-nav walking directions always so hopeless?

The Oncoming Scorn
Alert

Re: never seems to taste the same?

"modern North American wiring codes now specify a dedicated breaker and wire for each outlet in rooms like kitchens, so every single outlet can deliver the 1875 watts"

The labelling of them however is totally inaccurate (or at least in my 12 year old house), as I found out by flicking the light switch to check that half the lights were running off an upstairs plugs circuit ECB & some of the wall plugs controlled by the lighting ECB, when swapping out a light fitting.

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The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Re: Hot water...

but not hot enough & the water out of it is as furry as hell.

Fortunately work provides a rather nice kettle & filtered water dispenser (On the one time it failed I took ice from the ice maker instead).

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The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Re: walking directions

I used to travel from Dartford - Paddington on Fridays (& vice versa on Sundays) & would frequently make it a walk across London (a few pubs featured en-route), just keeping the (Twinkle free) Post Office Tower to my right as I walked, rather than be stuffed into the tube.

Usually in plenty of time to catch my train after a few more beers.

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The Oncoming Scorn
Alert

Millets

Holy Zarquon singing fish haven't they gone bust yet?

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The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Re: As you might expect...

Yorkshire Tea is plentiful & cheap in London Drugs (Canadaland).

My disgust for Red Rose tea has now become a good humoured (several times a day) coment at work.

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Send up a satellite to zap space junk if you want Earth's orbit to be clean, say boffins

The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Song Title - Missed Headline

"Sweeping Satellite"

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Attempt to clean up tech area has shocking effect on kit

The Oncoming Scorn
Holmes

Re: Why is it always the cleaners?

Brief recap....Pharma company, clean room standards as above, nightshift smuggled a home gym workout station & installed it in a disused building on the roof of the sterile building.

Found during a random sweep by security.

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The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Re: the Disturbed cover of the song is absolutely worth checking out

Cum On Feel the Noize- Quiet Riot

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The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Re: C

It's not universal alas, that's another reason Costco is appreciated.

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The Oncoming Scorn
Coat

Re: C

PFY - Petrol Fumes Youth.

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The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Re: C

When it's -31C outside*, that trigger lock is more than appreciated when filling up.

*That time will be upon us soon

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A story of M, a failed retailer: We'll give you a clue – it rhymes with Charlie Chaplin

The Oncoming Scorn
Holmes

I tend to use DigiKey, I can place a order by about 6 - 6.30pm, their location is close to the US\Canada border (90 mins) & I can get it the following day.

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The Oncoming Scorn
Paris Hilton

Re: My perspective

I'm reminded here about a old sketch\mock interview with Benny Hill & Henry McGee...

HMcG: Isn't that rather expensive, I thought you said you had popular prices!

Benny Hill: Well I like them Sir!

Icon - Paris for obvious reasons.

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NASA to celebrate 55th anniversary of first Moon landing by, er, deciding how to land humans on the Moon again

The Oncoming Scorn
Coat

Re: "real possibility of no US astronauts being present aboard the ISS"

Du Haste comment to make there.

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Contractors slam UK taxman's 'aggressive' IR35 tax reforms

The Oncoming Scorn
Coat

Re: It's time...

I did having seen how things were going generally, up until the point when I left 10 years ago.

It wasn't easy, my ties to the UK are mostly non-existant these days & settled into my new country very quickly.

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You're alone in a room with the Windows 10 out-of-the-box apps. What do you do?

The Oncoming Scorn
Headmaster

Re: Not turn them in to apps.

EDLIN - Cripes now that's going back at least 30 years with Chernobyl (That's what we nicknamed our tutor) at Swindon North Star College.

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Dead retailer's 'customer data' turns up on seized kit, unencrypted and very much for sale

The Oncoming Scorn
Holmes

To Add Insult To Injury

A few of my colleagues used them in the past, I don't think I ever did due to being only here in the last 10 years.

One of my colleagues has just been shown in one of the screen grabs posted on-line - To say he's not a happy bunny (ever) is a understatement at the current moment.

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In a race to 5G, Trump has stuck a ball-and-chain on America's leg

The Oncoming Scorn
Coffee/keyboard

Re: Experts

I always wanted to get my grubby little mitts on a AVO of my own.

I recall one being pulled out of the way by the deputy manager at Exeter airport, seconds before a DC3 being towed out of the hanger ran over it.

He furiously demanded to know who had signed it out (Over 3 weeks ago) & who was responsible for it's almost total destruction (No culprit was ever discovered, since the initial sign out).

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Oh Smeg! Hacked white goods maker resurfaces after system shutdown

The Oncoming Scorn
Alien

Re: We are down to cat milk

I met Norman Lovett the other year & thanked him for his delivery of that line.

A thoroughly nice gent & his comment to me while were up the Seattle Space Needle of "It's not a day out without an ice cream is it", is something I'll not swiftly forget, computer senility permitting.

Icon - Lister: Your explanation for anything slightly peculiar is aliens, isn't it?

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Microsoft reveals train of mistakes that killed Azure in the South Central US 'incident'

The Oncoming Scorn
Coat

Re: The American Midwest is famous

Come to Alberta, if you don't like the current weather, there will be another one in the next 15 - 30 minutes.

Coat icon, because it could snow at any given moment, even with clear blue skies overhead.

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Sysadmin misses out on paycheck after student test runs amok

The Oncoming Scorn
Terminator

Re: Naming Schemes

OK Zorac - I'm stumped on that unless you meant Zen (One of my favorites) & Orac, along with The System & The Alta (Granted the last one was applied to mainly to System augmented meat sacks).

"The Altas? They're linked into the System. They're not really people at all".

Edit: ZORAC, the shipboard computer aboard the ancient spacecraft in The Gentle Giants of Ganymede and the related series by James P. Hogan (1978).

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A basement of broken kit, zero budget – now get the team running

The Oncoming Scorn
Paris Hilton

Re: Could do better

Free is as low as you can go, unless he starts paying them.

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The Oncoming Scorn
Pirate

Re: HMSO - How does one automate a PHB anyway?

I met Harold Wilson (OK he said good morning as I was walking* to the Isles Of Scilly Airport, to look after a Syledis beacon for a cable laying operation).

*Not a long walk (Second trip out of three & due to admin cockup bosses thought I couldn't get a car from the mainland for the second trip) & pleasant job checking on beacons twice a day, hitting the bars for lunch & evening meals.

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A boss pinching pennies may have cost his firm many, many pounds

The Oncoming Scorn
Holmes

A Long Time Ago In A Subsequently Demolished Military Radio Factory In Devon (Far Far Away).

I was witness to the "Calibration Equipment Department Tech" putting his foot (Very painfully - He fractured it if I recall) into a filing cabinet (Which didn't feel a thing) out of sheer frustration at the conclusion of a phone call, talking to Bracknell\Reading purchasing clerks, who were waiting for a fraction of a penny drop on a certain transistor for a product line before they put in a super large bulk order.

By extension his urgent equipment repair (using the same 20p transistor) used to build & test another product line could go f**k itself, despite the entire assembly line staff & testing techs were stood around happily twiddling their thumbs, which he was expressly forbidden from ordering from RS\Farnell off his own back.

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It's been 5 years already, let's gawp at Microsoft and Nokia's bloodbath

The Oncoming Scorn
Joke

Chorus : Finland, Finland, Finland.

The country where I want to be,

Pony trekking or camping,

Or just watching TV,

Finland, Finland, Finland.

It's the country for me.

Verse : You're so near to Russia.

So far from Japan,

Quite a long way from Cairo,

Lots of miles from Vietnam.

Chorus : Finland, Finland, Finland.

The country where I want to be,

Eating breakfast or dinner,

Or snack lunch in the Hall,

Finland, Finland, Finland.

Finland has it all.

Verse: You're so sadly neglected,

And often ignored.

A poor second to Belgium,

When going abroad.

Chorus : Finland, Finland, Finland.

The country where I quite want to be,

Your mountains so lofty,

Your treetops so tall,

Finland, Finland, Finland.

Finland has it all.

Repeat : Finland, Finland, Finland.

The country where I quite want to be,

Your treetops so tall,

Finland, Finland, Finland.

Finland has it all.

Fade : Finland has it all ...

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A flash of inspiration sees techie get dirty to fix hospital's woes

The Oncoming Scorn
Holmes

Ceiling Tiles

One time I was stopped by the head of security in the hallway of one of the buildings about how secure Kensington locks were, during the course of the discussion he informed me that someone had got into a locked office over the weekend, by getting into the unlocked office\lab next door lifting up the ceiling tiles to climb over the dividing wall & drop down to get the laptop of their desire.

They knew that was the MO as the individual did not clean his foot marks off the desks he landed on (unsure if he left the same way as he entered).

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Feel the shame: Email-scammed staffers aren't telling bosses about it

The Oncoming Scorn
Childcatcher

Can't Brain Today, I Has Der Dumb.

We get targeted at least once a week:

One guy somehow gave away his account credentials (Denied very strongly that he had done so) & so the whole company got hit with requests from this one "guy" for $300 in ITunes gift cards, about 1% of the company flagged it to us (Despite the fact we had already received this request individually & into our ticket logging system).

Just for shitz n giggles the individual then set up e-mail rules to delete all incoming mails.

The cleaner who rarely uses a computer, clicked on a link to authorise a purchase order, despite having no purchasing role & happily put in his account credentials, he slowly admitted this within a hour or so while emptying the bins in our office. We very very quickly changed his account password I think before it was acted on.

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Trainer regrets giving straight answer to staffer's odd question

The Oncoming Scorn
Pirate

Re: you call that Loud :)

Not to mention teeth.

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The Oncoming Scorn
Childcatcher

Re: Lightening strike ?

Holiday time - I had a Thinkpad that died sometime in the morning after the storm was going away.

Fortunately I had paper copies of Itinery & hotel bookings

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The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Re: I wish I knew that 15 years ago

Not only but also, when the coffee didn't kill the phone, the user deciding to wash it did.

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Fast food, slow user – techie tears hair out over crashed drive-thru till

The Oncoming Scorn
Boffin

Re: Very Good Answer...

Modem with a 5 pin Domino Din.

My modem doesn't work.....does this instead of dialling.

Please remove & rotate the cable though 180 degrees

It's keyed

It will fit,

Ohh thanks

Then you get the one idiot that wouldn't accept that & wanted someone to drive from Exeter - somewhere up north to repair\replace perform diagnostics, ringing us for weeks.

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Space station springs a leak while astronauts are asleep (but don't panic)

The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Re: How did they find it?

From my novelisation* of the second Cyberman story, a hole in the weather control base on the moon is patched by positioning a coffee tray (metal\plastic) over the hole & letting air pressure hold it in place.

*Thanks BBC for the wiping policy.

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The Oncoming Scorn
Thumb Up

Kaptans Log

That is all.....

Icon for the thumb to plug the hole.

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Footie fans calling for a red card over West Ham United CC email blunder

The Oncoming Scorn
FAIL

Alas creating templates with BCC only seems to be too difficult for some people.

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