* Posts by The Oncoming Scorn

507 posts • joined 3 Feb 2018

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Ooh, my machine is SO much faster than yours... Oh, wait, that might be a bit of a problem...

The Oncoming Scorn
Facepalm

Re: Silly NIC games ...

I remember being on a placement with Xerox (Late 80's) & one Engineer I was paired with told the story of how he drove in the pouring rain from Swindon - Wales, parked up at the first car park with a space, lugged his network diagnostic kit through town in the pouring rain, into the building, up 4 flights of stairs soaked to the skin.

Sets up his kit & notes the effected equipment has the same MAC address as a piece of kit in London on their network.

Swaps out card & lugs everything down the stairs & back to his car for the drive back to Swindon.....Did I mention it was pouring with rain?

The Iceman cometh, his smartwatch told the cops: Hitman jailed after gizmo links him to Brit gangland slayings

The Oncoming Scorn
Holmes

Re: twice a day

I found myself driving past a major police operation years ago & wondered what it was all about, three days later I found it was my ex-boss being arrested.

His brother went into the cop shop with his gf on a unrelated matter around the same time & found themselves swiftly detained for a number of hours on suspicions of being accessories.

Clone your own Prince Phil, says eBay seller hawking debris left over from royal car crash

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Childcatcher

Here's how the 1701 rules work:

First: Don't be a Catholic.

The British Monarch is also the head of the Church of England to which the monarch must convert if not already a member. Except that if you're Catholic, no crown for you.

Second: Don't be a bastard.

Sometimes it's good to be the king, but it's never good to be the illegitimate children of the king -- who are out of line for the crown literally from the moment of their conception.

If you're related to the monarch but are either a Catholic or a bastard or both, the crown has the delightful term 'Naturally Dead' to refer to you and your lack of right to succession.

Third: Spouses don't count.

Spouses of Monarchs are known as Royal Consorts. They may be called 'prince' or 'queen' but as far as the crown is concerned, they're not in line for the throne, they're just the matching 23 Chromosomes needed for the creation of the real heir.

Any sprog from DiDodi would be out of the running on points 1 & 3 at the least.

Dear humans, We thought it was time we looked through YOUR source code. We found a mystery ancestor. Signed, the computers

The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Re: Seen this plot before

I'd rather have a Pan-Galactic Gargleblaster

The Oncoming Scorn
Childcatcher

Re: Many mysteries

Have an up vote sir\madam for your right minded annoyance for those that keep going on about Meghan Markles & indeed any one else's genetic lineage, it's not something any of us have had a choice in.

(Sorry about the icon).

The Oncoming Scorn
Coat

Re: Mystery Ancestor

I cam home from the pub & told my wife, that I'd heard our milkman had slept with every woman on his round except one.

"That'll be the snotty bitch at number 20" she replied.

Are you sure your disc drive has stopped rotating, or are you just ignoring the messages?

The Oncoming Scorn
Facepalm

Re: Error messages

Had that recently with a user complaining post Christmas that he was the only person in, couldn't print & he had tried "Everything in his knowledge".

Given he hadn't specified the exact nature of his problem with the printer, Windows or Parts system printing & not answering his phone:

He was e-mailed a guide to reinstall the driver, standard fix for 99% of Windows print issues for our users (Local print drivers on each machine in every branch deployed via Software Center, without need of admin rights) & to supply more information.

He emailed back with a update "Still no joy, parts printing system, panic struck & has checked everything again", lunchtime was upon me, so ticket was passed over to the Information Systems team as a lot of the parts guys only have one printer & can't quickly change to another printer preferring it to be done at IS end.

On my return we received a third update requesting urgent help, so I was about to assign the ticket to IS again with a request to make it a priority, when IS guy stuck his head around the door.

Fixed - No paper in the printer.

World's first robot hotel massacres half of its robot staff

The Oncoming Scorn
Terminator

The former manager of Nissan Sunderland possibly could have clued them up about the luggage units.... (Cues up the wibbly wobbly timey-wimey flashback)......

Nissan factory in Newcastle area...

Automated mail truck with flashing light, beeping as it moves (Helen Keller would have been aware of it's approach) & overly sensitive sensors that stop 100 meters away from a insect in its path then wait before resuming moving. Stop at each location to allow mail to be loaded\unloaded.

With the sensors being frequently tripped it, mail delivery was quicker by hand so someone disabled them & mail delivery got to the expected performance.

Executives from Nissan turned up with local dignitaries, MP's & the like & given a factory tour.

Partway through the tour, along comes the mail truck & to prove how safe it is, local manager sticks out his foot to prove how it's H&S compliant & half a ton of metal, motors, mail & batteries proceeded to run straight over it while it suffered no damage at all, which was more than be said for the managers foot.

Icon - "I'll be sacked!"

CES flicks the off switch on massager award… and causes a buzz

The Oncoming Scorn
Thumb Up

John Foxx

Thanks Dabbsie.

Amazon Mime: We train (badly) an AI love bot using divorce bombshell Bezos' alleged sexts to his new girlfriend

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Paris Hilton

Re: Markov rules

I'm reminded of Edgar's (The AI) first attempt of a love song from Electric Dreams (1984)...

I think it went something along the lines of

"I want to kiss your tits I want to kiss...."

If I could turn back time, I'd tell you to keep that old Radarange at home

The Oncoming Scorn
Terminator

Its truely heartwarming if there's a pacemaker in proximity.

The Oncoming Scorn
Paris Hilton

Yeah but the "blonde" had to eat it while stuck in space, which after being made to vomit it back up had been enhanced by the process.

Its been a while since I read Star Smashers..........

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Holmes

Insider Trading

Of which they managed to "legally acquire" by sticking the whole batch of it in a surplus equipment\disposal sale\auction.

The Oncoming Scorn
Boffin

Re: Pesky microwaves

Back in the day, a convert to CTV from B&W found at night the colour faded away & returned some hours later.

Much heads cratching was done by the repair engineer on multiple visits & bench tests (Leaving her with a B&W loaner).

One day she muttered perhaps it's the tide while the engineer was there, who had his "Eureka!" CMOA.

Her TV aerial was aligned to a mast across a estuary & the received signal strength would drop dependent on the tide\skip conditions, realigning to a different relay mast solved the issue.

What's the fate of our Solar System? Boffins peer into giant crystal ball – ah, no, wait, that's our Sun in 10bn years

The Oncoming Scorn
Childcatcher

Re: Duh!

Thank you for putting the need to verify the video for Hello by Twinkle in my head.

Probably NSFW as it contains mainly two young topless young ladies "singing", wading about in water.

(I didn't view it or post this from my works laptop or network). :D

xHamster reports spike in UK users getting their five-knuckle shuffle on before pr0n age checks

The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Re: Incompetence expected

I use a Chrome plugin from my VPN that keeps Aunties nose out.

Peak Apple: This time it's SERIOUS, Tim

The Oncoming Scorn
Coat

Re: So where is the new market ?

I hope you don't mean the steering wheel when you say "Silly Circle".

The Oncoming Scorn
Paris Hilton

Peckham Spring

Ahhhh the Dasani incident.

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/03/19/cokes_spunky_water_pulled/

Smartphones gateway drug to the Antichrist, says leader of Russian Orthodox Church

The Oncoming Scorn
Gimp

Re: Dial 5 for sadomasochism...

Whats wrong with this gimp mask (Icon) or are you identifying as a Furry?

That scary old system with 'do not touch' on it? Your boss very much wants you to touch it. Now what do you do?

The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Re: Years ago ...

I was going to say Sinclair, but then it occurred to me they didn't have a branch in Shepton Mallet.

Babycham perchance?

Reg Standards Bureau introduces the Devon fatberg as coastal town menaced by oily blob

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Joke

Re: Callow Youth

More people died by driving them into their garages...

The Oncoming Scorn
Stop

Who let that Cornish person across the Tamar.

The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Re: Can I get a tutor?

Suitably bookmarked for just these sort of situations.

https://www.theregister.co.uk/Design/page/reg-standards-converter.html

The Oncoming Scorn
Coat

Re: Sewers with a healthy lifestyle

Wheres the Adipose when you need them.

The Oncoming Scorn
Alert

Callow Youth

Now imagine going up Sidmouth Hill (From Newton Poppleford) towards Sidmouth in a Isseta (Bubble car) in the 60's.

I don't have to as father tried to drive his up the hill & failed blocking the road & requiring a three point turn (No reverse gear on those things, so had to be helped by other drivers to turn it about) 2/3rds of the way up the hill.

I was in the middle of the bench seat twixt Mum & Dad not sure if my sister was also present in her carry cot on the parcel shelf.

Excuse me, sir. You can't store your things there. Those 7 gigabytes are reserved for Windows 10

The Oncoming Scorn
Coat

Re: WinSXS

I always liked their song "Original Simm".

You were told to clean up our systems, not delete 8,000 crucial files

The Oncoming Scorn
Facepalm

Re: xfer

On a laptop deployment project I had a user with a nested backup structure like that, going back 10+ years.

More nodding dogs green-light terrible UK.gov pr0n age verification plans

The Oncoming Scorn
Childcatcher

Re: Just like buying a magazine.

& anyone of any age can buy the The Sun\Star\Mirror (OK it;'s been a while but Linda Lusardi, Sam Fox, Denis Perry etc etc etc fuelled my nights at that age)..

The Oncoming Scorn
Childcatcher

Re: Just like buying a magazine.

@Michael

& how well did that work out for you?

The Oncoming Scorn
Childcatcher

Re: Just like buying a magazine.

Outnumbered.

Yes I have, I found many of those situations applied to me equally.

The Oncoming Scorn
Childcatcher

Re: Just like buying a magazine.

One (Methodist) family I knew insisted the the PC was in the parents bedroom to stop this sort of thing happening.

Then I was called into investigate a charge on their bill for a "Adult pass", from what I found via the cookie trial that their son was rather fixated on male genitalia, which was rather uncomfortable in the mothers presence in the marital bedroom.

The Oncoming Scorn
Childcatcher

Re: Just like buying a magazine.

Whats wrong with picking the magazines up in train carriages like what I was kid & smuggling home like wot I didn't do or for that matter finding my fathers porn stash while I was hunting for Christmas presents which I never did of course.

The Oncoming Scorn
Childcatcher

Re: So...

To which Sue do you refer to (Known a few over the years).

SpaceX's Crew Dragon shows up at pad 39A, nearly 8 years after the last Shuttle left

The Oncoming Scorn
Alert

Re: Bah!

Zero X seems more suited than TB3 (SSTO).

http://thunderbirds.wikia.com/wiki/Zero_X

My 2019 resolution? Not to buy any of THIS rubbish

The Oncoming Scorn
Boffin

Re: #7 - "AI"

Although I'm tempted at the moment to plug Echo into the nearest Alexa controlled power switches & tell her to turn itself off.

The Oncoming Scorn
Terminator

Re: Alexa...

I bought a couple of Dot's after we received a free Echo.

I have to admit I was a bit (very) reluctant but it's made a difference in home automation. Turning the Christmas tree lights & other lamps On\Off & it's handy in the morning to turn on the kettle from upstairs & setting the heating.

I have been able to stream music (rare tracks & forgotten gems), without rummaging through wherever my CD's are still packed around the home.

The phase of asking it dumb questions has abated. Although I'm tempted at the moment to plug one into the nearest Alexa controlled power switches & tell her to turn itself off.

The Oncoming Scorn
IT Angle

Re: The Playmobil angle

Did El Reg, throw these toys out......

Not seen a Playmobile re-enactment in ages.

The Oncoming Scorn
Go

Re: You missed one...

http://modobag.com/

This one quite appealed to me when rushing for airport gates (especially after delays at security or sudden changes of departure gate), it also had enough range on paper to get me to the hotel from Seatac on public footpaths, rather than the long way round that the hotel shuttle was forced to use.

I don't do enough flying alas to make it viable purchase (or at the moment possess enough $$$).

The Oncoming Scorn
Coat

Re: Hospitality sector had it coming

I usually try comparison websites for flights (Usually clearing my cache between sites) & then cross reference with the airline itself.

Sometimes just playing with the dates\times brings up interesting permutations like my $30 & $50 (plus taxes) flights to Blighty & return for the same flights, only happened the once like getting a 40 - 50 quid first class return from Paddington - Exeter on a Bank Holiday weekend, whereas normally it was 55 for second class for the same journey.

The Oncoming Scorn
Coat

Re: Hospitality sector had it coming

Didn't they cease to be relevant with the onset of Oracle (Teletext) for flight bookings.

Happy new year, readers. Yes, we have threaded comments, an image-lite mode, and more...

The Oncoming Scorn
Paris Hilton

Re: security ?

Never been to Great Yarmouth - He should consider how consider how lucky he is that life has been good to him so far.

Alternatively, if life hasn’t been good to him so far, which, given the current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky he is that it won’t be troubling him much longer.

(One day I might regal you all with the Yarmouth\Gorlestone "Boom Boom Room" story from my week at the Offshore Survival Training in Lowestoff - See icon).

The Oncoming Scorn
Angel

Re: holograraphic love dungeon layout

Sarah Bee left ages ago....How is she?

Pewdiepie fanboi printer, Chromecast haxxx0r retreats, says they're 'afraid of being caught'

The Oncoming Scorn
Mushroom

Re: What TheHackerGiraffe has accomplished

Well we found 16 fans of Pewdiepie (From the downvotes last count).

Old tired & grey haired baby boomer who can't be arsed to google who Pewdiepie thinks he is.

Um, I'm not that Gary, American man tells Ryanair after being sent other Gary's flight itinerary

The Oncoming Scorn
Pirate

Re: It'll never happen...

A friend of mine had the same name as his father (Canadians\North Americans, but hey).

He used to book hotels of one chain under his name but use his fathers loyalty card\express membership number in the booking (Upgrades etc) & providing photo ID etc on arrival.

This was all very fine & not very confusing, until he got a phone call in his room while staying in one hotel to verify his identity & asking why he (or rather Dad) was trying to check into another hotel, while he was at another as the system wasn't accepting his Dad's check in with the loyalty number.

He had to pay for his own membership after that.

The Oncoming Scorn
Facepalm

Re: Start cancelling the flights.

My old UK phone number, used to receive calls asking for the helpdesk. Trying to get the information out of them as to whose helpdesk it was they were trying to call usually ended in failure.

The soon to be Mrs Outgoing Scorn initially thought these calls were genuinely for me (While I'm at work 200+ miles away)

Apple blew my mind – literally, says woman: MagSafe plug sparked face-torching blaze, lawsuit claims

The Oncoming Scorn
Alert

US & Canada, flimsy wiring, thin metal plugs & a spark when you plug in or turn on a light that illuminates the plastic fascia briefly.

The twist-on wire connector has grown on me (Still prefer the good old fashion UK terminal\chocolate block screw ons) & I like the idea of stripping the wire & inserting the single core into the plug where it is locked into position.

The whole 3 part plug assembly still unnerves me. This is where the face plate screws into a thread cut into the plug assembly, which is screwed into the wall junction box by another two screws, it never aligns well & can leave the two Live & two Neutral screws on each side dangerously close to the earthed wall box.

Some municipalities prohibit the sensible precaution (In my eyes) of wrapping the plug in Insulation tape to prevent shorts. I much prefer (& miss) the whole UK one piece unit screwed into the wall.

Having a breaker box, where the the breakers are accurately labelled eliminating such fun & games for the breaker for Upstairs lights, excludes half of the lights & includes half of the wall plugs.

Icon because of the caution I use when working on home electrics.

Oz cops investigating screams of 'why don't you die?' find bloke in battle with spider

The Oncoming Scorn
Pirate

Re: May well you mock...

To work or to cage fighting?

The Oncoming Scorn
Alert

Re: Cows

Ditto & there wasn't any calves around either at the time.

The Oncoming Scorn
Paris Hilton

Re: "in Australia, where the majority of fauna seem set on cleansing humans from the continent"

Try some of the bloody big rattlesnakes in & around my area

This guy has a full time job catching them.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9wlS8SrZ3Y

Paris because of one eyed....... Yep!

The Oncoming Scorn
Pint

Re: Does not contain nuts

FTFY as the nominee no longer has nuts or indeed a sack to keep them in

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