* Posts by Jay Lenovo

336 posts • joined 26 Jan 2018

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Head of Apple's insider trading program charged with… you guessed it... insider trading

Jay Lenovo Silver badge

Well I must admit, insider trading isn't my bag, baby

How that trade might have gone down:

Broker: But you're Apple's Head of Corporate Law! Might you reconsider?

Levoff: Trade it, trade it all... I like to live dangerously.

Hackers KO Malta's Bank of Valletta in attempt to nick €13m

Jay Lenovo Silver badge

Dust-off old Tools

BOV customers request for the meantime...

"Will you accept a check?"

First they came for Equifax and we did nothing because America. Now they are coming for back-end systems and we're...

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: So they took almost three months to notify people involved?

...was accessed some time around November 1 and the intrusion was discovered and locked down on November 14.

They locked themselves down the very day it was discovered, but the peoples' exposure and needed remediation couldn't be shared for 90 days.

Your situation was never a priority, just the hassle of an overdue obituary.

DXC Technology utters words 'hiring' and 'digital' 105 times in Q3 earnings car-crash

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Alert

Re: A very short conversation

I know that agent.

He also places cows looking for work with McDonalds.

After Amazon's Bezos exposes Pecker, National Enquirer pushes back, promises to probe itself

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Devil

Amazon Godfather

On second thought, AMI reconsiders their actions...

"Sorry Don Bezos, The news stays like before. We'll even lower it."

Defaulting to legacy Internet Explorer just to keep that one, weird app working? Knock it off

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Unhappy

Cloudy Aspirations

Trust Microsoft with your business... unless it was yesterday's trust (they don't recommend that anymore).

Now Microsoft bravely desires to cut tail from their own dog food.

Thanks for the loyalty, I'm sure you won't screw me over again.

Amid polar vortex... Honeywell gets frosty reception after remote smart thermostat tech freezes up for a week

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Black Helicopters

Cloud casting shadows

Some people bought this as a component of a whole home monitoring solution (video cameras, locks, garage doors), also for an additional cost.

The company providing the cloud services is Resideo, a recent spin-off company of Honeywell. So "Total Connect", is no longer a Honeywell solution.

If smart-phones are any indication, smart-thermostats may need to be replaced on a similar schedule to remain tech viable...or maybe just their cloudy overseers.

Raindrops always require their cloud.

You're the Swan that I want, you are the Swan I want, ooh ooh ooh: Intel anoints Bob as CEO

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Coat

Ruler for the Ruler

His success or failure will largely be measured in nano-meters (10 to be precise).

Ad-tech industry: GDPR complaint is like holding road builders to account for traffic violations

Jay Lenovo Silver badge

Collective Authority

Ultimately, the decision will come down to the three data protection agencies – in the UK, Ireland and Poland – considering the challenges.

How does this tournament work...Best two out of three agencies for the win?

Canadians moot methods to embiggen moose monument and make Mac great again

Jay Lenovo Silver badge

Size Matters

"not ashamed" of his size, but that it was a "pride issue"

So now Mac will start a regimen of "MegaMoose" supplements and drive an even bigger car.

Florida man's deadliest catch forces police to evacuate Taco Bell

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
FAIL

Bomb Squad Fail

Yet, they found no issue with the loaded Bean Burritos.

Improvised domestic weapons of "ass" destruction.

Crispest image yet of Ultima Thule arrives on Earth, but grab a coffee while the rest downloads

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Trollface

Checked with the FCC...

With their new rules, this still might be considered a high-speed connection.

Under Armour and Virgin Galactic team up so tourists can stay on-trend throughout white-knuckle ride into space

Jay Lenovo Silver badge

Finally, a company addressing the issue of "space junk" and how to contain it.

Office 365 enjoys good old-fashioned Thursday wobble as email teeters over in Europe

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Meh

Re: And this is why

The cloud is largely a surrogate for businesses who want to avoid being parents to their data.

When you allow an unrelated third-party to hold your data in undefined locations under their sole control, I guess you might get flustered at times.

Friday fun fact: If Stegosauruses had space telescopes, they wouldn't have seen any rings around Saturn

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Holmes

Re: "As old as 100 million years"

If one reads the lost biblical Book of Beyonce, (Fits somewhere after the dinosaur part of Genesis), we find how this occurred.

"And on the umpteenth day, God looked again at the heavens and it was still good. But woman pointed out he hadn't done much with the heavens since the 4th day, and also that he hadn't paid enough attention to the heavens in quite a while."

"So the almighty placed a large ring around an object in the night sky to again demonstrate his love for the heavens."

"Woman again pestered God as to why she hadn't received such a ring? God, in his omnipotent wisdom, recognized that this labor was something Man should be tasked with doing."

Thus the biblical parable "If thou liketh, thou best to put a ring on it"

It’s baaack – Microsoft starts pushing out the Windows 10 October 2018 Update

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Alert

Please Play Responsibly

An update lottery of sorts.

Have a gambling problem? 1 (800) xxx-xxxx (Microsoft Customer Support)

Slack to fend off the collaboration competition with... a new logo

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Thumb Down

Re: Bland shite

Doesn't it scream "Searchable Log of All Conversation and Knowledge" ???

...or maybe I have it confused with "Intro to Microsoft Paint"

Oracle exec: Open-source vendors locking down licences proves 'they were never really open'

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Angel

Games of Owns

So he's suggesting...

OpenSource is like Daenerys Stormborn, and Oracle are the Masters.

...and apparently we've been deceived so back to the slaves' quarters we should go?

RIP 2019-2019: The first plant to grow on the Moon? Yeah, it's dead already, Chinese admit

Jay Lenovo Silver badge

Re: Puzzled

The moon is still very much what we thought it was, inhospitable.

I don't envy the hoopla of being the first to foster the Moon's first dead visitors.

.

FCC's answer to scandal of AT&T, Sprint, T-Mobile US selling people's location data: Burying its head in the ground

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Facepalm

What's the difference?

The FCC has been affected by the partial US government shutdown – now into its 24th day – and has stopped non-essential services

Like maintaining rules and oversight, but that may have already been suspended long before.

World's first robot hotel massacres half of its robot staff

Jay Lenovo Silver badge

Representative Please

"Hospitality" and "robot" are as rewarding, as "customer service call" and "voice automated prompts".

Pleasing people effectively was never quite that simple. Otherwise we'd buy our own robots and stay home.

Royal Bank of Scotland, Natwest fling new bank cards at folks after Ticketmaster hack

Jay Lenovo Silver badge

We won't be fooled again

Ticketmaster could consider donating tickets. Maybe a "Who" concert?

Amazon Mime: We train (badly) an AI love bot using divorce bombshell Bezos' alleged sexts to his new girlfriend

Jay Lenovo Silver badge

Sounds like she walked into an Austin "Bezos" Powers photoshoot.

"Look at my Blue Origin space rockets"...Yeah Baby!

Hubble 'scope camera breaks down amid US govt shutdown, forcing boffins to fix it for free

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Meh

Somewhere in the middle (does that still exist?)

In the old days, politicians used a concept called compromise.

You didn't get everything you wanted, but most tended to get at least a combo of good and bad. Add a little pork, and just the right number of representatives could be convinced of the greater good.

Unfortunately, now I prefer more pork barrel government. You seemingly can't get 536 modern day ego's working collectively without it.

The growing ultra orthodox party-religions of Republican and Democrat no longer want to share the same country. But everybody needs to eat, so throw out some pork barrels (and I guess the "vegan" alternative) and lets get something done.

Microsoft wins today's buzzword bingo with empowering set of updates to Teams

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Trollface

Office (Space) 365

Oooh, can't wait to acquire all that Team "Flair"

Just updated Windows 7? Can't access network shares? It isn't just you

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Pirate

Re: You must be new here?

Windows updates are like getting regular hospital checkups, but "occasionally" coming home with C. diff.

Please boil any MS Software (via WSUS) about a week before letting it out of the bag.

Microsoft vows to destroy Office, er, offices: Campus to be demolished and rebuilt

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Angel

MS Design

The new buildings will have tiles... lots and lots tiles of which you can't be rid of.

Aussie Emergency Warning Network hacked by rank amateurs

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Black Helicopters

You're getting hacked, that's worthy of an EMS message

At least the "nice" hacker in Australia notified everyone they were getting hacked.

In contrast, Hawaii's EMS doesn't get hacked, but sends out false messages that missiles will be arriving.

Chinese rover pootles about... on the far side of the friggin' MOON

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Paris Hilton

The search continues

China goes to the Far Side and still no evidence of where Gary Larson found his material.

Hands off that Facebook block button, public officials told by judges in First Amendment row

Jay Lenovo Silver badge

Re: Also facebook

If Zuckerburg managed to hold a government office, hmm maybe.

...But let's not fix one bad problem thing with another.

Mainframe brains-slurper sues IBM for 'age discrim', calls Ginny and biz 'morally bankrupt'

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Meh

IBM Fresh Market

If you assume they did and were allowed to age discriminate... Has IBM been any better in developing products since doing so?

Seems like no.

They have all kinds of IP real estate, yet they can only muster to run Sears stores on top of it.

Maybe experienced people do provide value?

You can blame laziness as much as greed for Apple's New Year shock

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Unhappy

Steve's Mass Appeal

"What they should have been doing was making rational profits and going for market share."

Nope, let's aim for snobby, snobby, overpriced. Mid 90's Apple has returned (-sigh-)

Border guards probe 'suspicious bulge' in man's trousers to find he's packing fluffies

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Coat

Border Crossing Rules and Regulations

Trouser Cats: Prohibited

Trouser Snakes: Allowed

Stormy times ahead for IBM-owned Weather Channel app: LA sues over location data slurp

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Black Helicopters

Not for Everyone, but always Someone

Internet data pilfering and misuse, an expectation of fail.

After we finally eliminate prostitution, we can make this go away as well.

On the other hand, it does seem to be recession proof and always in demand.

We'd just like it NOT to be a primary flaw of our major companies.

Marriott: Good news. Hackers only took 383 million booking records ... and 5.3m unencrypted passport numbers

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Devil

Proactive Reservations

"The biz is also offering to cover a year of identity-theft monitoring service."

Since it takes Marriot four years to uncover such shenanigans...

Can new guests get that free protection NOW, before the new system is inevitably discovered as hacked?

Not much point in giving out life-vests 4 years after the boat sank.

Full frontal vulnerability: Photos can still trick, unlock Android mobes via facial recognition

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Trollface

Just add some more detail

Maybe if the facial recognition was not just based on your face, but your face with a rarely displayed expression.

"Hey Joe, why are you making that strange face?"

"No worries Sam, that's my unlock face. Just forget you ever saw it."

SpaceX's Crew Dragon shows up at pad 39A, nearly 8 years after the last Shuttle left

Jay Lenovo Silver badge

What's in a name

Crew Dragon? Like a dragon taking off by shooting fire out its arse?

Or is the crew riding on the dragon's backend, with the head firing down?

Oregon can't stop people from calling themselves engineers, judge rules in Traffic-Light-Math-Gate

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Facepalm

Overstepping on Word Ownership

As one of the few states with more than one state motto (they must have their reasons), let's add yet another such as:

"Virulent purveyors of language"

or maybe

"With God all things are possible but certainly not engineered, unless a state license has been issued"

Nobody in China wants Apple's eye-wateringly priced iPhones, sighs CEO Tim Cook

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Facepalm

China is not the Scapegoat

Tim needs to elaborate on why he thought China was going to increase their Apple iPhone consumption, despite:

* An increasingly competitive smartphone landscape

* An Apple price point set at a new all time high

* New features that are rather ho-hum and don't uniquely address any particular Asian demand.

Maybe if China manufactured the product, the multitude would better see the brilliance. Oops, guess that didn't work either.

DXC hit with sueball over layoff steamroller's share price dip

Jay Lenovo Silver badge

HPE inspired off-shoots

Cutting people to inflate stock value.

Yes, people are the problem. Just missed the right ones.

Boffins manage to keep graphene qubits 'quantum coherent' for all of 55... nanoseconds

Jay Lenovo Silver badge

Re: 1k qubits ?!?

I believe the feat is that they are using graphene as the primary material. As to why graphene is so much better, they would need to elaborate.

Otherwise IBM's 50 qubit machine maintaining state for 90 microseconds makes this look piddly.

It's a Christmas miracle: Logitech backs down from Harmony home hub API armageddon

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Happy

Joy to the World

Listening, reacting to your customer's concerns.

How business should be done.

EU politely asks if China could stop snaffling IP as precondition for doing business

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Facepalm

Short-sighted Stupidity

Companies go to China:

Stockholders cheer, local workforce depends more on government.

Companies get hijacked from China first polices:

Stockholders demand government involvement, local workforce shares their knowledge of this place called "The Shaft".

Mark Zuckerberg did everything in his power to avoid Facebook becoming the next MySpace – but forgot one crucial detail…

Jay Lenovo Silver badge

But free is so addictive

No, never thought gifting Facebook with so much free personal information could lead to seedy overlooked flaws. (sarcasm)

Until GDPR, the best we could get was a "Sorry, our security must improve" letter.

Maybe that will begin to change.

A year after Logitech screwed over Harmony users, it, um, screws over Harmony users: Device API killed off

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Facepalm

A bridge too many

Bricking the devices will certainly make them secure.

While some people will change the locks, Logitech's step 1. is to bulldoze the home.

IBM: Co-Op Insurance talking direct to coding subcontractor helped collapse of £55m IT revamp project

Jay Lenovo Silver badge

If a company spends £55m, you'd think the result (or lack of) would be pertinent to a business's finances.

Assuming the results were to be revenue nuetral, this was a really expensive case study.

Pork pulled: Plug jerked out of beacon of bacon delight

Jay Lenovo Silver badge
Trollface

Bacon, the (edible) fabric of our lives

Why just vend bacon? Bacon works well paired with most anything.

M&M's with 1 slice of Bacon, Coke bottle with 1 slice of Bacon. Personal hygiene product with 1 slice of Bacon.

Bacon isn't everything, it just makes everything... Better

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