* Posts by Jay Lenovo

103 posts • joined 26 Jan 2018

Page:

Why Google won't break a sweat about EU ruling

Jay Lenovo
Facepalm

Re: Fixed it for you

At the point something requires a 5 billion dollar fine, did the EU not previously see this issue brewing?

Now after the the mobile forest has been logged, the EU considers the conservation of competition.

Thank goodness for bureaucracy that effectively puts smoke alarms in every burnt down house.

10
1

Fukushima reactors lend exotic nuclear finish to California's wines

Jay Lenovo
Devil

Olde Japanese Spice

How do you ensure integrity, add a little Fukushima.

3
0

Windows Server 2019 tweaked to stop it getting clock-blocked

Jay Lenovo
Black Helicopters

Every second counts

Time is relative.

For instance, it's time to go home, but my windows laptop wants to do an hour's worth of updates before shutting down.

Obviously if had the proper time, it would know not to do so. Right?

1
0

Apple gives MacBook Pro keyboard rubber pants

Jay Lenovo

Macbook "Bubble Boy" Pro

The keyboard was getting foiled by specks of dust, not even huge crumbs.

The original keyboard design was brilliant, provided it was sealed away from direct contact with the outside world.

6
1

Notes/Domino is alive! Second beta of version 10 is imminent

Jay Lenovo
Childcatcher

Looking forward (if only to avoid turning to salt)

Having suffered with the prolonged state of developmental sadness, at least this appears to be a real attempt to improve the condition.

Hoping for the best, prepared for the worse.

4
0

Microsoft adds subscriptions for SQL and Windows Servers

Jay Lenovo
Holmes

Re: Bah!

Hmm.. flexibility with one particularly weighted choice.

It's like working with the casino for help with your gambling problem.

1
0

Micro Focus belches as it struggles to digest HPE Software

Jay Lenovo
Pint

Big Purchase, Big Pepto

So I introduced them to my trusted adviser, Joey Chestnut, for tips on consuming stuff in record time.

2
0

And in current affairs: Rogue raccoon blacks out city power grid after shocking misstep

Jay Lenovo
Linux

Furry Vengence

Raccoons and squirrels covertly working for the Amish Al Qaeda.

12
1

California lawmakers: We swear on our avocados we'll pass 'strongest net neutrality protections' in America

Jay Lenovo
Flame

Legislation Forged in Fire

And the makers of law, quenched their ideals in a bath of political partisanship and special money.

Not surprisingly, the final work came out warped and full of cracks.

7
0

What a flap: SIM swiped from slain stork's GPS tracker used to rack up $2,700 phone bill

Jay Lenovo
Facepalm

Renew Recycle Reuse

So someone "stole" the tracking device from the wild (likely already dead) bird.

Was it addressed with return postage to Poland?

4
2

The strange tale of an energy biz that suddenly became a blockchain upstart – and $1.4m now forfeited in sold shares

Jay Lenovo
Paris Hilton

25 Thousand Dollar Pyramid Scheme

Cloud.....Blockchain.....BioMed

Things you uh.., THINGS YOU THROW MONEY AT !!!!

14
0

Adidas US breach may have exposed millions of customers' personal info

Jay Lenovo
Trollface

Running joke

They should have secured that data in a "Footlocker"

1
0

Another staffer at mega-hacked Equifax slapped with insider trading rap

Jay Lenovo
Facepalm

Forgiveness is divine and full of political goodies

"This order requires it to make corrective actions including a proper risk assessment and improving the board’s oversight of information security information, audit, patch management, information technology operations, vendor management, and other functions"

...Or ultimately they'll just hire Phil Swift to cover their datacenter in Flexseal.

Sorry the data boat already sank. Hindsight corrective measures never raised the Titanic either.

8
0

The butterfly defect: MacBook keys wrecked by single grain of sand

Jay Lenovo
Devil

Pledge to Protect

As I typ this on my Appl buttrfly kyboard, I am glad to s99 th issu9 is finally beeeing addrsseeed

30
2

Norwegian tourist board says it can't a-fjord the bad publicity from 'Land of Chlamydia' posters

Jay Lenovo
Flame

Re: Norwegians seem like uncouth, lewd, sex-mad people

7-Eleven is just selling outsiders a mild love salsa alternative.

Most Norwegians, seem to prefer their genitals burning red hot.

0
0

Infamous 'Dancing Baby' copyright battle settled just before YouTube tot becomes a teen

Jay Lenovo
FAIL

Counting the Dancing Baby Sheep

Lady Justice wears a blindfold.

She is impartial but also apparently afflicted with Non-24 disease.

This case should have been resolved and put to bed years ago.

17
0

'No questions asked' Windows code cert slingers 'fuel trade' in digitally signed malware

Jay Lenovo
Childcatcher

Malware Club Membership Dues

You're behind a "secured" door with thousands of keys that can unlock it, held by entities you don't remotely know other than their "close" relationship to Microsoft through a third party.

Let's just call it the "Security of Inconvenience" with the idea of trust replaced with blissful hope.

2
0

Taiwanese tech upstarts stole our RAM secrets and staff, claims Micron

Jay Lenovo
Trollface

In next week's news...

Fujian Province Court finds Micron guilty of infringing on Micron technology.

Court gives praise to former Micron workers for their brave flight from the corrupt western firm.

International community disagrees and considers an increased policy of shrugged shoulders.

4
0

Oracle's new Java SE subs: Code and support for $25/processor/month

Jay Lenovo
Trollface

Inspired by Facebook

Oh come on Oracle, The internet runs on free.

Couldn't you just collect and sell our personal information to pay for your support?

9
1

US Supreme Court blocks internet's escape from state sales taxes

Jay Lenovo
Mushroom

Death and Taxes

"Over 10,000 jurisdictions levy sales taxes"

Good luck to any e-business attempting to tackle all these newly exposed rules.

5
3

Microsoft Edge bug odyssey shows why we can't have nice things

Jay Lenovo
Thumb Down

Your concerns are important to us, please hold.

It was addressed previously, mysteriously, and at a time of their choosing.

Run along now... Your inquiry penetration test has completed.

3
0

HPE CEO pledges $4bn Edge R&D splurge

Jay Lenovo
Big Brother

Home Cooking

Imagine, data processed and consumed at the point of necessity...jeez

Fast food cloud data tends to get expensive and unhealthy.

Not everything you need for your business requires a cloudy excursion to be effective.

That said, can HPE facilitate a workforce to do such things? Doing R&D hasn't been an HP thing for decades.

3
0

Tintri teeters on the edge of oblivion

Jay Lenovo

Journeys in the New Storage World

Product's fine, but the prospect for profitability (market share critical mass) is certainly not being realized in a hope providing manner.

Sometimes the wind beneath your wings is a downdraft.

1
0

That was quick: Seattle rushes to kill tax that would mildly inconvenience Amazon

Jay Lenovo
Angel

A Prime Alternative

Amazon thinking:

"Hmm.. Why couldn't Seattle remove the homeless with free shipping? "

A cloudy company, in a cloudy city, resulting in a cloudy tax base. Real people reside somewhere in there.

8
0

Un-bee-lievable: Two million Swedish bugs stolen in huge sting

Jay Lenovo

Re: Won't take long to find the miscreant...

The only way bring down bee crime is with a thorough sting operation. Unless you hive a better idea.

2
0

The ice must flow: Dunes of frozen gas spotted on alien dwarf

Jay Lenovo
Trollface

Re: Bring it on!

Then the hidden 9th planet is likely called Goofy... also a dog but takes Pluto out on a leash for walks(orbits).

7
0

Artificial intelligence... or advanced imitation? How DeepMind used YouTube vids to train game-beating Atari bot

Jay Lenovo
Mushroom

Deepmind, your human name shall be PewDiePie

If Youtube watching works as well as twitter teaching chatbots, Deepmind will be quite an inflammatory old school gamer.

Not everything on Youtube is ideal for programmatic consumption.

4
0

'Autopilot' Tesla crashed into our parked patrol car, say SoCal cops

Jay Lenovo

Re: Unrealistic expectations?

The use of of Autopilot seems to be like chaperoning a beginning driver.

Maybe everything goes ok, but you constantly need to keep on edge to ensure no hiccups are encountered.

I don't need that stress (because I care). I'd rather drive myself, than take a chance getting lulled to sleep driving without driving with the unlicensed driver that is "AutoPilot".

0
0

VMware declares energy-guzzling blockchains 'immoral'

Jay Lenovo

Re: Buzzword Bingo!

There is no envy in using a term everyone has laid claim to define, and in and of itself no longer implies guaranteed revenue.

SaaS, now that's a stock market friendly term. Rhymes better with "money".

0
0

Toaster oven-sized boffin box bound for Mars to search for life

Jay Lenovo
Thumb Up

The Chilarity Reality

Finally the question of life on Mars can be answered.

You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can't fool MOM(A)

4
0

Max Schrems is back: Facebook, Google hit with GDPR complaint

Jay Lenovo
Pirate

Re: Oh yes...

Great time to be a lawyer...

Chum chum, chum chum, chum chum, dah dah dah-hhh

14
0

New Facebook political ad rules: Now you must prove your ID before undermining democracy

Jay Lenovo
Devil

Terms and conditions page 992

The pursuit of transparency and responsibility as they continue their "unbiased" moderation of the Facebook community. Of which the users will be the final safety net for checking, and Facebook will act upon if warranted.

Facebook is proud to monitor Facebook so please contact Facebook if you have complaints about how Facebook audits the functionality of Facebook.

All secured. Ready to share

12
0

Church of England will commune with God for you via Amazon's Echo

Jay Lenovo
Pint

Re: The Oh God of IT issues...

Now if I could just get 'mah' TV Preacher on Netflix.

I could tithe $7.99-13.99 for some Ultra HD salvation.

God wants me to watch him on all my devices.

Better yet, with that GDPR thing, there's certain things he's gonna have to forget I done.

3
0

Microsoft patches problematic OS to deal with SSD woes

Jay Lenovo
Angel

Trust But Verify

Holding out for the upcoming Win 10 "White Rabbit" update.

"Getting so close... almost there (giggle giggle)... Nothing but bliss this time..."

1
1

Kids and the web latest: 'Won't somebody please think of the children!' US Congresscritters plead

Jay Lenovo
Joke

The Online "Predator" Act

We must protect the children.. "Get to the COPPA!"

-Congressman Dutch Schwarzenegger

1
0

President Trump broke US Constitution with Twitter bans – judge

Jay Lenovo
Paris Hilton

Twitter..Public Forum..How Sad

140 Characters worth of deep thought and discussion.

Quoth Python: "Oh! come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I'm being repressed!"

10
1

Swiss sausage sizzler 4.0 hits 200 bangers per hour

Jay Lenovo

Re: Competition?

It's rumored that sausage machine killed a man.

Forensics are reviewing the "casings" found at the scene.

6
0

Astroboffins, get in here and explain Saturn's odd-shaped balls

Jay Lenovo
Trollface

Re: Headline and article contained rude innuendo

Next, "The Register" will imply that "eggy farts" were wafting around Uranus.

Oops, did that last month.

8
0

HPE: Hell yeah, those job cuts worked out great… for our investors

Jay Lenovo
Terminator

People are what makes us different

HPE (Hewlett Packard Executives).

Let's contract out the rest.

3
0

Boffins: Michael Jackson's tilt was a criminally smooth trick

Jay Lenovo
Headmaster

Re: Bad

The tilt was just a lie?

Now I have to wonder if the crotch grab activated some kind of go-go gadget moonwalk.

13
0

IPv6 growth is slowing and no one knows why. Let's see if El Reg can address what's going on

Jay Lenovo
Holmes

Re: Not an issue if you already have an ipv4 address

IPv6, the Betamax of internet protocols.

Sure it seems better, except all the content prefers to live in VHS land. Why change?

17
0

Hitler 'is dead' declares French prof who gazed at dictator's nashers

Jay Lenovo
Angel

Enquiringly minds want to know

Ancient Nazi Historians believe Hitler may have escaped out of Germany, And if so...

Will he inspire even more programming on the Discovery family of networks?

2
0

Blood spilled from another US high school shooting has yet to dry – and video games are already being blamed

Jay Lenovo

Pong gave birth to my Wrath

Most "violent" video game players I know, are happier to attack the sofa with a box of pizza, than even leave the house.

A school's working social scene isn't always friendly for the obligated participants. Maybe schools should just let "I'm feeling violent today", be an excused absence and follow up with some prescribed help.

16
0

Did you even sweat, tho? Plaintiffs told to amend claims in Apple headphones suit

Jay Lenovo
Facepalm

Re: The Register asked Apple to comment

Eh..what?.. Can't hear us?

Yeah.. Just like wearing those sweat-retain'in, needs explain'in,

..."Where's the" Powerbeats

6
0

Last night's net neutrality episode had some good one-liners but a repetitive plot

Jay Lenovo
Thumb Up

It's a hit

Reality TV... kinda like COPS.

The cast changes, but you know ultimately bad choices will be on display.

5
0

Great Scott! Bitcoin to consume half a per cent of the world's electricity by end of year

Jay Lenovo

Re: Black Mirror, yet again..

Rumor has it, bitcoin may also be powered by tulips.

Buy now before you get left out.

17
2

Page:

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2018