* Posts by Jay Lenovo

237 posts • joined 26 Jan 2018

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Wombats literally sh!t bricks – and now boffins reckon they know how

Jay Lenovo
WTF?

Kinda macabre, but alright

Just one of the many fun things you can do with roadkill in Georgia

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Azure goes super-secure: Multi-factor authentication is borked in Europe and Asia

Jay Lenovo
Facepalm

MF to the A

Darn, somebody secured the keys to the cloud, in the cloud.

Anybody got a cloudy coat hanger?

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Pick three people you think will replace Google Cloud CEO Greene, then forget them – because it's Thomas Kurian

Jay Lenovo

Re: Props to Greene

Nice read

EMC purchases VMware @ $625 million in 2003. Vmware, now estimated to be worth $48 Billion.

Assuming she still owns some shares, why are you working again?

5
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Trump in Spaaaaaaace: Washington DC battles over who gets to decide the rules of trillion-dollar new industry

Jay Lenovo
Childcatcher

Re: The FCC - who controls space?

The power to control "space" goes no further than a bureaucrat's keyboard.

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If at first or second you don't succeed, you may be Microsoft: Hold off installing re-released Windows Oct Update

Jay Lenovo
Facepalm

Microsoft Calculator 1810

Results can now be displayed in units of "close enough".

8
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5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1... Runty-birds are go: 12,000+ internet-beaming mini-satellites OK'd by USA

Jay Lenovo
Unhappy

Re: What could possibly...

I expect nothing worse than how we manage things thrown in the ocean.

...Chief "Iron Eyes Cody" looks to the sky and feels another tear role down his face.

2
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John McAfee is 'liable' for 2012 death of Belize neighbour, rules court

Jay Lenovo
Coat

Terms and Conditions

Sometimes your moral AV software goes awry and deletes a neighbor.

Unfortunate, but from now on that neighbor is whitelisted.

9
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Japanese cyber security minister 'doesn't know what a USB stick is'

Jay Lenovo
Trollface

Sorry, I just manipulate people

Leaders of large numbers don't need to know all the details, that's for middle management. High ranking folk focus on the big picture.

A picture so BIG apparently usb sticks, computers, IoT devices are quantum particles, which can't be observed without meddling with the desired result.

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US China-watcher warns against Middle Kingdom tech dominance

Jay Lenovo

North Korea ??!?

...China's relations with US allies, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and North Korea

A North Korean Ally, I guess from a Trump point of view.

The DMZ and Nuclear threats must just maintain happy fences.

3
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Russia: We did not hack the US Democrats. But if we did, we're immune from prosecution... lmao

Jay Lenovo
FAIL

International Right to Privacy

Hmm.. But we already have an international law to address this (Universal Declaration of Human Rights).

Article 12 states: No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honor and reputation. Everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks.

Good thing the international community takes these violations seriously... i.e. don't expect reparations or even an apology.

1
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Did you by chance hack OPM back in 2015? Good news, your password probably still works!

Jay Lenovo

Buckle up, or Not

An agency like a car in disrepair:

Bad tires, cracked windshield, smokey exhaust. But hey, they fixed those.

In another year they'll fix the failing brakes and maybe that burning smell.

OPM Data commutes with no fear.

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Oi, Elon: You Musk sort out your Autopilot! Tesla loyalists tell of code crashes, near-misses

Jay Lenovo
Unhappy

Where's the trust?

"Autopilot system should only be used when the driver is driving with hands on the wheel. "

Autopilot, as we came to know it originally, implies "hands-off" assistance. Now in Tesla speak it comes to mean automated with hands on participation. A student driver doesn't drive with their instructor's hands on the wheel, yet the Tesla Autopilot can't be trusted for even a moment.

Maybe this "feature" is just introducing a new way to fail horrendously.

4
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Open the pod bay doors: Voice of HAL 9000 Douglas Rain dies at 90

Jay Lenovo
Happy

Unexpected Fame

Oddly, Douglas never saw the movie for which he is lauded so much praise.

Kubrick didn't give him any context for the character of Hal, his lines were added at the last minute and took just a day and a half to finish, and after completing the work Douglas felt it was a load of rubbish.

Douglas loved performing complex Shakespearean characters. The part of Hal was a bit too cold and simplistic for his preference, but ultimately that smooth void of creepiness worked well in the film.

Somewhere both Douglas Rain and Alec Guinness are smirking it up as to how? they ended up best remembered as sci-fi characters.

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Has science gone too far? Now boffins dream of shining gigantic laser pointer into space to get aliens' attention

Jay Lenovo
Happy

Pop Culture Solution

Simply sprinkle some Reese's Pieces in your backyard.

Friendly Extra Terrestrials are soon to follow.

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The PCIe bus is coming, and everybody's jumping... New York to San Francisco, an NVMe disco

Jay Lenovo

A storage amusement park! (Six Flags Commercial)

1
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Google: All right, screw it, from this Christmas, Chrome will block ALL adverts on dodgy sites

Jay Lenovo
Black Helicopters

Happier? Victims

Mosquitoes use a little local anesthetic to numb their victims before taking their meal.

Google wants the abusive websites to do the same.

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1

Supreme Court tells Big Cable to shut up for once: Net neutrality challenge shot down

Jay Lenovo
Black Helicopters

Prediction

Many more people will need to get paid, before there's a need to figure this out.

5
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Dawn of the dead: NASA space probe runs out of gas in asteroid belt after 6.4 billion-mile trip

Jay Lenovo
Alien

Need a lift?

We've traveled 6.4 billion miles and haven't passed even one hydrazine gas station!

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Commvault revenues grow – but only just – as it switches to subscription pricing

Jay Lenovo
Holmes

New Corporate Proverb

Give a Man a Fish, and You Feed Him for a Day.

Tether a Man to your cloud, and You Feed on Him indefinitely.

2
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Facebook sets Linux kernel tools free

Jay Lenovo

For a change

Kudos to Facebook for leaking information purposely intended to be shared.

5
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Microsoft claims Office 364 back to business as usual. Oh no it isn't, say suffering sysadmins

Jay Lenovo
Coat

Re: Wrong name?

Maybe more appropriately, Microsoft Orifice

As in "I put my trust and data in Microsoft Orifice 365 and encountered a cloud of stink"

5
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Cray's pre-exascale Shasta supercomputer gets energy research boffins hot under collar

Jay Lenovo

Super Cooled Rush

Shasta + DoE = New innovative energy drinks

4
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Unsure why you can't log into Office 365? So is Microsoft

Jay Lenovo

Re: Come El Reg we know you want to say it...

Inspired by previous comments, "the cloud" really is more like "the fog".

Effectively surrounded and blinded to any trouble within.

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Pirate radio = drug dealing and municipal broadband is anti-competitive censorship

Jay Lenovo
Angel

Clean signal but stale programming

In time the FCC will feel obligated to regulate the 85-255 Hz ( frequency of the human voice ).

There are a quite a few countries willing to suppress the unlicensed pirates.

5
0

Pain in the brain! Kaspersky warns of hackable brain implants

Jay Lenovo

Hackable vulnerabilities, that could force you to migrate to the eternal cloud.

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Official: IBM to gobble Red Hat for $34bn – yes, the enterprise Linux biz

Jay Lenovo

Hoping for the best

I'm adding Red Hat employees to next Sunday's prayer list.

Something is making them feel blue.

4
0

The D in Systemd stands for 'Dammmmit!' A nasty DHCPv6 packet can pwn a vulnerable Linux box

Jay Lenovo

Re: Meh

IPv6 and SystemD: Forced industry standard diseases that requires most of us to bite our lips and bear it.

Fortunately, IPv6 by lack of adopted use, limits the scope of this bug.

24
14

Jeez, not now, Iran... Facebook catches Mid East nation running trolly US, UK politics ads

Jay Lenovo
Angel

Security - Now Hiring

"Facebook's ballooning safety and security group, now at about 20,000 people"

Wow, that is slightly larger than the number of people on the US Border Patrol.

...Too bad both jobs are restrained in being too effective.

1
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Californian chap sets his folks' home on fire by successfully taking out spiders with blowtorch

Jay Lenovo

Re: blow torch... pfft

Do's:

Peppermint oil, vinegar, diatomaceous earth, horse chestnuts, cleaning your house

Don'ts:

Spiders love hydrocarbons (flammable fluids). Flame throwers likely will only attract more to stop by.

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If you saw a Google ad recently, know that it helped pay off one of its 'sex pest' execs $90m

Jay Lenovo

Re: different rules

Apparently Google believes inappropriately acquired oral servicing costs, (150-90) 60 million.

For lesser employees (like the other 48), if you can't pay that amount, I guess you just get fired.

4
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Got a new Surface? Have some firmware. Old Surface? La la la la la, we can't hear you

Jay Lenovo
Alert

Surface Tension

My NFL Football team has lost the last couple of weeks.

Could it be because the other teams knew better, than to allow updates on their sideline Surface Tablets?

Bill Belichick doesn't use the things, yet his team has gone on a winning streak ...hmm

3
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Our brave El Reg vulture sat through four days of Oracle OpenWorld to write this cracking summary just for you

Jay Lenovo

Proof of Pudding

When I start hearing my existing Oracle customer colleagues happy about being Oracle customers, I will buy into the Kool-aid.

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Excuse me, but have you heard the teachings of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Chr-AI-st?

Jay Lenovo

The meaning and is important, but don't discount the needlessly complex writing(or opaque writing style) shoved in there to obfuscate the real meaning to anyone but the anointed few.

Ignorance of the law is no excuse, yet it is allowed to be routinely transcribed in a cloud of pompous gobbledygook.

Even the politicians who vote for these laws are not held accountable to read and understand it beforehand.

The ambiguity is largely build-in with poor simple explanations. The courts are then tasked with making sense of it all and it is their opinions that give laws in any quality, teeth.

2
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Want to roll like one of the biggest minds in physics? Prof Stephen Hawking's wheelchair is up for auction

Jay Lenovo

Charitable Oddities

Considering Elvis's dad tried to make a buck selling his deceased son's soiled underwear, a wheelchair disposed of to benefit a charity, is at least a much better choice.

Now what the buyer does with the wheelchair, I can't imagine.

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That Saudi oil and gas plant that got hacked. You'll never guess who could... OK, it's Russia

Jay Lenovo
Thumb Down

Re: Circular reasoning

It seems for many countries (not just Russia) hacking is like flatulence.

Yeah sorry, I guess that really stinks. But we really couldn't help ourselves.

4
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Euro eggheads call it: Facebook political ads do change voters' minds – and they worked rather well for Trump in 2016

Jay Lenovo

Re: Sample size of 1

One of the reasons why traditionally, mid-terms go the way of the opposite party in power.

When the power brokers in government get too comfortable, corruption breeds.

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'The inmates have taken over the asylum': DNS godfather blasts DNS over HTTPS adoption

Jay Lenovo

Re: Not sure...

It's a matter of trust...

VPN or otherwise, your connection requires you to make a trust assumption. Encrypted DNS alone isn't enough to keep you hidden under the sheets.

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I ship you knot: 2,400-year-old Greek trading vessel found intact at bottom of Black Sea

Jay Lenovo

Re: If it’s intact…

Fine condition for the world's earliest submarine.

This attempt obviously, was before they had worked out all the kinks.

3
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Zip it! 3 more reasons to be glad you didn't jump on Windows 10 1809

Jay Lenovo
Unhappy

Dr. Windoza Updayt

This will only hurt for a moment..

Oops.. lets try the other arm

Oops.. lets try again...

* Why do we keep coming back?

9
1

Stealthy UK startup drops veil on next frontier of speech wizardry

Jay Lenovo
Thumb Up

5 Stars

Think of it as Guitar Hero for Speech (Singstar, Lips, etc)

Soon you'll unlock, Martin Luther King's "I have a Dream" or maybe Winston Churchill's "Finest Hour"

5
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Pull request accepted: You want to buy GitHub, Microsoft? Go for it – EU

Jay Lenovo
Angel

I bought your favorite meeting place, so now we gotta hang out together, right?

Similar price as what they paid for Nokia.

You don't spend that kind of money for failure, or maybe you can?

1
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Yale Security Fail: 'Unexpected load' caused systems to crash, whacked our Smart Living Home app

Jay Lenovo
Joke

Rather "Dumb" Living Home App

"Unexpected Load"....Phooey!

I imagine the folks at Yale must have a lot of children too.

0
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Ex-Huawei man claims Chinese giant is suing his startup to 'surpass' US tech dominance

Jay Lenovo

Occupational Crips and Bloods

One does not just get to work somewhere else, in the same occupation.

That's life in the silicon hood.

2
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From dank memes to Krispy Kremes: British uni eggheads claim viral lol pics make kids fat

Jay Lenovo

Laughy Taffy

So it must follow, a cure for anorexia would be a diet of dank memes?

2
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European Commission: We've called off the lawyers over Ireland's late collection of Apple back taxes

Jay Lenovo
Coat

Taxes and Freedom of Religion

In Ireland, Apple is a corporate god, omnipresent and always with you. There is no location. God pays no taxes.

The iPhone, the iPad, the "i" stands for Irish, Apple's chosen people.

3
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Insects with farts that smell like coriander assist in covering up Paris's aroma d'urine

Jay Lenovo
Trollface

Nose Candy

For a city that once (or for some still) preferred perfume over soap and water, you'd think coriander stink bugs would be a welcome blessing?

Now if we could only genetically modify roaches and rats to have the same gift, all the big cities could smell great.

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Microsoft points to a golden future where you can make Windows 10 your own

Jay Lenovo
Unhappy

Customer Feedback

“builds may contain bugs that might be painful for some”

Unfortunately, many of the bugs are also called features.

5
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Our processor tech's got legs, says Arm: 'One million' data center servers will ship in 2018

Jay Lenovo
Windows

Healthy Origins

Arm is producing some very market disruptive technology.

Anyone who disputes this, is welcome to discuss the matter at a Saudi Embassy.

3
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Amazon Prime Music turns the volume down a little too much

Jay Lenovo
FAIL

It's the sound, of silence

The error code displayed, "Exception #300" ...the straw that broke the camel's back.

I guess the first 299 exceptions as to why Prime Music fails, weren't quite enough.

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