* Posts by Rameses Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble?

205 posts • joined 21 Jul 2017

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CES flicks the off switch on massager award… and causes a buzz

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Just give it time and it will fit, Minis are getting larger and more ridiculous by the week. Alec Issigonis must be turning in his grave.

And not just Minis either, Ford Ka's are now bigger than old Fiestas, Nissan Micra's are huge and the other day I was nearly run over by someone driving what I first thought to be a bus, but had "Fiat 500" written on the back of it! A car originally smaller than a mini is now larger than a Land Rover Defender. The mind boggles.

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When they say "dahta"?

I thought it sounded more like they said "dadda", which always amused me.

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So much innuendo...

...that I've come over all peculiar, I think I'll go and have a stiff one and a lie down.

Amazon exec tells UK peers: No, we don't want to be dominant. Also, we don't fancy being taxed on revenues

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Re: Tax allowance for costs is a grace

Surely that would mean people would be less likely to shop at Amazon...and more likely to shop in local stores..who pay tax, and employ local people, who in turn put money back in the local economy

It's almost like this has been thought about...

Who cracked El Chapo's encrypted chats and brought down the Mexican drug kingpin? Er, his IT manager

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Re: Tough, he made his choice.

I'm sure there are plenty of techs out there who are taking dirty money, fully aware of what they are doing and not putting their bosses in jail.

Absolutely, some people voluntarily work for Facebook.

Attention all British .eu owners: Buy dotcom domains and prepare to sue, says UK govt

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Re: You mean "inconclusive"

I refer the poster to the words of Nigel Farage:

You can't go around using Nige's words against him like that! Let's face it, he lies about everything else, he could defensibly say he's lying about that as well.

Note: this isn't actually a Brexit related opinion. Having lived in Thanet for a while, I can attest that the man is a lying shyster no matter what the subject.

London Gatwick Airport reopens but drone chaos perps still not found

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So you think punishing or restricting the majority will make any difference to future instances like this?

I think having in place sensible controls on devices / machines which can be used in disruptive and dangerous ways will restrict this type of incident in the future. I get that this is a hobby for some people and I understand and appreciate that, however that doesn't mean that it shouldn't be regulated. My hobby happens to be very heavily policed and regulated, and entirely rightly. I enjoy cars and driving but that doesn't mean I should be able to drive what I want, where I want in any manner I want. There are rules and laws and restrictions and licenses for everyone who wants to drive a car, regardless of their intent. Does it stop people using cars as weapons against people and infrastructure? No, but it massively reduces the possibility. Perhaps you think that is unfair?

Or do you perhaps think it's possible to unilaterally ban the manufacture, sale and use of drones completely, remove all the internet content on how to bypass drone restrictions, or modify a drone for longer endurance, and get everyone to forget completely how to build, modify or fly a drone?

Congratulations, reductio ad absurdum.

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"Why is it that politicians (and pilots on PPrune) don't seem to understand that regulation only stops people who are prepared to abide by the rules?

Criminals and terrorists will just ignore any restrictions, so the only impact will be on law-abiding citizens who already follow the existing rules.

You cannot ban drones, anymore than you can ban encryption, the technology now exists and is widely available, it's too late.

Rubbish, this is exactly the same argument used in the USA about why tighter gun control wont stop people getting killed, "This won't work, so we shouldn't even try", and with little or no basis for such an assessment. It's defeatist nonsense in either case.

Ho ho ho! Washington DC sends Zuckerberg a sueball-shaped present

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Re: Shit... meet fan

Shit... meet fan

Excellent news for popcorn makers!

I worry about how you make popcorn...

However I totally agree with the spirit of your post!

Sticking with one mobile provider gets you... Oh. Price rises, big exit fees, and lovely, lovely lock-in

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Hmm...

I'm not sure I'm thrilled by this development. Essentially this was always a stupidity / laziness tax, paid by those who couldn't be arsed to keep an eye on their financial dealings and take appropriate action. Certainly I think most people on here were always aware this sort of thing went on and took appropriate action, be that by buying phones outright themselves and then taking SIM only plans or keeping a proper eye on their contracts and expiry dates. Now that companies will be forced to notify the lazy / stupid, they will inevitably pay less to these companies, which will mean prices go up across the board, penalising the people who diligently check their paper work and work to keep their outgoings low.

Forget your deepest, darkest secrets, smart speakers will soon listen for sniffles and farts too

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Then again, I suppose an adult entertainment company could get them to map all the sounds associated with having one off the wrist and start pinging tissue adverts at the hapless onanist.

I had a similar thought about it detecting a change in the tone of buzzing noises and the resultant Duracell adverts being sent off to lonely housewives.

Google CEO tells US Congress Chocolate Factory will unleash Dragonfly in China

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Re: Was I the only one?

Totally didn't read the caption!

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Was I the only one?

Adding to the general sense of farce, a man dressed as Monopoly Man, complete with a bag of fake cash, a top hat and a monocle sat a few rows behind Pichai, pulling various faces in an effort to photobomb proceedings.

Was I the only one who had to scroll back to the top of to check the image on the top of the article for this?

Hole-y ship: ISS 'nauts take a wander to crack Soyuz driller whodunnit

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RTAF?

Read The Article....Fucko?

Dixons Carphone smarting from £440m loss as it writes down goodwill on mobile biz

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Mushroom

Re: What's a carphone

What's a warehouse for that matter?

Oooh, I know that one! Those are places where Amazon's rudimentary SkyNet precursor is practising disabling human beings with Bear Repellent!

Expired cert... Really? #O2down meltdown shows we should fear bungles and bugs more than hackers

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Re: Unsuitable owner

Indeed, I would love to see what happens if the the non-UK owners of utilities / manufacturing were made to pack up and go home after Brexit. Mass unemployment in most manufacturing industries (Japanese, German, American mostly) and electricity blackouts, since every nuclear power plant in the UK is owned by EDF (French). And the Dartford crossing would be closed down out of spite by the (french) toll taking company. Lets brick up the channel tunnel while we're at it, eh?

Huawei CFO poutine cuffs by Canadian cops after allegedly busting sanctions on Iran

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Thumb Up

Re: There seem to be details missing in this piece?

Thank you for this, that would answer the questions in my post above. The article is certainly light in details for this part. Thank you for informing :-)

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So, I must admit I'm struggling with the legitimacy of this. So:

  • US Government bans trade with non-US country
  • Non-US company trades with non-US country
  • US arrests non-US citizen of non-US company

Can someone explain how this is even remotely legitimate? Surely US trade sanctions apply to US companies / bodies? If the UK.gov want companies to stop trading with said non-US country, shouldn't the UK set its own sanctions for its own companies, and so on and so forth? Otherwise any country with enough allies could just impose trade sanctions. What if China imposed trade sanctions on the USA then arrested any and all company directors who's companies traded with the USA, regardless of where those companies were based?

Space policy boffin: Blighty can't just ctrl-C, ctrl-V plans for Galileo into its Brexit satellite

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Trollface

Re: Genuine question...

"i can see your point but "nothing" is a bit strong as it's also true that most of NATO members are EU members too."

"Trolling, much? You list the EU countries of NATO, but excluding the USA"

The USA is part of the EU as well now? Good grief, they'll let anyone in now, won't they? First Australia in the Eurovision song contest, now this! Maybe Brexit isn't such a bad idea after all!

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It's been a while since I used this one but...

Fine! We'll build our own Satellite based Navigation System! With BlackJack! And Hookers! In fact, forget the Satellite based Navigation System!

What do you mean "Post Brexit we won't be able to afford the hookers, never mind anything else?"

Well, shit.

Blockchain study finds 0.00% success rate and vendors don't call back when asked for evidence

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Re: Blockchain

"Will one day cure baldness, feed the hungry and bring about universal peace and harmony...

...or so a salesman told me."

"I'll take 200, your cheque is in the post."

I am a Nigerian prince. Due to the state of civil unrest in my home nation country, I am having trouble getting my blockchain out of the country and in to a Swiss...... er.... blockchain storeage facility. I have been assured that for the small sum of £50,000 they can help me transfer it and release all the wealth within! If you lend me this monies, I will give you half of what I get from it!

The antisocial network: 'Facebook has a black people problem,' claims staffer in exit salvo

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Re: "it’s pretty disappointing to see you share our private messages"

"or perhaps you'd be fine about ur mrs/hubby/significant-other sharing all your pillow talk conversations with others? oh that's private, you say? well isnt that a pickle."

Isn't it then more a case of "know your audience"? I share things with my spouse in private because I trust them to keep my confidence. I trust that our relationship is means more to them than scoring cheap points and idle gossip. In the workplace, I generally try to avoid discussions which are possibly incriminating and may come back to haunt me later. Especially when that conversation is written down and logged! Especially especially when that conversation is with an already annoyed employee.

Pasta-covered cat leads to kid night operator taking apart the mainframe

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Re: Click bait

Nice click bait in the title

That's how they get their claws in to the reader

Analogue radio is the tech that just won't die

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They probably switched to DAB+ (AAC) which cannot be picked up by original DAB (MP2) receivers. Ofcom has said that everyone should migrate to DAB+, so in a few years you will hear nothing on a DAB receiver.

Perfectly reasonable suggestion, unfortunately the radios are DAB+ compatible, instead I live in a corner of the country the commercial radio stations decided they could survive without. We simply don't have coverage here since the change over. When we go visiting family, the car radio's DAB signal magically comes to life and a whole plethora of stations are available. Between home and work? Not so much.

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The Government should continue to ignore the tedious bleating from the DAB industry that we should turn off analogue. DAB is a hopeless technology which delivers audio quality not much better than AM.

They can switch off analogue when I can receive something other than BBC radio on my DAB radio. Last year most of the DAB stations switched to another network, so the only stations my DAB radios (car and kitchen) get are from the BBC. Not that I mind BBC stations so much, but I bought a radio which should in theory receive any station, not just BBC specific ones.

At home now I have bought a broadband radio as it is much more functional (in terms of choice) and reliable than DAB. In the car, I've switched back to analogue.

Microsoft dropkicks Cortana with Skype functionality on Alexa

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Re: 200 minutes free

".. so Skype-toSkype calls via Alexa won't be free after the 200 minutes run out? WTF?"

I actually took it to mean 200 minutes of Skype to real world phone calls, as skype to skype is free and the calling of real world numbers is chargable, however now you've said that, I'm beginning to doubt myself.

Big data at sea: How the Royal Navy charts the world's oceans

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Re: Not being a noisy neighbour

How the hell do they do that? "Hellooo, yes you that funny-looking crab, is it OK if we do some surveying"

I would suggest that the funny looking crab is far more worried about his over-enthusiastic yellow sponge of a fry-cook, and his surly, sullen cashier squid to worry about the noise from above. In fact the noise is probably welcome as it will drive the local fish in to the restaurant for some peace and quiet and maybe a burger or two.

Plus he'd just blame it on Plankton anyway.

Washington Post offers invalid cookie consent under EU rules – ICO

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Re: One down, 99999999999999999999 to go

I don't remember EVER having seen a legal cookie "consent" dialog.

That means you've never seen mine then. It has split the organisation 50 - 50 really. Half think it's a good thing to make cookie consent easy and simple, the other half are complaining like crazy that our traffic analytics currently report less than a quarter of the traffic it recorded this time last year.

I enjoy my moral high ground.

Brits shun country life over phone not-spot fears

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Perfect

Keeps the price of rural housing down for those of us that actually appreciate not being plugged in 24/7. Visiting the local is a much more engaging experience when you can talk with the other patrons, rather than everyone being fixated on their own right hand. Shock horror, people might have to go outside and actually do things.

Bright spark dev irons out light interference

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Re: I'm pleased he eventually found the cause of the problem

It certainly tested his mettle

Brexit: UK will be disconnected from EU databases after 2020

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Re: TL;DR

Stop ruining Brexit for us, going round spreading your bad news and real world events like that! If it weren't for people like you, the EU would have caved months ago and given us absolutely everything we asked for and more besides! Johnny Foreigner would have fully funded the NHS for us! And paid off our national debt! Jacob Reese-Mogg wouldn't have been FORCED to buy a home in France were it not for you remoaners, spouting your truth. How dare you go round scaring everyone, warning them what's going to happen! This is what the people voted for, don't you know! Brexit means Brexit! Believe in the Bus! Backing out now would ruin democracy for ever! We fought world wars for the right to screw ourselves over!

In all seriousness, this was supposed to be a parody rant, however I think I may have underplayed it somewhat. It seems just like every other deranged Brexiteer rant I see online these days. I must go and ponder how to parody something which has turned into one big clusterfuck parody of itself.

Scumbag who phoned in a Call of Duty 'swatting' that ended in death pleads guilty to dozens of criminal charges

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Re: The word they're looking for is 'scapegoat'

Are we feeling a bit inferior because your Goverment[sic], will only let you carrry[sic] an unconcealed Knife to a gunfight?

Actually I have to say, I feel pretty damn superior because folk in my country don't automatically assume any even slightly contentious situation is "a gunfight". The Wild West is long gone, and it's time some people grew the hell up and accepted that.

I'm not saying that my "Patch" as you put it doesn't have problems, but I have to say I feel very happy that I don't have to worry about my kids getting shot when the go to school, or getting shot from a hotel window when I attend a music concert. Seriously, how does an alleged "civilized" country think it's OK to have had 307 mass shootings in 311 days? And that's just mass shootings. In all, more than 12,500 people have been shot dead in the US this year, and over 24,500 injured And that is comparable to 280 knife crime deaths in total in the UK in 2018, according to our American cousins.

<sarcasm>

No, it's clear to me that the USA doesn't have a gun problem at all.

</sarcasm>

I found a security hole in Steam that gave me every game's license keys and all I got was this... oh nice: $20,000

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Re: "Sorry kids, it was patched weeks ago by Valve"

Thank you for holding the readership in such high regard.

You saw the post above by edris90, right? While generally incomprehensible, it does indicate that were this bug made public before it was fixed, this person would have done all they could to exploit it as fully as possible. Sadly Les, just because someone reads The Register, it doesn't automatically make them a decent, upstanding human being.

Dell upping its margins again: Precision 5530 laptop will sting you for $13m. Yep, six zeroes

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Re: And that's ...

Gotta sausage-inna-bun.

It's meatish.

Really great mustard though.

(Possibly too specific a reference? Mr. Pin will have me for that.)

Roscosmos: An assembly error doomed our Soyuz, but we promise it won't happen again

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My lexicon is constantly embiggened by reading El Reg

A perfectly cromulent reason to read The Register.

Shift-work: Keyboards heaped in a field push North Yorks council's fly-tipping buttons

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Coat

Re: ARRRG the Punnage!

Yes, just like El Reg to "Insert" puns in to any random article. A "return" to form, you might say. If they keep it you, we all may well end up seeing *'s!

</coat>

Bomb squad descends on suspicious package to find something much more dangerous – a Journey cassette

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Escalation

If that's the trouble a simple audio cassette can cause, imagine if it had been a copy of Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey on VHS? Those things are huge, imagine the damage that could cause!

Budget 2018: UK goes it alone on digital sales tax for tech giants

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Re: They should cut out the middlemen

@codejunky

So not racists and xenophobes but instead outward looking. Good.

Absolutely, and I have never labelled any of them as such. Rat-bastards leaving a sinking ship after they personally gnawed a hole right through the hull for their own personal amusement, yes absolutely, but not xenophobic.

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Re: They should cut out the middlemen

@codejunky

Doubt it. For all the EU lovers they seem to still be here screeching.

And yet ironically a glut of ministers and personalities responsible for the vote leave campaign are either buying of have bought residences abroad recently. Funny that.

Budget 2018: Landlords could be forced to grant access for full-fibre connections

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Re: Force landlords?

I take it from your reference that your full moniker is Captain "Hollywood" Hogwash?

Loved it though, one of the best episodes they ever made!

Erm... what did you say again, dear reader?

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Re: Flame of the week?

What a load of Milton Keynes.

<Holly>A load of tottenham, that is. A steaming pile of hotspur.</Holly>

London flatmate (Julian Assange) sues landlord (government of Ecuador) in human rights spat

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Re: arrogance

Tossed out to the curb, I think you'll find. Like you do with the rest of the trash.

Silent running: Computer sounds are so '90s

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"Result is a workplace chock-full of "bingy-bong" "bong-bingy-bong" "bingy-bingy-bing-bing" etc. sounds firing out all over the place. Gah!"

Oooh, I feel a Terry Pratchett Discworld quote coming on!

From dank memes to Krispy Kremes: British uni eggheads claim viral lol pics make kids fat

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Re: It's probably not actually the memes themselves.

When was the last time you heard a parent yell at their kids "GO AND PLAY OUTSIDE!!!"?

This last weekend in fact. Although I was the parent saying it. We as a family try to limit screen time of all kinds, especially when the weather is good.

As an aside, the advert that really grips my shit lately is the sodding Velux indoor generation bollocks. Extensions for the indoor generation, my dimpled arse. That is what normalising unhealthy behaviour looks like, not memes and other bullshit like that, it's the fucking advertisers, as bloody usual. Want a generation of girls with negative body image? Thanks advertising! Need to legitimise never going outside? Thanks advertising! Promote eating food which is mostly salt and lard? Advertising! Go the fuck outside if you want daylight, with the added benefit of Vitamin D. Come to that, I would put money on there being a resurgence of rickets if this sort of thing continues.

I was going to end this with "Rant over", but I suspect that it's not, so bollocks to it.

Leaked memo: No internet until you clean your bathroom, Ecuador told Julian Assange

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Re: Is Julian's cat leaving little "presents" on the carpet in the Ecuadorian embassy?

I'm interested in what's happening to Mittens right now. Don't pets need passports to cross international borders these day? Or is (s)he an "Indoor Cat"? If so, how did (s)he get in to the embassy in the first place?

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@Aladdin Sane

You should see my friends collection of singing potatoes!

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I refer you to the point made just above by " Rameses Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble?" (Really? Are El Reg user handles really getting that hard to find?)

My real name is Gilbert, I just prefer it if people call me Ramases Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble.

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Re: hippo crates

The keyboard warriors here who lack the same level of courage or morals should be ashamed. Things are this bad because no one else stepped up to the plate.

You heard the commentard! We all should have the moral fortitude to commit rape! And then the sheer courage to run from punishment!

Seriously, the one good thing he did was leak the cables. Pretty much everything else he has ever done (throwing the guy who actually got them under the bus, throwing various wikileaks "collegues" under the bus, throwing his "friends" who paid his bail under the bus. And, you know, rape as well) has been morally abhorrent at best. But hey, yeah, the world would be a better place if we were all like King Julian.

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Another question...

This may well have been answered over the years, but its been a while and my memory is giving up, so indulge me if you will:

Assange was quite happily living in Sweden before all of this. From what I remember, he wasn't furtively sneaking about the place, glancing nervously around corners or in to dark allyways, hiding behind overly large dark glasses and a turned up collar the whole time, he was attending social gatherings, meeting women and such. Then he is accused of rape and threatened with arrest and he flees the country, claiming Sweden will extradite him to the US.

Now, in the US, he has committed a crime (let's just go with this part, the rights and wrongs of what he did are not what I'm interested in) worthy of having him extradited. It wasn't a secret he was in Sweden, he was fairly vocal about it as I recall. So why would the US have had to wait to issue an extradition request? Was it even necessary that he committed a crime in Sweden? Or do the Swedish only extradite if someone has committed a crime on their soil? Because as we all know from recent cases, the British are quite happy to extradite anybody at the drop of a hat. So surely, he was less safe in the UK from an extradition point of view?

Basically, was he ever in any real danger in Sweden, aside from becoming a convicted rapist?

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Re: Considering....

@Maelstorm

The question becomes what if Ecuador grants him diplomatic immunity? Or if they sneak him out? Surely the UK is not searching diplomatic vehicles. They could smuggle him out to an undisclosed airport and send him to Ecuador.

It's long been debated here on El Reg if that solution was viable, the general consensus being that it wasn't, given that host nation hosting said diplomat (the UK in this case) have to approve all diplomats. Ecuador went ahead and tried anyway, granting Asshinge citizenship of Ecuador and applying for him to be made a diplomat. Now, Asshinge is an Ecuadorian citizen and still not a diplomat as the UK refused the application. So not viable a viable way out.

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