* Posts by Rameses Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble?

232 posts • joined 21 Jul 2017

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Brit Parliament online orifice overwhelmed by Brexit bashers

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Alert

Wait, what?

Hang on, that's a genuine website? I've just been to order-order.com for a look and I really thought it was a Daily Mash type satire site.

Are you telling me that's real?

Brexit text-it wrecks it: Vote Leave fined £40k for spamming 200k msgs ahead of EU referendum

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Re: Vote Leave fined for promoting Brexit

I am surprised at how godlike the remainers see Nigel but I guess being able to bring such a massive victory against the odds will do that.

I must admit I scoffed a little bit when I first read this, however actually it rings quite true. Sold a completely unattainable reality and made people believe in it? Check. Told lots of scare stories of how bad the other side is? Check. Vanished in to thin air as soon as any actual work had to be done to deliver what he promised? Yep, seems exactly like God to me.

Does Nigel have the power and authority of the government to bring about that second referendum? No.

...

He would have to try to get his party elected next time to government or be so influential to cause a winning party to campaign on providing a referendum (such as he did before).

So did he have the power or didn't he? Anyway, that's missing the point. When a leading figure campaigning for Brexit states publicly and loudly that a small margin of victory for his opponents wouldn't be conclusive and would warrant another vote, I find it rather amusing that turning the tables on that argument means his followers (acolytes if you prefer, you brought God in to it after all) now scream down the possibility of a second vote saying it would be undemocratic. The irony is that a close result warranting a second referendum was a Brexiteer idea.

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Re: Vote Leave fined for promoting Brexit

Also, a 3.8% differential is a decisive one in an election.

Er... Not according to lead Brexiteer Nigel Farage it's not. He said:

"In a 52-48 referendum this would be unfinished business by a long way. If the Remain campaign win two-thirds to one-third that ends it."

Source: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-eu-referendum-36306681

The full context was in an interview with The Mirror (Original interview here) regarding a second referendum. So if Remain won by only a 4% difference, that would have meant a second referendum according to Nigel. But Leave won by less than that, and now we are bound indefinitely by "the will of the people"?

Bollocks.

Croydon school rolling in toilet roll after Brexit gift deemed unfit for the Queen's Anus Horribilis

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Re: Water

I know, right? It's like they never even learned how to use the three seashells!

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And you reckon the British monarchy would allow some French contraption near their arses why exactly?

Yeah, right!

Doesn't adequately explain why they turned away German bog roll though.

2 weeks till Brexit and Defra, at the very least, looks set to be caught with its IT pants down

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Re: They should have assumed no deal

UK is in full "Titanic" mode, and the iceberg is approaching...

And it isn't beautiful?

At least it comes with a decent soundtrack

We can do this the easy way or the Huawei, US tells Germany with threat to snip intel over 5G fears

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Re: You have the freedom

I think Bill Hicks said it best during his Revelations tour:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRRkMOlYBhQ

I often wonder what Bill would think of the political situation today both in the US and in Europe.

Sadly missed.

Packet switching pickle prompts potential pecuniary problems

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Re: And I thought my home bill was bad..

As an aside i do wonder if a lot of the ills in digital natives are caused by an underdeveloped sense of delayed gratification, any one who downloaded anything > 10mb on a 36k dialup certainly learnt it the hardway.....

Indeed. I vividly remember trying to download the demo of Soldier of Fortune (terrible game really) on a 56k dialup line. 95 Mb and it took 8 hours. What was worse was that at the end of it, I discovered I'd downloaded the Soldier of Fortune demo...

Silent Merc, holy e-car... Mflllwhmmmp! What is that terrible sound?

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Problem already solved

Wasn't this problem solved by kids in the 70's under the guise of "How to make your pedal bike sound (a bit) like a motorbike"?

Put playing cards in the wheel spokes of electric cars! Not every solution has to be complicated!

'They took away our Cup-a-Soup!' Share your tales of bleak breakout areas with us

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Re: A fridge!!!

Hands? HANDS?? Luxury! It's corporate policy here that all staff have their hands removed on joining the company after a member of maintenance staff made a rude gesture at the CEO in 1993. I'm typing this with my nose.

I say, that sucks! Crooks are harnessing hoovers to clean out parking meters in Chelsea

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That one's so old, it's started to gather dust...

Up up and Huawei in my beautiful buffoon: Trump sparks panic by tying tech kit ban, charges to China trade negotiations

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"Others warned that it could send the message that the US justice system is for sale."

Didn't we already know this? Hasn't it always been the case that the more money you throw at justice, be that a court case or security or whatever, the more likely the result will go your way, never mind what the law actually says.

Blue Monday: Efforts to inspire teamwork with swears back-fires for n00b team manager

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Re: On the fence here

Absolutely, a Simspons, "Moes Tavern crank call" naming policy would almost certainly have gone unnoticed. By the way, has anyone seen Mike Rotch?

Roses are red, we've received about fifty. Google's next trick? Pixels for the thrifty

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Roses are red,

Lemons are yellow,

Ignore the privacy worries,

There's a good fellow

Pandas so useless they just look at delicious kid who fell into enclosure

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Re: Perhaps

I think we should calm down, have a cup of tea and see what develops...

620 million accounts stolen from 16 hacked websites now for sale on dark web, seller boasts

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Re: "I don't think I am deeply evil," the miscreant told us.

"Then clean yourself up and get a job in the industry. If you're even halfway decent it'll pay way more than this penny ante nonsense."

Sadly difficult to achieve when you refuse to leave your parents basement. Otherwise, I have to agree with you.

How I got horizontal with a gimp and untangled his cables

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Stupid Sexy Wiring Engineer!

...his Lycra-moulded bollocks...

I bet it felt like he was wearing nothing at all....

...nothing at all...

...nothing at all...

https://youtu.be/AIREUROGwpl

Kwik-Fit hit by MOT fail, that's Malware On Target

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A customer who asked the firm via Twitter when its systems would be back online was told it didn't know.

If the ability of their IT staff is up there with the ability of their mechanics, I wouldn't hold your breath.

iPhone price cuts are coming, teases Apple CEO. *Bring-bring* Hello, Apple UK? It's El Reg. You free to chat?

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Megaphone

I haven't read the article yet, but I just felt the need to applaud the Reg for the correct onomatopoeia

Why do people think phones ring?

Mine doesn't ring, bring, beep, tinkle or anything else. It screams "Ceeeeeeelebrate good times, come on!" at an embarrassingly high volume during important meetings.

Post-Brexit plan for .EU tweaked: No dot-EU web domains for Europeans in UK, no appeals, etc

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Re: Didn't the UK create these rules?

Absolutely, UK civil servants are not there to support or obstruct any political party or elected official.

Their job is to collectively turn the rabid nonsensical dribblings of elected politicians into coherent and workable actions.

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Re: Time for a language law?

What are you on about? Pret-A-Manger is actually quite nice. Food tastes nice but a little pricey but still nice.

As long as it doesn't kill you...

Amazon's titchy robots hit the streets, Waymo starts a self-driving car factory...

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Re: What's wrong with this picture?

f. Surveillance, spying, voyeurism. It's not an Amazon bot that followed Gertrude down the street, taking photos of her legs—it just looked like one.

No, that was the Instagram bot

It wasn't an Amazon bot that quartered the entire neighbourhood all morning hacking domestic WiFi.

No, that was the Google bot

It wasn't an Amazon bot that collected photos of people going in and out of Babylon-on-Thames.

No, that was the Facebook bot

On another subject, Robot Wars just gained corporate sponsorship so they can practice and develop defensive / offensive strategies for when their particular bot gets cornered in a dark alleyway by a bunch of tooled-up Ebay tat flinging bots.

Golly 4G whizz: Vodafone caught using a cheeky bit of Three UK's spectrum

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Lets face it, they are fairly used to being screwed, so why not?

Fake broadband ISP support scammers accidentally cough up IP address to Deadpool in card phish gone wrong

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Re: Dirty Scammers

I had one going once, when he finally realised I was stringing him along, he had the nerve to call me a liar! My response of "So wait, you really ARE from BT's customer support team?" didn't seem to register the irony of the situation.

Nationwide UK court IT failure farce 'not the result of a cyber attack' – Justice Ministry

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Re: UK?

Interesting fact: XHIBIT was originally designed to show a minister coming for a visit something, anything working in a court that looked like IT. There's a whole series of Dilbert cartoons that appeared inspired by the tales around it.

Really? I thought it was designed to Pimp My Ride™

Hardworking Americans keep busy during the government shutdown driving up smut traffic

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Re: Another Republican fail

"Slaves"? I believe the correct term is "drones."

Human workers expected to work without pay? No, the term really is "Slaves".

CES flicks the off switch on massager award… and causes a buzz

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Just give it time and it will fit, Minis are getting larger and more ridiculous by the week. Alec Issigonis must be turning in his grave.

And not just Minis either, Ford Ka's are now bigger than old Fiestas, Nissan Micra's are huge and the other day I was nearly run over by someone driving what I first thought to be a bus, but had "Fiat 500" written on the back of it! A car originally smaller than a mini is now larger than a Land Rover Defender. The mind boggles.

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When they say "dahta"?

I thought it sounded more like they said "dadda", which always amused me.

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So much innuendo...

...that I've come over all peculiar, I think I'll go and have a stiff one and a lie down.

Amazon exec tells UK peers: No, we don't want to be dominant. Also, we don't fancy being taxed on revenues

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Re: Tax allowance for costs is a grace

Surely that would mean people would be less likely to shop at Amazon...and more likely to shop in local stores..who pay tax, and employ local people, who in turn put money back in the local economy

It's almost like this has been thought about...

Who cracked El Chapo's encrypted chats and brought down the Mexican drug kingpin? Er, his IT manager

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Re: Tough, he made his choice.

I'm sure there are plenty of techs out there who are taking dirty money, fully aware of what they are doing and not putting their bosses in jail.

Absolutely, some people voluntarily work for Facebook.

Attention all British .eu owners: Buy dotcom domains and prepare to sue, says UK govt

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Re: You mean "inconclusive"

I refer the poster to the words of Nigel Farage:

You can't go around using Nige's words against him like that! Let's face it, he lies about everything else, he could defensibly say he's lying about that as well.

Note: this isn't actually a Brexit related opinion. Having lived in Thanet for a while, I can attest that the man is a lying shyster no matter what the subject.

London Gatwick Airport reopens but drone chaos perps still not found

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So you think punishing or restricting the majority will make any difference to future instances like this?

I think having in place sensible controls on devices / machines which can be used in disruptive and dangerous ways will restrict this type of incident in the future. I get that this is a hobby for some people and I understand and appreciate that, however that doesn't mean that it shouldn't be regulated. My hobby happens to be very heavily policed and regulated, and entirely rightly. I enjoy cars and driving but that doesn't mean I should be able to drive what I want, where I want in any manner I want. There are rules and laws and restrictions and licenses for everyone who wants to drive a car, regardless of their intent. Does it stop people using cars as weapons against people and infrastructure? No, but it massively reduces the possibility. Perhaps you think that is unfair?

Or do you perhaps think it's possible to unilaterally ban the manufacture, sale and use of drones completely, remove all the internet content on how to bypass drone restrictions, or modify a drone for longer endurance, and get everyone to forget completely how to build, modify or fly a drone?

Congratulations, reductio ad absurdum.

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"Why is it that politicians (and pilots on PPrune) don't seem to understand that regulation only stops people who are prepared to abide by the rules?

Criminals and terrorists will just ignore any restrictions, so the only impact will be on law-abiding citizens who already follow the existing rules.

You cannot ban drones, anymore than you can ban encryption, the technology now exists and is widely available, it's too late.

Rubbish, this is exactly the same argument used in the USA about why tighter gun control wont stop people getting killed, "This won't work, so we shouldn't even try", and with little or no basis for such an assessment. It's defeatist nonsense in either case.

Ho ho ho! Washington DC sends Zuckerberg a sueball-shaped present

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Re: Shit... meet fan

Shit... meet fan

Excellent news for popcorn makers!

I worry about how you make popcorn...

However I totally agree with the spirit of your post!

Sticking with one mobile provider gets you... Oh. Price rises, big exit fees, and lovely, lovely lock-in

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Hmm...

I'm not sure I'm thrilled by this development. Essentially this was always a stupidity / laziness tax, paid by those who couldn't be arsed to keep an eye on their financial dealings and take appropriate action. Certainly I think most people on here were always aware this sort of thing went on and took appropriate action, be that by buying phones outright themselves and then taking SIM only plans or keeping a proper eye on their contracts and expiry dates. Now that companies will be forced to notify the lazy / stupid, they will inevitably pay less to these companies, which will mean prices go up across the board, penalising the people who diligently check their paper work and work to keep their outgoings low.

Forget your deepest, darkest secrets, smart speakers will soon listen for sniffles and farts too

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Then again, I suppose an adult entertainment company could get them to map all the sounds associated with having one off the wrist and start pinging tissue adverts at the hapless onanist.

I had a similar thought about it detecting a change in the tone of buzzing noises and the resultant Duracell adverts being sent off to lonely housewives.

Google CEO tells US Congress Chocolate Factory will unleash Dragonfly in China

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Re: Was I the only one?

Totally didn't read the caption!

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Was I the only one?

Adding to the general sense of farce, a man dressed as Monopoly Man, complete with a bag of fake cash, a top hat and a monocle sat a few rows behind Pichai, pulling various faces in an effort to photobomb proceedings.

Was I the only one who had to scroll back to the top of to check the image on the top of the article for this?

Hole-y ship: ISS 'nauts take a wander to crack Soyuz driller whodunnit

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RTAF?

Read The Article....Fucko?

Dixons Carphone smarting from £440m loss as it writes down goodwill on mobile biz

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Mushroom

Re: What's a carphone

What's a warehouse for that matter?

Oooh, I know that one! Those are places where Amazon's rudimentary SkyNet precursor is practising disabling human beings with Bear Repellent!

Expired cert... Really? #O2down meltdown shows we should fear bungles and bugs more than hackers

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Re: Unsuitable owner

Indeed, I would love to see what happens if the the non-UK owners of utilities / manufacturing were made to pack up and go home after Brexit. Mass unemployment in most manufacturing industries (Japanese, German, American mostly) and electricity blackouts, since every nuclear power plant in the UK is owned by EDF (French). And the Dartford crossing would be closed down out of spite by the (french) toll taking company. Lets brick up the channel tunnel while we're at it, eh?

Huawei CFO poutine cuffs by Canadian cops after allegedly busting sanctions on Iran

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Thumb Up

Re: There seem to be details missing in this piece?

Thank you for this, that would answer the questions in my post above. The article is certainly light in details for this part. Thank you for informing :-)

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So, I must admit I'm struggling with the legitimacy of this. So:

  • US Government bans trade with non-US country
  • Non-US company trades with non-US country
  • US arrests non-US citizen of non-US company

Can someone explain how this is even remotely legitimate? Surely US trade sanctions apply to US companies / bodies? If the UK.gov want companies to stop trading with said non-US country, shouldn't the UK set its own sanctions for its own companies, and so on and so forth? Otherwise any country with enough allies could just impose trade sanctions. What if China imposed trade sanctions on the USA then arrested any and all company directors who's companies traded with the USA, regardless of where those companies were based?

Space policy boffin: Blighty can't just ctrl-C, ctrl-V plans for Galileo into its Brexit satellite

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Trollface

Re: Genuine question...

"i can see your point but "nothing" is a bit strong as it's also true that most of NATO members are EU members too."

"Trolling, much? You list the EU countries of NATO, but excluding the USA"

The USA is part of the EU as well now? Good grief, they'll let anyone in now, won't they? First Australia in the Eurovision song contest, now this! Maybe Brexit isn't such a bad idea after all!

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It's been a while since I used this one but...

Fine! We'll build our own Satellite based Navigation System! With BlackJack! And Hookers! In fact, forget the Satellite based Navigation System!

What do you mean "Post Brexit we won't be able to afford the hookers, never mind anything else?"

Well, shit.

Blockchain study finds 0.00% success rate and vendors don't call back when asked for evidence

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Re: Blockchain

"Will one day cure baldness, feed the hungry and bring about universal peace and harmony...

...or so a salesman told me."

"I'll take 200, your cheque is in the post."

I am a Nigerian prince. Due to the state of civil unrest in my home nation country, I am having trouble getting my blockchain out of the country and in to a Swiss...... er.... blockchain storeage facility. I have been assured that for the small sum of £50,000 they can help me transfer it and release all the wealth within! If you lend me this monies, I will give you half of what I get from it!

The antisocial network: 'Facebook has a black people problem,' claims staffer in exit salvo

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Re: "it’s pretty disappointing to see you share our private messages"

"or perhaps you'd be fine about ur mrs/hubby/significant-other sharing all your pillow talk conversations with others? oh that's private, you say? well isnt that a pickle."

Isn't it then more a case of "know your audience"? I share things with my spouse in private because I trust them to keep my confidence. I trust that our relationship is means more to them than scoring cheap points and idle gossip. In the workplace, I generally try to avoid discussions which are possibly incriminating and may come back to haunt me later. Especially when that conversation is written down and logged! Especially especially when that conversation is with an already annoyed employee.

Pasta-covered cat leads to kid night operator taking apart the mainframe

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Re: Click bait

Nice click bait in the title

That's how they get their claws in to the reader

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