* Posts by f4ff5e1881

13 posts • joined 6 Jun 2017

Can't log into your TSB account? Well, it's your own fault for trying

f4ff5e1881
Trollface

Re: Movie time

I think movie makers everywhere love steam. It’s a surprisingly common phenomena in the movie world. Especially in American street scenes at night. Not that I’m implying that Hollywood is a load of hot air.

f4ff5e1881
Coat

If at first you don't succeed...

I posted this a few days ago on the same subject, but it got pulled by the Moderator. I really don’t understand why. No profanity, no trolling. Just exceedingly mild satire. Perhaps it hit a nerve somewhere? I’ll give it another go and see what happens!

Fawlty Server Towers.

Overheard in the IT control room at TSB server farm, Monday 23rd April 2018, 11:17 BST (of course not, it’s just a bit of fun, okay?):

Sabadell manager: “We bring sweet food, is nice, you like!”

TSB techie: “That’s awfully kind of you but we’re a bit busy at the moment.”

Sabadell manager: “Qué?”

TSB techie: “We’ll have some of it later?”

Sabadell manager: “But is nice!”

TSB techie: “Well, okay then. That’s very generous of you. Look at all the doughnuts. Surely there’s too many doughnuts on those trays?”

Sabadell manager: “No, no, no. Not ‘on those trays’. Uno dos tres!”

And TSB lived happily ever after.

UK 'meltdown' bank TSB's owner: Our IT migration was a 'success'

This post has been deleted by a moderator

There is no perceived IT generation gap: Young people really are thick

f4ff5e1881
Megaphone

Re: Ah, but the upside

Melchett: “Tally-ho with a bing and a bong and a zing zang spillip!”

Richy: “God you’re weird!”

I admit I may have got them a bit mixed up what with the heat and the hay fever.

Elon Musk's mighty erection fires sperm at orbiting space station

f4ff5e1881
Happy

Re: confirmation classes

The astronauts have to iron the sheets afterwards. In space, no one can hear you steam.

Suspected drug dealer who refused to poo for 46 DAYS released... on bail

f4ff5e1881
Happy

The End Game

When he finally manages to go, I hope the policeman standing next to him says, “Hello, hello, hello. What’s all this then?”

Rogue IT admin goes off the rails, shuts down Canadian train switches

f4ff5e1881
Stop

What a wally

Joking aside, people die in train crashes.

I wonder if that thought ever crossed Grupe’s mind when he was merrily deleting files from the system? He was lucky nothing disastrous happened.

Hawaiian fake nukes alert caused by fat-fingered fumble of garbage GUI

f4ff5e1881
Mushroom

Beepers' Video Fever

And it’s just a little to the left,

And it’s just a little to the right,

And it’s just unreal, how alive you feel

Vaporizing everything in sight...

f4ff5e1881
Trollface

Re: Compounded by the second problem

“This stuff isn't rocket surgery”

I guess that’s a cross between rocket science and brain surgery?

In which case I’d say it’s at the very heart of the matter.

Rocket science – ICBMs, and brain surgery – the psychology of computer UI/human brain interaction.

Okay, a bit of a stretch, but worth it for the comedy value?

Russia could chop vital undersea web cables, warns Brit military chief

f4ff5e1881
Facepalm

"Why don't we just run them over the sea? That way submarines and boats can't cut them."

Alas some ships, like tankers and cruise ships, are surprisingly tall…

f4ff5e1881
Megaphone

Most Important Comment

I bet the Russians start cutting the cable just as I’m typing this mess hage ….......... ong I blobddggggggg eeekkkkk ….....…. … rrrr rrrrr rrrr rrrrr …............ erg39f883 429egjejrg390j …...... ..... schnell! schnell! kartoffelkopf! ….. htijeerg … ......... .. 293i2ergei09iereg … ...... .. . until the name Maudling is almost totally obscured.

Black Horse Down: Lloyds Banking Group goes TITSUP*

f4ff5e1881
Joke

Re: On the day the BoE base rate goes up ?

I think you might be on to something there. I hear that Lloyds’ RM Nimbus has always had a blind spot with percentages…

Going to Mars may give you cancer, warns doc

f4ff5e1881
Pint

Onwards, and upwards

Since the cancellation of the Space Shuttle programme, I’m really looking forward to the return of manned space flight towards deep(er) space.

I’ve just finished reading NASA astronaut Mike Massimino’s thrilling biography about his time in space, repairing the Hubble Space Telescope. A cracking read, and believe me, trained astronauts know all about risk. A slightly increased risk of cancer is just one more obstacle to be dealt with, and deal with it they will.

The development of NASA’s SLS (Space Launch System) and Orion spacecraft (the successor to the Space Shuttle), is a monumental task, but it’s getting done. I for one can’t wait for SLS+Orion to be on the launch pad, ready to take astronauts to Mars. Exciting times.

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