* Posts by DagD

76 posts • joined 10 May 2017

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FireEye pulls Equifax boasts as it tries to handle hack fallout

DagD

Fire Eye...

yeah, you'll get that.

An Anti-biotic may be in order...

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Stand up who HASN'T been hit in the Equifax mega-hack – whoa, whoa, sit down everyone

DagD

those responsible for stopping the hacking have been hacked...

Mønti Pythøn ik den Hølie Gräilen Røtern nik Akten Di Wik Alsø wik Alsø alsø wik Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër? See the løveli lakes The wøndërful telephøne system And mäni interesting furry animals The characters and incidents portrayed and the names used are fictitious and any similarity to the names, characters, or history of any person is entirely accidental and unintentional. Signed RICHARD M. NIXON Including the majestik møøse A Møøse once bit my sister... No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink"... We apologise for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked. Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretti nasti... We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked. Møøse trained by YUTTE HERMSGERVØRDENBRØTBØRDA Special Møøse Effects OLAF PROT Møøse Costumes SIGGI CHURCHILLMøøse Choreographed by HORST PROT III Miss Taylor's Møøses by HENGST DOUGLAS-HOME Møøse trained to mix concrete and sign complicated insurance forms by JURGEN WIGG Møøses' noses wiped by BJØRN IRKESTØM-SLATER WALKER Large møøse on the left hand side of the screen in the third scene from the end, given a thorough grounding in Latin, French and "O" Level Geography by BO BENN Suggestive poses for the Møøse suggested by VIC ROTTER Antler-care by LIV THATCHER The directors of the firm hired to continue the credits after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked. The credits have been completed in an entirely different style at great expense and at the last minute. Executive Producer JOHN GOLDSTONE & "RALPH" The Wonder Llama Producer MARK FORSTATER Assisted By EARL J. LLAMA MIKE Q. LLAMA III SY LLAMA MERLE Z. LLAMA IX Directed By 40 SPECIALLY TRAINED ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS 6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS 142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS 14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS (CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA) REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON 76000 BATTERY LLAMAS FROM "LLAMA-FRESH" FARMS LTD. NEAR PARAGUAY and TERRY GILLIAM & TERRY JONES

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When one size doesn't fit all in cloud security

DagD

Re: "You want to move from an on-premises Office suite to Office 365 in the cloud."

I'm less concerned about the government - I have no delusion that they don't already have access to anything they want.

What concerns me is this pivotal shift of Sales having priority over people who have made it their professional livelihood to do things in a secure manner.

"You want to move to our service, but you want a to be able to use this nifty new app you found for 50 cents online? Oh, sure we can do that for for a small fee..."

Yeah, that's your neighbor one shelf over in the cloud.

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It's happening! Official retro Thinkpad lappy spotted in the wild

DagD

easy access hard drive??? Plz, plz plz!!!!

of course the legacy touchpad is a must.

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Thousands of hornets swarm over innocent fire service drone

DagD

Re: Paraffin is the answer

Great balls of fire.

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DagD

Finally - a reason to buy a drone.

Now to figure out how to attach a can of raid and fire remotely....

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Belarus declares war on imaginary country within borders of Belarus that is better than Belarus

DagD

Sounds like the Krasnovians have moved on from their came on Death Valley.

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Siemens patches one security vuln, leaves folks to block second

DagD

someone had to say it...

siemens plug hole.

Child expected in Nine months.

Man stuck in the middle.

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Intel ME controller chip has secret kill switch

DagD

To be fixed in the next patch

"We are quite sure that Intel ME is unable to exit this mode because we have not found code capable of doing so in the RBE, KERNEL, and SYSLIB modules." (quote taken from original Positive Technologies post)

count on an NSA patch to this oversight in future releases.

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Chrome wants to remember which Websites to silence

DagD

a step in the right direction

Now if they would just listen to my suggestion to embed a personal ACL so that websites you refuse to visit stop showing up in searches, it would be a happy day.

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San Franciscans unite to smite alt-right with minefield of doggy shite

DagD

biological warfare

sounds like a terrorist action to me. Not to mention this is California....

I'm sure some endangered turtle or something is going suffer - lawsuit, lawsuit, lawsuit.

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Private sub captain changes story, now says reporter died, was 'buried at sea' – torso found

DagD

Most likely, she refused to go down with the dingy

erm... sub.

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Q: How many drones are we bombing ISIS with? A: That's secret, mmkay

DagD

Re: Most likely answers

"we don't know" is probably most accurate. One department doesn't know what the next is doing when it comes to the military/government.

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DagD

Ted Striker: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. We're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 1800 hours. We're coming in from the north, below their radar.

Elaine Dickinson: When will you be back?

Ted Striker: I can't tell you that. It's classified.

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Atari shoots sueball at KitKat maker over use of 'Breakout' in ad

DagD

breakout fitting

Nestle's chocolate does taste like bricks.

fitting.

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Virtual assistant backlash imminent so buy them anyway

DagD

next generations robocaller

I've been saying for some time now that the next wave in tele-scams is coming in the form of not only voice recognition, but voice recreation. As in the ability to come up with a customization algorithm that will allow an attacker to use voice samples to create a convincing likeness on the phone of someone the victim knows.

Armed with "hacked social media knowledge of the target", the attacker would then be fairly effective in duping the mark into believing they are talking to someone they know.

Think CEO/CFO wire scams, Western Union wires, etc.

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I say, BING DONG! Microsoft's search engine literally cocks up on front page for hours

DagD

muhaha

Radar Operator: Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.

Colonel: What is it, son?

Radar Operator: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant...

Jet Pilot: Dick. Dick, take a look out of starboard.

Co-Pilot: Oh my God, it looks like a huge...

Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker.

Bird-Watching Man: [raising binoculars] Ooh, Where?

Bird-Watching Woman: Over there. What sort of bird is that? Wait, it's not a woodpecker, it looks like someone's...

Army Sergeant: Privates. We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with...

Baseball Umpire: Two balls.

[looking up from game]

Baseball Umpire: What is that. It looks just like an enormous...

Chinese Teacher: Wang. pay attention.

Wang: I was distracted by that giant flying...

Musician: Willie.

Willie: Yeah?

Musician: What's that?

Willie: [squints] Well, that looks like a huge...

Colonel: Johnson.

Radar Operator: Yes, sir?

Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.

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Slurping people's info without a warrant? That's OUR JOB, Google, Facebook et al tell US Supreme Court

DagD

I so want that cup!

please tell me they actually exist for order!

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Sun's core in a real spin, but you wouldn't know just by looking at it

DagD

"gravitational waves are the nearly-undetectable ripples in reality"

Wouldn't Facebook qualify as a "gravitational wave"?

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Take that, gender pay gap! Atos to offshore hundreds of BBC roles

DagD

I wonder what the cost of living is there...

Starting to think us IT folk need to move to India in order to keep our jobs.

SMH...

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Kid found a way to travel for free in Budapest. He filed a bug report. And was promptly arrested

DagD

The BKK makes lousy burgers...

oh, that's BK, my bad.

Good luck kid. It's amazing how staunchly stagnant regulations and regulators have become.

We would almost be better off without governments.

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US vending machine firm plans employee chip implant scheme

DagD

Signal the end times...

They've taken the mark of the Beast!

Damn those snackages....

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.. ..-. / -.-- --- ..- / -.-. .- -. / .-. . .- -.. / - .... .. ... then a US Navy fondleslab just put you out of a job

DagD

Morse Code.

Now with Crypto Load.

Break out your crazy eights...

1
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Forgotten your Myspace password? Just a name, username, DoB will get you in – and into anyone else's, too

DagD

YourSpace

Use to dabble in creative writing. Had several peaces posted to "myspace".

Then they destroyed my content. No luck with any archiving trick to recover my dabblings...

you can have your space back.

FU.

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Brit neural net pioneer just revolutionised speech recognition all over again

DagD

The new bio metric?

By the time they work out all the finite identifiers that makes each voice unique, the bad guys will have adopted the technology to "fake" other peoples' voices by sampling a voice pattern then generating a speech algorithm.

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Eggheads identify the last animal that will survive on Earth until the Sun dies

DagD

More blah from the science community...

That bear is a water creature. All aquatic life will be long destroyed by pollution before the sun goes super nova.

Try again.

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What did OVH learn from 24-hour outage? Water and servers do not mix

DagD

was wondering why we had a downtick in hits from the outside

OVH Down = bad day for malware dispensers.

oh well...

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Hey, remember that monkey selfie copyright drama a few years ago? Get this – It's just hit the US appeals courts

DagD

Where's my Nanner?

Get a job, you filthy ape...

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Hackers able to turbo-charge DJI drones way beyond what's legal

DagD

License to Operate...

...and Oh! Goody!!! we can open up a new government department, sort of like fish and game that goes around looking for control units, make the operator produce a license and possibly land plane to inspect vehicle to ensure it has not been "jail broken" (I'm sure we can make this a handy plug in device that inspects the OS, possibly even force update firmware to ensure that old vulnerabilities have been patched...)

Wonder what the pension options will look like...

;-/

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Adult toy retailer slapped down for 'RES-ERECTI*N' ad over Easter

DagD

They're prudes; they don't want to fuck (that's what they say in public anyway)...

wouldn't that be "Fucking prudes can fuck on"?

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DagD

Rubbing the holy bishop raw...

Radar Operator: Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.

Colonel: What is it, son?

Radar Operator: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant--

Jet Pilot: Dick! Dick, take a look out of starboard.

Co-Pilot: Oh my God, it looks like a huge--

Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker!

Bird-Watching Man: [raising binoculars] Where?

Bird-Watching Woman: Over there. What sort of bird is that? Oh goodness, it's not a bird, it's--

Army Sergeant: Privates! We have reports of an Unidentified Flying Object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with--

Baseball Umpire: Two balls!

[looking up from game]

Baseball Umpire: What is that? It looks just like an enormous--

Colonel: Johnson!

Radar Operator: Yes, sir?

Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.

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Brit military scolded for being too selfish with sexy high-end tech

DagD

COTS and security blankets

I always thought the idea of COTS (commerical off the shelf) software in a military environment was a bad idea.

Instead of pleading with Microsoft - replace them.

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Trump tramples US Constitution by blocking Twitter critics – lawsuit

DagD

"Not my President"

@#therealdonaldtrump You're not my president.

>>> Stop harrassing me

@#therealdonaldtrump No - you are going to listen to your constituents!

>>> Thought I wasn't your President...

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Microsoft drops Office 365 for biz. Now it's just Microsoft 365. Word

DagD

why sell software...

when there are countless dumb arses out there that will pay a "subscription" (i.e. pay for the software over and over again...).

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Microsoft hits Alt-F4 on 3,000 global sales staff

DagD

Does this mean an end to the extortion calls?

You know... the "our account shows you need to buy X more copies of our product to keep your status with us" calls?

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Nothing could protect Durex peddler from NotPetya ransomware

DagD

No rain suit could weather the storm...

Now their assets are in bind.

Pressed hard, there was little choice left, but to choke on fulfilling orders...

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Crackas With Attitude hacker 'Incursio' gets two years in the clink for embarrassing CIA boss

DagD

wave of the future malware

The next generation malware will be able to analyze bits of recorded conversation (think youtube) to extract dialect and voice fingerprints to synthesize a person's voice for profit. Will probably have about 80% accuracy in fooling someone who knows the person if it's a quick conversation.

Of course the voice analysis is only half the battle. The massive deception will also require having extensive insight on the victim you are attempting to impersonate (think facebook).

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It's time for a long, hard mass debate over sex robots, experts conclude

DagD

still surprised...

...that they haven't come up with usb compatible dildos that can be Rc'd in a "chat" room.

Now that's hot!

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DeepMind needs to think about the broader implications of its tech – report

DagD

Forty Two...

once you know what the question actually is, you'll know what the answer means.

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Shock: NASA denies secret child sex slave cannibal colony on Mars

DagD

Cover Up

Didn't Bill Clinton take a private shuttle to the red planet last year???

Jeffrey Epstein is up to something...

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Tick-tick... boom: Germany gives social media giants 24 hours to tear down hate speech

DagD

"no one should be above the law"

accept Hillary Clinton... Hillary is "above the law".

albeit, that's not Germany's fault.

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Oh my Word... Microsoft Office 365 unlatched after morning lockout

DagD

I love the soft fluffy cloud....

...BUT

Everything doesn't belong in the cloud.

Some people just gotta get burned to learn the flame is hot. Software as a Service? Great idea, until the cloud rains or there's a problem at your last mile, then it's

Clouds in my coffee... Clouds in my coffee...

Hide under your desk and wait for the phone calls to go away...

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Huge ransomware outbreak spreads in Ukraine and beyond

DagD

FYI...

an OTX share has flagged the email addy:

wowsmith123456@posteo.net

https://otx.alienvault.com

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No way to sugarcoat this: I'm afraid Uranus opens and closes to accept particle streams

DagD

I'm just glad they didn't start another uproar by announcing we are down to 7 planets in our solar system.

Sorry Uranus, there's no room for you.

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DagD

Re: It's always fascinating when they probe Uranus.

someone sounds uptight.

=P

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Braking news: AA password reset email cockup crashes servers

DagD

Braking News!

Just don't cause a pile up trying to log in to change that password (you don't want to "break" anything). You won't get in right now anyways...

har... har...

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Donald Trumped: Comey says Prez is a liar – and admits he's a leaker

DagD

Re: Impeachment?

failed to turn up anything actionable????

How many classified documents do you have to "mis-handle" before it becomes actionable???

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DagD

Re: Impeachment?

spot on Eddy...

besides...

Good luck getting 2/3 of the majority vote, democrats...

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It's fluffy bottom line time at Adobe. That's a good thing, if you were wondering

DagD

adobe sucks.

Screw Adobe. Who the flip do these people think they are? How do you honestly expect businesses to use your products and turn a profit when you've engineered in this "rent software" don't "own it" mentality.

Sure, there is an advantage that the cloud product should stay "patched" - but really?

Sorry Adobe, but there are other products out there that don't suck. I for one don't need to pay a bounty every year to continue using the products I've already bought and paid for.

Hope your bottom line plummets.

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