* Posts by TrumpSlurp the Troll

377 posts • joined 4 Mar 2017

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The Iceman cometh, his smartwatch told the cops: Hitman jailed after gizmo links him to Brit gangland slayings

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Trollface

A high viz vest?

I bet the stupid bastard was wearing a cycling helmet as well.

People, how many times do I have to tell you that all this "safety" gear doesn't make you safer. It just makes you feel invulnerable and encourages you to do stupid things!

Having AI assistants ruling our future lives? That's so sad. Alexa play Despacito

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Paris Hilton

We dream of automating.....

Then again some may dream of telling Alex's to go screw herself when the voice response isn't particularly responsive.

Which leads inevitably (for some) to errant thoughts of soft porn responses.

Alexa go f**k yourself!

I'm sorry, I don't know how to do that.

Hand on, Cortana says she will show me how...wow...oh!

{Cue girl on girl porn sounds}

Siri - what are you......oh!

Alternatively

Would you like me to use (product placement)?

You use it like (instructions).

It sounds like (electronics).

And it feels like..........

Would you like me to oh oh oh order one?

Yeah, just me.

World's first robot hotel massacres half of its robot staff

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Trollface

Re: The room doll was removed

Not getting frisky with silicon?

As a Troll I resent that.

Dozens of .gov HTTPS certs expire, webpages offline, FBI on ice, IT security slows... Yup, it's day 20 of Trump's govt shutdown

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Facepalm

Re: Comparison

The proposition seems to be that ANYTHING however marginal or trivial that is promised by a Presidential candidate during campaigning should automatically become law if that candidate is elected?

The President was elected on those promises so they should all be enshrined in law regardless, right?

O.K.

What if the candidate promises to do good things too numerous to mention? Because if I say that they are good then they are GOOD! Trust me on this one.

Logically this doesn't seem to work. Unless you are electing a dictator in which case you don't need the other elected representatives.

xHamster reports spike in UK users getting their five-knuckle shuffle on before pr0n age checks

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Trollface

Re: I don't think that's how it goes, though

I can't find condoms anywhere.

Have you tried Boots?

.

.

.

.

.

Yes, but it all runs out of the lace holes.

Thank you. I'm here all week.

CES flicks the off switch on massager award… and causes a buzz

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Gimp

No dildo no cry....

The bit so far not referred to was that in previous years there had been male orientated sex toys, including (allegedly) VR porn and sex dolls.

So claims of discrimination seem justified.

Encryption? This time it'll be usable, Thunderbird promises

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Windows

Re: @AC - How To Do Encryption IN THE REAL WORLD

Public keys are asymmetric.

Asymmetric encryption and decryption is inefficient, and is generally only used for signing and for encryption/decryption of symmetric keys which are used for bulk encryption.

PKI the clue is in the name. Public Key Infrastructure. Hence asymmetric key distribution.

Heard the one where the boss calls in an Oracle consultant who couldn't fix the database?

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Trollface

Network tests

Not me but some colleagues were given a very large user test file to send over the demonstration network.

Much confusion when the transmission seemed to take a couple of seconds.

Turned out the file was the same pattern repeated many times and the comms kit had link compression enabled. So what was sent was the pattern and the number of instances.

Oxford startup magics up metamaterials for next-gen charging

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Niche use case

If you have a working USB port then why do you need this wireless charging?

It comes into its own when you drop the device and it lands on the USB plug and buggers the internal connection.

I thoughts I had been robbed when I bought the charging stand for my Sony Xperia tablet and found that it blanked off the USB port when charging through a couple of external contacts. I thought I could connect USB devices and use it like a little PC.

A few years later and an accidental breaking of the USB port and I can still charge it. Saving me from a tech refresh (or a repair which may or may not work). I know you can prise the back off and get at the internals but long experience suggest that when you go down that route you end up with new and different problems.

DXC Technology turns to BT Security to nab its infosec bossman

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Trollface

Almost Microsoft

Embrace, Contract, Extinguish.

Dixons Carphone smarting from £440m loss as it writes down goodwill on mobile biz

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Paris Hilton

Unexplained attraction

For some weird reason (probably the colour scheme) I feel more comfortable in CFW shops than other more garish stores,

Given that, the sales force are usually seriously thick but that often comes with a box shifting operation with slim margins. Not much sign of the arts graduates who are allegedly selling fries in McDonald's.

My purchases won't keep them afloat, though. From memory it was a MiFi some years back when both phones couldn't get data service, and recently a £15 handset for minimum functionality voice and text.

Currys/PC World is now one of the very few places where you can see/touch/feel white goods and they usually have at least one competitive offer.

Also good for working out which laptop size and layout works for you, if this is your first laptop (took a friend in for a once in 10 years purchase).

Phones and PCs are something of a dead area for consumers now anyway as they are "good enough" until something breaks.

LG's beer-making bot singlehandedly sucks all fun, boffinry from home brewing

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Pint

Time and Money

Back in the day we seemed to have far more time than money. Made wine and beer in large quantities.

Then came children which did away with much of the spare time.

These days we can afford to buy enough wine and beer so the long term effort and disruption required to produce buckets of alcoholic beverage don't seem worth it anymore.

I thought home brewing had more or less died out with cheap supermarket booze so it is good to see it still going. I just need to find someone who wants to buy a job lot of old brewing kit.

Now you, too, can snoop on mobe users from 3G to 5G with a Raspberry Pi and €1,100 of gizmos

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Paris Hilton

Smartcard reader?

Doesn't that imply that you also need a smartcard?

If so, which one and why?

Apple in another dust-up with its fans: iMacs, MacBooks lack filters, choke on grime – lawsuit

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Filters?

Long, long ago.I was involved in the support of a new line of Unix machines.

They all came with nice air filters.

Not for long once it was realised we were having more failures from blocked air filters than from internal dust and fluff.

Sorry, we haven't ACLU what happened in sealed 'Facebook decryption' case, but let's find out

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Trollface

Pfefferkorn

Obviously a rent girl.

Q: If Pesky Pepper had a peek at patient papers, at how many patient papers did Pesky Pepper peek? A: 231

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Trollface

Training?

Obviously didn't include the audit trail.

NHS supplier that holds 40 million UK patient records: AWS is our new cloud-based platform

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WTF?

Someone else's computer

Is still a computer on the Internet.

I don't see how moving to a cloud makes any difference in ease of communication and integration.

In fact, it shouldn't.

Samsung's graphene batteries promise to charge five times faster – without exploding

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Re: Still not what customers really want

A phone that lasted a day and charged in two minutes would do me. It would be trivial to couple it to a charger for a couple of minutes to keep it topped up.

Only an issue if you spend your life away from electricity.

So not most 1st world customers.

Take my advice: The only safe ID is a fake ID

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Trollface

A different name for every site?

Sadly, after a while it poses similar problems to having a different password for every site. You end up having to keep complex records to remember who you are for sites which you only visit every month or so.

I assume you would end up being Nidea, Ivor on the vast number of sites, and only maintain discreet aliases for the sites you frequent on a weekly basis.

Next up, a password manager upgrades to a full identity manager.

Anonymous because......then again why bother?

Hunt for Planet X finds yet another planetoid, just not the right one

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Paris Hilton

Doing my head in.

At the furthest distance from Planet X the gravitational pull must be minimal. Inverse square and all that.

Why doesn't it just keep on going?

Want some of that sweet government contract money? Obama's CIO gives tips to land deals with Uncle Sam

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Trollface

Single malt and steak dinner?

Is that a special thing?

I've got steak in the fridge and a range of single malts in the cupboard so does that make me special? In a nice way, of course.

These days my boat is more likely to be floated by something I wouldn't cook for myself.

I assume doubly so for movers and shakers.

Oh, and if you haven't helped to write the Invitation to Tender then you shouldn't waste your time bidding. You aren't close enough to the customer to understand the requirements.

Why are sat-nav walking directions always so hopeless?

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Re: Too many apps

Never follow a stream or gully.

It will take the shortest and easiest route down which is often vertical.

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Trollface

Re: Hahaha...hard to make walking expensive

Walking boots £250.

Waterproof jacket possibly with fleece included £250.

Waterproof trousers with multiple pockets. Say £125.

Shirt. Oh, go on, to you £85.

Need a small rucksack? Hat? Walking poles? GPS?

Not hard to spend a grand or so, especially if you are a badge fairy who loves North Face.

Microsoft: We busted Russian Fancy Bear disinfo websites

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Black Helicopters

Heard this on the radio as well.

As others have said, not sure why Microsoft are policing the Internet in this way.

Unless MS$ is now a TLA.

Scam alert: No, hackers don't have webcam vids of you enjoying p0rno. Don't give them any $$s

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Gimp

Can I have a Copy please?

Only my partners and the goat have said they would like to watch.

Trump’s new ZTE tweets trump old ZTE tweets

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Trollface

All this vitriol

Nobody mentions a second term. At the moment I wouldn't bet against it.

Lawyers for Marcus Hutchins: His 'I made malware' jail phone call isn't proper evidence

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Big Brother

Miranda?

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to me?”

What I don't see is anything that says " Oh, and by the way, 'speak to me' includes anything you say to absolutely anybody at any time including over the phone. Oh, we might bug you talking to your lawyer but we can't use this directly as evidence."

A literal minded computer geek without direct experience of USA law could well not have realised that giving a Miranda included the right to tap phone calls to use as evidence.

Whois privacy shambles becomes last-minute mad data scramble

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Trollface

Irresistible force vs immovable object?

Say that as an EU citizen (for the moment) I have a ".com" domain registered with a USA based registrar. I assume that USA law applies to the way that the registrar behaves. How is the EU going to prosecute the USA based registrar for correctly following USA law?

Is this conundrum, perhaps, why the registrars of the ".eu" domain wanted to ditch non-EU registrants? Not the spiteful petty revenge portrayed by the UK press?

If you solve that one can the same solution be used to prosecute all the Indian call centres who use my personal information to call me because I have a virus on my system?

Software development slow because 'Most of our ideas suck'

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Trollface

BuSab?

Someone needs to slow these crazy people down.

America's forgotten space station and a mission tinged with urine, we salute you

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Trollface

Re: the final crewed mission of the Mercury programme

From the accounts, the whole setup was pretty crude.

UPnP joins the 'just turn it off on consumer devices, already' club

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Paris Hilton

Re: Having UPnP open on the Internet facing side

So is the significance of UPnP that it can be configured without needing user ID and password?

Or is the assumption that the router is open to the world with manufacturer's defaults and UPnP is a convenient way to open random port numbers when tromboning an attack through the router?

Because if you have full access to the router you could probably configure it as a proxy and/or a VPN.

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Trollface

Scrabble, anyone?

"The company's Avishay Zawoznik, Johnathan Azaria, and Igal Zeifman".

Wonderful on the Scrabble board, but aren't there any security researchers called Joe Blogs or Bill Smith any more?

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Paris Hilton

Just for clarity

My limited understanding of UPnP is that it is there to allow software (mainly games) to open a port on the router firewall on demand and listen for incoming calls/traffic. I can see this should work as it is better than leaving ports permanently open and in theory software inside the firewall is trusted. Obviously only to be enabled if you have software requiring this feature.

Having UPnP open on the Internet facing side, though? Why would you? It implies that you have nothing listening on a specific port (or it would already be open) so what handles the unsolicited incoming call? Where is it routed on the internal LAN?

Mining apps? We're cool so long as they admit to it, says Canonical

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Holmes

Crypto mining in general

From my limited understanding, to be cost effective you have to have masses of specialist equipment designed for crypto mining. If you just mine in your own home then the value of the coins mined is less than the cost of electricity. This is the weak point in the arguement that allowing mining pays "free" software developers for their effort. It is more cost effective to pay them directly than to pay the electricity supplier a cut as, effectively, a currency converter.

The alternative to using your own electricity is to use someone else's. Hence mining on other people's computers.

I was just wondering about all the places where electricity comes included in the package. Hotels, some trains, airports, camp sites, some coffee shops. You could, presumably, if you frequent these places carry a small mining rig around with you and plug it in at every opportunity. Road warriors could mine almost full time. However I have no idea how long it would take to recover the cost of the rig. I assume that the big win with distributed mining code is that the sum of all the inefficient parts makes up for the inefficiencies.

Edit: P.S. I just thought of another way; build a rig into your EV and mine whilst charging at free charging points. You could pull a lot of power without anyone noticing.

Boffins build smallest drone to fly itself with AI

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Trollface

Limited lethal force only

Just enough to target and destroy all the shagging pigeons cluttering up the roof tops and chimneys around here. Oh, and clear out all the predatory gulls in places like St Ives which attack grockles for their pasties. Oh, and........I think the list might be longer than first anticipated.....

Google shoots Chrome 66's silencer after developer backlash

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Trollface

My browser already has this feature

It is built into the AdBlocker.

Ex-CIA man fingered as prime suspect in Vault 7 spy tool manuals leak

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Trollface

Encrypted container?

So who supplied the key to decrypt it?

Astroboffins spy the most greedy black hole yet gobbling a Sun a day

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Alien

Scale is awesome

Enough energy to sterilise a galaxy (or at least mandate the evolution of extremophiles) and still growing when observed.

Is this the kind of thing the Pierson's Puppeteers were running from, or was it a super super nova? Now imagining the burning galactic centre being eaten by a supermassive black hole. Makes our planet seem fragile and puny.

I assume this is large enough to at least have a go at bending space and time.

Decades-old data reveals shows Jupiter’s moon sprayed alien juice over Galileo probe

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Paris Hilton

Reaction Mass?

Isn't one of the issues of long distance space travel gaining access to substantial amounts of reaction mass in a convenient form in a convenient gravity well?

Get over yourselves: Life in the multiverse could be commonplace

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Trollface

Three wise cosmologists?

Hear no matter, see no matter, speak no matter?

Aliernatively, please complete :

Oh, dear, where can the matter be?

Oh, dear, where can the matter be?

Oh, dear, where can the matter be?

Johnie's so long at the.........

OpenWrt forums lost as hardware failure again crocks open Wi-Fi router

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Trollface

At least

As far as we know it wasn't a router software failure.

Airbus windscreen fell out at 32,000 feet

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Windows

Trained for?

From what I've read (which may not be accurate) nobody has yet managed to replicate the successful landing on the Hudson River using a simulator.

So simulator training may not reflect real life.

UK's Rural Payments Agency is 'failing on multiple levels' – report

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Trollface

Battle Bus Update

Apparently the cost of Brexit will be more than covered by the end of fines for not meeting CAP timescales and conditions.

S/MIME artists: EFAIL email app flaws menace PGP-encrypted chats

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WTF?

Turn off encryption and remove plugins?

So there is a reported vulnerability in your front door lock which requires a lot of effort to use.

The recommendation is that you should remove your front door lock and leave all the windows open?

Britain to slash F-35 orders? Erm, no, scoffs Lockheed UK boss

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Trollface

Re: Platform use

Could also moor them in the Thames and lease them to NCP for much needed car parking.

Navy names new attack sub HMS Agincourt

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Trollface

Re: England Expects ... !

I somtimes suspect that the people writing scholarly articles have the same prejudices as those reviewing, say, old British motorbikes or iconic car brands like Lotus.

German IKEA trip fracas assembles over trolley right of way

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Windows

Ikea love/hate

I like Ikea because the products are generally innovative and cheap (sometimes both) and there are the occasional timeless gems like the Poang chair.

However the aisles where you go to load up the goods are a bit of a nightmare.

As for checking that the item is in stock, unless there are large numbers on the shelves or you live next door then there is no guarantee your item will still be there. Granted that you can be pretty sure of a wasted trip if the item isn't in stock.

I recall making the 2 hour drive to our nearest Ikea and managing to get the last flat pack off the shelf. Then a woman arrived looking for the same thing. Empty shelf. Me with item on my trolley. "I've driven nearly two hours to get this." she said, with a sort of hopeful expectation that this big strong man (I lie a lot) would take pity on this poor helpless woman. In this instance her expectations were, sadly, not met. Especially as I was irritated by the assumption that my time was worth far less than hers.

Africa's internet body in full-blown meltdown: 'None of the above' wins board protest vote

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Sounds just like the UK

Family lived there for generations but if your skin isn't the accepted colour you are obviously an immigrant and not a real resident.

I wonder what Africa's version of Windrush is?

Robo-callers, robo-cops, robo-runners, robo-car crashes, and more

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Alexa, phone Bob's Siri and annoy it please

With more complex software the possibilities are endless.

Fixing a printer ended with a dozen fire engines in the car park

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Re: Had the fire brigade called to a five star hotel, in Malta....

Perhaps name it after a seaside town known for hotels? Torquay,for example.

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