* Posts by jonathan keith

296 posts • joined 14 Aug 2007

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Atari accuses El Reg of professional trolling and making stuff up. Welp, here's the interview tape for you to decide...

jonathan keith

Re: You Just Need to Have Faith

Nonsense: everybody knows that it's the magic smoke that makes electronics work.

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Verizon promises to stop selling its subscribers' location data... for now

jonathan keith

"I only sell the gun, Senator."

"... and thereafter it's entirely the responsibility of the customer to use it safely."

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Developer’s code worked, but not in the right century

jonathan keith

Re: Hills

Laaaaaaaaanson.

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jonathan keith

They're selling hippie wigs in Woolworths, man. The greatest decade in the history of mankind is over. And as Presuming Ed here has so consistently pointed out, we have failed to paint it black.

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Audi chief exec arrested over Dieselgate car emissions scandal

jonathan keith

Re: So lets see....

As the old saw goes, it's never the crime they get you for, it's the cover-up.

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Budget Surface 'spotted' in Microsoft's crystal ball

jonathan keith

Fuck's sake, Microsoft

Just build the bloody Courier and have done with it.

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No fandango for you: EU boots UK off Galileo satellite project

jonathan keith

Re: Amazing

The single reason for those compromises being written in the vaguest possible language is to delay the inevitable fiery self-destruction of the Conservative Party for a few more hours.

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jonathan keith

Re: Well

I suspect the response to the UK telling the EU to come up with a solution to the Irish border problem would be along the lines of "It was your referendum, your decision to leave and your decision to start the clock ticking before you had even the first idea of what you wanted beyond 'Brexit means Brexit.' We've been clear from the start about what the EU will and won't accept so bugger off and clean up your own fucking mess. And in the meantime, we hope you have enough parking space for all those lorries while they wait for their customs inspections."

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BlackBerry Key2: Clickier, nippier, but how many people still want a QWERTY?

jonathan keith

Battery

User replaceable or sealed? It's important.

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Britain's new F-35s arrive in UK as US.gov auditor sounds reliability warning klaxon

jonathan keith

Er, what?

Re: Gavin Williamson's statement, how's this thing going to tackle terrorism? Based on recent attacks in the UK, I'd suggest that use of a jet fighter is not the most efficient method of stopping a couple of men armed with knives, bomb vests or a van.

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Indiegogo grants ZX Spectrum reboot firm another two weeks to send a console

jonathan keith

Quote from RCL

David Levy and Suzanne Martin have responded with the following statement:

"The actions of the previous Directors is the only reason for everything not being absolutely perfect in this best of all possible worlds. It's not our fault: Blame them. And pay no attention to the man behind the curtain."

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OnePlus 6: Perfect porridge? One has to make a smartphone that's juuuust right

jonathan keith

Re: Note 4

I was saying exactly the same about my Note 4 up until about three weeks ago when I first experienced the dreaded "mmc_read failed" message and discovered that a manufacturer can still try to force one to upgrade after two years through the use of duff memory modules.

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Boffins build a 2D 'quantum walk' that's not a computer, but could still blow them away

jonathan keith

Re: 10 Billion starts and buys one. .... [for those with a Need to Know]:-)

Ah! So quantum computing is what will finally deliver us a Lazy Gun.

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BOFH: But I did log in to the portal, Dave

jonathan keith

Server no doubt residing in dark basement, stairs, leopard etc etc?

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Windows 10 April 2018 Update lands today... ish

jonathan keith

Damn it!

No availability here yet. I just want to get the pain over with as soon as possible. Like pulling a plaster off.

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ZX Spectrum reboot firm's shareholders demand current directors go

jonathan keith

Re: Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more Guv

That sounds like a gateway to a world of shit.

Popcorn delivered to my upwind vantage point, please.

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AMD CEO Su: We like GPU crypto-miners but gamers are first priority

jonathan keith

Re: Grammar

Psst... in this case it's "weather".

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US sanctions on Turkey for Russia purchases could ground Brit F-35s

jonathan keith

Madness

I know that it's been said before, but it's frankly insane to buy any weapons system and not have the ability to fully service it domestically.

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Cray snuggles up with AMD: Clustered super CS500 lets in Epyc chip

jonathan keith

Excellent news.

Bet you it still won't play Crysis though.

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Nope, you're still a transport biz, top EU court tells Uber

jonathan keith
Trollface

Re: Protectionism...

Better to be fucked over by your own government than by an unaccountable foreign corporation though!

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Are meta, self-referential or recursive science-fiction films doomed?

jonathan keith

Annihilation

I found it supremely dull. My overwhelming impression was that Alex Garland had become overexcited after seeing Stalker and Solaris for the first time.

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SpaceX has a good day: Successful launch and FCC satellite approval

jonathan keith

LOHAN

Perhaps El Reg can ask Elon if he'd have a word with the FAA about LOHAN?

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Wow, machine learning, what a snoozefest... less so if you strap a bunch of GPUs to your storage

jonathan keith

Alert!

Word overload!

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What the @#$%&!? Microsoft bans nudity, swearing in Skype, emails, Office 365 docs

jonathan keith

Monkey Fighters?

Sloppy, Mr. Falcon. Sloppy.

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BOFH: Give me a lever long enough and a fool, I mean a fulcrum and ....

jonathan keith

Re: Nearly similar situation...

That client deserves everything that's coming to them, possibly including an extended stay in a re-education camp.

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Maplin shutdown sale prices still HIGHER than rivals

jonathan keith

That should be the actual takeaway from this: that in the longer term, debt-funded private equity buyouts almost always destroy the business.

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Former Google X bloke's startup unveils 'self flying' electric air taxi

jonathan keith

My eyes!

By god it's ugly!

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Cryptocurrency miners go nuclear, RSA blunder, Winner back in court, and plenty more

jonathan keith

Arms race of the Adpocalypse

I wonder what method the ad-scum will discover to circumvent script blockers?

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My PC is broken, said user typing in white on a white background

jonathan keith

Entirely unrelated to the above but...

I have to mention the brief visit I made to help out a 93-year-old resident at a retirement home I do some amateur IT support work for.

10 minutes spent getting his printer to behave (what *is* it with printers?) and then twenty minutes of the two of us leafing through his 1944 Mosquito pilot's log book.

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Hypersonic nukes! Nuclear-powered drone subs! Putin unwraps his new (propaganda) toys

jonathan keith

Excellent work from the CGI team.

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Boring. The phone business has lost the plot and Google is making it worse

jonathan keith

Hardware design choices

Stock android's fine by me if the handset offers a) a headphone socket b) a microSD slot and c) a replaceable fucking battery.

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NRA gives FCC boss Ajit Pai a gun as reward for killing net neutrality. Yeah, an actual gun

jonathan keith

Re: Face it, dweebs

I hope you're enjoying the USA's continuing freefall into barbarism.

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Magic Leap's staggering VR goggle technology just got even better!

jonathan keith

FTFY

"... the inevitable train crash that is Magic Leap grows that much more p̶a̶i̶n̶f̶u̶l̶ entertaining to watch."

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BOFH: We want you to know you have our full support

jonathan keith

"hammer the zero, star, or tic-tac-toe key on the phone until the system gives up and just routes me to a human out of despair."

I've found that voice recognition bots often respond to a loud shout of "Fuck's SAKE" by immediately transferring the call to a real life person.

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A Hughes failure: Flat Earther rocketeer can't get it up yet again

jonathan keith

Although...

Of course, when he does return from his historic space-trip with the shattering news that planet Earth is not actually flat after all, the rest of the loony brigade will simply claim that the deep-Feds got to him with their brain rays.

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Web searching died the day they invented SEO

jonathan keith

Re: The B ark.....

Picks used to mine for cats.

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Openreach ups investment plans: Will shoot out full fibre to 3 million premises

jonathan keith

Re: FTTP

They certainly won't with that attitude, Steve.

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jonathan keith

FTTP

It should be law that all new-build developments must have FTTP.

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Playboy is suing Boing Boing over Imgur centrefold link

jonathan keith

Time for...

a Playmobil reconstruction, I suggest.

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SPEC SFS 2014 benchmark smashed by storage newbie

jonathan keith

Eh?

I wish I knew what any of that meant.

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Of course Uber allegedly had a tool to remotely destroy evidence

jonathan keith

Re: And that's why...

Jesus, what more do you need Uber to do before you stop using them? Kill grannies and kittens?

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What do we want? Consensual fun times. How do we get it? Via an app with blockchain...

jonathan keith

"Self pollution has 100% consent, and no pulling out, as it were."

Plus there's the added bonus of having sex with someone you love. Or at least like. Most of the time.

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Cryptocurrencies to end in tears, says investor wizard Warren Buffett

jonathan keith

Buffett

Apropos of nothing, it's worth re-reading this:

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/03/08/the_secret_of_warren_buffetts_success_at_berkshire_hathaway/

... to remind yourself that it's not really the stock-picking that's made Buffett so much money.

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Totally shock claim: Comcast accused of gouging TV rivals

jonathan keith

A complaint about Comcast to the FCC?

Well, good luck with that.

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Twitter's not dreaming of a white supremacist Xmas: Accounts nuked

jonathan keith

Christ on a chariot-driven crutch

Jesus, there are some dim people frothing away about this today.

Hey, you know what? You can still be as bigoted as you like on Twitter, as long as you aren't advocating violence or affiliated with an organisation that is. Hate Jews, muslims, blacks, whites, asians, women, men, righties, lefties, atheists, or anyone else who isn't you? Go right ahead and tell the world. Just don't write about wanting them attacked.

Also, stop fucking whining about people who are sick of listening to this venomous bullshit deciding to draw a line.

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FCC douses America's net neutrality in gas, tosses over a lit match

jonathan keith

Judicial review?

Out of interest, is there a mechanism for decisions like this to be examined by the US judiciary?

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LTE it snow: Microsoft to punt out LTE-tastic Surface Pro in December

jonathan keith

Re: 4B of RAM

Who will realistically ever need more?

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Look! Over there! Intel's cooked a 17-qubit chip quantum package

jonathan keith

0.02K?

I'd suggest those Dutchies hire my ex to help with cooling that thing. She can get the atmosphere down to that sort of temperature with just a look.

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F-35 firmware patches to be rolled out 'like iPhone updates'

jonathan keith

Error 0x00000245

Water exposure detected. Your warranty is now void. Please contact an authorised service centre for repair.

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Airbus issues patch to prevent A350 airliner fuel tanks exploding

jonathan keith

Re: I Am Not An Aeronautical Engineer

Obviously Airbus have customised their A350 fleet with some sweet liquid cooling. Now they just need to add some clear panels and tasteful LED lighting to the wings to properly show off their pimped rigs.

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