* Posts by jonathan keith

326 posts • joined 14 Aug 2007

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Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean hackers won't nuke your employer into the ground tomorrow

jonathan keith

Re: Paranoid

If you even have to ask, the answer is "no".

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Samsung unveils next-generation 8nm Exynos silicon

jonathan keith
Trollface

Never mind that; how good are the photos?

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'My entire company is without comms': Gamma's Horizon cloud PBX goes DOWN

jonathan keith

Still TITSUP* here

Hello to you all from the balmy Jurassic Coast (Devonian section)

*Total Inability To Sustain Uninterrupted Phonecalls

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Thank $deity that week's over. Look, here's some trippy music generated from pixels of a Martian sunrise to play us out

jonathan keith

More proof (if it were needed) that Eno's Not Of This Earth.

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Super Cali goes ballistic, net neutrality hopeless? Even Ajit Pai's gloating is something quite atrocious

jonathan keith

Re: States’ Rights....

Inconvenient for the Executives of Cable companies and their bonuses.

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I've seen the future of consumer AI, and it doesn't have one

jonathan keith

Someone phone the shipyard...

... we're going to need a bigger 'B' Ark.

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Qualcomm's tardy chip upgrade leaves the Great Wearables Reveal to jokers and clowns

jonathan keith

Now Sir, if you just step over here...

... allow me to demonstrate our newest arrival which is simply *ideal* for the discerning I.T. professional: the Smart Fob Watch.

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Use Debian? Want Intel's latest CPU patch? Small print sparks big problem

jonathan keith
Devil

Weasel

"In a statement to The Register, Imad Sousou, corporate vice president and general manager of the Intel Open Source Technology Center, said it's "not true" that Debian can't distribute the microcode package."

Technically, he's absolutely correct in his assertion. Of course, what he's specifically NOT addressing is the fact that Debian *won't* distribute the package.

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'Oh sh..' – the moment an infosec bod realized he was tracking a cop car's movements by its leaky cellular gateway

jonathan keith
Flame

Re: Default passwords...

Frankly, if someone can't understand or be bothered to carry out a single straightforward instruction, they're a danger to themselves and others and shouldn't be permitted to use the thing.

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When's a backdoor not a backdoor? When the Oz government says it isn't

jonathan keith

Re: What if ... Bob reads and then burns the letter?

Bob will have made a mistake. After a period of re-education, Bob will be returned to society, secure in the knowledge that it is *books* he should be burning. Perhaps he might even get a job with the Fire Brigade.

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Samsung Galaxy Note 9: A steep price to pay

jonathan keith

Choices, choices...

One Galaxy Note 9, or one Moto G6plus and week scuba diving in the Red Sea?

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The last phablet? 6.4in Samsung Galaxy Note 9 leaves you $1k lighter, needs 'water cooling'

jonathan keith

Re: Fuck that.

It starts with occasional massive lag, and random lockups and reboots. From there it's onto failure to boot, and the error message "could not do normal boot, mmc_read failed."

If your Note 4 is still working properly, the best thing you can do (after making sure that everything is fully backed up) is to limit internal storage memory access as much as possible and force everything you possibly can onto the SD card.

If you have started experiencing symptoms, there's a free app on the Play Store called 'Wake Lock - PowerManager'. Install that, set it to Partial Wake Lock and do all you can to avoid having to reboot. That's just putting off the inevitable though, so start shopping for a new phone.

As a coda, I asked the Samsung repair centre in Plymouth for a quote to replace the motherboard in my dead Note 4, and they wanted to charge me £250 for the part alone "because the Note 4 is really popular and so we can."

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jonathan keith

Re: Fuck that.

Not really. It seems that Samsung manufactured the Note 4 with the shittiest eMMC chip they could find, with the result that under normal use it will fail after about two to three years - as hundreds of thousands of Note 4 owners are finding out.

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jonathan keith

Fuck that.

Samsung have just summarily executed my Note 4 by eMMC failure so can go and do one, as far as I'm concerned.

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Devon County Council techies: WE KNOW IT WASN'T YOU!

jonathan keith

Re: It's Devon, they probably think spell check is the work of the devil.

Why blame the Devil when you've got the Cornish living right next to you? Bound to be their fault somehow.

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Wondering what to do with that $2,300 burning a hole in your pocket?

jonathan keith

I've got a bad feeling about this.

The ̶S̶i̶n̶c̶l̶a̶i̶r̶ Vega+ *and* Magic Leap in the same week? What next? Human Sacrifice? Dogs and cats living together? Mass hysteria?

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Sur-Pies! Google shocks world with sudden Android 9 Pixel push

jonathan keith

So...

Can all of the irritating Clippy 2.0 bullshit be turned off?

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Ever seen printer malware in action? Install this HP Ink patch – or you may find out

jonathan keith

Re: Have I ever seen printer malware?

You bastard. At least we now know who to blame when all the local wildlife gets eaten.

9
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Sen. Ron Wyden: Adobe Flash is doomed, why is Uncle Sam still using it?

jonathan keith

And how many people forming string quartets are pretending their name is Keith these days? Precisely bloody none, that's how many.

It's as if we lived through the 80s for nothing.

3
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Microsoft still longs to be a 'lifestyle' brand, but the cupboard looks bare

jonathan keith

Games too!

Windows is the largest games platform in the world, even with Microsoft's repeated efforts over the years to rocket-jump both its feet off.

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Samsung touts bonkers-fast 8 Gbit DRAM for phones, AIs

jonathan keith

Re: Proof reading needed?

This could be the first recorded incidence of a number being verbed, though. However, the question still remains: exactly *what* happens when you 51.2 a gigabyte?

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jonathan keith

His Dark Bill Of Materials

If my ailing Galaxy Note 4 is any indicator, those chips will cost far too much for Samsung to actually use them in their own phones.

(Edit: unless of course they're almost certain to fail after slightly more than two years.)

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'Fibre broadband' should mean glass wires poking into your router, reckons Brit survey

jonathan keith

Time for a bigger stick.

I've said it before and I'll no doubt say it again, but FTTP should be part of the building regs in all UK new-builds.

8
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Dudes. Blockchain. In a phone. It's gonna smash the 'commoditization of humanity' or something

jonathan keith

Re: What?

I am a tech expert and having 'run the tech numbers' can happily confirm that, from a tech perspective, your "utter bollocks" hypothesis is entirely correct.

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Four US govt agencies poke probe in Facebook following more 'oops, we spilled your data' shocks

jonathan keith

Interesting...

Surely just a coincidence that last night was the first time I've ever seen a TV ad for Facebook. The message was almost entirely focussed on cleaning up the platform and protecting peoples' privacy, with a very mild nod to the admission that FB might not have quite met those targets in the past.

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The Notch contagion is spreading slower than phone experts thought

jonathan keith

Re: More non-Western models here, please

Throw in a replaceable battery and I'll join you on the streets.

19
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Drug cops stopped techie's upgrade to question him for hours. About everything

jonathan keith

Re: Entering New Zealand

An Interference of Managers?

10
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BlackBerry KEY2: Remember buttons? Boy, does this phone sure have them

jonathan keith

Mafeking relieved

Thank goodness for that; the news does take some time to reach those of us out here in the sticks. We may miss out on the giddy pace of city life but we can still recognise those marketers selling the fiction of a non-removable battery in a phone being 'progress', rather than a strategy of cost-cutting and forced obsolescence, for the weaselly crooks they are.

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Canadian utility makes blockchain upstarts bid for their ravenous rigs' electricity supply

jonathan keith

Re: @jonathan keith - Filthy Goddamned Commies.

No, it's because they're planning to protect the civic body from honest god-fearing (etc. etc.) rapacious companies. Obviously *deeply* suspect values, these Québécoises.

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jonathan keith

Filthy Goddamned Commies.

Excellent work, Canadia.

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Atari accuses El Reg of professional trolling and making stuff up. Welp, here's the interview tape for you to decide...

jonathan keith

Re: You Just Need to Have Faith

Nonsense: everybody knows that it's the magic smoke that makes electronics work.

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Verizon promises to stop selling its subscribers' location data... for now

jonathan keith

"I only sell the gun, Senator."

"... and thereafter it's entirely the responsibility of the customer to use it safely."

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Developer’s code worked, but not in the right century

jonathan keith

Re: Hills

Laaaaaaaaanson.

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jonathan keith

They're selling hippie wigs in Woolworths, man. The greatest decade in the history of mankind is over. And as Presuming Ed here has so consistently pointed out, we have failed to paint it black.

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Audi chief exec arrested over Dieselgate car emissions scandal

jonathan keith

Re: So lets see....

As the old saw goes, it's never the crime they get you for, it's the cover-up.

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Budget Surface 'spotted' in Microsoft's crystal ball

jonathan keith

Fuck's sake, Microsoft

Just build the bloody Courier and have done with it.

3
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No fandango for you: EU boots UK off Galileo satellite project

jonathan keith

Re: Amazing

The single reason for those compromises being written in the vaguest possible language is to delay the inevitable fiery self-destruction of the Conservative Party for a few more hours.

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jonathan keith

Re: Well

I suspect the response to the UK telling the EU to come up with a solution to the Irish border problem would be along the lines of "It was your referendum, your decision to leave and your decision to start the clock ticking before you had even the first idea of what you wanted beyond 'Brexit means Brexit.' We've been clear from the start about what the EU will and won't accept so bugger off and clean up your own fucking mess. And in the meantime, we hope you have enough parking space for all those lorries while they wait for their customs inspections."

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BlackBerry Key2: Clickier, nippier, but how many people still want a QWERTY?

jonathan keith

Battery

User replaceable or sealed? It's important.

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Britain's new F-35s arrive in UK as US.gov auditor sounds reliability warning klaxon

jonathan keith

Er, what?

Re: Gavin Williamson's statement, how's this thing going to tackle terrorism? Based on recent attacks in the UK, I'd suggest that use of a jet fighter is not the most efficient method of stopping a couple of men armed with knives, bomb vests or a van.

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Indiegogo grants ZX Spectrum reboot firm another two weeks to send a console

jonathan keith

Quote from RCL

David Levy and Suzanne Martin have responded with the following statement:

"The actions of the previous Directors is the only reason for everything not being absolutely perfect in this best of all possible worlds. It's not our fault: Blame them. And pay no attention to the man behind the curtain."

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OnePlus 6: Perfect porridge? One has to make a smartphone that's juuuust right

jonathan keith

Re: Note 4

I was saying exactly the same about my Note 4 up until about three weeks ago when I first experienced the dreaded "mmc_read failed" message and discovered that a manufacturer can still try to force one to upgrade after two years through the use of duff memory modules.

1
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Boffins build a 2D 'quantum walk' that's not a computer, but could still blow them away

jonathan keith

Re: 10 Billion starts and buys one. .... [for those with a Need to Know]:-)

Ah! So quantum computing is what will finally deliver us a Lazy Gun.

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BOFH: But I did log in to the portal, Dave

jonathan keith

Server no doubt residing in dark basement, stairs, leopard etc etc?

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Windows 10 April 2018 Update lands today... ish

jonathan keith

Damn it!

No availability here yet. I just want to get the pain over with as soon as possible. Like pulling a plaster off.

0
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ZX Spectrum reboot firm's shareholders demand current directors go

jonathan keith

Re: Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more Guv

That sounds like a gateway to a world of shit.

Popcorn delivered to my upwind vantage point, please.

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AMD CEO Su: We like GPU crypto-miners but gamers are first priority

jonathan keith

Re: Grammar

Psst... in this case it's "weather".

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US sanctions on Turkey for Russia purchases could ground Brit F-35s

jonathan keith

Madness

I know that it's been said before, but it's frankly insane to buy any weapons system and not have the ability to fully service it domestically.

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Cray snuggles up with AMD: Clustered super CS500 lets in Epyc chip

jonathan keith

Excellent news.

Bet you it still won't play Crysis though.

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Nope, you're still a transport biz, top EU court tells Uber

jonathan keith
Trollface

Re: Protectionism...

Better to be fucked over by your own government than by an unaccountable foreign corporation though!

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