* Posts by jonathan keith

340 posts • joined 14 Aug 2007


Cortana and Search to innovate separately in an amicable Windows 10 Insider split

jonathan keith

Re: Avoiding the "C" word


Well played, sir.

The Large Hadron Collider is small beer. Give us billions more for bigger kit, say boffins

jonathan keith

Sort it out, Reg

It's glaringly obvious that the correct acronym is FuCC.

Begone, Demon Internet: Vodafone to shutter old-school pioneer ISP

jonathan keith

Thanks for that. I'd managed to successfully suppress those memories.

Before dipping a toe in the new ThinkPad high-end, make sure your desk is compatible

jonathan keith

The trouble with only two monitors is having the bezels directly in front of you. You really need *three* of them.

There's a gaming-oriented version as well with a 144Hz refresh rate.

To my mind though, the best thing about it is the 1200 pixel height. Now I just need to find a grand in loose change down the back of the sofa...

Happy new year, readers. Yes, we have threaded comments, an image-lite mode, and more...

jonathan keith

Re: Width

Masses more nests to explore!

Florida man stumbles on biggest prime number after working plucky i5 CPU for 12 days straight

jonathan keith

$3k prize?

That might just about cover his electricity bill then.

Boffins manage to keep graphene qubits 'quantum coherent' for all of 55... nanoseconds

jonathan keith

Re: Welll .....

I believe the natural state for Schrödinger's cat is 'undead'.

It's 2019, the year Blade Runner takes place: I can has flying cars?

jonathan keith

You've done a man's job, sir.

Heard the one where the boss calls in an Oracle consultant who couldn't fix the database?

jonathan keith

Re: Vindicated

Ah, shaddap you face.

Your mates vape. Your boss quit smoking. You promised to quit in 2019. But how will Big Tobacco give it up?

jonathan keith

The anti-vaping lobby

As I recall, at the time of the first big vaping health-scare, the largest group lobbying for strict regulation / outright banning of vaping and e-cigs was actually Big Pharma, who were extremely concerned about the hit to sales of their nicotine-replacement products. NiQuitin (made by cuddly, loveable GlaxoSmithKline) and the like.

No not THAT kind of Office Wizard! Roll a diplomacy check to win the election: Vote tie resolved by a D20

jonathan keith

Need to determine your alignment?

Here's a handy chart.

The internet is going to hell and its creators want your help fixing it

jonathan keith

Re: Dear fragile and wonderful academics...

"We" is humanity who, while capable of being really rather decent every once in a while are, on balance, a somewhat shabby bunch all told.

WIPO 'temporarily suspends' whistleblower CIO amid allegations of misconduct

jonathan keith

What is it with people in charge of Patent Offices?

If at first or second you don't succeed, you may be Microsoft: Hold off installing re-released Windows Oct Update

jonathan keith

I think it's an extremely laboured reference to the Titanic.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean hackers won't nuke your employer into the ground tomorrow

jonathan keith

Re: Paranoid

If you even have to ask, the answer is "no".

Samsung unveils next-generation 8nm Exynos silicon

jonathan keith

Never mind that; how good are the photos?

'My entire company is without comms': Gamma's Horizon cloud PBX goes DOWN

jonathan keith

Still TITSUP* here

Hello to you all from the balmy Jurassic Coast (Devonian section)

*Total Inability To Sustain Uninterrupted Phonecalls

Thank $deity that week's over. Look, here's some trippy music generated from pixels of a Martian sunrise to play us out

jonathan keith

More proof (if it were needed) that Eno's Not Of This Earth.

Super Cali goes ballistic, net neutrality hopeless? Even Ajit Pai's gloating is something quite atrocious

jonathan keith

Re: States’ Rights....

Inconvenient for the Executives of Cable companies and their bonuses.

I've seen the future of consumer AI, and it doesn't have one

jonathan keith

Someone phone the shipyard...

... we're going to need a bigger 'B' Ark.

Qualcomm's tardy chip upgrade leaves the Great Wearables Reveal to jokers and clowns

jonathan keith

Now Sir, if you just step over here...

... allow me to demonstrate our newest arrival which is simply *ideal* for the discerning I.T. professional: the Smart Fob Watch.

Use Debian? Want Intel's latest CPU patch? Small print sparks big problem

jonathan keith


"In a statement to The Register, Imad Sousou, corporate vice president and general manager of the Intel Open Source Technology Center, said it's "not true" that Debian can't distribute the microcode package."

Technically, he's absolutely correct in his assertion. Of course, what he's specifically NOT addressing is the fact that Debian *won't* distribute the package.

'Oh sh..' – the moment an infosec bod realized he was tracking a cop car's movements by its leaky cellular gateway

jonathan keith

Re: Default passwords...

Frankly, if someone can't understand or be bothered to carry out a single straightforward instruction, they're a danger to themselves and others and shouldn't be permitted to use the thing.

When's a backdoor not a backdoor? When the Oz government says it isn't

jonathan keith

Re: What if ... Bob reads and then burns the letter?

Bob will have made a mistake. After a period of re-education, Bob will be returned to society, secure in the knowledge that it is *books* he should be burning. Perhaps he might even get a job with the Fire Brigade.

Samsung Galaxy Note 9: A steep price to pay

jonathan keith

Choices, choices...

One Galaxy Note 9, or one Moto G6plus and week scuba diving in the Red Sea?

The last phablet? 6.4in Samsung Galaxy Note 9 leaves you $1k lighter, needs 'water cooling'

jonathan keith

Re: Fuck that.

It starts with occasional massive lag, and random lockups and reboots. From there it's onto failure to boot, and the error message "could not do normal boot, mmc_read failed."

If your Note 4 is still working properly, the best thing you can do (after making sure that everything is fully backed up) is to limit internal storage memory access as much as possible and force everything you possibly can onto the SD card.

If you have started experiencing symptoms, there's a free app on the Play Store called 'Wake Lock - PowerManager'. Install that, set it to Partial Wake Lock and do all you can to avoid having to reboot. That's just putting off the inevitable though, so start shopping for a new phone.

As a coda, I asked the Samsung repair centre in Plymouth for a quote to replace the motherboard in my dead Note 4, and they wanted to charge me £250 for the part alone "because the Note 4 is really popular and so we can."

jonathan keith

Re: Fuck that.

Not really. It seems that Samsung manufactured the Note 4 with the shittiest eMMC chip they could find, with the result that under normal use it will fail after about two to three years - as hundreds of thousands of Note 4 owners are finding out.

jonathan keith

Fuck that.

Samsung have just summarily executed my Note 4 by eMMC failure so can go and do one, as far as I'm concerned.

Devon County Council techies: WE KNOW IT WASN'T YOU!

jonathan keith

Re: It's Devon, they probably think spell check is the work of the devil.

Why blame the Devil when you've got the Cornish living right next to you? Bound to be their fault somehow.

Wondering what to do with that $2,300 burning a hole in your pocket?

jonathan keith

I've got a bad feeling about this.

The ̶S̶i̶n̶c̶l̶a̶i̶r̶ Vega+ *and* Magic Leap in the same week? What next? Human Sacrifice? Dogs and cats living together? Mass hysteria?

Sur-Pies! Google shocks world with sudden Android 9 Pixel push

jonathan keith


Can all of the irritating Clippy 2.0 bullshit be turned off?

Ever seen printer malware in action? Install this HP Ink patch – or you may find out

jonathan keith

Re: Have I ever seen printer malware?

You bastard. At least we now know who to blame when all the local wildlife gets eaten.

Sen. Ron Wyden: Adobe Flash is doomed, why is Uncle Sam still using it?

jonathan keith

And how many people forming string quartets are pretending their name is Keith these days? Precisely bloody none, that's how many.

It's as if we lived through the 80s for nothing.

Microsoft still longs to be a 'lifestyle' brand, but the cupboard looks bare

jonathan keith

Games too!

Windows is the largest games platform in the world, even with Microsoft's repeated efforts over the years to rocket-jump both its feet off.

Samsung touts bonkers-fast 8 Gbit DRAM for phones, AIs

jonathan keith

Re: Proof reading needed?

This could be the first recorded incidence of a number being verbed, though. However, the question still remains: exactly *what* happens when you 51.2 a gigabyte?

jonathan keith

His Dark Bill Of Materials

If my ailing Galaxy Note 4 is any indicator, those chips will cost far too much for Samsung to actually use them in their own phones.

(Edit: unless of course they're almost certain to fail after slightly more than two years.)

'Fibre broadband' should mean glass wires poking into your router, reckons Brit survey

jonathan keith

Time for a bigger stick.

I've said it before and I'll no doubt say it again, but FTTP should be part of the building regs in all UK new-builds.

Dudes. Blockchain. In a phone. It's gonna smash the 'commoditization of humanity' or something

jonathan keith

Re: What?

I am a tech expert and having 'run the tech numbers' can happily confirm that, from a tech perspective, your "utter bollocks" hypothesis is entirely correct.

Four US govt agencies poke probe in Facebook following more 'oops, we spilled your data' shocks

jonathan keith


Surely just a coincidence that last night was the first time I've ever seen a TV ad for Facebook. The message was almost entirely focussed on cleaning up the platform and protecting peoples' privacy, with a very mild nod to the admission that FB might not have quite met those targets in the past.

The Notch contagion is spreading slower than phone experts thought

jonathan keith

Re: More non-Western models here, please

Throw in a replaceable battery and I'll join you on the streets.

Drug cops stopped techie's upgrade to question him for hours. About everything

jonathan keith

Re: Entering New Zealand

An Interference of Managers?

BlackBerry KEY2: Remember buttons? Boy, does this phone sure have them

jonathan keith

Mafeking relieved

Thank goodness for that; the news does take some time to reach those of us out here in the sticks. We may miss out on the giddy pace of city life but we can still recognise those marketers selling the fiction of a non-removable battery in a phone being 'progress', rather than a strategy of cost-cutting and forced obsolescence, for the weaselly crooks they are.

Canadian utility makes blockchain upstarts bid for their ravenous rigs' electricity supply

jonathan keith

Re: @jonathan keith - Filthy Goddamned Commies.

No, it's because they're planning to protect the civic body from honest god-fearing (etc. etc.) rapacious companies. Obviously *deeply* suspect values, these Québécoises.

jonathan keith

Filthy Goddamned Commies.

Excellent work, Canadia.

Atari accuses El Reg of professional trolling and making stuff up. Welp, here's the interview tape for you to decide...

jonathan keith

Re: You Just Need to Have Faith

Nonsense: everybody knows that it's the magic smoke that makes electronics work.

Verizon promises to stop selling its subscribers' location data... for now

jonathan keith

"I only sell the gun, Senator."

"... and thereafter it's entirely the responsibility of the customer to use it safely."

Developer’s code worked, but not in the right century

jonathan keith

Re: Hills


jonathan keith

They're selling hippie wigs in Woolworths, man. The greatest decade in the history of mankind is over. And as Presuming Ed here has so consistently pointed out, we have failed to paint it black.

Audi chief exec arrested over Dieselgate car emissions scandal

jonathan keith

Re: So lets see....

As the old saw goes, it's never the crime they get you for, it's the cover-up.

Budget Surface 'spotted' in Microsoft's crystal ball

jonathan keith

Fuck's sake, Microsoft

Just build the bloody Courier and have done with it.


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