* Posts by word_merchant

39 posts • joined 9 Jan 2017

London councils seek assurance over Capita's India offshoring plans

word_merchant
Facepalm

...they will not be affected by its plans to offshore jobs to India...

I believe the correct internet response is LOL, ROFL.

If you've never seen coding by India's finest, you owe it to yourself to take a look... from a suitable distance. It's either hilarious or horrifying depending on whether it's an enemy or a friend of yours that has to clear up the mess.

This will not end well.

3
0

Microsoft cloud TITSUP: Skype, Outlook, Xbox, OneDrive, Hotmail down

word_merchant
Unhappy

Here we go.

We're all just going to have to get used to this. I've been in IT for a while, and I've always strived to build software that works, keeps working or at the very least provides meaningful diagnostics that pass the '3am test' if things do go wrong.

We accepted unreliability from early versions of Windows - after all it was Microsoft, the problems were local and machines could be swiftly be rebooted. Then we all got real operating systems everywhere and things really just started to work. Even Windows.

Now in some ways we've come full circle - the unreliability is back again, but we've got out of the habit of coding around it or providing useful diagnostics. Even worse - the unreliable machines are no longer ours, and can no longer be rebooted quickly to correct problems. And even worse is that the generation of junior developers coming into the industry think that's just how things are, that you can hack anything together given 48 hours and enough Pizza.

Experienced people are being managed out of companies to save money, and so much outsourcing has happened that no-one's truly sure or really cares who's responsible for what any more.

We are going to see some terrible outcomes from all this and we're going to see them soon.

6
0

Adobe buddies up with Microsoft for new ways to mine your data

word_merchant
FAIL

This is like Fagin and the Child Catcher opening a children's home.

7
0

Samsung's Bixby totally isn't a Siri ripoff because look – it'll go in phones, TVs, fridges, air con...

word_merchant
FAIL

I don't trust Samsung...

...at all.

3
0

Hell freezes over: We wrote an El Reg chatbot using Microsoft's AI

word_merchant
Thumb Up

If you're truly brave...

...you'll give the Reg Chatbot (perhaps to be called Reggie?) its own forum account and we'll see if it makes any more sense and is any more reasonable than the rest of us.

12
0

Spammy Google Home spouts audio ads without warning – now throw yours in the trash

word_merchant
Facepalm

I could see this coming...

Presumably amazon is watching carefully for when it can do the same thing.

9
0

Dormant Linux kernel vulnerability finally slayed

word_merchant

Re: Slayed?

Or maybe "fixed"?

13
0

Fire brigade called to free man's bits from titanium ring's grip

word_merchant
Alien

I was advised by a Hatton garden jewellers not to get a titanium wedding ring because if you damage your hand/finger and the ring needs cutting off due to swelling (stop sniggering!) most hospitals don't have the necessary equipment.

8
0

Why is the Sinclair ZX Spectrum Vega+ project so delayed?

word_merchant
Pint

0/0

Backing any Indiegogo project is always a complete gamble and should be considered akin to putting money in a slot machine. Never use money you can't afford to lose.

I'm a backer of this project and to be honest, given the Sinclair branding I fully expected the finished article to be late and not entirely like the original advertising. Part of the charm really. So maybe I'll receive one maybe not. But not worth getting too angry about.

30
0

Boffins Rickroll smartphone by tickling its accelerometer

word_merchant
IT Angle

Daily Mail version - with same amount of useful content as this article

Music Makes Phones EXPLODE!

* ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS are using this life hack to reduce house prices in YOUR area.

* Playing music at the phone in your POCKET gives you CANCER.

* Rock a hot dress like our all grown up model at Femail Fashion Finder.

* Samsung and Apple CONTINUE to sell these DANGEROUS phones NEAR YOU.

* MPs do nothing.

<...picture of young woman holding phone and laughing...>

Comments 92,285

KeepEmOut - Milton Keynes

"I saw an immigrant fella once. He was on benefits, taking our jobs and eating our children. Then, while he was fitting a new kitchen for the missus, I put Ed Sheeran on, his phone exploded and my house price fell by 50 big ones. Scum. Trump is right."

...

0
0

Can you ethically suggest a woman pursue a career in tech?

word_merchant

Small correction

People treasure narcissism, one-upmanship, and a constant stream of puerile stimulation to hide the barren emptiness within. Our smartphone-centered culture is proof of that.

2
0

Microsoft to close its social network on a week's notice – and SIX people complain

word_merchant
Thumb Up

Hey bae So.cl user <3

...and so on...

0
0

After 20 years of Visual Studio, Microsoft unfurls its 2017 edition

word_merchant

"Just one wafer-thin mint?"

Springs to mind.

11
0

Amazon S3-izure cause: Half the web vanished because an AWS bod fat-fingered a command

word_merchant
Thumb Up

It's a super awesome convenience...

You could take down Bing or Yahoo! any time you like and for as long as you like for "maintenance" and pretty much no-one would ever notice. In fact, why not just leave them down and free up some server space?

2
1

Passport and binary tree code, please: CompSci quizzes at US border just business as usual

word_merchant

This is sad...

...because the general view I'm reading here (and elsewhere) is to not visit the US until things have had the chance to settle down. It's hard to honesty know whether Trump is as bad as everyone says, if he's just irritated the usual incumbents who were expecting everything to go their own way eternally, or if it's a combination of the two. But whatever the reason, the US is in turmoil.

5
0

Up close with the 'New Psion' Gemini: Specs, pics, and genesis of this QWERTY pocketbook

word_merchant

Re: 18:9?

18:9 is clearly much bigger than 2:1. In fact at least 8 times bigger. I can't believe I had to point that out.

11
0

Licence-fee outsourcer Capita caught wringing BBC tax from vulnerable

word_merchant
Thumb Down

Scum

This ^^^

6
0

The Psion returns! Meet Gemini, the 21st century pocket computer

word_merchant
Happy

Backed!

As an ex-Psion owner finding this made my day. Now backed (with leather case).

Couldn't quite stretch to the gold plated edition, alas.

Thanks El Reg! Here's hoping they can deliver...

2
0

BlackBerry's comeback: El Reg gets its claws on the QWERTY KEYone

word_merchant
Thumb Up

New internet law needed...

As we have Godwin's Law fhat pertains to Hitler, I hereby propose Word Merchant's law that states:

"As discussion of a new product grows more heated and less relevant to the actual product, the probability of a contributor basing their argument erroneously on a comparison of VHS and Betamax, and how the wrong format won, approaches 1."

6
0

Finally proof that Apple copies Samsung: iPhone 7 Plus halts, catches fire like a Galaxy Note 7

word_merchant
Thumb Down

F A K E N E W S !

Because the alternative, that Apple is not perfect, is too distressing to contemplate.

0
0

In colossal shock, Uber alleged to be wretched hive of sexism, craven managerial ass-covering

word_merchant
Thumb Down

HR

Her first mistake was going to HR.

HR is usually the largest department in any medium+ sized company, and is populated almost entirely by bored, slightly stupid and generally spiteful women who just want a 9-5 easy life with no boat-rocking whatsoever. If you take any problem to HR they will side with (in this very crucial order):

1. Whoever is most senior.

2. Whoever is most like them.

HR, despite being usually 95% women, generally don't side with women - it's the HR function who is largely responsible for the glass ceiling after all.

HR is not there to represent the workforce - the clue is in their title - Human Resources. HR is there to self-perpetuate its own existence and to act as a buffer between workers and senior managers. That's all.

She did the best thing: she left.

Sometimes if you tread in dog crap, you just have to wipe it off your shoe and walk on.

6
2

Nokia's 3310 revival – what's NEXT? Vote now

word_merchant
Thumb Up

Re: Not the compact cassette.

"...just the superb Agenda..."

Agreed. Not found a better calendar application to this day.

9
0

Talk of tech innovation is bullsh*t. Shut up and get the work done – says Linus Torvalds

word_merchant
Coffee/keyboard

Re: Or, in the vernacular ...

Or in the US:

Trump running all code...

0
0

Apple nabs smartphone top spot from Samsung, but for how long?

word_merchant
Thumb Up

Don't worry Samsung Haters

The mighty Apple will be along shortly with the all conquering iPhone 8 series.

It will certainly wipe the floor with anything that Samsung can make for the foreseeable future. After all, the Note 7 is a total failure just like the Samsung Gear Watch. Well Doh!

Take heart Fanbois, normal service will soon be resumed.

Where's the Tongue in Cheek Icon when you need it eh?

1
2

Magic Leap sued for sex discrimination … by woman it hired to stamp out sex discrimination

word_merchant

Esme - Re: Out of interest...

Paragraph 1 - that's still just basic ergonomics. Make your product fit the person not vice versa.

Paragraph 2 - couldn't agree more. Many of us find these stereotypes and the people who perpetuate them utterly tiring, irritating and demoralising. But I was asking about the headset, because in many fields of product design, the lazy and time worn answer to 'what women want' does seem to be 'smaller, sparkly and pinker'.

5
2
word_merchant
Unhappy

Re: Out of interest...

Thank you for the prompt reply Iglethal. In order:

1. That's just getting the basic ergonomics of the product right, that's not being female friendly. Men have different head sizes and men have different hair lengths as well. Everyone does.

2. I meant the headset, not whatever is displayed in it, which is surely up to the user of the headset.

3. See 2.

So even after 30 seconds of thought, my question still stands.

14
4
word_merchant
IT Angle

Out of interest...

How does one make an augmented reality headset more female friendly?

What does that even mean?

10
2

IBM's Marissa Mayer moment: Staff ordered to work in one of 6 main offices – or face the axe

word_merchant
Unhappy

"...put them in really creative inspiring locations and set them free..."

i.e. "let's make the drones commute for miles to one of our godawful 70s concrete monstrosities then sack them!"

I'd hate to work for IBM, so you have my deep sympathies if you actually do.

11
0

Intel's Atom C2000 chips are bricking products – and it's not just Cisco hit

word_merchant

Re: @ pfSense, SuperMicro, Synology & others

By this stage you should probably release some sort of official statement along the lines:

- we are aware of the issues with the C2000 CPU

- but, we already have your money...

- and our chairman has spent it on gin and hookers...

- so we don't care... (although his wife probably does...

- about the hookers, I mean... she's fine with the gin).

- ...nearly as much as we should do...

- as you are now a past problem and we look to the future, because that's where the cash is.

- so who's the winner and who's the loser?

- we know the answer to this.

1
0
word_merchant
FAIL

Re: Crap support

You're right. Companies don't spend money on customer support or service any more; that cash is instead split as follows: 85% to the board, 14.5% to marketing and making the website pretty and 0.5% to an offshore team to run the customer twitter account ('can you be typing in your number of customer and bank account and identification of order with a quickness kind sir, and I or they or we will be back with you with a perfect answer in hours of plenty').

We will find out that most tech companies don't understand what they sell at all, and are just a change of logo, a website and a hefty dose of BS. It won't be an easy lesson.

11
1
word_merchant
Thumb Up

Re: Uh oh

Don't worry. Just put all your data in the cloud.

7
1

Microsoft foists fake file system for fat Git repos

word_merchant
Facepalm

Re: It's almost as if.... huge monolithic projects...

But single codebases are good for global refactoring, so the code doesn't uncontrollably drift.

A real-world example: sometime between Windows 7 and 10, Microsoft had to change the word 'privacy' to 'user telemetry' and flip the meaning of all the opt out controls throughout the entire Windows codebase without any customers noticing. A single repository for Windows allowed Microsoft to respond in a suitably agile way.

2
0
word_merchant
Thumb Up

Welcome back Clearcase...

...if you ever really went away.

0
0

US tech giants take brave immigration stand that has nothing to do with profit whatsoever

word_merchant
FAIL

Sorry all liberal snowflakes...

...but Trump is actually doing the right thing here for American workers and your caring (yet unaccountably rich) business leader heroes are the ones being shown up as shameless exploitative hypocrites.

Please go and get triggered and do your whining elsewhere. I recommend the Guardian as a suitable safe space, but please be ready with your donations to their offshore, opaque, tax-efficient trust.

2
5

GitLab.com melts down after wrong directory deleted, backups fail

word_merchant

Re: They at least have a backup backup strategy

Craps... I will bring forward my annual optician visit. Or maybe my brain is rotting.

0
0
word_merchant
Coffee/keyboard

They at least have a backup backup strategy

In that all the GitHub users will probably have local copies of their content they can helpfully send back to GitHub. Hopefully.

0
0

Jeremy Hunt pockets £14m through sale of course search website

word_merchant

Re: "Jeremy "Spoonerism" Hunt"

Can we call him Cupid Stunt then?

1
0

The wait is over ... Nokia's BACK!

word_merchant
Thumb Up

One thing has changed...

It's Samsung who has the burning platform now.

5
4

Soz fanbois, Apple DIDN'T invent the smartphone after all

word_merchant
Unhappy

I'll bite

"The iPhone wasn’t as good as many of the other phones the likes of Nokia, Sony Ericsson and Motorola were selling to the mobile networks..."

Define good: less functionality for sure, but the user interface, easy of use, quality of construction and the way the whole device just flowed was bordering on the magical at the time, compared to the crud the existing incumbents thought was acceptable. Do you remember just how bad Windows CE was?

Everyone's well and truly caught up now, and some have definitely surpassed Apple; and Apple under Tim Cook no longer has that single-minded vision needed for true greatness. Tim Cook would make a fine COO, but he isn't CEO material, and it shows.

As a long term iOS user, I'm sadly watching it get worse and worse with each software release due to sloppy bolt-ons (the new lock screen and everything that resides on it), ill-thought out UI design (the Music and Maps apps are now beyond terrible for example) and poor quality, buggy coding (everywhere). But the first iPhone was a revolutionary game-changer and it is disingenuous, mean spirited and short-sighted to write otherwise.

2
0

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2017