* Posts by Geoff May (no relation)

37 posts • joined 22 Jul 2016

Dixons Carphone: Yeah, so, about that hack we said hit 1.2m records? Multiply that by 8.3

Geoff May (no relation)

Re: It's high time CEO's were held directly responsible for these issues

They will find some poor technician and blame it all on that person and then they'll say they found the culprit so holding them responsible is unfair, where's my additional bonus for finding the culprit etc. etc. etc.

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People hate hot-desking. Google thinks they’ll love hot-Chromebooking

Geoff May (no relation)

Re: editing, compiling and testing

You are making the unnatural assumption that editing, compiling and testing is considered work.

Real work consists of having an Excel spread sheet with hundreds and thousands of =VLOOKUP() formulae and several pivot tables. Each spread sheet takes 6 hours to update each day so that it is properly configured for the boss to see project status. The other 2 hours is for the sales staff to discuss handicaps and cycling performance results.

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Bowel down: Laxative brownies brought to colleague's leaving bash

Geoff May (no relation)

When four Germans get together they invade Poland

Surely that should be "When three Germans and an Austrian get together they invade Poland" ...

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Cosmic prang probe: Euro space boffins to smash sats, virtually

Geoff May (no relation)

What really happens when accidents occur in orbit?

My car insurance goes up.

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What's in a spectrum allocation? Aero bods talk drone radio links

Geoff May (no relation)

Drone

Drone = The noise coming from management or sales teams.

8
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How life started on Earth: Sulfur dioxide builds up, volcanoes blow, job done – boffins

Geoff May (no relation)

EU's metrification?

And of course the Imperial measures are so much more simpler. I mean, everyone can remember the sequence:

12 inches in a foot

3 feet make a yard

22 yards make a chain

10 chains make a furlong

8 furlongs make a mile

And don't forget thous, links, rods and leagues ...

All much simpler than this stupid EU metrification where everything is based on 10. I mean, who the hell can remember that ...

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Oh bucket! Unpack the suitcases. TRAPPIST-1 planets too wet to support life

Geoff May (no relation)

Anyone wondering if that is Cachalot?

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Less than half of paying ransomware targets get their files back

Geoff May (no relation)

Re: That headline: Fewer... (please?)

There is less water in the Sahara than in Manchester.

Are you sure about that? Isn't most of the water in Manchester stored in beer?

1
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Death notice: Moore’s Law. 19 April 1965 – 2 January 2018

Geoff May (no relation)

Re: You do know that Moore’s law says nothing about speed?

who says an atom is the smallest thing

Correct, for example, my pay increase for the last 5 years is much smaller than anything else in the universe ...

24
0

The Register Lecture: The Secret Spitfires

Geoff May (no relation)

Re: Adolph Hitler????

Spelling ... should be "Adolf Hitler".

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PPI-pusher makes 75 MEEELLION nuisance calls, lands £350k fine

Geoff May (no relation)

Re: Nuisance calls

All concerned (everybody) get from suspended to 5 years

Shouldn't that be:

All concerned (everybody) get from 5 years to suspended?

Or were you not referring to hanging?

2
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Brace yourselves for the 'terabyte (sic) of death', warns US army IT boss

Geoff May (no relation)
Joke

Re: Logic

.gnimoc s'ti wonk ew os ,ti rof deraperp er'eW

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Google Chrome ad-blocking to begin in February – but what is it going to block?

Geoff May (no relation)

"Ad Experience Report"

Who writes this report?

How is it controlled?

Can anyone influence the report in any way?

0
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Forget Sesame Street, scientists pretty much watched Big Bird evolve on Galápagos island

Geoff May (no relation)

"hardly say that Tories and Labour are different species"

I would ...

24
2

Clone poster girl Dolly the sheep's arthritis was 'normal for her age'

Geoff May (no relation)

Re: Royal (Dick) School of Veterinary Studies at the University of Edinburgh

Is that a dig at HRH The Duke of Edinburgh?

No: https://www.ed.ac.uk/vet

3
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Please replace the sword, says owner of now-hollow stone

Geoff May (no relation)

"Lady of the Mercians"

Isn't that Donald Trump's missus?

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WannaCrypt victims paid out over $140k in Bitcoin to get files unscrambled

Geoff May (no relation)

And even if they did, chances are they'll have to pay some more for the decrypting tools and they'll have a life of 15 minutes and then you'll need to pay some more to get a new tool that lasts another 15 minutes ...

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What is dead may never die: a new version of OS/2 just arrived

Geoff May (no relation)

I used to have Hockware VisPro/REXX

Still got the disks but I've lost the registration so I couldn't use it :-(

Now that is bringing back memories of learning thread and events coding.

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Give 'bots a chance: Driverless cars to be trialled between London and Oxford

Geoff May (no relation)

I do hope they haven't used the M-5 programming manual for the AI coding.

0
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Bloke, 48, accused of whaling two US tech leviathans out of $100m

Geoff May (no relation)

"whaling (like phishing, but bigger)"

What is the cut off where whaling starts and phishing ends?

5
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UK credit broker fined £120k for spamming folk with five million texts

Geoff May (no relation)

"hefty price"

Someone has a strange definition of hefty price ...

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Lord of the Dance set to deliver high kicks at Trump’s big ball

Geoff May (no relation)

Or there is this one:

www.cartoonstock.com/cartoonview.asp?catref=emc0036&ANDkeyword=irish+dance&NOTkeyword=&TITLEkeyword=&categories=All+Categories&artists=All+Artists&mainArchive=mainArchive&newsCartoon=newsCartoon&vintage=vintage&colorOption1=colour&colorOption2=blackWhite&orientationOption1=portrait&orientationOption2=landscape&cp=0&limit=12

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WINNER! Crush your loved ones at Connect Four this Christmas

Geoff May (no relation)

Diplomacy: I'm going to kill my brother and then kill you on the pretext that your brother did it.

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Facebook, Microsoft, Twitter and YouTube team to ID terror content

Geoff May (no relation)

Captain Beatty will be pleased with this

[NT]

0
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BOFH: The Hypochondriac Boss and the non-random sample

Geoff May (no relation)

"IT skillset of a potato"

Now there is an expression that can be widely applied ...

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Twitterstorm erupts over suspected murder of record-breaking earthworm

Geoff May (no relation)

Re: How to euthanise the worm

Isn't that for turning them into lawn darts?

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Three new 'nauts launched to the International Space Station

Geoff May (no relation)

'nauts ...

I understand why Vulture Central use 'nauts but I think perhaps we should start a new word that doesn't have Cold War references and can be applied to all future 'nauts.

I'm going to propose spatiumpatuits and the short form for those that cannot keep up will be spatpats.

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Can Facebook influence an election result?

Geoff May (no relation)

Re: How many click they voted

Or the other way round?

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Ever longed to be naked in Paris? City council votes TODAY

Geoff May (no relation)

Re: A clever move

You have obviously not seen some of the fat buggers tanning themselves in the Englisher Garten in Munich.

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Ransomware scum infect Comic Relief server: Internal systems taken down

Geoff May (no relation)

Re: Strong password

Example of strong passwords:

BrianShaw

TerryHollands

Example of week passwords:

DavidCameron

GeorgeOsborne

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When you've paid the ransom but you don't get your data back

Geoff May (no relation)

Where do they get these figures from?

I have a lot of customers and a high percentage of them have been hit by ransomware attacks. None of them have paid the ransom. Even those who don't actually have an IT department but just "someone that knows how to reboot" have been able to recover their files.

0
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Got to dash out for some rubber johnnies? Amazon has a button for that

Geoff May (no relation)

Old and infirm

I can think of 2 groups that would find these things very useful:

1 - The elderly who are finding it more difficult to get about - and this will mean they can stay slightly independent for a longer. And, they may still want to use rubbers ...

2 - The other group would be those with physical disabilities. Sometimes trying to order things online can be painful long-winded whereas simply hitting a button strategically located will make things easier.

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Pizza delivery by drone 'trialled' in New Zealand

Geoff May (no relation)

Re: What's a lazer?

Legumes,

Artichokes,

Zanetti and

Extra

Roquito

7
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Death of 747 now 'reasonably possible' says Boeing

Geoff May (no relation)

A couple of years ago there was a celebration for the 1500 aircraft built. I believe it was a Lufthansa aircraft.

Not sure how accurate this statement is but it was the best I could find at short notice: https://www.quora.com/How-many-747s-are-still-in-active-service

If that is accurate, then we are probably talking about 40% still in use.

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Microsoft adds useful feature to PowerPoint. Seriously

Geoff May (no relation)

"add any other overly fancy use of language and management terms at will"

Yes, things like:

updation - who invented that one?

resources - they are people not things so say "it will require 10 people to complete the job"

acronyms - it irritates me when people use acronyms and then try and look smug when you ask what they are

I could go on but it is nearly home time and I'd suspect most readers would prefer not to read about my pet gripes ...

5
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BOFH: Free as in free beer or... Oh. 'Free Upgrade'

Geoff May (no relation)

Re: XYZZY

Did you try plugh?

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