* Posts by Ian Emery

1491 posts • joined 9 Aug 2007

FUKE NEWS: Robot snaps inside drowned Fukushima nuke plant

Ian Emery
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Re: Go nuclear

"And to think people actually upvoted your propaganda/onion article."

Actually, he IS correct; without radiation causing the odd mutation, we would never have evolved in the first place; that and the fact we NEED sunlight to make vitamin D.

(sunlight being radiation)

Did you fall for that scam about irradiated foods a couple of decades ago?? The radiation was UV, or intense sunlight to you.

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The eyes have IT: TSB to roll out iris-scanning tech for mobile banking

Ian Emery
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TSB ?? PAH!!!

The incompetent buggers lost my wifes account application files THREE times; I wouldnt trust them with Monopoly Money, let alone the real stuff.

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Reborn Nokia phones biz loses its head

Ian Emery
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Re: Putting Nokia sales into perspective.

Perhaps, but I have only seen one; and that was today when the show off parked it in a 30 minute parking bay for the afternoon (and 1/2 the morning as well), right outside my shop.

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Ian Emery
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Boffin

Putting Nokia sales into perspective.

I have seen more Tesla's than I have new Nokias.

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Google unleashes 20m lab-created blood-thirsty freaks on a city. And this is a good thing, it says

Ian Emery
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Google unleashes 20m lab-created blood-thirsty freaks on a city.

Mosquitoes?? Meh

I was hoping this horde was meant to kill off the REAL "Blood Thirsty Freaks.

Lawyers

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Brit military scolded for being too selfish with sexy high-end tech

Ian Emery
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Black Helicopters

Don't get too hung up on sexy high-end military tech

What?

Like WinXP on your newest, biggest, most expensive white elephants??

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Microsoft drops Office 365 for biz. Now it's just Microsoft 365. Word

Ian Emery
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Re: Inspire...

We switched our little company to Libre Office, but found we had to keep an old copy of Office 98 as well, as a local government department would always send us vital information in a "Newsletter" formatted with weird Excel activeX elements, that meant no other program could display it in a readable form.

The same department would also only send us forms related to education grants via fax..............

We sold the business 2 years ago, and they were still at it, frigging faxing documents in 2016!!!

Age Concern are another, they sent me some info last week that was full of activeX scripts and formatted for Office 98. I mean, I know they have to DEAL with old people, but they dont have to ACT like them; jeezus, I know people in their 70's and 80's who manage the switch to Libre Office with no issues.

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Ian Emery
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Mushroom

Will they try to trademark "365" now??

Just asking.

(Where's the "gets popcorn" icon)

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May the excessive force be with you: Chap cuffed after Star Trek v Star Wars row turns bloody

Ian Emery
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If we are going to go Animé

Cowboy Bebop.

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Ian Emery
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Mushroom

Re: Club with only one member

Right, a remake of "Tour of Duty", mashed together with "Top Gun" and "Starship Troopers".

Real logical, train a bunch of people to fly super sophisticated space fighters, then use them as infantry grunts for 90% of the time.

FFS the opening credits contained clones of several ToD credit scenes!!

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Ian Emery
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AH!! Sapphire and Steel!!

The only show that made perfect sense - as long as you were stoned.

Back to ST TNG, I always had big issues with the huge effing mistake in the opening Credits; they had the sunlight on the WRONG side Jupiter. Sun clearly on the left, right hand side of the Planet lit up.

Although I suppose it could be worse.

Anyone else notice that (According to Series one of "The 100"), "Gravity" is related to having any air; remove the air from the airlock and you float; pump the air back in, and you sink to the floor - in a rotating space station!!

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Ian Emery
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The Tomorrow People

And not that stupid Yank remake that missed the point entirely, and tried to remake Buffy.

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GSM gateway ban U-turn casts doubt on 8-year prosecution in Blighty

Ian Emery
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Black Helicopters

They will drop the COMUG charges

Then charge him with wasting Police time.

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BOFH: That's right. Turn it off. Turn it on

Ian Emery
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Paris Hilton

This reminds me of the time I switched the office coffee brand.

For 6 months I was refilling the empty "Brand X" jar with "Brand Y", with nary a comment.

Then one day I left the "Brand Y" jar in the kitchen.

All hell broke loose.

(If I said "Brand X" smelled and tasted like burnt cat piss, you would all recognise a description of Nescafe, wouldnt you??)

Paris, she can always roast my beans.

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Brit prosecutors ask IT suppliers to fight over £3 USB cable tender

Ian Emery
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Re: Not just restricted to governments

British Gas sent me a bill for 38p every quarter for over 10 years........

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In touching tribute to Samsung Note 7, fidget spinners burst in flames

Ian Emery
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Facepalm

Once again, TBBT foretells the furture

"Penny, EVERYTHING is better with Bluetooth"

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Ex-NASA bod on Gwyneth Paltrow site's 'healing' stickers: 'Wow. What a load of BS'

Ian Emery
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Actually, eating well makes me ill.

I have an auto-immune problem,, anything that makes my immune system "better", makes it try and kill me faster. I deliberately eat things I have anti-bodies to, because they distract my immune system.

As for the report, this bit got me

"that its current spacesuit"

Expect her next con to be about spacesuits made of fruit, or that this carbon is from an advanced, new spacesuit, so advanced they arent even using it yet.

Paltrow, embodies the phrase "Dumb Blonde"

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Science megablast: Comets may have brought xenon to Earth

Ian Emery
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Joke

As told to me

Comets brought the xenon, and Dixons the opteron.

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Please do not scare the pigeons – they'll crash the network

Ian Emery
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Mushroom

Winged Rats? No, but Tree Rats, yeah, had issues with those.

Little bastards chew the cables, as well as use them as a short cut to the walnut tree.

Which reminds me of the joke, "What do you call nuts on your wall?"

According to my Chinese wife, Pigeon and Squirrel taste much the same when barbecued..

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HPE ignored SAN failure warnings at Australian Taxation Office, had no recovery plan

Ian Emery
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WTF?

Soneone owes me a new pair of trousers and office chair

Because I just PMSL'ed reading this.

BTW. Any time someone talks about RAID HDDs corrupting for no good reason, I think "Seagate".

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UK PM May's response to London terror attack: Time to 'regulate' internet companies

Ian Emery
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I am scared, but....

I am more scared of Theresa May than I am of random terrorist attacks.

BTW

Lack of internet was really effective in stopping the IRA bombing campaign in the 1970's.

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Ian Emery
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The West will get out of the Middle East on the same day their oil runs dry.

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BA IT systems failure: Uninterruptible Power Supply was interrupted

Ian Emery
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240volts + 240volts = 240volts

Unless of course you do something REALLY stupid.

The only time I have ever come across anything this stupid was while working in a GUS centre; are they and BA linked in any way??

They were running 240volts via 2 phases of a 3 phase power line, but fitted with SINGLE pole isolators, so in the "off" position, all the equipment was still "live" - and someone got fried.

To compound the issue, every single CB was bypassed at all 25 stations, so even if you tripped all the switches in the control cabinets, it was still all live.

Installed in 1973, I found it the first time I open a cabinet box to try and find out why the guy had been fried - in 1992.

Even if they managed to use two different phases as "Live" and "Neutral", you would still only get 380volts.

It sounds to me like a scape goat has been chosen, and they are making up a story to use.

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Lexmark patent racket busted by Supremes

Ian Emery
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Black Helicopters

Re: Takes me back

Didint you forget to add

"this cartridge will self destruct in 10 pages".

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BA CEO blames messaging and networks for grounding

Ian Emery
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The Compensation Documents

Can be found in a filing cabinet, in an unused toilet in the basement, and behind a sign reading "Beware of the Leopard".

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Seminal game 'Colossal Cave Adventure' released onto GitLab

Ian Emery
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Joke

PC World

Sales staff already instructed to tell everyone they need the latest i7 based PC to play this.

A Joke.

Or is it?

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BA's 'global IT system failure' was due to 'power surge'

Ian Emery
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Heads will roll

But somehow, I doubt the person/s actually responsible will be one of them.

BA having been going downhill for over a decade; this just shows how shit they really are now.

One question though, their tech support was outsourced to India, but was the actual work outsourced to Capita by any chance??

Its strange BOTH are claiming power issues.

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'Do not tell Elon': Ex-SpaceX man claims firm cut corners on NASA part tests

Ian Emery
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I dont doubt that you are correct; but there are those of us who were telling the truth.

I was placed under heavy pressure and docked wages for reporting a dangerous situation at one multi-national, and pressured and then fired from a second for failing equipment I was sent to test.

Even failing a light fitting resulted in me being given "punishment" duties usually carried out by contractors.

On being fired, I wrote down a list of seriously dangerous H&S, Electrical Wiring and Fire Regulation breaches that I had found and reported, and handed them to a member of the local HSE inspection team. They went in and found every single one; but the multi-national involved threatened to move their factory and offices somewhere else, so the HSE dropped the ball.

Heads they win, tails you lose. Report and they will make your life a misery, fail to report, and if something happens they hand you over as a patsy.

I knew a 17 year old kid who trained with me, did something he was ordered, even though he knew it was wrong; a power bank exploded - killing someone. Guess who went to prison, the trainee, or the boss who ordered him to do it??

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UK ministers to push anti-encryption laws after election

Ian Emery
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Re: Known to Authorities.

Err, Google have rolled over and given in to China so often, it is a joke; about the only reason they still regularly block them is to control the influx of porn.

Try to do any search on a controversial subject through a Chinese ISP, and your service suddenly fails within a few minutes..

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Ian Emery
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Re: Liberty for temporary safety

I wish I could upvote you a billion times, such a shame you hid behind the AC tag - although that wont work if Comrade May gets her way.

For the first time in my life, I am voting Labour - even if Corbyn IS a gimp; this government deserves to die even more than the bastards behind the attack.

It has got to the point where I trust them so little, my first thought after the Manchester attack was "Isnt that convenient - 2 weeks before the election. It's almost as if they've done an Erdogan".

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Dodge this: Fiat-Chrysler gets diesel-fuelled sueball from DoJ

Ian Emery
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Re: Eco?

Tim beat me to it; The NOx and particulate issues were well known and mentioned by government scientists giving us briefings on the "Future Ecology and Alternate Fuel Sources" course I took at Birmingham Uni in the late 1970s; which is how I know the current government "surprise" is bullshit.

We also had Army Generals telling us that oil was going to be a military flash point; over a decade before Desert Storm.

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Ian Emery
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Re: It's not just diesels

Yet my Mitsubishi gets consistently LESS when using Cruise Control., averaging 5mpg less than a manual right foot along the M4 and M5 corridors.

The Petrol blend issue raised earlier is also a factor; the fuel we get sold today is far WORSE than the fuel 20 years ago; I watched the decline in mpg across 5 same model cars, doing the same runs nearly every day; they were different ages and mileages, from 9K to 250K, and from "H" to "R" reg, yet you look at the mpg, they all took sharp mpg drops at the same time on several occasions; and on each of those occasions, the mpg never recovered.

More proof; at one time or another, I took three of those cars across France, and I got substantially better MPG from the French fuel - 20% better, almost as good as they used to do on UK fuel when we first bought the cars.

BTW, that Mitsubishi I mentioned at the start; it struggled with the first two tanks of French fuel, but once the EMU sorted itself out, the next four tanks gave me 30% better mpg; and THAT was climbing 2500m up, around and through the Alps and back again; with skis on the roof.

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Ian Emery
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What has teaken so long??

Especially as the original report that launched the VW scandal pointed out that one of the other car brands tests produced more emissions than the VW and ALL the other cars tested combined.

I also wonder at the very small number of cars being quoted, didnt the VW case have VW talking about a tiny number of a specific engine.

Finally, lets be brutally honest, our government KNEW the emissions claims were a crock of shit decades ago; that is why diesel engine emissions arent properly tested during the annual MOT; it doesnt matter how huge that cloud of shit you see coming out the back of that rep mobile or SUV is, it will pass an MOT..

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Vegemite tries to hijack Qantas name-our-planes competition

Ian Emery
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Happy

Convict Transport No.1

Convict Transport No.2

Convict.......

I did like the self loading luggage AND the whinny pom jokes though.

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Man sues date for cinema texting fiasco, demands $17.31

Ian Emery
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Meh

I've had worse dates

I once made the mistake of asking a friend of my sisters out.

The girl said yes, but my sister followed us to the cinema, sat two rows behinds us, and threw popcorn at us throughout the film.

Sisters, cant live with them, cant legally kill them and sell their body parts on Ebay.

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Faking incontinence and other ways to scare off tech support scammers

Ian Emery
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Megaphone

So many good ideas, but most take so much time; I just talk really quietly, then use a loud whistle.

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MP3 'died' and nobody noticed: Key patents expire on golden oldie tech

Ian Emery
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Re: your greedy grasp should always exceed your ability

Actually, there are turntables out there with built in DACs that encode and transmit the analogue output from the stylus; also TTs with optical outputs, USB outputs and various other modern conveniences.

As for all the sneering at HiFi, I enjoy listening to mp3's but I also have a (once upon a time) expensive HiFi set up; parts of which are now over 40 years old.

It is not that mp3 sounds "bad", it just misses bits out (no pun intended); the enjoyment you get from listening to even a fairly low end "proper" HiFi system is the EXTRA detail you can hear. Sometimes you are not even concious you are hearing more, but realise later that it sounds a bit richer, or smoother - or you just seemed to enjoy it more than usual.

I agree with one of the posts above, mp3 is more than good enough for 90% of all music listeners, their players, car radios and micro systems cannot even extract all the detail from a low bit-rate mp3, so a "better" format would be wasted on them.

I also agree about the snake oil, though you missed one of the best - tiny black triangles that you were supposed to stick on everything to give a miraculous improvement in sound.

A proper HiFi nut gave me a sample set, they are still making my 650Watt electric drill sound superb.

(Really, I stuck them on the plug as a joke)

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Blighty bloke: PC World lost my Mac Mini – and trolled my blog!

Ian Emery
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Go

PCW have someone capable of writing a reply?

Who knew.

As for the mac, they probably sent it via a non Apple approved carrier - so it exploded - causing the laptop ban on aeroplanes to be announced.

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UK hospital meltdown after ransomware worm uses NSA vuln to raid IT

Ian Emery
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Facepalm

I for one, welcome the return of the paper patient notes.

Mainly because, when my surgery sent them off to be uploaded to the NHS database, I ended up as a 70 year old woman on heart pills and hormone replacement therapy.

Either way, I have never been able to get a diagnostic error from 17 years ago rectified; but at least the paper notes correctly identify me as man of less than pensionable age.

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T-Mobile USA sued by parents after their baby dies amid 911 meltdown

Ian Emery
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Terminator

(next board meeting)

On the minus side - we are being sued over a dead baby.

On the plus side - it generated plenty of publicity for us.

We have set aside a few $$ for the court case, but GREAT NEWS; after cost cuts to the 911 service, profits are up.

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Avast blocks the entire internet – again

Ian Emery
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More info required

Avast user here - no issues at all (Win7 Pro with no Win updates beyond SP1 as one keeps blocking the OS SATA port - which obviously stops anything from working).

Strangely, a Linux Mint disc can force its way through the block, even when MSDOS cannot.

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Dude hit with $300K bill for faking his hours, hacking boss's website

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Today's bonkers bug report: Microsoft Edge can't print numbers

Ian Emery
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Re: Optional Title

I will admit, 132 is also very rude, but by the time you have managed to count that high, you have forgotten why you were doing it.

Binary doesnt seem to be taught much in schools these days (at least around here), so using it really confuses some people; even "Maths" teachers have been caught out by the question:-

"How high can you count just using your fingers and thumbs."

Most answer "10", and have to be nudged to understand the correct answer is 1023.

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Ian Emery
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Facepalm

Optional Title

1 & 1 is 2

2 & 2 is 4

4 & 4 is 11.7776

O noes!! Edge has come over all Pentium Pro!!

(In Binary, 4 is the rudest number)

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China's first large passenger jet makes maiden flight

Ian Emery
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Re: Roewe IS Rover

Last time I looked CHINA Airlines was near the top of the LEAST safe airlines list (Turkish Airways were at the top of that list).

As for the cabin not being Chinese, I have been in and out of Beijing airport on other 777's and NEVER seen such a severe twist; the overhead storage compartments were moving +/- 10 degrees or more out of true; and I've never, never, ever felt a plane consistently veering off to the edge of the runway every time the brakes were applied; they were obviously dangerously defective, and the whole aircrew knew it - but the plane was still in service.

I went to the airport information desk and told the senor-most airport official they could locate that the aircraft was unsafe, and shouldnt be allowed to leave without the brakes being looked at..

Just because the plane wasnt Chinese doesnt mean it was being maintained to a safe level by the Chinese company operating it. Mistakes get made (look at Concorde - tyres and cockpit windscreen cock-ups), but most employees would not willingly fly an aircraft in such a condition in any western country; after the landing in Beijing, I would expect any western airline to pull the plane out of service at the aircrews report.

PS I've flown Hainan Airlines a few times, old 737s, but spotlessly maintained - at least on the inside. Very smooth flights with soft landings.

I holidayed in Hainan province (just north of Sanya), in 2008, beautiful countryside and beaches; although even then you could see the over-development in many locations around Sanya was starting to spoil the place.

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Ian Emery
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Roewe IS Rover

They have trouble with the "v", so they changed the name slightly.

As for Chinese air safety, I flew one of Air China Southerns 777's out of Guangzhou in 2014, and have never been so scared in all my life; we had a 4 hour delay in Beijing while they used lump hammers to get a seat back into the upright position, and what felt like a totally broken l/h brake that caused the aircraft to swerve violently right every time the brakes were applied on landing, at Beijing and again in Frankfurt.

You could see how shit scared the cabin crew were every time we came in to land.

Taking off from Beijing was no picnic either, the aircraft cabin was visibly twisting in the air turbulence; I thought it was going to tear in half.

Since then, all my flights into and out of China have either been on Western airlines or Emirates.

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Ian Emery
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Re: Fly on one - if you have a death wish

In response to the various queries.

The train stops a few times, and slows considerably crossing a couple of rivers; the rust was on the struts holding the trackbed to the concrete pylons; I saw it in several places, including on pylons for a second high speed line that goes off to the North West of Guangzhou - which hadnt been finished at the time.

There was also significant rust on the hand railings and ladders the workers take to get to the pylons (again, I could see them as the train was stopped at a station with a curved section of track ahead).

As to how long the pylons had been there before the service opened; they werent there when I last took the Nanning/Guangzhou train in early 2012; I'd have to check, but I seem to remember being told by my MiL that construction started late 2013; so yes, very fast construction of over 300 miles of track, especially as the UK takes about 25 years to lay 5 miles of track these days.

The train itself was very nice to ride in, and was set up like an airliner, with stewardess's for every carriage dressed almost identically to the Air China Southern flights I often take.

Certainly the 5 hour trip was much nicer than the 12-15 hours the old trains take.

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Ian Emery
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Fly on one - if you have a death wish

In early 2015 I boarded the high speed express train from Nanning to Guangzhou; the service had opened TEN DAYS earlier.

There were already substantial amounts of rust showing through the paintwork on the bridge supports along the way.

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Heroic stepmum takes one for team, sticks pot pipe up wazoo

Ian Emery
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IT Angle

Non IT click-bait??

Filler text, the title says it all.

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'I feel violated': Engineer who pointed out traffic signals flaw fined for 'unlicensed engineering'

Ian Emery
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Pint

Oregon, where Pi = 3.0

Barkeep, why is there a huge chunk missing out of the side of my glass??

Sorry sir, it was made in Oregon.

Nuff said.

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