The Story of Eustace
Once upon a time, a long time ago, at a small company I used to work for, was a lad named Eustace. Eustace's parents were druggies so he grew up without a moral compass, good role models or a clue. One day his step-mother, taking pity on him, prevailed upon the owner to hire him so he could establish the beginning of a work history, see how normal people behave and maybe get a leg up in life.
Eustace proved quite pedestrian at his work - light industrial and janitorial duties and kept asking me if I wanted him to clean out my office (my "office" was the only room on premises that had a door that could be locked for it was both the R&D lab and server room).I kept telling him not to bother for clutter is my particular idiom.
One Monday the owner told me I might want a new desk chair and that Eustace was fired over the weekend. He then told me how these two things were related.
On Saturday Eustace made himself useful and cleaned up what passed for my office. A bit later the owner showed up and immediately noticed 2 things:
1. His boombox was missing
2. Soft music was playing in the R&D/server room.
Of course, he investigated.
What he discovered in the de-cluttered room was not just soft music playing but cardboard had been taped over the window and candles were burning on the workbench, apparently to set a romantic(?) mood as Eustace about to engage in coitus with his girlfriend on my desk chair. Now I must point out that this was not the girlfriend he was living with and made a baby with and who was going to school so the three of them could have a decent life together. This was his *other* girlfriend, the hot one.
I laughed my ass off upon hearing this. And then, figuring that Eustace lacked both the presence of mind and decency to put at least a sheet of newspaper on the chair, I dragged it around the back of the building to let mold and fungus clean out whatever might be soiling it.