* Posts by Mr Larrington

400 publicly visible posts • joined 8 Aug 2007

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Vulture Central unleashes RegPad™

Mr Larrington
Grenade

Gits!

I am crying with laughter and people are giving me Funny Looks.

Ofcom top of Tory deathlist

Mr Larrington
Grenade

Meh!

Every The Prime Minister in the last thirty years has promised to scythe down the Evil Quangos. Here is how much has changed: 0.

I shall believe it when I see it which, given it's been promised by Dave the Chameleon, seems unlikely.

Police headcams burst into flames

Mr Larrington
Coat

There is here...

...an opportunity for a Michael Jackson joke but I'll stick with The Ruts' "Babylon's Burning" for now.

Russians demand flying cars and telepathy

Mr Larrington
WTF?

perpetuum mobile...

...as any fule kno, is the eigth track on the Penguin Cafe Orchestra's 1987 album "Signs Of Life".

And I've already got it.

An American Werewolf returns to London

Mr Larrington
WTF?

Grrr!

Kill them. With fire.

Buzz Aldrin gets down with Snoop Dogg

Mr Larrington
Badgers

@Uncle Slacky

Flippin 'eck, Unc, did you know something we didn't?

US city demands FaceSpaceGooHoo log-ins from job seekers

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Bozeman?

Bozoman, more like. Mind you, this is a place which once prevented Eleanor Roosevelt from delivering a speech at the university on the grounds that she might be "too controversial".

Worse still, my planned road trip later this year takes me through Bozoman. I may have to apply for a job there, just so's I can attempt to Fuck the System.

Koenigsegg e-sportster moves closer to reality

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Meh!

Another pointless electric "sports" car.

Catholic social club ousts coven of witches

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

@AC

"Church: As long as it doesn't involve a priest and kid, I think we're good to go!"

Has that ceased to be Catholic policy, then?

Srsly, the requirement for compatibility with the ethos and teachings of the Catholic church is going seriously to cut into the customer base.

Orthodox Jews tuck into kosher Koogle

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Censorship my donkey!

No-one is being forced to use it. Teh Intarwebs in all its sordid glory is still there for anyone who decides of their own free will not to use this particular search wossname.

TTXGP e-bikers finish qualification run

Mr Larrington
Thumb Down

I'm sorry...

...but the lack of noise made by those things utterly prevents me from being gripped thereby.

RIP Personal Computer World

Mr Larrington

The most important question...

...is: what happened to inveterate letter-writer Paul Hardy of Bingley, a.k.a "Bushcat Systems"?

There were always copies of PCW lying around in my first job as a Babbage-Engine driver, and ISTR they were touting Un*x as The Next Big Thing.

In 1986.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose, eh?

Google nukes Norks

Mr Larrington
Coat

Simona Halep

apparently has Norks that are visible from space.

Audi working on electric R8?

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

I, for one...

...remain puzzled as to why so many of these new-fangled battery-operated motor cars are of a sporting mien. What is the point of an electric "sports" car if it lacks sufficient voles even to get it to a track day?

Cobol hits fifty

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

@Peter Kay

"For some reason, even Fortran wasn't that nasty to use, even if you did have to be careful what letter your variables started with."

I commend unto Sir FORTRAN 90 which, as well as allowing one the luxury of the IMPLICIT NONE statement, would also let you use identifier names like "soapytitwank" or "hairy_japanese_bastards" without the compiler going postal.

Not that I would ever have done such a terrible thing, of course.

Twitter suffering chronic banality, diagnoses Dr House

Mr Larrington
Flame

Twitter a load of $RUBBISH

What next/ "Water wet, fire hot" says Laurie?

Germans resist Street View invasion of privacy

Mr Larrington
Black Helicopters

@AC

"Whatever you do in public is public. Period."

Not in Germany, it isn't.

In one of his "Fifth Column" pieces in "Autosport", F1 journo Nigel Roebuck told the tale of Herr X, who attended the German Grand Prix at Hockenheim some time in the early 1980s. Frau X, watching the proceedings on the Wireless With Pictures at home, was surprised to see Herr X in the grandstand, and doubly surprised to observe that seated next to him was Fraulein Y. A miffed Frau X consulted her solicitor and in fairly short order Herr X found himself both single and considerably poorer.

Whereupon he sued the TV company for being responsible for his plight

And won.

The following year, race tickets had a disclaimer on the back, stating "if you get caught it's YOUR fault, not ours".

When I relate this tale to The Woman Formerly Known As Mrs Larrington (who is German) she was astonished that anyone would find this in any way odd.

Additional: Peter Thomas should be aware that under forthcoming anti-turrism laws, taking photos inside your own home may be very illegal if the subject contains one or more of the following:

o bleach

o nipples

o Marmite™

o empty Lucozade™ bottles

o children

o pets

o the Daily Telegraph™

o life-size cardboard figures of Mahmoud Ahmadinnerjacket

o anything else that Wacqui Jacqui dreams up while in the bath (please pass the Mind Bleach™)

ESA chooses British army officer as astronaut

Mr Larrington
Flame

And as one would expect...

...the meeja is full of groan-inducing "Space Oddity" puns this morning. Anyone else coming up with a variation on the theme of "Ground Control to Major Tim" will be introduced to my friend Mr Shovel.

Wacky Jacqui defends Michael Savage ban

Mr Larrington
Boffin

Wouldn't it have been better...

...to have kept the list SEEKRIT? Then, in the event of a twat like Savage trying to gain admission to BRITAIN, he could have been quietly told to bugger off at immigration, thereby causing him to waste a metric fuckton of money on his (hopefully non-refundable) plane ticket.

Wolfram Alpha - a new kind of Fail

Mr Larrington
Joke

The wireless

It was on the Today programme yesterday. The Learned Presenter asked it to compare and contrast the decline in the UK's sparrow population with the decline of haddock stocks in the North Sea.

It couldn't.

It's no use to me, then.

Sophos punts anti-virus for Klingons

Mr Larrington
Coat

For the benefit of non-Geeks...

...is "ordeal of Ginst'a'Ed" being forced to eat horrible pasties?

Mickey Rourke to star in Mona Lisa rehash

Mr Larrington
Thumb Down

Kill them

Kill them with FIRE

Kettering to London: 18 hours by rail, bus and pack mule

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Google say:

73 miles. Even in my current state of unfitness I reckon I could cycle that in about six hours.

An unthinking programmer's guide to the new C++

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

@Ralph

It's funny even if you know sweet FA about C And All Its Spawn, which to me is about as comprehensible as Ancient Greek.

Now, where di I leave my FORTRAN compiler?

Ron Howard accuses Pope of scuppering Dan Brown movie

Mr Larrington

@AC

"The only thing exceptional about them apart is the sheer amount of real world details given in them"

Eh? The man has clearly never done any research in his life.

Pudsey Bear refused UK passport

Mr Larrington
Joke

Suddenly...

...I have an urge to change my name to "Mohammed Bear".

OK, it's gone now.

Microsoft retires AutoRun (kinda, sorta)

Mr Larrington
Flame

And while they're at it...

...if I've told Windows to use iTunes for playing audio CDs and insert an audio CD while doing something else else in Media Player, I do NOT want Media Player to drop what it was doing and start playing the CD instead. Just do as you're fscking told, m'kay!

Pork industry in 'swine flu' tag beef

Mr Larrington
Coat

We're all doomed!

It's the Aporkalypse!

Mine's the one with the ham sarnies in the pocket.

Nork splash shot snapped by passing satellite

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Bah!

I too was hoping for some Bulgarian Airbaggery, or at least a Playmobil reconstruction of a ronery Grorious Reader going postal over his rocket's convincing impression of a homesick rock...

Boffins list sci-fi words which wormed their way into dictionary

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

The Great Collapsing Hrung Disaster

There was a seriously collapsed banking system in "Rama II" by Arthur C. Clarke and Gentry Lee.

If you haven't read it, don't bother. It's worse than crap, it's danbrown.

Florida cops taser satnav lake plunge woman

Mr Larrington

@Joe Cooper

I remember some menk in the Midlands parking his Merc in the canal coz he thought its algae-covered surface was grass...

Google to fund 'video Street View' for Central London

Mr Larrington
Thumb Up

Snk!

Is that Luchino Visconti, by any chance?

Pink Floyd's Gilmour backs McKinnon protest gig

Mr Larrington
Alien

Take care...

...Janis Sharp. If Mr Gilmour finds out you've ben calling him "Dave" he may well change his mind.

Leaving PCs on costing UK business millions

Mr Larrington
Flame

Gagh!

Have the calculated the cost of the time wasted in starting the bloody things up in the morning and shutting them down in the evening?

Thought not.

In the case of the POS on my desk, that'd be about twenty minutes a day.

Google Street View hits UK streets

Mr Larrington

Fail

Their automagical blurring SCIENCE has taken umbrage over the sign on my back gate, which now reads "NO PA". It's also blurred out the council logo on next door's wheelie bin.

Councils clamp down on Strategy Boutique Newspeak

Mr Larrington
Flame

Stakeholder?

Van Helsing was a stakeholder. Slimy the vampire buffer was probably one too.

I am not. Now go away, preferably with this garden fork embedded in your worthless skull.

British Korea ambassador in 'diplomatic' blog shock

Mr Larrington
Unhappy

Sounds familiar

When a previous employer was Borged by a USAnian BigCo, The Mgt introduced "Town Hall Meetings", wherein we would sit on chairs rejected on the grounds of inhumane-ness by the nastiest of South American secret police forces for three hours while senior The Mgt cockwombles showed us Powerpoint presentations, corporate rock videos and the turd in human form who was alleged to be the HR director[1], until our eyes bled, or our Gameboy batteries ran out. Attendance was compulsory, unless one could contrive to crash the system five minutes before it started. And after the second one They stopped providing sandwiches, pack of scunners that They be.

I commented at the time that if this was really a "Town Hall Meeting", then the town in question could only have been Pyongyang.

Moreover, no-one has yet mention Kim Jong Il being ronery. Standards are clearly slipping.

1 - He wore white gloves and had only three fingers on each hand, thereby proving that, in common with 99% of HR fuckpuppets worldwide, he was actually a cartoon character made flesh in a Mad Scientist's SEEKRIT laboratory. In Bracknell.

Come on, Sir Tim!

Mr Larrington
Thumb Up

Meh!

By omitting any reference to VAXDocument, La Stob has disgraced herself...

Three months on, you still can't get off the DNA database

Mr Larrington
Alert

CAKE!

What is the point of having cake if you *don't* intend to eat it? Or are there nutjobs out there with samples of cake lovingly preserved in glass jars on the mantlepiece?

Father of ID cards moots compulsory passports instead

Mr Larrington

Gagh!

It's a measure of how mad more recent The Home Secretaries have been that Blunkett sounds *almost* sensible.

Not /actually/ sensible, obv. since the prime qualification to be a The Home Secretary under this lot seems to be the abilty to tick the box marked "Are you a complete fruitbat?" without having to lie.

Jacqui Smith ecstatically ignores more scientific advice

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

@AC

"Horse riding has no long-term effect *unless* you have an accident."

Sorry, laddie, but this is complete bollocks. Side effects of long-term horse riding include bow legs, fat bum, reading the Daily Mail, driving a Range Rover like a total cock and voting Conservative.

In the meantime, consider the graph at here:

http://www.thatsfuckingstupid.com/index.php/2009/01/see-me-after-class/

You did what? The trials of supporting remote users

Mr Larrington
Pirate

Celebrity Give Us A Clue

In a previous existence, one of my tasks was keeping an eye on a thing we used to run for the Ministry of Filth and Lies, or "BBC" as some are wont to call it. Among the clever things it did to amuse itself in the still watches of the night was automatically to execute stored searches of the Data Bases and e-mail the results to the intended recipient. One such recipient was a well-known TV presenter. His searches, though, had clearly been set up by someone else, as the automagic system soon received a plaintive reply from the well-known TV presenter, along the lines of "Help! What am I supposed to do with this?"

Because I am evil, and don't like wasting time wielding the Cluebat, I had set up an auto-reply saying "I am only a a piece of software and cannot help you. Pray call the Helldesk". The well-known TV presenter, however, did not heed the warning, and kept replying. Until, that is, I got fed up with him and deleted all his searches. Blissful e-silence ensued.

Eventually the Ministry of Filth and Lies declined to pay for the system any more, so we buried it in an unmarked grave at midnight with a stake through its heart, and used the disks to make soap. It would be cruel and heartless of me to mention the well-known TV presenter's name, but I'm betting the merest mention of his name makes Mik-ell How-erd squirm with embarrassment.

Mayor Boris backs McKinnon in extradition fight

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Help!

That's twice in living memory I've agreed with the Tory Spawn of Stan. First chopping Ian Bliar off at the ankles and now this. What next, buying the Daily Telegraph?

Doner kebabs: Death wrapped in pitta bread

Mr Larrington
Flame

Next week...

...scientists will confirm that water is indeed wet. They are also hoping to receive funding for their project to investigate whether fire is hot.

Boffin seeks $300,000 to build eight-wheel 230mph EV

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

P34

They did indeed have their reasons, but they weren't terribly good ones. It needed non-standard front tyres and the standard size rears were still out in the airstream, so it had little less drag, and no more traction, than a four-wheeler. http://www.geocities.com/simontmallett/240march1.html shows one which might have worked better, had they been able to get the under-engineered transmission to work.

Shane Ritchie poised to 'reinvent' Minder

Mr Larrington
Thumb Down

Gagh!

Kill, kill, kill, stab, murder and dispatch.

How many nephews has Arthur Daley got?

How the Google stole Christmas

Mr Larrington
Happy

And?

Anything which makes web advertisers unhappy is fine by me.

'Sonic boom' golf club may 'damage hearing'

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

So?

Where's the problem?

UK scientists hit by lack of brains

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Igor!

Have you watered the BRAINS today, Igor? It wouldn't measurably alter the quality of life in Edmonton if SCIENCE were to go on a harvesting trip tomorrow.

PS: @ Mark Fenton - did I go to school with you?

Dark Knight eyes Producers Guild award

Mr Larrington
Flame

Crash & Burn

"the US version of The Office - possible proof that Stateside rehashes of successful Brit series don't always end in televisual crash-and-burn."

Could this have anything to do with the fact that the BRITONS' version of The Office was dismally unfunny to start with? Ricky Gervais is so far up his own arse these days that his digestive tract resembles a Klein Bottle.

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