* Posts by Noonoot

88 posts • joined 6 Nov 2015


Data flows post-Brexit: 'Leave it to government to make sure you've got a smooth run in.' Er, OK


Swap him for an AI virtual Raab

Like they recently did in China (reading theReg's news today), they could send an AI virtual bot instead of these nincumpoops of politicians who don't even seem to have a GCSE in anything, let alone Geography, to let them do all the talking.

Even my Alexa Echo could do better. She sings ring ring a roses really well!!

Does Google make hardware just so nobody buys it?


When you have the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$

You can make what you want when your pocket is deep.

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave me tea... pigs-in-blankets-flavoured tea


Isn't this just another name for Bovril?

Who still drinks that stuff?


Are Brits that gullible?

That really is taking the biscuit.

UK.gov isn't ready for no-deal Brexit – and 'secrecy' means businesses won't be either


Chaos and more chaos

If anyone can be bothered to read all the documentation just recently published here:


you'll notice that every single page starts with:

"A scenario in which the UK leaves the EU without agreement (a ‘no deal’ scenario) remains unlikely given the mutual interests of the UK and the EU in securing a negotiated outcome.

Negotiations are progressing well and both we and the EU continue to work hard to seek a positive deal. "

Going well, going wrong, going disaster???

UK.gov finally adds Galileo and Copernicus to the Brexit divorce bill


#PeoplesVote for space race

You brexiteers that voted for this, you can relish in old episodes of Blakes' Seven and Doctor Who because that's about as close as UK is going to anything intergalactically spatial get if the gov doesn't get its head out of its arse and start dealing with this mistake of exiting the EU.

How an augmented reality tourist guide tried to break my balls


Happy Friday yay!!!!

It's always refreshing to read about your antics à la pisse Alistair. Sorry to hear about your fruits secs escapade. Maybe you should just have held it in your hand. The gadget I mean. No, no, the electronic device....

Ms Dabbs seems a very patient lady. Regards!!

Tesla's chief accounting officer drives off after just a month on the job



Why hasn't anyone written that he's a twat yet because that's what he is? Sorry, but you can have all the money in the world and think you have a good business, but when you are a twat, that's what you are.

Some of you really don't want Windows 10's April 2018 update on your rigs


Re: Stop breaking stuff

"After much head scratching and blaming NoMachine, it turned out that a new (or newly enabled-by-default) Connected Devices Platform Service was now hogging the port that NoMachine uses. Thanks Microsoft."

Microsoft does that on purpose when they see that a great software is doing something better than theirs.

Nah, it won't install: The return of the ad-blocker-blocker


Anonymous apparel

We could all simply wear sheets on the streets and no longer brand anything. Then you wouldn't need ads on websites making you buy the latest whatever. What a dismal state of affairs. Just like North Korea.

How much do you think Cisco's paying erstwhile Brit PM David Cameron?


Cameron's ugly head

Why is he rearing it? I'm surprised he has the courage after the mess of the referendum, so Cisco must be paying him a lot.

I predict a riot: Amazon UK chief foresees 'civil unrest' for no-deal Brexit


Brexsiht braindead

Given the majority who voted for Brexshit are those clueless members of society that don't know how to read and are easily goaded into acting irresponsibly because they aren't even capable of thinking before mouthing of a load of nonsense from the sewers they have for mouths, civil unrest could well be likely.

It's time to start shitting bricks.

'It's legacy stuff brute-forced in': Not everyone is happy with Citrix's cloud


Good ol'terminal services stuff

What happened to the days of terminal services, whether MS, Linux or other? Soon companies will be wanting to take back control completely and everyone will be dusting off the cobwebs from their mega servers they always meant to get rid of but actually got shoved in a room somewhere

RIP Peter Firmin: Clangers creator dies aged 89


Niet niet niet niet

The cynical woodpecker - the mice always proved him wrong


Ticketmaster gatecrash: Gig revelers' personal, payment info glimpsed by support site malware


Someone's going to get fired

As per title

Atari accuses El Reg of professional trolling and making stuff up. Welp, here's the interview tape for you to decide...


Does the COO know what Atari is selling?

As per title.

Dear Companies who think they are amazing,

When you have someone presenting a product or representing your company, make sure they actually know what the product is, does, state it's in, when it's going to be released. Don't put someone who uhms and ahs throughout the whole interview.

This was like watching the recent Mexico Germany world-cup match. El Reg is wearing the sombrero and is prepared for everything, and Mikey thinks he's smart, but sadly he isn't.

National ID cards might not mean much when up against incompetence of the UK Home Office


Trust me, I am Joe Bloggs

Officer: Identify yourself sir, please

Me: I'm Joe Bloggs

Officer: Ok, I believe you.

British egg producers saddened by Google salad emoji update


Oh let's stop the PC nonsense shall we?

Seriously? If I want egg in my salad, I shall have egg in my salad. Is it so hard to cater for both FFS?

But what do we eggspect nowadays? It's eggsasperating to the say the least that one's eggspression becomes eggspendable

Microsoft commits: We're buying GitHub for $7.5 beeeeeeellion



We're shutting down our repository - one, we don't trust MS, two they fucked up Skype, I can just see the same thing happening here. A good project ruined.

Platinum partner had 'affair' with my wife – then Oracle screwed me, ex-sales boss claims


That his wife was having an affair is besides the point. If he officially, and with authorization, took leave for medical reasons, being fired 3 weeks later is not justifiable.

But the cynical side of me can't but think that the plaintiff is suing Oracle to pay for his wife's alimony payments.

Who had ICANN suing a German registrar over GDPR and Whois? Congrats, it's happening


Because ICANN

Who said so? Remember that without the Europeans Uncle Sam wouldn't exist. Show some respect for your elders.

Headless man found in lava’s embrace


Quick fix for a migraine

Some consolation....

You've heard that pop will eat itself. Boffins have unveiled a rocket that does the same


Re: High tech gurus

Try surviving a New Model Army gig.


can you dig it indeed

Herring` - Great years. PWEI - gig at Birmingham's NEC, touring with the Wonder Stuff.


US websites block netizens in Europe: Why are they ghosting EU? It's not you, it's GDPR


Stop spamming

I had no idea I was actually signed up to all these ML services - an excellent way to get myself removed!!!

At the company I work for, this GDPR opt in stuff has allowed us to reduce our forum and ML numbers considerably - thousands of fake and ghost users good riddance!

Want to know what an organisation is really like? Visit the restroom



Why is it that people have to wipe bogies and shit on the walls - the answer is in my other comment - about why employees do such things. Obviously IBM is low down on the list of the "respected companies " rankings.


Re: I nver undeerstood why people who look normal turn into nasty troglodytes...

The state of the toilets is not an indication necessarily that people don't belong to the rest of us civilised peeps, but rather the company they work for is shit and treats them like shit. Hence, employees give back what they get.


Friday fun

As usual Alistair has me in stitches in the open space office I work in.

Your software hates you and your devices think you're stupid


"At this point, I frantically press at FF multiple times to get to track 10. Or is it 9? Silly me, I know the song names and their sequence but never got around to memorising their individual track number. Damn, some idiot added some “rare bootlegs” in the middle so I have to keep pressing and now I’ve gone past the end and find myself back at track 1 again."

What? Do you mean your CD player isn't intelligent enough to know what you want just from you pressing the buttons?

US Congress finally emits all 3,000 Russian 'troll' Facebook ads. Let's take a look at some


Decades of experience hmmm

Just because you've been in politics for decades doesn't necessarily mean you're good at it.

Commodore 64 owners rejoice: The 1541 is BACK


Vintage forever

The 80's will never be forgotten.

Spectrums, Commodores and what next? Acorn's BBC micro? Those of us who grew up in the 80's didn't even realise just how brilliant a decade we witnessed [sigh].

Javid's in, Rudd's out: UK Home Sec quits over immigration targets scandal


Re: What's the IT Angle?

The IT angle is that there is no effing IT in place that would have avoided this whole fiasco!


Hitting those notorious targets of illegal immigrants

Concerning the hitting of targets which keeps circulating all the papers, has anyone actually paid thought to the fact that to be able to hit those targets, you need to have the numbers of (illegal?) immigrants.

So, that means the H.O knows how many (illegal) immigrants it has actually allowed to enter the country. Or is that number reached because you just happen to throw in some innocent citizens who you know will have lost their paperwork from eons before?

What a joke.

RIP: Sinclair ZX Spectrum designer Rick Dickinson reaches STOP


Atic Atac

I remember when my cousin got one for her birthday and I was sooooooooo envious. Those rubbery keys, the little beep sounds, unlocking rooms in Atic Atac.

A genius he was. RIP.

Windrush immigration papers scandal is a big fat GDPR fail for UK.gov


So those Windrush landing cards needed to be held for maybe 120-150 years.

Totally agree. And if their answer is that so much paper occupies so much space, DIGITALISE!!!!! UK pays enough civil servants to scan every single document that they process.

Blighty stuffs itself in Galileo airlock and dares Europe to pull the lever


Stop snivelling

as a (ex)Brit (so emabrassed to be one to be honest) living in the lovely EU - UK should really stop snivelling and just accept that the lovely cake you had hoped on eating is out of reach.


What was put in the cakes is a load of hashish - that's the only explanation

There is no perceived IT generation gap: Young people really are thick


And subsquently ruined every choc bar.

Curly Wurly included


Re: That takes me back

"like the crumbly bleached dog turds you’d see decorating every pavement curb corner. " - do these still sit on curbs or have dogs moved on as well and become cultural start-up freaks?!

Geez, even shit moves on in the world!

And what has become of the English language - it too evolves itself sprouting unusual innuendos. What do we expect as we all sit here, young and old, choosing emojis instead of writing "hey that's shit".

Size does matter, chaps: Oversized todgers an evolutionary handicap


small talk in the gents?

Erm I came late to this article and I think I just walked in to the gents' toilets

Machines learned to assemble IKEA’s semi-disposable furniture


Re: Not the real world

I didn't realise that all men were good at losing allen keys and then resort to asking their wife where said allen key is.

Don't all men have tool boxes!!!!!!?????????!!!

ID theft in UK hits record high as crooks shift to more vulnerable targets


What makes a good security question?

Tomorrow's security question should definitely not be about your past, your habits, your family or your hobbies. So no memorable information.

I too have to write down 150 plus account details, and then keep them on paper in case my computer is stolen where I have stored my passwords. What about if they steal my piece of paper? So I have to have several copies, hidden, just in case. Copies of copies of copies.

A total 'MARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t fight automation software for control, just turn it off. FAST


Re: Even in the extremely unlikely event that fully autonomous vehicles ever become viable

And I'll just stay at home thanks and play at the Good Life

What a time to be alive: LG and Italian furniture-maker build smart sofa


no one's mentioned it yet but

Forget farts and catnaps. What happens if you use said settee a "soiree a due" - the intimate get together on a Friday night?!!!!!

Lights on. Off. On. Off. .....TV screen will burn out.

The neighbours will think there are burglars and call the police. WTF!


Re: How to know which ones are jokes? - don't be so grumpy

@Milton I know it's Friday, and it's also the 13th (oh no....twilight zone music can be heard in the background), but a Natuzzi sofa with sensors that puts the lights on and activates the TV would mean that when I get home, I don't have to do anything except head towards the sofa, in the dark mind you, and just throw myself on it. Fantastic!!!! And now I'm rubbing my bloody big toe that I stubbed on the stupid Calligaris table that stands stupidly just next to the stupid Natuzzi sofa.

British government to ink deal for yet another immigration database


"There is simply no way to have an effective immigration control system in a country without a mandatory identity system.

You see a guy in the street. How can you enforce an identity check on him as an immigrant in a country where identity is not mandatory even for driving licenses while driving?"

Someone finally talking sense. .

.and who said you can't have a system without knowing what's going to happen regarding Brexit? With or without Brexi, it's called planning, and doing things in modules.

I'm not convinced that Accenture will do that much better than what IBM (?) tried to do back then.

UK.gov expected to quit controversial harvesting of schoolchildren's nationality data


The topic

Is the article is really about privacy concerning your origins, it's not about healthcare, yet most of the comments are about migrants (who are probably criminals according to some of you) sponging or using frontline services???

Privacy. Privacy of everyone. So don't ask me if I'm white British,afro caribbean,Indian, Asian, male, female next time. Just take everyone to be sexless and possibly from planet Earth for absolutely everything: schooling, job interview, healthcare, and any other occasion when an authority thinks it has the right to know where I'm from. That way we never know who is doing what, where and when.

Hell, yeh, let's just not know anything about anyone, then UK can get back the control it's already lost.

Nope, you're still a transport biz, top EU court tells Uber


Re: @Noonoot

@ShelLuser - LOL LOL Poor saucepan!!


Europeans are so pragmatic

Like with the duck scenario, if it stinks and its brown, there's only one thing it can be

Facebook suspends, investigates CubeYou, another data-harvester


When Italy puts on its rubber gloves.....

sono cazzi amari....


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