* Posts by Joe User

535 posts • joined 30 Jul 2007

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Greybeard greebos do runner from care home to attend world's largest heavy metal fest Wacken

Joe User

If it's too loud, you're too old

Rock on, grey-beards!

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*Thunk* No worries, the UPS should spin up. Oh cool, it's in bypass mode

Joe User

Re: I, for one, can't wait to read about the sequel.

> It's called Fukushima.

It's also called New Orleans.

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Suspected drug dealer who refused to poo for 46 DAYS released... on bail

Joe User

Re: Ah well...

There is a point when Indian police approach of force-feeding bananas under similar circumstances starts to seem more humane.

Just provide him with a bowl of sugar-free Gummi Bears (and be prepared to hose-out his cell...).

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Put down the eggnog, it's Patch Tuesday: Fix Windows boxes ASAP

Joe User

Re: IE and Edge

"So edge is proof you can't sharpen a turd either..."

Actually, MythBusters proved that you can polish a turd.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiJ9fy1qSFI

But in the end, you still have just a turd, even if it is nice and shiny.

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Euro Patent Office commanded to reinstate 'Nazi judge' it attacked

Joe User

If Battistelli is going to act like a junior Napoleon, they should put him in charge of the branch office in St. Helena....

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Jupiter flashes pulsating southern pole, boffins understandably baffled

Joe User

Flashes pulsating at the poles

The solar system's biggest raves.

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Ex-Facebook manager sues biz after getting 'Zucked out of overtime'

Joe User

Re: All depends on how useful you are.

> And I never got a thank you.

Nor will you. Management didn't want to pay for overtime. You had them over a barrel, and they caved in. Once it dawned on management that everyone in their IT department saw one of their coworkers "stand up to The Man" and succeed, they were forced to pay overtime or be faced with future refusals to do after-hours work.

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US voting server in election security probe is mysteriously wiped

Joe User
FAIL

Re: "Low level format"

@ElReg!comments!Pierre: Also know to most techies as simply "format". There is no such thing as "high-level format". There is formatting, and there is deletion of the partition table. Microsoft's "quick format" is therefore not formatting anything. "low-level" format here would not be (more) indicative of deliberate mischief.

You don't know what you're talking about. Perhaps you should try using that new-fangled thing called Google:

Low-level format (LLF) -- https://www.webopedia.com/TERM/L/LLF.html

High-level format (HLF) -- https://www.webopedia.com/TERM/H/HLF.html

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Interstellar space rock screams through Solar System

Joe User

Re: That's a weird orbit

Are we missing two humpback whales and a cetacean biologist, by any chance?

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Robot granted Saudi citizenship has more rights than Saudi women

Joe User
Megaphone

"promote Saudi Arabia as a place to develop artificial intelligence"

Because the country is sorely lacking in real intelligence....

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China cools on Apple's high-priced iBling

Joe User

Emergency announcement from Apple's CEO

Make the Kool-Aid stronger!!!

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Equifax CEO falls on his sword weeks after credit biz admits mega-breach

Joe User

Equifax CEO "retires"

More like "bails out with his golden parachute."

FTFY

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IT plonker stuffed 'destructive' logic bomb into US Army servers in contract revenge attack

Joe User

Acronym?

Is "Das" short for Dumbass"?

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F-35 firmware patches to be rolled out 'like iPhone updates'

Joe User

The current version, Block 3i, is due to be superseded by Block 3F once development on the latest version is completed

The whole F-35 project looks more 4-F to me....

(For those who are unfamiliar with that designation, see http://directionsindentistry.net/4f-unfit-for-service-because-of-teeth/ ).

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Surprising nobody, lawyers line up to sue the crap out of Equifax

Joe User

Re: So, time to settle on some insulting synonyms for Equifax

How about "Bend-Over-And-Grab-Your-Ankles-fax"?

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Sub plot subplot thickens: Madsen claims hatch fumble killed Swede journo Kim Wall

Joe User

Re: Indeed

Next excuse: sawfish cut off her head and limbs.

2
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Don’t buy that Surface, plead Surface cloners

Joe User

Re: Open up!

"Pretty confident RAM DIMMs in laptops went away forever about half a decade ago..."

Uh, no. More laptop models than not have DIMM slots. The ultra-slim machines have soldered-only RAM because there's just no room for the slots. It's a lot faster (and cheaper) to replace a DIMM with a bad chip than it is to get a system board transplant from the manufacturer's service company.

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Well, debugger me. Microsoft's BSOD fixer is getting a makeover

Joe User
Holmes

An easier way to analyze Windows memory dump files

BlueScreenView -- http://www.nirsoft.net/utils/blue_screen_view.html

Scans all your minidump files created during "blue screen of death" crashes and displays the information about all crashes in one table. For each crash, BlueScreenView displays the minidump filename, the date/time of the crash, the basic crash information displayed in the blue screen (Bug Check Code and 4 parameters), and the details of the driver or module that possibly caused the crash (filename, product name, file description, and file version).

Simply unpack the ZIP and run the EXE. The crash suspects are highlighted with a pink background.

2
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Daily Stormer booted off internet again, this time by Namecheap

Joe User

Re: Vileness in public

joeW: "The Daily Stormer - Literally Less Classy Than ISIS"

Talk about splitting hairs....

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70% of Windows 10 users are totally happy with our big telemetry slurp, beams Microsoft

Joe User

Re: Still not going there

Novex: "Until then it's Linux Mint, and VMs with older MS OSes (if only I could get the updates to install properly on them without 100% svchost.exe usage for days on end)."

If you're running Windows 7 in that VM, give Windows Quick Patch a try:

https://www.techpowerup.com/forums/threads/fixed-windows-7-sp1-never-ends-searching-for-updates.221756/

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US military gets authority to shoot down citizens' small drones

Joe User

Puff, the Magic Dragon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKOrpyO0z48

Puff's big brother

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_F809jKdD-E

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Linux kernel hardeners Grsecurity sue open source's Bruce Perens

Joe User

"Ah you don't get this sort of trouble with Windows..."

Seeing as you have NO redistribution rights with Windows, it's a non-issue.

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Thought your divorce was ugly? Bloke sues wife for wiretapping – 'cos she read his email

Joe User

Re: Why issue a sueball?

Perhaps he doesn't want his former "ball and chain" in jail, he just wants some of his money back.

5
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Adobe will kill Flash by 2020: No more updates, support, tears, pain...

Joe User
Happy

Good-bye, Adobe Flash Player

Don't let the door knob hit you on the way out....

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Iranian duo charged with hacking US missile simulation software biz

Joe User
Thumb Up

Re: International Traffic in Arms Regulations? Another US Government joke!

The older readers will no doubt remember how T-shirts were used to distribute PGP, written by Phil Zimmermann, to circumvent the US Arms Export Control Act - an activity that continues to this day. See: http://www.cypherspace.org/adam/shirt/media.html)

I had a t-shirt on which was printed the C header needed to decode a video DVD. I was quite proud that my shirt was classified as a munition by the U.S. government and banned for export.

0
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Slower US F-35A purchases piles $27bn onto total fighter jet bill

Joe User

Re: An imperfect solution for an imperfect world

@DougS -- I think that Putin is displaying two classic Russia traits: greed and paranoia. Greed because a bigger country is a more "manly" country. And paranoia because he has some twisted idea that NATO wants to invade Russia, when the truth is just the opposite. NATO was created to resist Russian expansionism (see the first part about "greed"). Russia has a not-so-friendly China on its southern border, but you don't see Putin trying to annex Mongolia, do you?

And if you're going to talk about "the west" supplying arms to the rebels in Syria, please expound on the Russians supplying arms to the Syrian government/dictatorship. If you want to play the blame game, then there's plenty to go around.

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Joe User

An imperfect solution for an imperfect world

And now for the flip side of that coin. The nutballs running those countries have an intense dislike of more enlightened countries, i.e. France, Germany, the U.K., the U.S.A., etc. They either a) slip some of their nutballs into those countries to cause murder and mayhem; b) encourage local nutballs to join their cause; c) buy/develop potent weapons to attack those countries; or d) all of the above.

What are you going to do then? Keep saying "Stay out of my country!" until the nutballs chose to listen? This "turn the other cheek" mentality gets old fast when a bully keeps hitting you because you refuse to defend yourself (especially when you are very capable of defending yourself). Or do you develop a bunker mentality and watch as your country becomes increasingly paranoid and eliminates personal freedoms in the name of security?

14
2

Microsoft drops Office 365 for biz. Now it's just Microsoft 365. Word

Joe User
Devil

"We are transforming the way we partner with you," corporate VP Ron Huddleston intoned.

"The same way that we 'partnered' with you during the development of Windows 8."

4
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Joe User
Flame

Re: As if they didn't have enough

Sounds a lot like my damned cable TV company/local monopoly.

"Oh, you want channel A? It has been repositioned in our channel line-up and is now available in bundle X and above."

"Why can't I simply choose the few channels that I watch and just pay for them? I don't need any of those others."

"I'm sorry, we only offer select channel bundles."

<Sigh> "Okay, I guess I'll take bundle X for $50 a month."

"I'm looking at your account. In order to get bundle X, you have to add phone service and increase your data speed to 1 gigabit."

"But I don't need phone service, and 100 megabits is fine for my needs."

"Bundle X is tied to those services. We have no way to separate them."

Etc., etc., ad nauseam. My cable TV company uses 2 shovels to fling all their bullshit....

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Britain's warhead-watcher to simulate Trident nukes with Atos supercomputer

Joe User
Boffin

Re: do we really need to simulate this?

It would be somewhat amusing if nuclear war broke out and all the worlds weapons failed to go off through lack of use.

Yes, but there would still be a lot of highly radioactive material scattered about (think "dirty bombs" instead of "big-boom bombs").

0
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Florida Man to be fined $1.25 per robocall... all 96 million of them

Joe User
Devil

Re: Good luck with collecting that fine.

I think a fitting punishment would be to make the perp scrub public toilets until shiny clean, one toilet per call violation.

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Lockheed, USAF hold breath as F-35 pilots report hypoxia

Joe User
Happy

That will end up being the pilots' nickname for the plane:

I fly an F-35 "What's wrong now?!"

2
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Joe User

Re: Stinks!

The American equivalent is "butt trumpet", which is a pretty good description of the President's statements....

2
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Joe User

Re: O2 many issues

Ledswinger: Had the idiots of the British government included catapults in the original spec of the QE class carriers, we wouldn't need the costly abomination that is the F35B.

I think would it have been cheaper to equip the carriers with catapults and conventional aircraft than to flush money down the crapper on the shoddy F35's.

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US Navy developers test aircraft carrier drone control software

Joe User
Trollface

Re: Really??

They may be hacker proof but are they jarhead proof?

That feature is available on the U.S. Marines' version.

2
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Apache OpenOffice: Not dead yet, you'll just have to wait until mid-May for mystery security fixes

Joe User

Updates for OpenOffice

Amounts to one last transfusion because the body is still warm....

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Waiter? There's a mouse in my motherboard and this server is greasy!

Joe User
Mushroom

Re: Seen that one too

I love the smell of napalm burned roach in the morning. It smells like . . . victory!

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Stop asking people for their passwords, rights warriors yell at US Homeland Security

Joe User
Mushroom

Request for login credentials

The proper response to that is "Piss off".

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Joe User

We desperately need a Trump icon.

My vote is for a picture of a horse's arse.

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Intel loses its Lustre – Chipzilla bins own-brand HPC file system

Joe User
Holmes

Intel bailing on programs

Could Intel be feeling a wee bit nervous about the AMD Ryzen launch? Perhaps Intel is paring expenses due to the looming prospect of price cuts on its processors. Enquiring minds want to know....

1
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New plastic banknote plans now upsetting environmental campaigners

Joe User
Trollface

To all vegetarians/vegans/environmentalists

If you object to the materials used to create your £20 notes, I will gladly take them off your hands at no charge!

1
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Cisco reports bug disclosed in WikiLeaks' Vault 7 CIA dump

Joe User
Big Brother

Show of hands

How many people think this is a newly discovered flaw that Cisco found in the Vault7 documents?

Now, how many people think this is a known exploit that Cisco only went public with because it was exposed in the Vault7 documents?

Pardon me while I get my tinfoil hat....

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Will AI lead to the rise of the love machines?

Joe User
Coat

Gives a new meaning to the phrase "machine screw"....

0
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Man jailed for 3 days after Texas cops confuse cat litter for meth

Joe User

ukgnome: Takes the piss doesn't it

And clumps nicely, too!

12
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Routine jobs vanishing and it's all technology's fault? Hold it there, sport

Joe User

Re: Production economy, no consumers

Brian Miller: "After all, how does anyone think the Deathstar was built? Union labor? Nope, it was all machines."

Are you so sure about that?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5lDKjA_7I0

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Firmware freakout sends Epson Wi-Fi printers into reboot loop

Joe User

IoMT

Internet of Malfunctioning Things

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Joe User

You buy a printer to print, when you buy it, it works and prints as expected. Why would you need a firmware update?

Because all modern printers contains a processor of some sort, plus built-in programming (more so if they're multi-function devices). Firmware updates are the only way to fix bugs and/or add new features.

0
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HMS Queen Lizzie to carry American jets and sail in support of US foreign policy

Joe User

Re: And if the F35B's aren't ready by then

Tell the Marines to bring their F/A-18 Hornets, too. The carrier will be much better protected with those planes on-board versus the F-35B.

1
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Veeam kicks Symantec's ass over unpatentable patents

Joe User

Re: Swish! Nothin' but net!

Doctor Syntax: And USPTO paying Symantec's costs. They granted the patents in the first place.

Uh, no. The USPTO is funded by taxpayer dollars. Let Symantec eat the cost of this fiasco. I see no reason why I should subsidize corporate stupidity.

1
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Office Depot halts PC Health Checks amid bogus infection claims

Joe User
Holmes

Re: Exploit US citizens for maximum profit

Idiots come in all shapes, sizes, colors - and nationalities.

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