* Posts by Martin Maloney

296 posts • joined 28 Jul 2007

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It's not just your browser: Your machine can be fingerprinted easily

Martin Maloney

What about using a VPN?

Does a VPN server send data about itself, or does it pass along data from computers accessing it?

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Internet of Sh*t has an early 2017 winner – a 'smart' Wi-Fi hairbrush

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Re: fail

A WiFi toothbrush could be a good thing to have, by gum!

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Martin Maloney
Trollface

Well, somebody had to

Enough of this gratuitous negativity!

If one of you rude critics would actually buy this item and use it for a week or so, then you might not want to part with it.

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Google's become an obsessive stalker and you can't get a restraining order

Martin Maloney
Happy

Re: It will continue for a while longer

"...Can't recall anyone ever calling them "Xerox machines" or similar."

To cite just one example, what about Jello? When a commercial product or service becomes dominant in its category, its trade name often becomes a generic term.

Have you ever ordered a fruit-flavored gelatin dessert?

As another example, people say, "Google it," rather than "Yahoo it" or "Enter a term into any Internet search engine."

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Florida Man's prized jeep cremated by exploding Samsung Galaxy Note 7

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Feeling reassured...or not...

"The Korean electronics giant says it will replace all of the recalled units with new phones less prone to spontaneous combustion..."

"Less prone?" How does one quantify that? "Our replacements are XX% less prone to spontaneous combustion?"

I can see the ad campaign now:

The New Samsung Galaxy Note 7 -- The Less Prone Phone

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The Internet of Cows is moo-ving fast … no bull!

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Is this tech for real?

You wouldn't give us a bum steer, would you?

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Baltimore cops: We flew high-res camera planes to film your every move

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Re: Personally, I applaud the use of this technology.

Instead, just buy a cow and allow it to roam onto your neighbors' lawn!

(Would I give you a bum steer?)

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Ancient radioactive tree rings could rip up the history books

Martin Maloney
Pirate

Re: Does it really matter ?

"...the universe has stars and galaxies that are further (sic) than 6000 light-years away..."

The person, religious or not, might refer you to the work of Chip Arp and others, who dispute that red-shift is a Doppler manifestation.

In short, they contend that the Big Bang/Expanding Universe paradigm is faulty.

Do the research -- even read a book or two.

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Post-Silk Road, Feds bust chaps for 'dealing heroin, coke' on world's largest dark web souk

Martin Maloney
Facepalm

You just can't fix stoopid (sic)

"...after agents linked the "encrypted email address used by 'Area51' and 'DarkApollo'" to Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook social media accounts."

In reality, the so-called "social media" are intelligence gathering/data mining operations.

So what kind of clueless idiots, who are engaged in illicit online businesses -- drugs, prostitution, kiddie porn, etc. -- also sign up for social media accounts?

The kind who get caught.

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Don't want to vote for Clinton or Trump? How about this woman who says Wi-Fi melts kids' brains?

Martin Maloney
Happy

"Isn't Cthulhu running this year?"

You betcha, and here's the T-Shirt:

http://www.revoltwear.net/shop/cthulhu-for-president/

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Windows 10 Anniversary Update: This design needs a dictator

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Why does my mind do these things?

"...The wireframe glyphs which were chosen because they scale better across devices are much harder to identify correctly..."

Beware of geeks bearing glyphs.

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Cortana expelled from Windows 10's new school editions

Martin Maloney
Unhappy

Re: I'm torn.

"I want the same to happen to my Win 10 pro"

You're outta luck. I read just yesterday that the Anniversary Edition will make it impossible to deactivate Cortana.

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Martin Maloney
Unhappy

Re: What about the rest of the telemetry?

"Errr. Take courses at a college or university [and verify if a student, you met the requirements]."

Perhaps you missed these lines:

“Windows 10 Pro Education” and “Windows 10 Education” have been “designed for the unique needs of K-12 institutions.”

“ … to all K-12 customers as it provides the most complete and secure edition for education environments.”

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Church organist nabbed for playing glory hole in excelsis

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Am I the only old fart here?

Q: What's better than roses on your piano?

A: Tulips on your organ.

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Did Donald Trump really just ask Russia to hack the US govt? Yes, he did

Martin Maloney
Trollface

The folly of lesser evilism

@ Joe User

"Neither Trump nor Hillary are qualified to be President of the U.S. People say to "vote for the lesser of two evils", but in this election, it's nothing more than an exercise in splitting hairs."

http://www.revoltwear.net/shop/cthulhu-for-president/

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Star Trek Beyond: An unwatchable steaming pile of tribble dung

Martin Maloney

Re: "A human would have realised that... What are you?!?"

"A slightly dented human from standing too close to a car assembly robot I would assume..."

Slightly dented? On July 1, a worker in a Volkswagon plant in Germany was grabbed by a robot and shoved into a metal plate, crushing his chest, killing him.

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/robot-crushes-contractor-death-vw-motor-plant-germany-n385541

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Coup-Tube: Turkey blocks social networks amid military takeover

Martin Maloney
Coat

Grrr...

Rude infidels ruined my St. Swithen's Day!

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Facebook ‘glitch’ that deleted the Philando Castile shooting vid: It was the police – sources

Martin Maloney
Holmes

Re: Wow

"...The Public must start hunting down bad police behavior and the Law must be changed to ensure that no cop can confiscate evidence, legally that is."

The first step is to stop using the expression "confiscate evidence." When a person with a gun orders you to surrender your private property, the correct legal term is "armed robbery."

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Countdown to Jupiter: Juno just seven days from orbit

Martin Maloney
Coat

I just can't help it, by Jove

Q: What's the name of NASA's Jupiter probe?

A: Don't Juno?

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Motion Picture Ass. of America to guard online henhouse

Martin Maloney
Boffin

The correct abbreviation for association is assn. not ass.

Methinks that the use of ass. was a sly editorial comment.

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It's 2016 and now your internet-connected bathroom scales can be hacked

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Entirely too much fun

Who would want to hack a bathroom scale? Well…

Let's say that some obnoxious show-off bloke brags to you about his expensive IoT bathroom scale. So you hack into it, causing it to increment his actual weight by 1-2pounds every 3-4 days. After a couple of weeks or so, he would become concerned about his “weight gain” and cut back on his food consumption – and it wouldn't do any good!

Then you reverse the hack, decrementing his weight. At first he would be gratified that his diet was finally starting to work. However, when you reach the point that the scale gives an accurate weight display, you continue decrementing, taking him 15-20 pounds “underweight,” and increasing his food intake wouldn't do any good!

It would never occur to the bloke that his expensive, state-of-the-art toy was malfunctioning.

(They're really not supposed to allow Internet access from this ward.)

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China wants to bring home moon rocks in moon vacuum

Martin Maloney
Trollface

I just can't help it, folks

Q; What do a male walrus and a Chinese vacuum flask have in common?

A: They both like a good, tight seal.

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Firemen free chap's todger from four-ring chokehold

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Oh, why not?

From the bottom of the article:

"Tips and corrections"

The chap was uncircumcised?

Q: How do you circumcise a whale?

A: With four skin divers.

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That's cute, Germany – China shows the world how fusion is done

Martin Maloney
FAIL

Re: "super-heated plasma that turns the Earth into another star"

@ Pascal Monett

"Um, no. I'm not a physician..."

BWA-HA-HA-HA

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Who would code a self-destruct feature into their own web browser? Oh, hello, Apple

Martin Maloney
Coat

For future reference

Never take your goat on a safari, especially if you're in a huff (which is a small British motorcar.)

He'll wander away, and you won't be able to keep tabs on him.

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Squeeze the banana to log into this office Wi-Fi

Martin Maloney
Coat

The banana keygen

I find it a-peeling.

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Put your private parts on display if you want to keep earning a living

Martin Maloney
Coat

My mind is going

Someone tried to sell me a used rangefinder camera.

I didn't buy it. I told him that I'd Leica new one.

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Russian Pastafarian wins right to bear colander

Martin Maloney
Coat

It's a visual pun, folks

So having a drivers license photo with a colander on one's head started in Austria, then spread to the US, and now to Russia.

It adds a whole nother meaning to “brain drain.”

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Martin Maloney
Trollface

Re: Meaballs through the looking glass

"...with rites and activities that *had to* be followed."

The only thing that a nonconformist hates more than a conformist is another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity!

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Murderous necrophiliac kangaroo briefly wins nation's heart

Martin Maloney
Coat

Re: Lady Kanga's

"Don't just jump into casual sex in the bush, get yourself a bouncer for protection, or you will rue the day."

Or you will 'roo the day!

(Well, somebody had to post it.)

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Martin Maloney
Trollface

Re: Natural behaviour

Q. What's grey and comes in quarts?

A. An elephant.

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2015 was the Year of the Linux Phone ... Nah, we're messing with you

Martin Maloney
Linux

The best thing about Linux is not...

The best thing about Linux is not that most distros are free. The best thing about Linux is not that it is relatively immune to various kinds of malware. The best thing about Linux is not that it is bundled with more applications than the typical Home/SOHO user will ever want to use.

The best thing about Linux is that Microsoft can't coerce/trick you into “upgrading” to Windows 10.

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Microsoft’s Get Windows 10 nagware shows signs of sentience

Martin Maloney
Devil

This is getting tedious

I checked for Windows 7 today. In the Optional Updates I found these two:

KB2952664

KB3035583

For the umpteenth time, I hid them again.

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Live-streaming paper plane drone takes to the skies

Martin Maloney
Devil

Legal loophole?

Could a heavy-gauge paper or light-gauge cardboard airplane drone be light enough that US registration law wouldn't apply?

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Foetuses offered vaginal music streaming service

Martin Maloney
Happy

It occurs to me..

Why bombard a tender, developing foetus with sound waves?

Wouldn't it be easier on the foetus for the mother-to-be to be the music listener?

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Martin Maloney
Trollface

Re: Nice one

If they offered video streaming, then that would be a womb with a view.

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Microsoft to OneDrive users: We're sorry, click the magic link to keep your free storage

Martin Maloney
Holmes

deja vu all over again

It's the same scam that we've seen from cellular providers. They hook people in with their unlimited data plans, and then they come out with a set of limited plans. They claim that they were "forced" to take this action by people who "abused" their "unlimited" plan -- by actually using it! They even go so far as to denigrate the "abusers" as being "unfair" to everyone else.

The dirty little secret is that they had it all planned out that way from the very beginning.

Add "business ethics" to the late George Carlin's list of oxymorons.

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Thai women drugged punters 'with Xanax-spiked nipples' – cops

Martin Maloney
Trollface

"An Israeli and an Iranian walked into a police station together..." would make a terrific lead-in to a shaggy dog story.

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Irish electricity company threatens to cut off graveyard

Martin Maloney
Trollface

This is an IT site

Puns should be encrypted.

(Take that, you amateurs!)

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Decoding Microsoft: Cloud, Azure and dodging the PC death spiral

Martin Maloney
Facepalm

Re: Some pretty funny stuff in here

I could probably cobble together an odor sensor, plugged into a PC's USB port, with a program to monitor it, that would sound a klaxon, every time that my cat takes a dump in her litter box, just as a similar setup could tell me when to water my plants.

My question, though, is, “Why?”

Wouldn't a regular schedule, with the self-discipline to follow it, accomplish the same thing?

Doesn't anyone comprehend that Rube Goldberg contraptions were a joke?

https://www.rubegoldberg.com/

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Drones are dropping drugs into prisons and the US govt just doesn't know what to do

Martin Maloney
Coat

A convict's lady friend...

...directs the drones.

Yep-- she's the heroin heroine!

(There's a "nasty crack" pun in there somewhere.)

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Martin Maloney
Black Helicopters

Drones are dropping drugs into prisons...

..,and corrupt guards resent the competition!

(Helicopter icon in lieu of drone icon.)

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Spanish town trumpets 'Clitoris Festival' thanks to Google snafu

Martin Maloney
Coat

I just can't help it, folks

Google translated the festival's slogan as "Eating out is fun!'

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Next year's Windows 10 auto-upgrade is MSFT's worst idea since Vista

Martin Maloney
Coat

Re: The word 'Microsoft'

I've always wanted to shout "Theatre" in a firehouse.

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Martin Maloney
Facepalm

Re: Bah!

I infer that you don't believe that Microsoft reads the tech press.

Well, they do, and as soon as they read about the latest trick to thwart the “encouraged upgrade” to Windows 10, then they engineer a new way to thwart the thwart!

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Microsoft offers to PAY YOU to trade in your old computer for a Windows 10 device

Martin Maloney
Happy

Re: MS are idiots

If you dual boot in the usual way, it alters the MBR – the Master Boot Record – on your hard drive. I infer that the Windows 10 “update” “repaired” the MBR to only boot into Windows 10.

Instead, why not look into EasyBCD?

http://neosmart.net/

It's free for personal and non-commercial use. (I am not in any way affiliated with the company.)

It's a Windows program that works by replacing the standard boot loader with its own boot loader, not by altering the MBR. If you choose to uninstall it, then it restores the original boot loader.

There are two Windows programs that I use on a daily basis for which there are not adequate Linux equivalents. Being able to choose to boot into Windows 7 or Linux Mint 17.2 makes my life work.

It's also a good way to wean people off Windows and into Linux, by keeping Windows available as a “security blanket.”

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AdBlock blocker biz bought

Martin Maloney
Coat

Re: Now there's a freudian slap if ever I saw one...

Freudian slip: An undergarment worn by a cross-dressing psychoanalyst

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FBI: We unmasked and collared child porn creep on Tor with spy tool

Martin Maloney
Trollface

Who are the real pervs?

The downloaders or the uploaders?

Is having legal unlimited access to kiddie porn a perk of being an FBI agent?

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'Hans free' mobe gag crowned Fringe's funniest

Martin Maloney
Coat

Boo-hiss

I thought about entering such a contest, once a pun a time...

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Visitors no longer welcomed to Scotland's 'Penis Island'

Martin Maloney
Coat

The gist of the article

No penis is an island.

Gettin' me coat...

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