* Posts by Andytug

151 posts • joined 17 Apr 2015


Are you sure your disc drive has stopped rotating, or are you just ignoring the messages?


Re: not really Godwins...

Nope - it's known as Farage's Law.

(- well it should be)


Yes, a lot of people are stupid and untrained....

but if everyone knew how to sort out their IT issues themselves......we wouldn't have a job!

(there should be a happy medium somewhere, though).

Hubble 'scope camera breaks down amid US govt shutdown, forcing boffins to fix it for free


"So what happens if a president is democratically elected on a promise to abolish gravity and make pi equal to 3?"

Then you won't be launching any rocket powered vehicles for the foreseeable future, once the first attempt goes sideways across Florida....

Fake news? More like ache news. Grandma, grampa 'more likely' to share made-up articles during US election


Yup, same here...

All the chain messages, fake news, fake police warnings, etc I get are passed on by friends of my parents and their friends, all over 65.

Mind you, some of them read the Mail and Express, so colour me surprised...….

NHS England claims it will be all-digital within the decade


Re: As with all things this could be great if done properly

It's cheaper because the GPs are "self employed" and therefore the Government doesn't have to spend money on pensions, sick pay, workers rights etc for them.

It'll soon be even more illegal to fly drones near UK airports


Re: Just ban drones altogether?

No, what's needed is for people to stop being arseholes to each other and apply some common sense, unfortunately the ability to teach that is gradually being lost in favour of stupid laws that can't be enforced anyway. Plus to do such needs a generation to sort and no politician is interested in anything that goes on longer than their own potential term of office,

Florida man stumbles on biggest prime number after working plucky i5 CPU for 12 days straight


Re: Mersenne

No, that should be a separate law...how about "Farage's Law"?

I'm just not sure the computer works here – the energy is all wrong


Re: Ah, the carefree days of yore

If she had complained you should of course have pleaded with her not to start anything......

London's Gatwick airport suspends all flights after 'multiple' reports of drones


Re: bbc quotes

Unfortunately the so called "rule of law" is exactly that, it relies on everyone following the rules and not being £%*$ to each other. All it needs is a big enough number of people to start being £%*$ and there's not a lot the police etc can do about it.

Problem is that the number is increasing......

Boffins don't give a sh!t, slap Trump's face on a turd in science journal


I thought it was

a surprisingly polished piece of work...

Ding dong merrily on high. In Berkeley, the bots are singeing: Self-driving college cooler droid goes up in flames


Re: What happended to Genuine People Personalities?

The Sirius Cybernetics Corporation has clearly been contracted to program the self service tills in Poundland. At Halloween they had a Dracula voice telling you about the "unexpected item in the bagging area" and right now it's Santa doing the same.

Up against the wall with the lot of them, I say!

Time for a cracker joke: What's got one ball and buttons in the wrong place?


If the phone to PC cable goes into the desk and back out again (for tidiness) you often also find them with the phone in RJ45 port and out RJ45 port connected together by the same cable, with the user wondering why the phone is dead.....

Tech support discovers users who buy the 'sh*ttest PCs known to Man' struggle with basics


Re: Children of the Resolution

Very much this......

A number of years ago we kitted out a whole floor of 80 people with lovely new 20" monitors, business case for buying them based on being able to open two full windows at once.....guess what, within a week most had complained the text and icons were too small and set them to 800x600, thus negating the 40k+ spent on the monitors.........ffs.

Waiter, what's this? SpaceX delivery delayed for a day by moldy food


I should hope they're treating the mice right

After all they ordered the building of Earth.......... #adams

Tesla autopilot saves driver after he fell asleep at wheel on the freeway


Re: Time for a firmware update?

And the A38 "Aston Distressway" where the same two lanes come on and go off again, with a gap in the barrier for both incoming and exiting traffic to share....as well as no central barrier and a centre lane of red tarmac which is into town in the morning, out of town in the evening and shut at other times, controlled by overhead gantry signs. Sort that lot out Tesla......

Three become six as new 'nauts arrive for a visit to the ISS


Re: Still find it amazing

Apparently they have members all around the globe...

Mystery sign-poster pities the fool who would litter the UK's West Midlands


Re: If you're going to put up a sign...

In the UK that would probably earn the lad a fine for interfering with police in the cause of their duties, or some such. Same has happened to people flashing their lights at other motorists to warn of imminent speed traps.

Bloke fined £460 after his drone screwed up police chopper search for missing woman


Google Maps does it for free...

Satellite photos, street view and real time traffic info. No need for a drone whatsoever.

My hoard of obsolete hardware might be useful… one day


Power adaptors are always useful

Several times I've bought things without adapters very cheap, and either found a suitable one at home or made one out of two (one with the correct voltage/amperage, one with the right plug) thus saving money, and recycling in the process.

Sadly this sort of thing will die out, as if Lightning cables are anything to go by they don't last long enough to be re-used, and the cables are so thin inside as to be un-bodgeable.

Powerful forces, bodily fluids – it's all in a day's work


Re: Monitor

Best advice for fault finding "Start at Level 1 and work up".


Bodily fluids.....

When I was at college one of my fellow students had a job maintaining arcade machines at the local amusement park. Some of them (e.g. the original wireframe Star Wars) were "sit in" cabinets. Unfortunately the manufacturers saw fit to locate many of the circuit boards under the seat...so if a barely toilet trained toddler had an "accident" urine would leak onto them. Urine and solder do not get on........

Convenient switch hides an inconvenient truth


Heaters are the bane of our lives

Despite all the desk sockets being clearly labelled 3A (or 5A-printer only) and staff being told they must only plug heaters into the walls, you come to any desk and find half the sockets no longer work due to someone plugging a heater into it. And then into the next one, and the next one, until they wise up....

One of our offices was found during a re-org to have approaching 30% of desk sockets dead due to this.

UK.gov looks to data to free people from contract lock-in doom


We could always teach people to better understand numbers....

but then they might also be able to see through misleading government statistics, and we can't have that, can we........

What's Big and Blue – and makes its veteran staff sue? Yep, it's IBM


Re: What an irony !

I've always wanted to know where the crossover point is between "we have to make these people redundant and employ cheaper ones for the company/make these people take a salary cut for efficiency" and "we have to pay these people more to get the best people"?

Does it vary between companies, or is it a set point?

Microsoft: You don't want to use Edge? Are you sure? Really sure?


Not the only example of "Nanny knows best" in W10

It constantly resets the default jpg app to Photos, despite me manually setting it to Irfanview over and over again.

2-bit punks' weak 40-bit crypto didn't help Tesla keyless fobs one bit


Would think you're right (Renault owns Nissan) as the car bleeps like crazy if you step out of the car with the engine running and the fob in your pocket....


Car makers implementation seems to differ - My Renault has a "two stage" system, if you lock it with the remote button it can only be unlocked by using the other button on the remote, however if you turn off the engine and just walk away the car locks and beeps, in that state if you are within 6-8 feet of the car with the remote anyone can open the door (and presumably also start it). If other cars are set up to allow permanent keyless access then that's a big security hole - or is it that drivers like the convenience of keyless all the time and are therefore leaving their cars open to attack, instead of locking them "properly"?

I always lock the car with the remote unless I know for certain I'm coming back to it in a minute or two, it's parked right next to the house.

A flash of inspiration sees techie get dirty to fix hospital's woes


Re: Upsetting non-techies can be hard

I got a call from a user a fair while ago panicking that she had a virus - "Random words keep appearing on the screen!!". So went to see her, and sure enough they were, when it started typing "sheep Obama" and the like was when she panicked.

Turned out she had somehow enabled dictation in Windows XP (and reduced it to a single pixel hidden toolbar at the top of the screen - no idea how) and it was making a very poor fist of translating her conversation with her colleagues into text. Laptop built in mics are pretty poor though.....

UK.gov: NHS should be compensated by firms using its data goldmine


Wait for the health insurance benefits

Every had any kind of medical condition? Watch your premiums go roofwards, if you can afford to pay you can have it, the rest.....tough luck.

Trainer regrets giving straight answer to staffer's odd question


We had a batch of Fujitsu PCs a few years ago that did that by themselves

Auto-sensing power supplies, every so often one would set itself to 110V, which meant a rude awakening for the poor person on the opposite desk as the fuse blew.......

Fruit flies use the power of the sun to help them fly in straight lines


Electric tennis racquet is the best

Aim slightly behind, swish and zap.

Tax the tech giants and ISPs until the bits squeak – Corbyn


Re: Boo Hoo

The only difference between "terrorist" and "freedom fighter" is which side you're on at the time (usually the one that's going to make you the most money).

Prank 'Give me a raise!' email nearly lands sysadmin with dismissal


Instant system messages can also be trouble...

Back in the days when we ran Novell Networks, we discovered you could send instant messages that popped up on screen, very handy for lots of good reasons. However, people would take to annoying each other with them, and so it was that two of the junior staff were annoying each other one morning (even though they sat the other side of the desk from each other), when one got fed up and logged off to put a stop to it.

Or so she thought......we discovered afterwards that Novell assigns a unique login ID for each user, and when you log out that ID can be assigned to the next person who logs on, if it's within a very short time period.

Which is how we got a phone call from a senior manager asking why his computer had just popped up a message telling him to "STOP IT!!!"...thankfully it wasn't anything worse!

Grad sends warning to manager: Be nice to our kit and it'll be nice to you


Printers are a special case all right....

Mechanical things, such as cars (pre 2000ish), tractors, power tools etc respond to being spoken to nicely. Electronics need to be sworn at, mightily in some cases.

Printers, being both electronic and mechanical, need exactly the correct proportion of both, but some are so finely balanced that neither works, they are beyond help.

2TB or not 2TB: Microsoft fiddles with OneDrive as competition offers twice the storage


The "progress bar of randomness"...

has been replaced in Win10 by the "percentage of randomness"....which bears just as little resemblance to the time actually taken to do the update/upload/download/whatever as the progress bar did.....

British Airways' latest Total Inability To Support Upwardness of Planes* caused by Amadeus system outage


Re: Why???

That's similar too "you can only delegate actions, not responsibility", another one that seems to have gone by the wayside among higher management and politicians in particular.

What if tech moguls brewed real ale?


BOFH Special IPA

ABV 6.5%

A strong yet smooth ale, apart from the sudden shock at first sip as the undertones of halon, quicklime and carpet become apparent. Best on a Friday afternoon. Should not be drunk next to any open windows or lift shafts in case of potential accidents. If drunk by management types may result in constant muscle spasms such as head nodding.

Wearable hybrids prove the bloated smartwatch is one of Silly Valley's biggest mistakes


Re: iTug?


Heatwave shmeatwave: Brit IT departments cool their racks – explicit pics


Never mind the H&S of attaching fans with cables

If that's a serial cable (as used for attaching laptop to back of switch for maintenance) then at our place it would be a security breach as could be used to access, reset config etc.

The Notch contagion is spreading slower than phone experts thought


Your friendly South American river website will sell you 4x USB-C adapters about 13mm long for £5. No need to buy any cables, and they can be attached to a keyring for travel.


I have a Sony Xperia

Compact version (so fits in pocket), bezels top and bottom for the two speakers and the camera, not a problem. Only thing I think would be handy on a phone would be an e-ink screen on the back to display notifications constantly without running the battery down, didn't someone try that and it never sold though....?

Drug cops stopped techie's upgrade to question him for hours. About everything


Re: Collective of IT managers?

In that case I'd go for " A bloat of managers".......

GDPR forgive us, it's been one month since you were enforced…


Re: And once again...

Glass Dust Reinforced Plastic?

Do UK.gov wonks understand sci-tech skills gap? MPs dish out Parliamentary kicking



Will never happen then. No politician in power is interested in long term stuff, unless it's a can they've kicked into the long grass for it to be someone else's problem years later (e.g. pensions).

Unbreakable smart lock devastated to discover screwdrivers exist


I found the quickest way to open a cheap padlock when the keys were lost was to put a 1/4" socket extension bar on top of the hasp, then hit down on it with a hammer. Unsubtle, but effective.....wonder how this POS would stand up to that?

BOFH: Got that syncing feeling, hm? I've looked at your computer and the Outlook isn't great


Always amazes me just how convinced people can be that they are right, even when proved completely wrong.

Those who are best at it, of course, go into politics.....

Trump kept ZTE alive as ‘personal favour’ to Chinese president Xi


Re: Even if he were a perfectly well-behaved excellent negotiator...

You forgot the joke icon, I hope.....that's how international relations have been done since time immemorial, the only difference here is the publicity scrum around it.

Microsoft sinks another data centre with Natick 2


The measurement standards are definitely slipping recently...

It should be in linguine, double decker buses or brontosauruses, or there will be unnecessary confusion!

Un-bee-lievable: Two million Swedish bugs stolen in huge sting



"bumbling cops"

Want to know what an organisation is really like? Visit the restroom


I don't know what Dyson's hand driers are like....

but those new-fangled motorised urinal things are hopeless, they just spray urine everywhere, although they do give you a nice tingly warm feeling at the same time..........


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