* Posts by Stratman

703 posts • joined 25 Jul 2007


Bloke thrown in the cooler for eight years after 3D-printing gun to dodge weapon ban


Rather than limit access, give everyone in the LoTF a hundred guns free of charge. Give every newborn a hundred too. It may take a few generations but eventually only the smart will be walking around. Who knows, things may get to the point where the populace are begging for gun control while the NRA's raison d'être has disappeared.

The USA deserves guns. The more and bigger the better.

Bad news for WannaCry slayer Marcus Hutchins: Judge rules being young, hungover, and in a strange land doesn't obviate evidence


Re: Don't care what country it is

Part of the UK's police caution goes something like "It can harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something you later rely on in court", although they don't spell out how keeping schtum can harm it.


Re: 18 months he has been held ...

Because they're paid per hour, not per job?

Cop films chap on body-worn cam because he 'complains about cops a lot'. Chap complains


"Pa, he's usin' them book words pa!"

Yay, we got a B for maths. Literally, a bee: Little nosy nectar nerds smart enough to add, abstract numbers


Some summers ago

a robin in my garden cheeped three times, a few seconds later it cheeped four times, then five, then six, all the way up to fifteen cheeps. T'was most entertaining listening to it.

Post-Brexit plan for .EU tweaked: No dot-EU web domains for Europeans in UK, no appeals, etc


Re: In case anyone wonders where the EU got its reputation for thoughtless bureaucracy....

the only way he will get it it to build it himself ( at the expense of the American taxpayers )

I though Mexico was paying for it. I'm sure he mentioned it a couple of (dozen) times.

London's Gatwick airport suspends all flights after 'multiple' reports of drones


Just look at Youtube tomorrow, for "Wikid pikz of Gatwick, innit. Click to subscribe"

Assange catgate hearing halted as Ecuador hunts around for someone who speaks Australian


Re: It's simple...

Don't forget to raise the pitch of the last word in a sentence by a perfect fifth.

Google actually listens to users, hands back cookies and rethinks Chrome auto sign-in


Developer goes rogue, shoots four colleagues at ERP code maker


Re: A gun is involved in every single mass shooting.

I suppose you could point your finger and go "bang"

Or point a 3D printed gun and watch you finger go "bang"

Bouncing robots land on asteroid 180m miles away amid mission to fetch sample for Earth


I bet there's some interesting physics around the firing of a bullet into the surface, starting with Newton 3

PPI pushers now need consent to cold-call you


Rather than attempt to fine the disposable cold calling outfit, make the company who hires them responsible for their actions. No more washing their hands of activities carried out in their name and at their behest.

Chap asks Facebook for data on his web activity, Facebook says no, now watchdog's on the case


Am I to assume from all this that Facebook stores data on those who do not have an account with them?

I have never had a Facebook account, do not have one now and can't foresee me ever having one, so if they do hold data on me I wonder from where they received consent? What information would I need to give them in order for them to positively identify me in a GPDR request?

Microsoft takes another whack at killing off Windows Phone 8.x


I have a Windows 8 phone which I use for well, er, making phone calls. As an added bonus it also picks up my emails when I'm out and about. Until it stops doing either I'll carry on using it as it fulfils my phone needs.

It even has a replaceable battery.

Google responds to location-stalking outcry by… tweaking words on its BS support page


Maybe the EU are hoping Google keep on tracking and just pay the fines as a cost of doing business. After all, the UK's soon-to-vanish contributions will need to be replaced.

London fuzz to get 600 more mobile fingerprint scanners


Re: Too one-sided

Or maybe wet your finger with a plastic solvent before pressing it against the officer's scanner.

I have a golf GPS device with a touch sensitive screen (Garmin Approach G6). Said screen has developed several baked in fingerprints caused, as far as I can work out, by suncream.

Jus' sayin'.

Boss helped sysadmin take down horrible client with swift kick to the nether regions


Re: Magical policing

Another apocryphal social worker story.

A little old lady was mugged after collecting her pension. As she lay on the ground, battered and beaten, a social worker happened by. He looked at the old lady, shook his head and said "Whoever did this needs help".

Don’t talk to the ATM, young man, it’s just a machine and there’s nobody inside


Re: "Don't talk to the ATM..."

Back when the BBC televised cricket there was a director who would always say "Thank you" to the pre-recorded prompt which said "last ball" as the sixth ball of an over was about to be bowled.

Send printer ink, please. More again please, and fast. Now send it faster


Re: Reminds me of French sales

As our boss said with a knowing grin querying "extra vegetables" when authorising an expensive overnight claim, "Were they red or white vegetables?"

Tech support made the news after bomb squad and police showed up to 'defuse' leaky UPS


Re: We shut down central Edinburgh with a fridge

The firemen were absolutely fuming

Very good


AC wrote "you've just confessed to a heinous crime"

With an uncalibrated uncertified speedometer...

Flamin' Nora! Brit firefighters tackle blazing fly-tipped boat


"Doncaster Council had to deal with an abandoned speed boat last year."

Bullseye has a lot to answer for.

Virtue singing – Spotify to pull hateful songs and artists


Is the full stop in R. Kelly meant to be pronounced and if it is, is it "full stop" or the more edgy "stop"?

Fixing a printer ended with a dozen fire engines in the car park


Re: I, for one, welcome our insectile overlords...

"What's that noise?"

"The fire alarm's thripped again"


Re: Had the fire brigade called to a five star hotel, in Malta....

Conveyor belt toaster. Absolute rubbish.

No matter what settings are used, one trip through just about imperceptibly changes the colour of the bread, two trips has everyone heading to the car park. There is no in between.

Australian Feds cuff woman who used BTC to buy drugs on dark web


Re: If this is true ...

Or it was bought from a compromised site...

Are you able to read this headline? Then you're not Julian Assange. His broadband is unplugged


If I were the Ecuadorean ambassador

I'd wait until he was delivering another Sermon From The Balcony then lock the window behind him.

Sysadmin held a rack of servers off the ground for 15 mins, crashed ISP when he put them down


Many years ago

in the days of analogue telly, we were covering a football match for MOTD as we did most weekends. At the time I was a vision engineer and during the match our main function was exposure and colour matching of the cameras. The cameras themselves were Philips LDK5s, which had a Camera Control Unit and power supply unit in the truck. The PSU was basically a big FO transformer (and some electronics in a separate narrow unit) and two fitted side by side in a ninteen inch rack. They had one control on the front panel, an illuminated push on push off switch which required a decent bit of force to operate. They were mounted just above floor level.

Being Philips, there was a guard around the switch to prevent accidental operation. Being Philips they often bent or fell off. The engineer sitting next to me, let's call him Billy, was bored with the game and had a mid-half stretch which included his legs. We all heard an ominous 'click' as his size nine planted firmly on the guardless switch, and laughed as we knew what was coming next. The switches didn't change state until released, so Billy had to spend the remaining twenty minutes of the first half keeping the switch pressed in and therefore the camera operational.

How we laughed.

Blockchain nears peak hype: UK politicos to probe crypto-coin


Before they pontificate

on ways of regulating it, shouldn't they first explain why it needs regulating?

No sh*t, Sherlock! Bloke suspected of swallowing drug stash keeps colon schtum for 22 DAYS


Re: Nice precedent for our corrupt police

AC said

"So plod can hold you indefinitely by lying to a judge that you have swallowed a packet that might be drugs and haven't pooped yet?"

I strongly suspect the application to the court consisted of more than just that one sentence.

Uber saddles up for a new cycle of controversy


Re: Locking to railings?

I have an angle grinder.

Virgin Media skulks in disused public toilets


Annoys the hell out of me having to trim the hedge with the box in the way.

There's a joke in there somewhere

Court throws out BT's plans to reduce pension rates


Re: RPI not reliable

Doctor Syntax wrote

Actually that's a thought: could the pension fund sue HMRC for having made a defective ruling?

Wouldn't the 'HM' part of HMRC confer Crown Immunity?

PPI-pusher makes 75 MEEELLION nuisance calls, lands £350k fine


Re: I wish

Agree to a visit then punch them in the face.

France to lend Brexit Britain sore souvenir of Norman yoke – the Bayeux Tapestry


It's not a tapestry...

...it's an embroidery.


That was fast... unlike old iPhones: Apple sued for slowing down mobes


It would be interesting

to see if there's any correlation between the issue of 'slow down' updates (downdates?) to older iphones and the imminent release of a new model.

Revealed: How Libratus bot felted poker pros – and now it has cyber-security in its sights


What would be the result

if two instances of Libratus were to play each other? Would the best hand always win?

Engineer named Jason told to re-write the calendar


In my wage slave days I used to work as an outside broadcast engineer for a world famous broadcasting corporation based in Britain. An upstart satellite company used to pitch up at sport events and ask for a feed of the core coverage and 'black and burst', a video timing reference signal which as its name implies consisted of sync pulses, a colour burst and black. Plug it in to a monitor and you got a black screen. We gave him a couple of video leads with the signals and off he went.

Just as we went on air he came into our truck and reported "There's pictures on the reference wire and nuffink on the pictures one".

True story, it happened to me. Not a mate's mate but actually to me.

Forget Bruce Willis, Earth's atmosphere is our best defense against meteorites


Re: So what happened to the 12,000 ton Chelyabinsk meteorite?

Some will be found on Ebay too.

About 20,000 tons of it, if Ebay runs true to form.

Denied: Uber's request to skip to UK Supreme Court to appeal workers' rights


Of course their request has been refused

Allowing Uber to skip the Court of Appeal and go straight to the Supreme Court would set an alarming precedent for the legal industry, effectively rendering an entire layer of troughs redundant and their snouts homeless.

Ain't gonna happen.

Fear not, driverless car devs, UK.gov won't force you to write Trolley Problem solutions


More than one in the car?

Which one is the driver?

User asked help desk to debug a Post-it Note that survived a reboot


Re: "saying less words"


Less:- not as much

Fewer:- not as many

Uber loses appeal against UK employment rights for workers


How far

down the "this person works for you and is staff" road is it necessary to go before employer's National Insurance needs to be paid?

Giza geezers' muon-geyser visor reveals Great Pyramid's hidden void surpriser


Or an incredibly sharp razor blade

USB stick found in West London contained Heathrow security data


The finder

was so concerned with national security he took the stick straight to the Sunday Mirror.

I suppose they pay better than the Police.

Biz quadruples value overnight by adding 'Blockchain' to name


Working on a Blockchain Gang

Sorry Sam

Man: Just 18 Bitcoin babies and my home is yours


Re: "Today, that single bitcoin is valued upwards of $2,200, Fortune noted in March."

That could happen, but over the last 12 months Bitcoin has soared in value. So you could make more money.

I believe the same was said of tulips in days of yore.

Beach, please... Billionaire VC finally opens way to waves


Re: Who's got an amp that goes up to 11?

11? Pfft. My Peavey goes to 12 on every knob. It's even got two volume controls, for when one just isn't enough.


Re: How come?


"How come that every time you come across such a huge asshole it turns out that he is filthy rich?"


As my dear old mum used to say in her broad Irish accent; "You can tell what God thinks of money, look at the people he gives it to".


Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019