* Posts by ValleyBoy

10 posts • joined 14 Nov 2014

Oracle nemesis MariaDB tries to lure enterprise folk with TX 3.0

ValleyBoy

"Red Rover Migration Team"

I like that, that's funny

LG chairman Koo Bon-moo dies, aged 73

ValleyBoy

I had a Goldstar VCR (That's Video Cassette Recorder, if you're under 35), which was rather good. The tracking was a pain in the backside, but that was the case for most machines.

BT lab domain grab – 17 years after cheeky chap swiped 'em

ValleyBoy

Ah, Disastral Park

I worked there when this infamous incident took place. He initially claimed that he registered it to do them a favour, jacking the price up in the process, naturally.

When those sons of fun at BT told him to poke it, and relieved him of his duties, I believe he turned it into an S&M dating website. So I'm told.

A certain millennial turned 30 recently: Welcome to middle age, Microsoft Excel v2

ValleyBoy

Increased productivity

Whenever managers ask us for suggestions on cutting costs, I always make the same suggestion:

Take Microsoft Excel off everyone's PC, and fire anyone who complains!

ValleyBoy

Clicky-pointy number-crunching fools

A friend of mine who worked in "Business Intelligence" (whatever that is!) always used Excel and VBA to do some seriously bug number crunching. Sometimes it would take days to complete, and would often fail once the spreadsheet reached 2GB.

Despite numerous attempts to convince him that he could do his number crunching in any other language (even PL/SQL), and it would complete in a fraction of the time, he would not be convinced. He faithfully carried on burning out the cooling fan on his PC every weekend.

Official: Perl the most hated programming language, say devs

ValleyBoy

Perl User Groups

My first job after graduating involved quite a lot of perl scripting. I got on with the language rather well, until I made the mistake of asking a question on a perl user group. My god, what an angry bunch they are! Instead of getting an answer, I got a tirade of abuse for not knowing the answer already.

Completely agree about Javascript. Give me perl over that rubbish any day!

Onwards to Valhalla: Java ain't dead yet and it's only getting bigger

ValleyBoy

Java not dead?

Why do we keep seeing these conversations about Java? It is no more likely to disappear than C++. or COBOL.

The only people who seem to think that Java is dead are born-again .NET Evangelists, or Orthodox C developers.

Zealots!

NatWest customer services: We're aware of security glitch

ValleyBoy

I love the NatWest

I once had a standing order set up, transferring money from my Sister's account to my savings account.

I got a letter one day, stating something to the effect of "There is not enough money in your account, to transfer from your sisters account to yours. We have charged you £25"

I went into the bank and asked them to explain. They read it, then re-read it a few times with a confused expression, then said it was clearly a mistake and they'd sort it out.

A few days later, my Sister got a letter: "There is not enough money in your Brother's account, to transfer from your account to your Brother's account. £25 - ker-ching"

Mind you, I still bank with them...

Oracle fires Java warning at IBM and Red Hat

ValleyBoy

Re: change for the sake of change?

I don't think Oracle has any millenials.

Moshi Monsters' daddy Mind Candy: Falling sales, £2.2m loss...

ValleyBoy

It's an online game?

To my family, Moshi Monsters are the little choking-hazard figures that people keep buying my 2 and 4 years olds for their birthday.

They usually go in the big black wheelie council toybox. Seems the game is heading that way too.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR WEEKLY TECH NEWSLETTER

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2020