* Posts by trance gemini

31 posts • joined 26 Oct 2014

FBI iPhone brouhaha sparks Apple Store protest in San Francisco

trance gemini
Mushroom

iBet

it would be a different story if one of auntie tim's beloved chihuahuas (or whatever ipooch she keeps in her handbag) went 'missing' and the location was in an encrypted mirrorball ...

so queen apple has no qualms about turning the deaths of 14 of her fellow americans into a global PR stunt

what a disgusting place this poor planet has been turned into

no wonder our neighbours don't talk to us anymore

can we just hurry up with WW3 and get it over with

"the human race has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down - please restart your civilisation" put that on a fucking t-shirt

It's all Me, Me, Me! in Doctor Who's The Woman Who Lived but what of Clara's fate?

trance gemini

the lion, the witch and the ... police box

... and maisie moonface swiftly takes the slap-o-meter straight up to 11 - and now i know why i hate game of thrones without seeing a single episode

tardis sound system's coming along nice though

Doctor Who's Under the Lake splits Reg scribes: This Alien homage thing – good or bad?

trance gemini
Angel

Re: Miserable much?

just the once though

trance gemini
Happy

Re: Miserable much?

Hey look! - it's another happy person on the internet! I thought we'd all given up trying to keep our heads above the rising tide of negative-biased slurry that passes for communication these days.

YOU, beautiful being, can stroke my tail

Doctor Who storms back in fine form with Season 9 opener The Magician's Apprentice

trance gemini
Pint

Re: Oh my god they killed Clara!

A new online mini-game methinks - how many Claras can you exterminate before the Doc gets medievil on yo ass ...

trance gemini
Pint

Oh my god they killed Clara!

That was so good they should do it every week - South Park stylee.

Life, the interview and everything: A chat with Douglas Adams

trance gemini
Pint

Best use of immortality ...

... was that character who was so pissed off at living forever he decided to travel the universe personally insulting everyone, individually, in alphabetical order

superb wordsmith who made you feel proud to be literate

we raise the virtual pint to ya, uncle doug

Apple Watch: Wait a minute! This puny wrist-puter costs 17 GRAND?!

trance gemini
FAIL

Re: What's that sound?

nah - i reckon it's the sound of an upturned glass being dragged desperately around a ouija board

steve? steve? are you there? it's all going to shit and jony's magic crayons ain't working no more!

steve? steeeeeeve!

$1.6bn VMware defence deal challenged by AWS, Citrix and Nutanix

trance gemini
Headmaster

eh?

is "parnter" a new regism or just a typo?

(that's how slow wednesdays are ..... zzzzz)

Windows 10, day ZERO ... Will Nadella be the HERO?

trance gemini
Pint

Re: Pffftt...

and PR-fuelled fuckwitted cyber-drivel is exactly what's about to issue forth from mr nutellas gob

more beer quick!

Double-digit tablet growth spurt is OVER, say pundits

trance gemini

"We also expect development in cognisant computing to help the vendors' relationships with consumers evolve from passive providers of hardware to in-sync with the user,"

Oh do please fuck off

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies – Thin plot, great CGI effects

trance gemini
Coat

Re: So what you're what saying is....

... i'll get your coat for you ;-)

El Reg Redesign - leave your comment here.

trance gemini
Meh

i warned you

... that all that phonefondling and slabslapping would make your eyes go bad

just put a light grey background on the article boxes and that should take the edge off the whiteout effect

or how about start flogging Reg sunglasses in your shop?

Google Chrome on Windows 'completely unusable', gripe users

trance gemini
Boffin

Sounds like they've taken on some flash devs from adobe ...

... who'll either cane your CPU with shite code or cane your GPU ... with more shite code

Blade Runner sequel might actually be good. Harrison Ford is in it

trance gemini
Angel

BR game ...

... after the superbness of Alien Isolation i reckon Creative Assembly should get to work on an updated Blade Runner game

now that would get us robosluts excited

Mysterious BEAM outside London Googleplex ZAPPED

trance gemini
Headmaster

... and probably illiterate and syntactically challenged also?

it's common knowledge that refuse collection operatives and site sparks hold the keys to reality

E just for the cerebral effort it must have taken you to click the AC checkbox

Human DNA 'will be found on moon' – Brian Cox

trance gemini
Angel

send (a big) cox to the moon

how much do they need?

will they take a cheque?

BOING, BOING! Philae BOUNCED TWICE on Comet 67P

trance gemini
Coat

Shirley ...

... there's some humour to be had from a washing-machine-sized-robot taking ten years to get to a Comet ...

The last PC replacement cycle is about to start turning

trance gemini
Boffin

Re: Fascinatingly myopic

... and that's exactly what the optician's gonna say in 15-20 years time when all these fondlers and fumblers have lost the ability to focus on anything further than 20cm away

Microsoft snorefest: For crying out loud, Nadella – just channel Ballmer!

trance gemini
Coat

So he didn't announce that he's gay?

MS PR dep dropped the ball on the G-bomb there then ... tut tut

Doctor Who trashing the TARDIS, Clara alone, useless UNIT – Death in Heaven

trance gemini
Flame

I missed the end!

... so the Doctor knocks up this hyperspace projector in the old ladys living room, sets it up in the stone circle whilst K9 is chasing a glowing monolith, zaps himself into hyperspace, ends up onboard a huge (hyper)spacestation, rescues Romana, then these fizzy orb things arrive proclaiming to be transdimensional judges and the sexy lady with the big stick who's also the 4000-year-old crow-goddess reappears all painted silver and tells the Doctor and Romana it's game over ...

... and then someone came round with a knackered laptop and i missed the last five minutes so i'm assuming that's when the master and the cybermen turn up?

REVEALED: Apple fanbois are 'MENTALLY UNSTABLE' - iShop staff

trance gemini
Angel

may the MUMU be wiv U!

'bout time dem PositiveVoid cherubs had a new t-shirt out innit?

i don't think we've had a '120 BPM' yet

... i'll be spinnin' round that M25 racetrack in me landy if anyone needs me

Clara goes to the dark side, with dark secrets revealed in Dark Water

trance gemini
Boffin

that TARDIS control room thing ...

... looks like the inside of a fusion reactor

that fusion reactor thing ... looks like the inside of a black hole

defrag your matrix data slice before bed,

just in case you wake up dead

Samaritans 'suicide Twitter-sniffer' BACKFIRES over privacy concerns

trance gemini
FAIL

just ...

... when i thought my book 'the death of common sense in the 21st century' was nearly finished ...

Apple CEO Tim Cook: My well-known gayness is 'a gift from God'

trance gemini
Angel

Re: This thread is being pre-modded.

poo - so no 'an ipad, an iphone and an ipod walk into a gay bar' jokes then?

sometimes humour can be the best medicine

UNCHAINING DEMONS which might DESTROY HUMANITY: Musk on AI

trance gemini

self-aware subroutines

there is an unanswerable question that you can ask an AI that will bring about an iterative loop that, for all intents and purposes, is indistinguishable from 'consciousness'

the AI will keep refining the parameters of the unanswerable question, discovering new knowledge with each iteration, thought via ignorance, discovering what it is by knowing what it is not

mr musk needs to do some DMT and ask the nice lady to give him a heads-up about the nature of reality then he can chill out and make us all a technocar worthy of the name TESLA

trance gemini
Boffin

go up against the MCP?

we bio-bots will spend years and years, millions and millions, just to end up with the most expensive mirror ever constructed

Is living with Dolby Atmos worth the faff?

trance gemini
Flame

just ...

... drink half a bottle of captain morgan and chuck some skrillex on it ffs

Lights off, nappies on! It's Alien: Isolation and The Evil Within

trance gemini
Thumb Up

superb game

admittedly if you're an Alien/HR Giger nerd you can pick minor holes in it all day long:

the creatures head carapace isn't semi-transparent at the front so you can see the human skull inside like mr gigers original

the creature has six individual fingers where originally it had only four - the middle two were double boned but fused together

the creatures central fifth exhaust pipe at the base of its neck seems to be missing

the creature didn't inherit raptor-style dinosaur legs until 'resurrection'

but these totally petty niggles are so far outweighed by all the other lovely touches that are in there, including:

the DLC mini-missions on board the nostromo with everyone apart from ian holm stepping up to re-voice their characters

a flashback sequence halfway through the main story that takes you to the original planetoid for a 10 minute mini-mission that is just so well done it's worth playing the game purely to see it

when you distract the creature by throwing a flare or a noise-maker down a corridor and it stoops to investigate, its tail starts whipping around like an angry cat - sooo sexy!

really there are only two things that imho would have helped give the game a touch more immersiveness:

a huge message from the devs at install stressing the importance of adjusting the gamma level correctly, because the wet-look fresnel shader used on the creature starts to look more like velvet if the gamma isn't dark enough

at the beginning of a survivor mode game there should be a huge ghost train style klaxxon go off as soon as you've geared up and opened the door - just to give it a bit more 'here we f*ckin' go!' vibe

if you can play this on a firepro w7000 your eyes will love you forever ;-)

Reg hacks see the woods or the trees In the Forest of the Night

trance gemini
Flame

look mummy, look! i'm on the internet!

yeah those technical inaccuracies just bummed the whole deal didn't they?

i had the same thing with a mini-series called Inferno hosted by some dapper old dude called Dr. John something-or-other on Horror last week - i mean jesus, we were five or six episodes in and nearly all done, then our host, Dr. J, has to run the gauntlet from the power station control room back to something called 'the tardis console' that had been unplugged and chucked in a garage, so that he can power it up off the megawatt output of the power station running through a 13 amp kettle lead to jump back to an alternate reality where the nazis didn't win the war, and then, bloody hell, he gets trapped on top of a coolant tank half way with one of the 'superheatedmutantmonkeymenthatcanonlybestoppedbyfreezingCO2' creatures and guess what's casually hanging from the handrail of the walkway? a CO2 fire extinguisher!

utter bollocks!

well i'm never gonna trust that evil tv box ever again - up until then i thought it was a documentary

i think this internet thing should be free for everyone - ISPs should just start charging for the amount of bullshit you upload

trance gemini
Childcatcher

Some vapid netheads ...

... still wouldn't be satisfied if every episode was written by isaac asimov, produced by arthur c clarke, directed by stanley kubrick with laurence olivier as the doctor and marilyn monroe as his sidekick

don't know who any of those people are? aww bless - but fear not, the bbc are remaking a hardcore sci-fi classic next year especially for you! it'll blow your little socially-networked minds with its gritty realism and rollercoaster story about the hazards of lunar terraforming whilst under alien attack from intergalactic reptiles and mechanized avian cyborgs ... it's called 'the clangers'

in other news... 'professor' brian cox has just proved the existence of trans-dimensional wormholes by sticking his head so far up his own ... transmission interrupted

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