* Posts by Mr Dogshit

392 posts • joined 24 Oct 2014

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Mayors having a right 'mare in Florida: Acting mayor arrested weeks after boss also arrested

Mr Dogshit

This really gets my goat.

All good, leave it with you...? Chap is roped into tech support role for clueless customer

Mr Dogshit

Re: What?

Er... no. Ensure any hardware faults are rectified and if replacing the HDD, reinstall the OS and drivers.

Not "When I press SHIFT ALT CTRL F3 on a Tuesday, my mouse cursor disappears, can you fix that?" or "Can you install Sage?" or "When little Johnny gets to level 12 on <random game> a pink pixel appears in the top right-hand corner of the screen for a split second."

(Spends the next four hours dicking about with DirectX, gets home at 20.00 if lucky)

Mr Dogshit

What?

That shit happened to me five times a day, for five days a week, for seven and a half years as a field service engineer.

What do sexy selfies, search warrants, tax files have in common? They've all been found on resold USB sticks

Mr Dogshit

"There were nude images of a middle-aged man"

Hey! I want my stick back, please.

Uber driver drove sleeping woman miles away from home to 'up the fare'. Now he's facing years in the clink for kidnapping, fraud

Mr Dogshit

Perhaps there's a gap in the market here for a service whereby you're driven to your destination by a driver who has been vetted and licensed. It could be called a "taxi".

While this CEO may be stiff, his customers are rather stuffed: Quadriga wallets finally cracked open – nothing inside

Mr Dogshit
Facepalm

Wah wah waaaaaaah

IBM hunkers down for no-deal Brexit, warns of disruption to supply chain, data transfers

Mr Dogshit

It'll be worth it

Once we've overthrown the shackles of Brussels bureaucracy, the NHS will get an extra £350 million a week don't forget.

Qbot malware's back, and latest strain relies on Visual Basic script to slip into target machines

Mr Dogshit

Re: VB Script

I use it frequently. It's fast as lightning, there's virtually nothing it can't do and I can't be arsed to learn Powers Hell and don't see why I should have to.

Age checks for online pr0n? I've never heard of it but it sounds like a good idea – survey

Mr Dogshit

Royal Assent?

I can't believe HM signed this off.

I say, that sucks! Crooks are harnessing hoovers to clean out parking meters in Chelsea

Mr Dogshit
FAIL

I think I may have the solution

Don't charge for parking.

You're shafting me with fuel duty, VAT on top of that, road fund licence thingy (whatever it's called), insurance premium tax... isn't that enough?

IBM so very, very sorry after jobs page casually asks hopefuls: Are you white, black... or yellow?

Mr Dogshit

I'm Yellow

But I identify as Mulato.

Crypto exchange in court: It owes $190m to netizens after founder 'dies without telling anyone vault passwords'

Mr Dogshit
FAIL

Wah wah waaaaah!

Should have put your money in a bank, losers.

Microsoft decides Internet Explorer 10 has had its fun: Termination set for January 2020

Mr Dogshit

a specific incarnation of a specific renderer

I read that as "reindeer"

NHS England digital boss in hot water over 'puff piece' written about her future employer

Mr Dogshit
Headmaster

There is no such verb as "to pen"

There is no such verb as "to pen"

Royal Bank of Scotland, Natwest fling new bank cards at folks after Ticketmaster hack

Mr Dogshit

Why is there a picture of Brian Blessed?

Um, I'm not that Gary, American man tells Ryanair after being sent other Gary's flight itinerary

Mr Dogshit

Re: Cancelling Flights

Interfering with a tortoise?

Here's 2018 in a nutshell for you... Russian super robot turns out to be man in robot suit

Mr Dogshit

"that is the world in 2018"

Yeah, I don't seem 2019 being any different.

Lenovo tells Asia-Pacific staff: Work lappy with your unencrypted data on it has been nicked

Mr Dogshit

Yeah yeah, they take it "very seriously".

3ve Offline: Countless Windows PCs using 1.7m IP addresses hacked to 'view' up to 12 billion adverts a day

Mr Dogshit
Joke

Don't be 3vil

1,700 lucky Brit kids to visit Apple Stores for 'Year of Engineering'

Mr Dogshit

Re: Huh?

"the engineering department" - aka Foxconn.

Brexit: UK will be disconnected from EU databases after 2020

Mr Dogshit

Wah wah waaaaah!

But it will be worth it to regain our sovereignty.

And the NHS will get an extra £350 million a week, remember.

If Shadow Home Sec Diane Abbott can be reeled in by phishers, truly no one is safe

Mr Dogshit

Stop dissing Jeremy's girlfriend!

ICO poised to fine Leave campaign and Arron Banks’ insurance biz £135,000

Mr Dogshit

Chuck that toad in the Tower of London

Will of the people my arse

Woman who hooked up with over 15 spectres has found her forever phantom after whirlwind romance and plane sex

Mr Dogshit

Stop it!

You're giving me the willies

Belgium: Oi, Brits, explain why Belgacom hack IPs pointed at you and your GCHQ

Mr Dogshit

Yawn

Spies found spying.

Film at 10.00

Facebook names former Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg head of global affairs

Mr Dogshit

Well

I didn't see that coming. You've got to hand it to the Cleggster. And he married a top Latina MILF too.

Sync your teeth into power browser Vivaldi's largest update so far

Mr Dogshit

Re: E-mail alternative

I used The Bat! back in the day. I contacted their support with an issue once, and they got straight back to me and it was clear they knew their stuff.

The only reasons I use Outlook are because I've got Office anyway and I like the calendar.

Pain spotting: Russia's Aeroflot Docker server lands internal source code, config files on public internet

Mr Dogshit

More pictures of Russian air hostesses, please.

First it was hashtags – now Amber Rudd gives us Brits knowledge on national ID cards

Mr Dogshit

Ihre Papiere, bitte.

Brit armed forces still don't have enough techies, thunder MPs

Mr Dogshit

You're thinking of pheasants.

Activists rattle tin to take UK's pr0n block to court

Mr Dogshit

Re: Educate, don't legislate!

Personal Protective Equipment?

Eh?

'World's favorite airline' favorite among hackers: British Airways site, app hacked for two weeks

Mr Dogshit
Headmaster

Re: a damp squid

squib

Microsoft sharpens its claws to cut Outlook UI excess, snip Ribbon

Mr Dogshit

Ten years on and people are still whining about the ribbon.

And public folders were deprecated about a decade ago as well.

Winner, Winner, prison dinner: Five years in the clink for NSA leaker

Mr Dogshit

Sod her

If you can't keep a secret, don't take a job that involves keeping secrets. It isn't for her to decide what remains a secret and what doesn't.

See also: Brian Regan

Everyone screams patch ASAP – but it takes most organizations a month to update their networks

Mr Dogshit

Re: It depends

You don't have the luxury of time to test anything. As soon as the patch is released, the bad guys can do a delta of an unpatched system and the patch and work out the vulnerability within minutes. A teenager in his bedroom in Macedonia will work out an exploit within hours.

This isn't the 1990s. Many of your servers will be VMs, so you can take a snapshot, a clone or should it go monkey, restore the VM from backup. Microsoft patches are all installed via Windows Installer, so you can roll back very easily.

Idiots argue if you patch systems, you might break something. The truth is, if you don't patch systems, something's going to get broken.

Now and again you might break something by applying a patch. So what? Stuff breaks each and every day in IT, and each and every day we fix it. That's what we do. Stuff breaks, we fix it.

Ultimately you have two choices: patch ASAP or get pwned.

Facebook flat-out 'lies' about how many people can see its ads – lawsuit

Mr Dogshit
Joke

Re: This is another easy win for Facebook

Facebook "does not create 'Shadow' Profiles of people who aren't Facebook users".

They said so themselves in their reply to my GDPR request.

Devon County Council techies: WE KNOW IT WASN'T YOU!

Mr Dogshit
Headmaster

They need a lesson in grammar too.

There is no such verb as "to trial". Something "is either on trial" or it "is being tried".

Can we talk about the little backdoors in data center servers, please?

Mr Dogshit

"an antiquated NEC CPU core that was popular in optical drives back in the day"

So what? Don't knock an IC just because it's old. It may be the perfect choice for the job. Plenty of Z80s still in use running vending machines and so on.

Anyway, iLO2 is obsolete, if you're running beige DL380s with the word Compaq on the front, you've got other problems to worry about.

Top Euro court: No, you can't steal images from other websites (too bad a school had to be sued to confirm this little fact)

Mr Dogshit
Headmaster

Re: Prepare for...

You agree with the principal? The head of the college?

Mr Dogshit

"The European Court of Justice has determined that a website must get permission from the copyright owner of an image before it use the picture itself"

Yeah DUH

It's called copyright.

The internet's very own Muslim ban continues: DNS overlord insists it can freeze dot-words

Mr Dogshit

Inshallah, brother.

Politicians fume after Amazon's face-recog AI fingers dozens of them as suspected crooks

Mr Dogshit

Amazon should go back to selling books.

Code of conduct claims new Texas Instruments CEO after just six weeks

Mr Dogshit

#metoo

Poor sod. Did you know you're not allowed to slap a bird on the arse anymore? Not even if she's bending over.

Micro Focus belches as it struggles to digest HPE Software

Mr Dogshit

His name is Kevin Loosemore?

Ticketmaster breach 'part of massive bank card slurping campaign'

Mr Dogshit

"El Reg asked firms named in the research to comment"

Ooh... let me guess what they're gonna say.

"We take the security of our customers' data extremely seriously, la la la"

AAAAAAAAAA! You'll scream when you see how easy it is to pwn unpatched HPE servers

Mr Dogshit
FAIL

"get patching"

Do we get the BIOS update for free? Or do we have to "prove entitlement" and sign up for a "support agreement"?

Asking for a friend.

And in current affairs: Rogue raccoon blacks out city power grid after shocking misstep

Mr Dogshit

Gemini goes back to the '90s with Agenda, Data and mulls next steps

Mr Dogshit

It syncs with Google and Apple servers

Fuck Google, fuck Apple

you can ask the Gemini voice assistant to "Ask Alexa what is the time?"

Or I could just look at that thing on my left wrist.

Euro bank regulator: Don't follow the crowd. Stay off the cloud

Mr Dogshit

Well who'd have thought it

Next week: How to suck eggs

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