* Posts by macjules

1249 posts • joined 7 Oct 2014

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BBC extends Capita Audience Services contract to 25 years

macjules
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Re: I'm just guessing here, but perhaps BBC execs will soon be moving to the board of Crapita...

You get more money at the BBC than at Capita... and the trebles taste all the better for being bought with taxpayers' money.

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Flash! Ah-ahhh! WebEx pwned for all of us!

macjules
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Re: can't they just make Flash illegal or something

It's just called 'Adobe Air' now. Adobe Air is the red-headed, bastard offspring of an unholy coupling between Flash and Adobe Labs and should have been strangled at birth. Companies that can't programme, such as Deltek, inflict it upon unsuspecting consumers in the guise of HR and time management products.

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BT rearranges deck chairs, launches good ship Enterprise

macjules
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Translation Required

"Combining our enterprise businesses will allow us to strengthen the services and products we offer to businesses and sharpen our focus on customer service, through clear accountabilities and by introducing efficiencies."

"We are continuing to outsource all assistance and business services to our partners ServiceNow in Manila, despite saying we are not going to. This is because we couldn't really give a tuppenny damn about your business or how inefficient our services actually are"

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Scissors cut paper. Paper wraps rock. Lab-made enzyme eats plastic

macjules
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Re: Brit boffins save planet

Considering how much micro-plastic there is in the food-chain now, especially in fish.

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macjules
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Re: Doomwatch... The Plastic Eaters...

Great minds think alike ..

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More than 87m Facebook profiles farmed, says second ex-Cambridge Analytica witness

macjules
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Simple Questions..

1) Do you support Leave the EU? Y/N

2) Do you think that Nigel Farage is the sexiest man alive? Y/N/WTF

Thanks for completing our questionnaire. In order to enter you into our competition where you might win £100 million we just need the following information:

1) Please enter your left shoe size

2) Please enter your date of birth

3) Please enter your bank sort code and account number

We promise not to misuse your data .. well not as badly as CA might.

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Car-crash television: 'Excuse me ma'am, do you speak English?' 'Yes I do,' replies AMD's CEO

macjules
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The modern F1 car is basically a wheeled computer,

I would have said that and then you get the occasional Kimi Raikkonen who accidentally runs over crewmates legs with his wheeled computer., but then I am reminded that Über's wheeled computer also ran over someone the other day.

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GCHQ boss calls out Russia for 'industrial scale disinformation'

macjules
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Re: Corrupt criminals

Our criminals have much better dress sense. Also our money-laundering laws are more of a rulebook on how to do it, rather than what you may not do.

And not forgetting that our criminals* are laundering their dirty money to build apartment blocks so that Russian and Malaysian gangsters can launder their money - who is the smarter there?

* Definitely NOT, repeat NOT anyone called Candy.

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macjules
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Re: Pot, kettle ...

They also make the best drain cleaner in world - Polonium Draino

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Data watchdog fines Brit council £120k for identifying 943 owners of vacant property

macjules
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Re: Recycling money?

1) It is always Other People's Money, even when it is Council Tax-payers money being transferred to income tax-funded state bureaucracies.

2) The ICO recently demonstrated with the Cambridge Analytica fiasco that with with a route map, GPS trackers and 5 satellite positioning they could still not find their posterior with both hands. Therefore the only way that RBKC could be fined is if they reported themselves, which they duly did.

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Router ravaging, crippling code, and why not to p*ss off IT staff

macjules
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Drupalgeddon

The security team is now aware of automated attacks attempting to compromise Drupal 7 and 8 websites using the vulnerability reported in SA-CORE-2018-002. Due to this, the security team is increasing the security risk score of that issue to 24/25

https://www.drupal.org/psa-2018-002

Basically, if you didn’t patch then why not?

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El Reg needs you – to help build an automated beer-transporting robot

macjules
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Re: Eh.. Get an office Jnr its easier....maybe

A £35 Arduino Mega 2560 with an InvenSense MPU-6050 MEMS accelerometer and Gyro - tested with a small glass with water and it reacts just about fast enough to stabilise.

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macjules
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Re: Eh.. Get an office Jnr its easier....maybe

An Arduino-powered autonomous bot with a connection to the PFY's smartphone via Bluetooth plus GPS and a cooler to keep the beer cool and unspilled should be relatively simple to build. The trick is picking the glass up and placing it on the designated drinker's desk, or can your PFY do this?

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Best thing about a smart toilet? You can take your mobile in without polluting it

macjules
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Is there an El Reg article with suggestions for the worst or most stupid application of IoT?

My money would have been on an IoT electric toothbrush "to teach you how to brush your teeth" but Apple/Colgate already beat me to it.

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What a time to be alive: LG and Italian furniture-maker build smart sofa

macjules
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1) Place spare remote control under sofa cushion

2) Sit on sofa

3) TV switches on

There, saved you several thousand pounds.

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Cambridge Analytica rips and replaces acting CEO

macjules
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Paris Hilton

Quite Right

He should have stopped acting and concentrated instead on data slurping more Facebook users.

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Mark Duckerberg: Second Congressional grilling sees boss dodge questions like a pro

macjules
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Re: Round 1

Well, from my perspective it looks like Mr Zuckerberg has pretty much just learned what a Gerald Ratner Moment is like, i.e. that awkward time when you realise that you have just insulted your customers users and they are starting to fire up their old MySpace profiles.

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Total WIPOut: IT chief finds his own job advertised

macjules
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Re: Why does every time I read about patent governing bodies

Agreed. The 'FIFA of the UN' is a good analogy - they should start using the Sepp Blatter Scale as a measurement of the level of corruption. Looking the other way when NorKor wants to patent a nerve agent should possibly rank as a 10 (highly corrupt)

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Great Western Railway warns of great Western password reuse: Brits told to reset logins

macjules
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Wot no jokes?

C'mon commentariat: I was at least expecting "The site must have been done in Ruby - its come off the Rails"

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macjules
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And no Username Enumeration Prevention on the site. Still, nice to see that they have a Symnatec SSL certificate :)

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macjules
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Re: We need a court action

Any company would simply blame the processors or the developers. Software/Web developers are already clobbered by this [EXPLETIVE DELETED] government for 20% additional tax, but make them liable for any website errors and they will have to take out huge professional indemnity cover as well.

I have one client that has a very large user base (over 30m registered users) but they have so far totally refused to acknowledge GDPR and only when I gave up and sent them a compliance document requesting them to absolve us from any liability under GDPR have they now (less than 1 month to go) asked us to implement GDPR on the website.

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Facebook admits: Apps were given users' permission to go into their inboxes

macjules
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Zuck gets another chance ..

Pressed repeatedly by Democratic Senator Ed Markey to endorse a proposed law that would require companies to get people’s permission before sharing personal information, Zuckerberg agreed to further talks.

Thank God they have GDPR legislation then. Oh wait ...

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Airbus plans beds in passenger plane cargo holds

macjules
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Re: Glossing a commercial turd

Well, give me a zone where sumo-sized businessmen can snore without waking up the rest of first class and another where babies can happily scream in peace and I'll go for it.

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German sauna drags punters to court over naked truth

macjules
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What happens in Sinsheim ..

Isn't Badewelt what you are left with after a session with a rather large Bavarian frau and a bunch of birch twigs?

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Fear the Reaper: Man hospitalised after eating red hot chilli pepper

macjules
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Re: The Carolina reaper...

Me too, at the same festival. It made a soup rather ... interesting. You can get this from the amazing Chilli Pepper Pete shop.

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Accenture, Capgemini, Deloitte creating app to register 3m EU nationals living in Brexit Britain

macjules
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Re: Really?

1) Deloitte "Consulting" state that they always claimed that bringing in CapGem was a bad idea.

2) Accenture (post Edinburgh council fiasco) agree with Deloitte

3) CapGem repeat RoyalMail contract with 2 year overrun and produce a Drupal 7 site (unpatched)

4) Capita agree to step in and 'help rescue the situation'

5) Costs remapped and escalate from £15m to £1.5Bn with a 3 year delivery window.

6) End product fails to work at all and Capita CEO "at a loss to understand why".

7) Departmental internal inquiry fails to find any party to blame.

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VMs: Imperfect answers to imperfect problems, but they're all we have

macjules
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Re: good article

Seconded - really good and informative article. Thank you.

He finds them to be kludgy Band-Aids, and they seem to offend him on some deeper ethical level.

This sounds awfully like my head of IT, he even used the same 'Band-Aid' phraseology to say that we must stop everyone using Docker containers on development machines. Then again, Apple would appear to have taken care of this with their latest MacBook Pro range - running any docker-containerised application is like running BLAST on a 386.

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Sysadmin shut down the wrong server, and with it all European operations

macjules
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Re: Soldier?

Holes are also portable. Especially when a staff sargeant tells you that you dug his hole 3 inches too far to the left, pulls out a measuring stick and demonstrates that you dug it in the wrong place and 2 inches too deep.

This in driving sleet on a mountain in the Brecon Beacons in February.

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macjules
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Facepalm

Could have been worse ..

Bruce could have been working at Hawaii Emergency Management Agency last January.

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Lib Dems, UKIP's websites go TITSUP* on UK local election launch day

macjules
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You think that they actually have TWO supporters?

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Facebook suspends, investigates CubeYou, another data-harvester

macjules
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Re: Will it make any real difference though :o(

Funny that. I was pretty sure that any/all of these quizzes harvested data for the harvester's own profit, so how surprising it is to now be informed that they really were only doing it for "research purposes" and passing said slurped data back to Cambridge Analytica University.

I guess that in ZuckWorld dogs and cats live together in perfect harmony ..

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My PC makes ‘negative energy waves’, said user, then demanded fix

macjules
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There is a rather simple answer to all of these types of people. In the 90's golden age of SIMM chip replacements and static-inducing carpets in offices I used to regularly carry a box of Anti Static Adjustable Grounding Straps. I could always spare one for the occasional neurotic graphic designer worried about radiation leakage from their 21" RasterOps screen.

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Birds can feel Earth's magnetic fields? Yeah, that might fly. Bioboffins find vital sense proteins

macjules
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Re: The Natural Navigator

Easy one. If you are looking at the often vomit-coloured Lambourghinis in their showroom then you are facing South. If you are walking up towards the museums then you are facing North. If you are being swamped by several thousand French children then it is likely that you are walking West.

FTFY

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macjules
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Cheep shot.

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Googlers revolt over AI military tech contract, brainiacs boycott killer robots, and more

macjules
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Stop killer robots!

The last words ever uttered by humans will be to their sexbots, "For God's sake stop - I already gave you the safety word!"

(© Frankie Boyle)

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Hookup classifieds ad sheet Backpage.com seized in Feds shutdown

macjules
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Re: Meat market

but it's also not nice to allow underage sex traffickers a wide open online market where they may flog their "wares."

Hopefully we shall be seeing that message on facebook.com soon.

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Wanna work for El Reg? Developers needed for headline-writing AI bots

macjules
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Not sure I look forward to working with Miskatonic University, so I’ll pass.

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Are you able to read this headline? Then you're not Julian Assange. His broadband is unplugged

macjules
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Re: It would take a heart of stone not to laugh...

Why, on earth should we care? Assange appears to thrive on the oxygen of publicity, so simply deny him the media attention and let him stew in his broom cupboard, while he tries nicking free WiFI off passing Addison Lee cabs.

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Running Drupal? You need to patch, patch, patch right now!

macjules
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Meh

Re: As patches go, not bad, considering

+120 sites so far with differing versions (7.58 through 8.39 and 8.46 to 8.51). 4 breaks so far from legacy bad Jquery (is there good Jquery?) and just started hitting the Red Bull as the sun comes up.

Oh, and my Jenkins server just went down ...

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Yes, Emergency Service Network will be late and cost more - UK perm sec

macjules
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Green light?

I was hoping for Amber Rudd to say that she was giving the project the green light to go ahead.

Rutnam claimed the department is taking a more “incremental” approach” to delivery and is using the "philosophy of agile delivery of programmes which is founded in IT".

Meaning: "Capita told me what to say before I came here today".

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What the @#$%&!? Microsoft bans nudity, swearing in Skype, emails, Office 365 docs

macjules
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Re: It's a feature

Yes, I'll just say that I live in Scunthorpe and that Microsoft is deliberately marginalising me. If that fails then as a citizen of Scratchy Bottom, Dorset I feel victimised.

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Cambridge Analytica 'privatised colonising operation', not a 'legitimate business', says whistleblower

macjules
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Re: Other uses

there is always MySpace

I just bet that Time, Inc. is thanking God that they bought MySpace.

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macjules
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Re: The BBC

Isn't that a station for old people?

My children say that about the entire BBC, including BBC Radio 1 ("isn't that a radio station for geriatric paedophiles?")

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Mac fans' eyes mist over: Someone's re-created HyperCard

macjules
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Re: That reminds me...

Myst was originally a series of Hypercard stacks.

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Corking story: Idiotic smart wine bottle idea falls over, passes out

macjules
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Re: If you want to only drink one glass at a time

A wine box? Sainsbury’s do a rather good house rosé - generally lasts the family one evening.

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Zucker for history: What I learnt about Facebook 600 years ago

macjules
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I really can’t help but think that Dumas would have enjoyed Sir P’Terry enormously. Nightwatch in particular would have had him in stitches.

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Facebook's inflection point: Now everyone knows this greedy mass surveillance operation for what it is

macjules
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Thanks

At least people are now addressing the Zuckerphant in the room. To be honest I would have expected the Antisocial Network CEO to have lawyered up and taken advice.

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Cambridge Analytica seeks data protection assistant

macjules
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You need a Bachelors to understand data protection?

Some of those shredders are really complicated nowadays.

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Prof Stephen Hawking's ashes will be interred alongside Sir Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin

macjules
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C’mon Elon

Bet you can spare at least one older model Falcon rocket to send the genius to his final resting place.

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