* Posts by macjules

722 posts • joined 7 Oct 2014

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Currys PC World rapped after Knowhow Cloud ad ruled to be 'misleading'

macjules
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Re: As a rule of thumb

There is no such thing as 'military grade' it is purely a marketing term used to imply that something is, "strong, tough, intense and high-quality", certainly nothing I would categorise Curry's as.

BTW for non-UK/Eire commenters, 'Currys' is not a food shop or an Indian restaurant: you get better service in those places.

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Adobe will kill Flash by 2020: No more updates, support, tears, pain...

macjules
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Re: Dear Adobe

Syphilis is worse than scabies, but you still would not want either ... a bit like Flash.

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Alexa, why aren't you working? No – I didn't say twerking. I, oh God...

macjules
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"Hi Alexa set reminder at 6pm say 'Hello Google are you human or computer'"

"Hello Google, set reminder at 6pm say "Hi Alexa, I am the human here'"

Sit back and listen to the arguments.

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UK ministers' Broadband '2.0' report confuses superfast with 10Mbps

macjules
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Re: Another report by ignorant people.

"Last year Shapps' body published a report "

Doesn't say what the rest of him was doing though ...

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Brits must now register virtually all new drones and undergo safety tests

macjules
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“Users may be able to register online or through apps, under plans being explored by the government,” though the mandatory test will cover “safety, security and privacy regulations”.

Meaning:

1) The app and online form will be put out to tender [Capita or Steria]

2) There will be a maximum cost and time limit [£2Bn for the app and a 3 year cost overrun]

3) Users will be able to register and pay the 'Drone Licence Fee' online [We will need to use Drone Detector Vans to check unlicensed drones and we will send lots of threatening letters to pensioners about the danger of their unlicensed drone]

4) There will, of course, be a need for a new government department within the Dept of Transport known as the Pilotless Vehicle Licensing Authority (PVLA). This department will need a minimum £1Bn annual budget.

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Microsoft hits new low: Threatens to axe classic Paint from Windows 10

macjules
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Re: The end

Never mind, there's still minesweeper.

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The Italian Jobs: Bloke thrown in the cooler for touting Apple knockoffs

macjules
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Unhappy

Of course it is not a victimless crime. Won't you think of poor Apple and how much revenue they lost? Let alone poor IRS and HMRC who did not get the taxes from Apple because someone failed to pay ... oh wait, I'll stop there.

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Why you'll never make really big money as an AI dev

macjules
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Re: Really big money ...

Tell that to the CEO of Barclays, certain senior traders at JP Morgan, the chairman of BAT Industries ... the list is endless.

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Volterman 'super wallet': The worst crowdsource video pitch of all time?

macjules
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And what happens on an aircraft ... presuming the beard does not instantly mark you for United Airlines waterboarding programme?

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Moneysupermarket fined £80,000 for spamming seven million customers

macjules
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Ahem .. GPDR

Could have waited a bit and then really hit them for a fine.

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'Coke dealer' called us after his stash was stolen – cops

macjules
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Re: The Aussie bird was right

I bought one off you. They told me it was still hot.

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macjules
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Re: Florida Man

Channel 4 were sold the idea by Endemol, a Dutch company. Where does Sir Bob come in to this?

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House of Lords to probe AI data slurping

macjules
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"Third Way" guru Anthony Giddens, director of the LSE

This would be the same said director of the LSE who was so "third way" in his dealings with certain Libyan despots and their sons?

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HMS Frigatey Mcfrigateface given her official name

macjules
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Re: HMS Frigatey McFrigateface not official...

HMS Glasgow: Ship's motto: "Stitch this!"

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One-quarter of UK.gov IT projects at high risk of failure

macjules
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Now apply that 25% across all of government spending and you get a £100Bn+ waste bill. Not a small number, especially when you consider that they are fast running out of inventive ways to f*cking rob, defraud or bludgeon UK tax payers into paying more money.

Regarding DSAB, the contracts only went out for offer in February, so how is it overrunning as it would not even be in the PAO stats yet?

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Security robot falls into pond after failing to spot stairs or water

macjules
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Re: "We were promised flying cars, instead we got suicidal robots. "

"Those of us born in the last forty years weren't promised flying cars, we were promised a grim totalitarian cyberpunk dystopia."

No, we were promised a question to the answer "42". The trouble is that into the computational matrix some bloody idiot introduced the Trump family and now Earth has gone into reboot.

Marvin would be less depressed.

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The curious case of a Tesla smash, Autopilot blamed, and the driver's next-day U-turn

macjules
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Re: Hmm

"Is that ok Mr Musk? Can you let my wife and children go now?"

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Russia launches non-TERRIFYING satellite that focuses Sun's solar rays onto Earth

macjules
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Just be thankful that they didn't name it "Goldeneye"

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Nearly three-quarters of convicted TV Licence non-payers are women

macjules
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It is actually not a subscription to the BBC, it is an effective "Audio Visual Equipment Tax". In countries such as France this is expressed as a national tax (tax audiovisuel). The difference is that the BBC use a private conglomerate to do the collecting/threatening/prosecuting.

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macjules
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Megaphone

An old and redundant argument .. a bit like the BBC.

1) Name something that the BBC still does well. Their commentary on Wimbledon this year was truly atrocious - I thought that some of the commenters were perhaps on hard drugs.

2) No, they are not 'making in-roads to slimming down', that is unless 'slimming down' means increasing their management spending while not addressing waste and unused resources.

3) In this age of record and watch later, adverts are something that can be bypassed or easily skipped.

There are some things that the BBC does do really well, such as Radio 4, wildlife documentaries, period drama or occasionally sports coverage. Sadly those do not represent enough of the huge "trebles all round" that the monolith spends.

Sorry, but the BBC is now an anachronism.

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Beware, sheep rustlers of the South West of England! Police drone spy unit gets to work

macjules
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It's only a matter of time now before The Archers have a piece on drone-chased livestock rustlers.

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Luxembourg passes first EU space mining law. One can possess the Spice

macjules
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Well it's good that aliens can now legally mine asteroids around our solar system. It was always a grey area although not policed much !!!

Bloody Luxembourgians, as usual they're only after the EU deep space mining subsidies! I already approached Brussels regarding asteroid belt agronomy subsidies, but was told that there are no plans to subsidise space cabbage growers.

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macjules
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Re: Dodgy Picture

Was going to say, that sounds like the Daily Mail.

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Man facing $17.5m HPE fraud case has contempt sentence cut by Court of Appeal

macjules
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Re: Automatic halving of sentence

"serial entrepreneur"

That's what we call a "thieving scumbag" nowadays, is it?

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User left unable to type passwords after 'tropical island stress therapy'

macjules
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Government staff: need I say more?

"My email is not working please can you send someone to fix it?"

Sent via email.

(Still have that one archived btw)

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€100 'typewriter' turns out to be €45,000 Enigma machine

macjules
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Re: €100 seems steep for an old typewriter

A friend of mine has Mac #36, completely untouched in its original shipping packaging. Wonder how much that is worth now.

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macjules
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No, they just land their helicopters on golf courses these days.

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macjules
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Re: There is quite a bit of that floating around Eastern Europe

Michael Curtiz directing The Charge of the Light Brigade .. also famous for the 'poodles of vater' quote during the filming of Casablanca

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An AI can replace what a world leader said in his video-taped speech. This will end well. Not

macjules
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"hijack a White House speech"

There aren't any White House speeches, only tweets.

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May the excessive force be with you: Chap cuffed after Star Trek v Star Wars row turns bloody

macjules
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Re: Snowy

Friday - that can only be Heinlein "The corps is mother, the corps is father" - not sure. Never read Starship Troopers so going to make a wild guess.

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macjules
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Re: In a fight over...

"What Star Trek fan carries a pocket knife?"

One that can not do a Vulcan Nerve Pinch I should think.

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BOFH: That's right. Turn it off. Turn it on

macjules
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Re: The power of suggestion

"yes sir , your new password is P W D backspace 1 2 3 backspace num-lock"

Better than that: Use a really crap font for the password, like Monaco, and then use commonly 'mistakable' characters for the password and wait for the irate phone calls ..

"I can't log in, I can't tell if the bloody password starts with a "1" or with an "l" because you sent me the email in some weird font, and is that a zero or an O?"

(puts phone on mute and ROFLMAO)

(picks up phone again)

"Did you restart the computer before entering the new password, Sir?"

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macjules
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Re: The power of suggestion

".. so close to the truth!"

Um, that IS the truth. This is pretty much the rulebook that government IT use .. which is then passed on to ServiceNow for (in)action.

IIRC one of the more recent successes was. "When entering your Government ID please do not enter the hyphen character, the system will take of that for you"

Most common responses:

Is a minus sign or a dash or the small line between 9 and equals like a hyphen?

I could not find a hyphen key, so I entered a space and now it says I failed to provide my correct ID.

My favourite: "How can I trust the system to enter it for me and why can I not enter it myself?"

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Microsoft boasted it had rebuilt Skype 'from the ground up'. Instead, it should have buried it

macjules
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"For group stuff Hangouts is very reliable."

They've done for that as well: Microsoft Teams

Re Skype, did you know that there are now over 3 types of Skype? Skype, Skype for Business and Skype for Meetings.

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How to pwn phones with shady replacement parts

macjules
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Re: Fantastic way to make phones unrepairable

And talking of which, Samsung just re-re-released the Note 7. This time as the Note Fanboi Edition, or Note FE and made with salvaged parts from the Note 7. Hopefully not the battery.

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Male escort says he gave up IT to do something more meaningful

macjules
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Re: What sort of clientele?

Or even worse .. Mac Oh Sex

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Shock: NASA denies secret child sex slave cannibal colony on Mars

macjules
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Re: School boy mistake

"I'm sure that it's not Mr. Steele's fault. He probably had his brain fried by the CIA during the mandatory workplace LSD-laced sleep deprivation studies."

No, it was the excessive rectal probing that did it.

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US Senators want Kaspersky shut out of military contracts

macjules
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Re: retaliatory measures?

And Russia has so many Operating Systems to replace them, right?

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Ubuntu 'weaponised' to cure NHS of its addiction to Microsoft Windows

macjules
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Re: Cost is the smaller concern

Furthermore, the NHS itself could have its own in-house repository for all the software it needs. This would be copied down, in a controlled manner as appropriate from Debian, Ubuntu etc. That way, if external developers go insane, the NHS could keep going.

1) That would last just as long as the first time the government-appointed contractor (Capita) got their hands on it. Then the repo would disappear into the bowels of the Reading monolith, never to be seen again.

2) What about the interaction between life support machinery and desktop computers? Has anyone actually considered that this is perhaps the main reason why the NHS is still on older versions of Windows? Is someone going to make every ECG or Kidney Dialysis machine Windows 10-compliant?

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Rackspace goes TITSUP in global outage outrage

macjules
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Re: This is what happens

No, this is what happens when you fail to check your newly-recruited electrician's resume (CV) and find out that he had only recently been fired by British Airways.

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French general accused of nicking fast jet for weekend trips to the Sun

macjules
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Headmaster

The Sun?

When you write, "French general accused of nicking fast jet for weekend trips to the Sun" I am hoping you do not mean 'visits to Mr Murdoch's unlimited supply of loo paper" and perhaps mean 'sunshine'?

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Robots will enable a sustainable grey economy

macjules
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Re: Preserving the status quo

A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm

Tesla AI: Sorry, Dave.(inflates emergency cushions) But this is just in case I need to drive under a white truck.

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HMS Windows XP: Britain's newest warship running Swiss Cheese OS

macjules
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"The MoD insisted that it has lots of folk worrying about cyber security so there's no need to worry."

Well yes, it has LOTS of people worrying. It just does not have anyone left (well, anyone who was an IR35 contractor) who can actually FIX the problem.

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macjules
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"we have absolute confidence in the security we have in place to keep the Royal Navy’s largest and most powerful ship safe and secure.”

MoD, Today

"we have absolute confidence in the security we have in place to keep the UK’s largest and most powerful shits safe and secure.”

House of Commons yesterday - before KGB / GRU / FSB Russian cyber attack.

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NHS WannaCrypt postmortem: Outbreak blamed on lack of accountability

macjules
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Re: Chartered Institute For IT?

Of course there is also the Worshipful Company of Information Technologists .(Motto "tibi sileo eam", or "have you tried to restart it?"), noted for its lack of IT people, but a very good dining hall.

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Met Police laggards still have 18,000 Windows XP machines in use

macjules
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Re: Back in April the London mayor set up an "online hate crime" unit at a cost of £1.7m.

£1.7m would buy you 17 copies of Windows XP (Professional Capita) Edition. The one that can only be installed onto a new Dell that has been reverse-engineered to make it XP compatible with 128Bit encryption. As financial units go that equates to a 1/1000th of a DUP, which Capita will tell you is 'cheap at the price'

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Microsoft's new Surface laptop defeats teardown – with glue

macjules
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Re: malle-herbert: Looks like Microsoft is copying Apple...

My favourite laptop is still my trusty Summer 2010 MacBook which has a 256Gb SSD, maxed out 16Gb RAM and a 500Gb mechanical 2.5" drive where the CD/DVD used to live. The 500Gb is the Timemachine backup drive. Occasionally when I have tired myself out from swearng at the new shiny dark grey thing with its fancy swipe bar etc. I go back to using that one.

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Capita flogs Asset Services division for £888m

macjules
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Re: 888

More irony: I am presuming that it was £888m as Capita Financial Services Division (Offshore) won it by gambling the reserves on www.888.com. In true Capita style they started out with £2.6Bn ...

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macjules
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Re: Smart meter bill

It's Capita. As any fule kno:

It has already gone wrong. We are keeping quiet until further funding is made available by HM Government in order to alleviate the problem.

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UK and Ecuador working on Assange escape mechanism

macjules
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Re: Diplomatic pouch?

As in the Umaru Dikko affair. The plan was though to have him locked in a crate with an Israeli doctor supervising him IIRC, the doctor ended up doing 14 years for abduction.

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