* Posts by Fungus Bob

1103 posts • joined 26 Jun 2014

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RIP 2019-2019: The first plant to grow on the Moon? Yeah, it's dead already, Chinese admit

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Trollface

Re: Cotton, really?

" I'm sure they'd find a way to set up a sweatshop "

Will only work the first day. The Chinese don't seem to like insulation...

Three quarters of US Facebook users unaware their online behavior gets tracked

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Facepalm

"an IQ test passing grade"

What, like 70% or something? This would shut out almost everyone with IQs in the normal range.

The Large Hadron Collider is small beer. Give us billions more for bigger kit, say boffins

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Re: One ring to rule them all?

Plagiarize the BOFH and just call it the Ring Of Fire...

IBM to kill off Watson... Workspace from end of February

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Devil

"IBM's sweaty corporate buttocks"

Citation needed...

World's first robot hotel massacres half of its robot staff

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Re: LESTER

When I were a lad, we used to beat the interns with a stick until they enjoyed it.

Then we'd stop...

Huawei and Intel hype up AI hardware, TensorFlow tidbits, and more

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Re: Two down-votes.

all the upvotes were fake upvotes, of course...

If I could turn back time, I'd tell you to keep that old Radarange at home

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The birth of MTV

Microwave Time Variable

SpaceX sends Iridium-8 into space while Musk flaunts his retro rocket

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Trollface

Yeah, nothing more pathetic looking than a wrinkled Starship...

Just for EU, just for EU, just for EU: Forget about enforcing Right To Be Forgotten outside member states

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Re: The DMCA does it

Google is not actually the government of the US. Yet.

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Oh, but it would be fun to watch...

Hubble 'scope camera breaks down amid US govt shutdown, forcing boffins to fix it for free

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Trollface

Re: the Eagle Nebula dubbed the Pillars of Creation

"I thought they were space meerkats."

No, the Space Meerkats was an impossibly stupid children's show put out by Sid and Marty Kroft....

Microsoft vows to destroy Office, er, offices: Campus to be demolished and rebuilt

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The Update of the Damned

If the folks at MS were Smart, they'd want us to remember the Update of the Damned because tacking the Phrase "of the Damned" onto anything makes it sound cooler.

Vegan Restaurant.... of the Damned

Herpes... of the Damned

Soiled underpants... of the Damned

Who cracked El Chapo's encrypted chats and brought down the Mexican drug kingpin? Er, his IT manager

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Re: The FBI paid him back in return for his services

"He'll go into witness protection and be given a new ID, etc."

Yes, he is now known as Ward Cleaver...

Mainframe brains-slurper sues IBM for 'age discrim', calls Ginny and biz 'morally bankrupt'

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Re: The downward spiral to the ground is well underway.

"To say that can be replaced with a database is absurd. Once that knowledge has left the company, it's never coming back.."

Why am I thinking of little Bobby Tables.....?

New Horizons snaps finish buffering: Ultima Thule actually two dust bunnies that got snuggly 4.5 billion years ago

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Thing 1 and Thing 2?

American bloke hauls US govt into court after border cops 'cuffed him, demanded he unlock his phone at airport'

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Re: MAGA

Yeah, but neither party could come up with anyone to beat him.

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Re: MAGA

But, because we're dumb, we elected a criminal pervert professional wrestling actor and the most popular movies in America are based on children's comic books.

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Re: 100 Miles From The Border

"And they say these searches are rare, then why do we read of so many happening?"

By rare, they mean that the searches are not well done.

Introducing 'Happy Quit', where Chinese smokers are text-spammed into nicotine abstinence

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Facepalm

oops

I meant those quitting opium cold turkey

My bad...

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What percentage of those who quit die from the withdrawl?

On the first day of Christmas, Microsoft gave to me... an emergency out-of-band security patch for IE

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Devil

Re: Really?

Only for downloading Chrome....

Pork pulled: Plug jerked out of beacon of bacon delight

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Re: Here we go...

...but there aren't any vegan friendly choices!

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Re: It could work. I wonder how it tastes....

Nah, probably more like an incredible soy substitute.

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Re: 404: Bacon Not Found

"that artificially flavoured rubbish the yanks favour"

No we don't., our Corporate Overlords simply give us no choice...

Dev's telnet tinkering lands him on out-of-hour conference call with CEO, CTO, MD

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Devil

Re: About a billion years ago in internet time (call it 1986) ...

I once told my supervisor that down in Brazil, the gauchos hunted the gazebos to the verge of extinction, And he believed it.

Also around 1986....

Forget your deepest, darkest secrets, smart speakers will soon listen for sniffles and farts too

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Coat

Re: 15 armed officers

Most people only have two...

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Re: It sounds like you're writing a letter...

Fortunately, it doesn't work that well. To really mess it up, use some weird language that twins make up.

.

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Re: I gotta hand it to them

They would gladly be the wipers of other people's bottoms if they could figure out how to monetize it.

The fastest, most secure browser? Microsoft Edge apparently

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Re: JAB

"On an iPhone 8 it would be less than 14 pixels high..."

I don't have a problem with that...

Home users due for a battering with Microsoft 365 subscription stick

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Re: Yes, what MS really needs now is more marketing...

"Anyway, a more "consumer" version of Office 365 I'm afraid could offer less features and somewhat simplified applications."

It's called 'Google Docs'.....

It's a, it's a, it's a SYN flood: Quick, ditch that packet

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Well, South Korea is a little behind the times - they're still using Internet Explorer 6 due to some dumb security law.

Incoming! Microsoft unleashes more fixes for Windows 10 October 2018 Update

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NUT: SaaCK - Novel User Torture: Software as a ClusterfucK.

Peak tech! Bacon vending machine signals apex of human invention

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Re: Not a big bacon-eater myself...

Bacon grease is also ideal for cooking eggs.

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Re: Which is better?

Doesn't matter. Bacon is meat candy.

Awkward... Revealed Facebook emails show plans for data slurping, selling access to addicts' info, crafty PR spinning

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Re: Popcorn anyone?

Don't forget Tumblr sliding into oblivion after porn filtering everything.

Microsoft polishes up Chromium as EdgeHTML peers into the abyss

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"For the record, I've never used Edge so I cannot comment on its merits."

Those here that have used it seem to be focusing in it's demerits.

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Coat

"How about a BSD distro?"

Microsoft BSD? They already did that. You've heard of the BSOD.....

Prez Trump to host chinwag with Google, Microsoft, Oracle and Qualcomm – report

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Holmes

Re: Trump's private discussion is likely to cover artificial intelligence, 5G and quantum computing.

Trump is actually an expert in artificial intelligence - any intelligence he may possess is completely artificial...

Support whizz 'fixes' screeching laptop with a single click... by closing 'malware-y' browser tab

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Many years ago, when the Anna Kournikova virus was making the rounds, I was working in a very small company. One day the boss said "...Uhhh, I think I got a virus" . A quick check proved nothing bad happened. I told him this was why we were using Pegasus and that he was a pervert.

Alleged crypto-crook CEO cuffed by FBI after $4m investment in his bank bafflingly vanishes

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"why you'd trust the perspicacity of someone who used to get punched in the head for a living escapes us."

Because... the George Foreman grill

Healthcare billing biz AccuDoc 'fesses up to breach that blabbed 2.65m people's data

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FAIL

"It did not include any financial details or medical records"

Riiiiiiight...

OneDrive is broken: Microsoft's cloudy storage drops from the sky for EU users

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Re: High five

The Salmon of Correction (frozen)

Canuck couple returns home after night on tiles to gaggle of randomers hanging out in their flat

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Devil

Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

Only if the god was Bacchus......

Baroness Trumpington, former Bletchley Park clerk, dies aged 96

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Holmes

No, she'd still be 96 by now. She would not be 100 for four more years.

Big Falcon Namechange for Musk's rocket: BFR becomes Starship

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Re: Spacey McSpaceshipFace

Fartblaster Luna Smoothie?

Wombats literally sh!t bricks – and now boffins reckon they know how

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Re: Kinda macabre, but alright

"If a car hit a wombat in Australia so fast that the wombat's body ended up in the USA, how fast was the car travelling?"

Fast enough to knock the shit out of a wombat and into a different time zone.

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Coat

Re: Actually very interesting to some people...

Timmy B, you sure know your shit...

Trump in Spaaaaaaace: Washington DC battles over who gets to decide the rules of trillion-dollar new industry

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Re: Commercial?

"I'll have some of what that guy is smokin'!"

From the look of it, he's probably smokin' motherboards...

Russia: We did not hack the US Democrats. But if we did, we're immune from prosecution... lmao

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Still gotta have a Finnish dwarf with a toothbrush.

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