* Posts by 2+2=5

782 posts • joined 21 Jan 2014

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If you need to replace anything other than your iPhone 8's battery or display, good luck

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> have sent one guy's iPhone off for repair for broken screens no less than 7 times

Give him a Doro big button mobile as a 'temporary' replacement and wait a few weeks before sending the iPhone off for repair. Might teach him to stop being so clumsy.

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You forgot that you hired me and now you're saying it's MY fault?

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Meeting rooms

At one previous employer, the end of the open plan office was glazed off and new meeting rooms created.

Staff inclusivity in this momentous event extended to being invited to take part in a competition to name the new rooms. My team's suggestion of "The Fully Booked Room" for one of them wasn't taken up for some strange reason.

Me: "I'd like to book The Fully Booked Room please"

Receptionist: "I'm sorry, but The Fully Booked Room is fully booked..."

Ah the hilarity.

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Trello boards the desktop with Mac and Windows apps

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Joke

Trellotopia

> Trellotopia? Yep, someone got paid to write that.

Yeah, but only in the sense that they won a bet...

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Chirpy, chirpy, cheap, cheap: Printable IoT radios for 10 cents each

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Re: Official reg units please

Cricket pitches are tricky because they're variable in dimension. Only minima are specified by the Laws. I mean, which pitch do you use as the standard-bearer? Lord's? MCG? If we use a ballpark figure, say 1 1/4 ha, then about 1/3 of the pitch, though since these coverage areas are circular, you'll probably need four to properly cover the pitch.

If you're going to use a ballpark figure then there is only one to use: the original Yankee Stadium

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Homeland Security drops the hammer on Kaspersky Lab with preemptive ban

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Happy

Re: Quite the planning process, this

> Is it really that difficult?

Hmmm, let's see....

90 days to remove Kaspersky ... no problem.

It's now September. Departmental budgets for the next financial year are just about being submitted now. So, choose a project to sacrifice (unless the DHS are offering new money - I thought not); move the 'New Anti-Virus' project to the front of the queue; assume approval is a no-brainer, in which case the project will be ready to roll come April, at the start of the new financial year. I confidently expect the replacement AV to be rolled-out and working by 1st August 2018.

;-)

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Another reason to hate Excel: its Macros can help pivot attacks

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Re: Waddyamean 'Another reason to hate'?

> But Excel itself does it's job.

It would be better if there were a (truly seamless) mode which embraced named ranges fully and disallowed cell ranges. That would make debugging a lot simpler. And the sheet need no longer be a single, rectangular sheet -- just a series of ranges.

Also a macro language that allows procedural code (whether basic based or something else) that only works within Excel - no access to the PC or Windows at all. There are plenty of simple automation tasks that don't really require full-blown VBA and the associated security permissions hassles that accompany it.

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Re: Waddyamean 'Another reason to hate'?

> Try and separate those kind of tasks out for the whole project and it turns into a monster. There should be a way to have a task that has 'x hours' of effort, but has 'x weeks' of duration.

I just add an "await delivery" task following 'place order'. If you've inherited someone else's plan then sometimes it is easier to split a task into a rollup and have 'place order' and 'await delivery' in the rollup so that existing dependencies aren't lost.

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Stand up who HASN'T been hit in the Equifax mega-hack – whoa, whoa, sit down everyone

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Joke

So?

Credit reporting and checking agency Equifax has admitted to a massive breach of security that could affect almost half of the US population. In a statement, the credit-checkers claimed that hackers managed to get access to some of its data in mid-May

Since Equifax's business model is selling credit data, it's not so much a 'hack' but more 'an unknown new client' that they can't bill.

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Apache Struts you're stuffed: Vuln allows hackers to inject evil code into biz servers

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Thanks a bunch

The critical security vulnerability was discovered by researchers at Semmle, who today went public with their find. [...] Developers are advised to patch Apache Struts to version 2.5.13, which was released today.

Very obliging of Semmle to give Apache time to issue a fix. Somewhat less obliging is not giving users any time to test and deploy the fix.

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Give a boffin a Xeon and a big GPU, get a new big prime number

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What puzzles me is how we've found the 12th largest number. My naive thinking would be that we slowly increment the highest prime rather than finding one in the middle of other primes.

It's due to the way Mersenne primes are used to simplify the search.

Mersenne primes are a subset of all possible primes, and take the form 2^n - 1. This makes it easy to search for a new higher one because you only need increase n and check the new calculated value of 2^n - 1.

However, increasing n means that you can skip over primes. For example, the first four Mersenne primes are: M2 = (2^2 - 1) = 4-1 = 3; M3 = (2^3 - 1) = 8-1 = 7, M5 = 31 and M7 = 127. We've quite quickly found a 'largest' prime of 127 but in the process we skipped over 11, 13, 17 etc.

The same thing has happened in this story but for a much larger number.

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Smart meters: 'Dog's breakfast' that'll only save you 'a tenner' – report

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Re: Common sense is free!

> I dispute that enzymatic washing products are actually any better than synthetic detergents, or even old fashioned oil and lye based soap flakes.

Useful (but possibly little known) fact: biological washing powder is quite good as a paint stripper. Ideal for something that you don't want to risk more powerful solvents on, e.g. painted plastic. Just leave it to soak for a day or two.

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Connect at mine free Wi-Fi! I would knew what I is do! I is cafe boss!

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IT Angle

Re: Smart intercoms/bells are a good idea, that are usually badly implemented

Now if your like me, and have large garden (i.e. an old house in the UK, not a new build) then you need an intercom to be able to get back to the house when a delivery comes... So it makes sense to have a network connected intercom, and having video is a bonus as you can see who is at your door/gate and not even have to answer it if your not sure who it is.

I am making my own at the moment, because no one actually makes anything good in this market right now and I need one.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/22/84/69/22846936bf4b2804d78694dfd016cec9--rustic-signs-wood-signs.jpg

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Vodafone won't pay employee expenses for cups of coffee

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Spotify cleared of exposing kids to self-love innuendo in TV spot

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Inappropriate response

Spotify described the ads as "using mild and subtle sexual innuendo in a discreet and tongue-in-cheek manner"

So Spotify's response to the complaints was basically 'suck my dick'?

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Oracle has to pay top sales rep stiffed out of $250,000, US court rules

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Re: Wasting the courts time

I find it irritating how some businesses with deep pockets keep appealing in the courts hoping that the next level of court will side with them, no matter how frivolous their grounds for appeal.

It's a key factor in how they are able to harass people with shallower pockets than them, for example in this case they appealed instead of giving her the payment the court ruled they owed her. They get to hang onto the money in the meantime, and she goes without.

I agree 100% but a significant part of the problem is that appeals courts so often overturn decisions made by lower courts. If the lower courts got it right more often, so that the appeals success rate was minuscule, then we wouldn't be reading about this now.

Perhaps if you were allowed to sue the lower court for getting it wrong, there would be an incentive for them to improve? But they'd probably only appeal...

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German court reveals reason for Europe-wide patent system freeze

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Re: Oh! the pretty patterns

>> "Italian cop your passport with 1000 lire note"

> Nice to see you're up to date on world affairs.

The cop might be a numismatist. ;-)

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75 years ago, one Allied radar techie changed the course of WW2

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Re: 22yr olds today

Three of us cycled the 20+ miles to Adhown Forest one day to play 'poo sticks' at the home of the game. Then we rode home in time for tea.

Ew! "Pooh sticks", if you please.

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Voyager antenna operator: 'I was the first human to see images from Neptune'

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Re: Anntenae (not anntenas)

@ RegGuy1

At least you didn't commit that heinous crime of saying indexes when you meant indicies (or use matrixes for matrices).

Pedantically, 'indexes' is a valid, alternate form of 'indices' but both are pronounced as 'indices'.

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Commentard Quizwall experiment ends with more quizzing than commenting

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Joke

Interesting experiment but...

If this were rolled-out more widely, who would write the questions?

a) The article author? (With the risk that all answers are deliberately wrong so no comments can be made.)

b) A moderator? (With the risk that the mod has misunderstood the article.)

c) Someone paid for by the site's advertisers? (With the risk that any answer that names the sponsors is automatically the 'right' one.)

Yep, (c) it is then.

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Raising minimum wage will raise something else: An army of robots taking away folks' jobs

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Unhappy

Re: Yup

I now order using the touchpanel at the local McDonald's. I don't have to deal with a person and my order is accurate, and it's faster.

It's not a "robot" but it's automated, and it's taking a cashier's job away.

I think that means you have now become the robot.

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Sigh. Big Cable execs dominate FCC panel overseeing Big Cable's broadband upgrades

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Joke

Don't worry....

The preponderance of cable reps means that the US will soon be the first country in the world to roll out 10Gbps FTTTV (Fibre To The TV). This will plug directly into the back of the TV, avoiding the need for a pesky router or wifi unit that the consumer might gain control over.

Weirdos wishing to actually access the Internet, rather than watch telly ads continuously, will be permitted to rent a special cableco-branded TV that includes a wifi access point offering 802.11b or 802.11g (at extra cost).

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Firmware update blunder bricks hundreds of home 'smart' locks

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Re: IoT - where the S really is for Security

@ T. F. M. Reader

If the owner has to turn up with the key then the 'reset button' might just as well be taking the batteries out for a couple of minutes. I inferred from the article that a consequence of the bug is that an affected property owner has to be physically present to fix things. The button suggestion from 'vir' doesn't solve this problem.

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Re: IoT - where the S really is for Security

A physical button to revert the lock to a "safe mode" where remote/bluetooth functionality is disabled, but keypad access is still allowed would seem to be a prudent guard against this type of thing. But switches are expensive; some places have the nerve to charge you as much as $0.50.

Where would this button be placed and how would it work?

It can't be on the inside because the problem is the keypad doesn't work and the Airbnb tenant doesn't have a physical key.

It could be on the outside but then anyone can walk up, press the button and the property owner is prevented from gaining remote access.

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HMS Queen Lizzie impugned by cheeky Scot's drone landing

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Unhappy

Re: Weaponised drones...

> I dunno about anyone else, but a quarter-of-a-million drones coming in in swarm would certainly put the shits up me...

A quarter-million wasp-sized drones, linked to each other with software that knows how to swarm and armed with a 'sting' comprising a syringe of poison/sedative depending upon how nasty/nice you want to be, seems to me to be an inevitable future development in weaponry.

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Disgraced Entatech founder Jason Tsai tossed in the clink for contempt of court

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Joke

Re: A Taiwanese law firm calling itself “Just Good Lawers”

> Maybe Trump could hire these guys ?

Yeah, on a no-win, no covfefe basis

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Expect the Note 8 to break the bank (and your wallet)

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Facepalm

Re: Extra buttons

Of the functions I would like to assign to an extra hard-button, a digital assistant wouldn't make the list. The humble flashlight would probably be top. Camera. Dictaphone.

"Hey Siri, turn on the torch"

"Sorry, but I'm not able to change that setting"

Sigh. It's like playing Poohsticks with stones.

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Volterman 'super wallet': The worst crowdsource video pitch of all time?

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Coat

Amazing.

I can't believe some numb nuts have backed this. They must think owning one gives you 45 minute sex skills.

Numb nuts is probably how he manages 45 minutes.

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Feature snatcher Microsoft tweaks OneDrive

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Unhappy

Re: Sharepoint and OneDrive

> One is structured so that once something is put in it, you are guaranteed never to find it again while the other one is not. The latter is called OneDrive.

One is structured so that every time someone in the office needs to set up a new site, they do so in a slightly different way to all other sites that your organisation might have.

Also, the structured one is fully searchable: results come back 10 at a time though so paging through a couple of thousand hits is impossible.

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UK mobile number porting creaks: Arcane system shows its age

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Joke

Re: Why oh why etc.

Surely it's time for the UK to have a Mobile "Transco/Network Rail" that owns all the infrastructure and data and the "carriers" could just be billing agents? As well as sorting this load of old b*ll*cks it'd mean that we'd have consistent carriage over networks and could plan future enhancements in a meaningful way.

Yes, a good idea. It would help if this new organisation covered fixed-line porting as well, so we shouldn't use the word 'mobile' in their name. Perhaps it should be named something like the General Call Handling and Querying company or GCHQ for short?

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China's 'future-proof' crypto: We talk to firm behind crazy quantum key distribution network

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Re: Shared key?

@g0rg0r - thanks for taking the trouble to respond

If I understand you right, you are saying that the 'system' will know if the message has been intercepted. This may well be true - I can't tell from the article. But re-reading it, I know I am even more confused!

Firstly it's not clear if the quantum bit only applies to the transmission of the keys as opposed to the transmission of the subsequently encrypted message. I think it is keys only and the message can, in theory, be sent by any means.

Secondly, it didn't dawn on me until later that this is NOT a public key system. It's shared keys:

Alice then sends the K1-encrypted message and K3-encrypted checksum to Bob. Bob uses K1 to decrypt the message, and verifies it came from Alice by decrypting the checksum with K3 and recomputing it using the random number N they'd shared previously.

If Alice uses K1 and K3 to encrypt and Bob uses K1 and K3 to decrypt then this is nothing more than a fancy shared-key scheme.

It also means there is a backdoor because the control centre also knows K1, K3 and N so they can decrypt any message at any time. (Providing they can get a copy, of course.)

[Disclaimer: this is all based on the info in the article which may well be wrong. :-) ]

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WTF?

Shared key?

For our classic crypto couple Alice and Bob to communicate, they first must receive a secret random number, N, that will be used to help authenticate their interaction via any one of the control centres.

Erm. I might be missing something here but if the whole system relies on a securely delivered, shared random number N then you might just as well distribute a shared key, or a shared one-time pad.

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Stop all news – it's time for us plebs to be told about BBC paycheques!

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Talent

I find it odd the way these people are all referred to as 'talent': Graham Norton has talent whereas Huw Edwards is just a news reader.

A more useful metric might be to divide the salary by the viewing figures to get an idea of who's earning their keep or not.

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School of card knocks: Russophone criminals offered online courses in credit card fraud

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Joke

Sounds great...

> "In exchange for RUB 45,000 (£575, plus £150 for course fees),

Can I pay by credit card?

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Security robot falls into pond after failing to spot stairs or water

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Joke

Re: @Michael H.F. Wilkinson: Your thinking about it wrong...

not even close matey, can you imagine how boring it must be to have the job of sitting in front of a microphone all day and having to say "mind the doors" EXACTLY the same way just before the doors on the lift are about to close???

I can imagine...

Sheesh...

What! ... And you have to make the door closing noise as well? Bloody hell.

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Jodie Who-ttaker? The Doctor is in

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Happy

Bootnotes?

El Reg, you're slipping! You should have put this one under 'transformation' rather than 'bootnotes'.

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Joke

Re: Overstated importance of fans

Indeed . I was raised in Canada and the CBC imported those early Dr. Who's. I grew up with those funky B&W cardboard Dialects

Geordie Daleks?

"EH UP EX-TER-MIN-ATE"

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Want to kill your IT security team? Put the top hacker in charge

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Joke

Speaking as a manager...

No one disputes that most of the readers of this website are techies rather than managers so many of the comments come from a techy point of view, that is from those subjected to management rather than practising it.

As a manager therefore, I feel that I can offer practical advice to you all ...

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GET BACK TO WORK NOW!!

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AI vans are real – but they'll make us suck at driving, warn boffins

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Joke

Re: The future:

> Much like people will spout vitriol in a forum or email (and even on social media, which has their name attached) that they would never consider saying in person, people will discard food/drinks/garbage in the floorboard of an autocab, and you will have people who take advantage of the "privacy" and leave behind traces of a more bodily type.

After each journey the cab will take itself off to a automatic car wash before picking up the next passenger. And if the outside of the cab is washed as well, then so much the better.

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Japan joins quantum space race with microsatellite demo

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Re: "space-to-ground entanglement" ?

> It's not really my area of expertise, but is this really "space-to-ground entanglement"?

No it's not, AFAICT. Reading the linked article, they seem to be (a) using the term quantum to mean that they can receive a signal so weak that only a single photon out of the burst sent for each data bit need be received in order to determine the value of that bit and (b) throwing in a reference to entanglement as science researcher click bait. What they are NOT doing is using entanglement to transmit / receive the signal.

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Microsoft drops Office 365 for biz. Now it's just Microsoft 365. Word

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Joke

Re: As if they didn't have enough

> "Subscription Katalogue Units"

> I read that as "Subscription Kafkesque Units".

Subscription Kellogg Units - nice and crisp to start but they soon turn into a soggy mess as MS milks them

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Bloke takes over every .io domain by snapping up crucial name servers

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Joke

It was predicted by Arthur C. Clarke...

ALL THESE WORLDS NAME SERVERS ARE YOURS—EXCEPT .EUROPA

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European MPs push for right to repair rules

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Joke

> A smartphone should be as fixable as a refrigerator

Oh great, now Samsung have started glueing the lamp inside the fridge into place.

/Be careful what you wish for

Other way around: smartphones will be fixable but they'll be the size of a refrigerator.

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Boffins with frickin' laser beams chase universe's mysterious trihydrogen

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Joke

Re: Missing matter

> I keep hoping we can get rid of "Dark Energy" and replace it with a new theory of gravitation.

Yep, and I name that new theory "Dark Gravitation".

Fame is now mine - just need someone else to work out the small details. I thank-you.

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Microsoft boasted it had rebuilt Skype 'from the ground up'. Instead, it should have buried it

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WTF?

Shirley...

Surely Microsoft's product management people have realised that Skype is a comms engine behind a user interface? And that they could easily release two versions of the app, perhaps with development code names 'youth' and 'business' that use the same comms engine but provide different features.

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Brit prosecutors ask IT suppliers to fight over £3 USB cable tender

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Thumb Up

Re: Whose name is on it?

> Whose name is on it?

> Name, shame and fire.

No, quite the opposite. The person who raised this is clearly frustrated at being prevented from doing their job by the mass of petty bureaucratic rules being taken to the extreme, and has done so as a protest.

There needs to be some citizen awarded gongs - the anti-Queen's Honours perhaps - that can be given to people like this.

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One thought equivalent to less than a single proton in mass

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Boffin

Re: Confused units

The Register wonders how many Katie Hopkins columns it would take to amass a single unit?

The units are indeed confused. Katie Hopkins columns are so insubstantial they actually have no mass at all. The appropriate unit to use therefore is the 'nat' from Shannon information theory, as her columns convey precisely zero information.[1]

[1] Although they may leak information about herself.

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Robots will enable a sustainable grey economy

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Unhappy

Re: Dumb yanks

It might be dirty and slow, but at least London has viable public transport. In Bristol we only have buses, and they're bloody terrible. They're expensive (more than London), slow (slower than walking a lot of the time), infrequent, dangerous, and rarely go where you need.

You think Bristol's busses are dangerous? Try Reading's.

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How to avoid getting hoodwinked by a DevOps hustler

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Joke

Re: If they’re a 'DevOps Expert', they probably aren’t

> Has anyone figured out what devops is yet?

Yes.[1]

Before devops, whenever developers completed a new app, it was put into Live by a process formally known as "throwing it over the wall". Occasionally you heard a howl of pain as it landed on someone and that was the only way you knew it had gone live (save for the bug reports!).

After devops, developers were kindly requested to shout "look out!" before throwing the app over the wall. In some really advanced companies, the ops guys come through a gate in the wall and collect the app. Maybe even hang around a bit to sit in on a stand up and hear how wonderful the app is from the developers themselves.

[1] Warning, may contain factually inaccurate statements, wild assumptions and some channeling of Verity Stob

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Virus (cough, cough, Petya) goes postal at FedEx, shares halted

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Unhappy

Re: Well, MAYBE this will get their attention

> Well, I can dream, can't I?

Hah. The bean counters are probably admiring the speed at which the virus was 'delivered' around the world and wishing they could somehow copy it to make Fedex just as fast!

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Ever wondered why the universe only has black holes in S or XXXL? No? Boffins have an answer

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Joke

Re: Black Holes are just like grocery stores...

> Can corner shops grow by accreting customers?

Yes. Accreted customers are often seen in Walmart, ergo corner shops grow into Walmarts. QED!!

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