* Posts by Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

39 posts • joined 7 Nov 2013

Facebook wants to Zuck up your cash into its mobile payment service

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III
FAIL

And you'd really trust your cash to a website that's been in existence for over 10 years but still can't manage to eradicate the continuous onslaught of spammy ' OMG you wouldn't believe what happens to this girl next' videos which (apparently) lead you to extremely dodgy locations.

Ram it.

If this post gets 1,000 likes and shares I'll get my nob out.

Windows 8.1 Update: Throws desktop drones a bone but still as TOUCHY as ever

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Re: 'and if you need sideloading keys, you can purchase an unlimited number for around $100.'

The problem is that an Enterprise doesn't want to have to download an App from the MS CRAPP store for each and every PC they have so they want to sideload naturally.

I just don't agree with the bloody fee - problem here is?

Oh - you said Apple will not let you sideload - you 100% about that?

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

'and if you need sideloading keys, you can purchase an unlimited number for around $100.'

My outright hatred for anything Windows 8 is obviously clouding my judgement - surely that line doesn't mean what I think it does?

Not even MS would charge for that - surely????

Gov cheerleader Sajid Javid gets nod from PM to park in Miller's spot

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Voted very strongly for selling England’s state owned forests

Voted very strongly for capping civil service redundancy payments

Voted very strongly for ending financial support for some 16-19 year olds in training and further education

Voted very strongly for university tuition fees

Voted very strongly against increasing the tax rate applied to income over £150,000

Voted very strongly for increasing the rate of VAT

Voted strongly for higher taxes on alcoholic drinks

Should we have expected anything else? Anyone other than a complete and utter wanker would stand out like a sore thumb.

Broadband Secretary of SHEEP sensationally quits Cabinet

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Steal and con your way through your career. If you get caught, slapped wrist and promise to pay it back. No Police involvement.

I can't quite get my head around the above line without thinking that there is something fundamentally wrong with the entire system where our 'leaders' can brazenly flaunt their own elitist agenda in the faces of us minions and we just bow down, shut up then move along.

However the history books tell us a different story when this has happened in the past.

Et Tu Brute?

UFO, cosmic ray or flasher? NASA rules on Curiosity curiosity

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Finally my childhood dreams of the Leather Goddesses of Phobos being real are coming to life!

Is this photo PROOF a Windows 7 Start Menu is coming back?

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Weather

Why is it every friggin interface known to man thrusts the weather into your face? Am I the only person here who doesn't want a fucking cloud on my desktop or start menu? I'm British - it's always shite outside and I don't want my bloody screen estate taken up with this bollocks, Xbox live tiles on a business phone FFS! etc. etc.

Give me a 'Metro off' checkbox and I may, just may give W8 a second look.

On second thoughts. No I won't.

Sticky Tahr-fy pudding: Ubuntu 14.04 slickest Linux desktop ever

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Re: Head to head

I've been using OS's since DOS - especially all the Windows variants. When I sat down at a Win8 desktop I had to retrain myself on how to do the most basic of functions - so I thought bollocks, why on earth should I have to 'learn' how to use this POS OS.

So I have given Win8 and it's maker the middle finger. Nice knowing you. Clueless morons.

First pics: Comet-chaser Rosetta hurtles towards icy prey, camera in hand

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

They should have thought about putting some steerable thrusters on the lander to bring the rock into orbit around Terra. Play with it as much as they like then for years on end rather than be stuck with the limited instruments on board for a limited time.

But I'm just an enthusiast with no technical knowledge of this awesomery. Just landing the damn thing on a comet puts my night approach to LAX on Flight Simulator X to shame.

Cops bang up 'drunk, naked' Virginian

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Pictures or it never 'appened!

Microsoft frisked blogger's Hotmail inbox, IM chat to hunt Windows 8 leaker, court told

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

He stole Windows 8 RT - he should be jailed for not finishing the job and burning the code

Star Wars movie to start shooting in UK this summer

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

'Star Wars movie to start shooting in UK this summer'

Set on a rainy planet with a complete nob in charge then?

NASA: Earth JUST dodged comms-killing SOLAR BLAST in 2012

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Patent incoming!

I see Apple filing a new patent for an iPhone coated in some strange material that is impervious to solar flares and will therefore continue to work. It won't get a very good signal mind but I suppose that depends on how you hold it......

Xenon: Bitmap Brothers' (mega)blast from the past

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Still waiting....

for the homage to Starglider on PC

Netflix needling you? BBC pimps up iPlayer ahead of BBC3 move

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Meanwhile in the real world....

Hi Dragons,

I'm starting a company which aims to the do the same as ITV, Netflix and LoveFilm only I will force every household to pay the monthly subscription, hmmmm and lets make it double what the competition charge, and if they refuse to pay it - I put them in jail!

Dragons? Hello?

PM Cameron leaps aboard Internet of Thingies

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

How about

... an Internet of Things electoral voting system which scans social media and news sites for general public opinion and casts votes accordingly at election time?

Surely the Cockmunching Cameroon would pledge more money towards such an idea. No?

Florida bloke cuffed for pit bull shag outrage

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Takeover imminent

Now that's two dog shagging stories in less than a week - is El Reg fishing for a Daily Mail buy-out?

Squidge-droids maker updates iRobot for SUCK, SCRUB action

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Rubbish!

It can't do stairs in which case you may as well buy a Dalek.

Worlds that could support LIFE found among 715 new planets

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

And next months press release....

Astro boffins have discovered <RND(0)> new habitable planets.

Cut and paste following into press statement '"These results establish that planetary systems like our own solar system are in fact common."'

Next months millions of funding secured. Job done.

Official FACT: Gadgets are giving YOU a wrinkly 'Tech Neck'

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Hmmmmm

People have been reading books for centuries and this phenomenon only occurs now?

Daily Mail having a slow but creative news day it seems. Obviously Kerry Katona hasn't scratched her arse on the beach recently.

Stuff the delays! PM chuffed to have BT's superfast broadband in his constituency

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

At least he won't have to opt-out of his self imposed family safe porn filter - he has instant access to a whole building full of c**ts

Google invades videoconferencing market with Chromebox for Meetings

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

About time

Well if it's better than that overpriced shite that Polycom throw out then I'm all for any solution that can help me avoid having to travel on blighties overcrowded tarmac abortion for a 5 minute meeting.

Bring it on I say, if they want to spy on my meetings they're welcome. In fact, to the test the water I'll regularly get the entire team to burst into a slightly altered rendition of Monty Python's Lumberjack song - 'I'm a kiddy fiddler and I'm OK' - see if that brings the feds down on me.

Apple plans to waggle iNormous 4½-incher in fanbois' faces

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Sooooo....

If the size of your Apple device screen relates to the size of ones todger would strapping a 27" iMac to my wrist make me a hit with the ladies?

Coz you know, ladies dig near 3 foot long penises right?

'BILLION-YEAR DISK' to help FUTURE LIFEFORMS study us

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Excellent

So we put all the technology gleaned from thousands of years on the planet and leave it to the next race, who will probably need the same amount of time to gain the technology to be able to decipher it.

It's like writing down the instructions for making a key and putting it in a locked box.

Smarty Ring promises technology at your fingertips

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Go swivel

So it reduces the amount of times you look at your phone by 60%?

I estimate that twice the amount of time that you save will be spent spinning the ring around so you can see the LCD

Poker ace's vanishing hotel laptop WAS infected by card-shark – F-Secure

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Pffft laptops!

He should have had an iPad. The perp would have had to get on it and either email a copy of the virus to himself or log onto his own Dropbox account, or worse - use iTunes to sync it. Either way, he would have to book a holiday in the same hotel room to have the time.

The only other option I see is to get Jeff Goldblum to upload a virus to it - that always works no matter what OS.

It's true, the START MENU is coming BACK to Windows 8, hiss sources

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III
Holmes

Re: kde has a start button....

I'm not familiar with an AMD64 app? What is that?

KDE may not be a solution for your requirements, but as your company and therefore its gross income is essentially locked to the Windows OS, regardless of how much of a pile of shite it is, I don't see that as being much of a solution either.

Anyway, I'm off sleuthing for an AMD64 app.....

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

But...

As a long time PC admin / user, read Amstrad PC1512DD - CGA, I couldn't afford the EGA with all it's splendid colour, I've tried W8 on the desktop and it's complete garbage like most of you say. But I've also tried it on a HP slate which I take it is its native environment and it's ermmmm well garbage. First thing I did after doing all the VTech swipe bollocks was open up WIndows Explorer - touch friendly? Really? Maybe if I filed my fingers down to needle sharp ocelot digits then perhaps I'd reach 5% touch accuracy.

As I've mentioned in other posts, as a long time Mac hater I now have an iMac (eBay I hasten to add) as I've just had it with Windows. All I miss is the ability to play the odd decent game but everything else is the way it should be.

Microsoft! apt get-a-grip

UK fondleslab surge slowing, says sales-sniffing specialist

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

hmmmm

I think what with the new Nexus 7, Tesco's Huddle and the Argos, Asda, CPH and Aldi offerings these figures will be hyper inflated by the end of this month.

Even at the moment however I can't see how the sales are less than last year - it doesn't make sense?

Inside Steve Ballmer’s fondleslab rear-guard action

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

PC Fail

PC's have failed because of MS Windows. The act of rolling NT and Windows 98 into one OS has effectively killed them off because unlike a tablet, the OS is too difficult to learn for newbies because it has not been solely designed for the Home market. Add to that the continual virus problem which doesn't plague iPads and Android and it's clear why they are losing ground.

Microsofts late to the party answer to combat this was to release the most humungous turdnova ever seen since The Britass Empire - Vtech 8.1.

How long will it be until we must have an Xbox Live membership before we can remotely connect to an RDP server?

World's OLDEST human DNA found in leg bone – but that's not the only boning going on...

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

So these guys have died out huh?

So never been to Nottingham then?

Fancy Kim Kardashian's ... nose? 3D bio-printing boffin can help

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

I see a future in opening a website selling John Holmes blueprints..... hmmmmmmm

Show us your Cook: Size is everything for Apple iWatch fans, apparently

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

My prediction...

It will be a shiny white electronic device packaged in clear film inside a smart white box containing fuck all documentation along with a shabbily manufactured connection lead which will break after a month.

On the day of release, half the population of China will be throwing out sub-standard copies via DHgate, Alibaba and ultimately eBay.

Nobody will want it because it makes you look a nob.

There. Don't say I didn't tell you.

'F-CK YOU GOOGLE+' ukelele missy scoops BIG WAD of $$ - for Google

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Google+ rocks

Not meaning to piss on anyones chips but I have a Google+ account and I have just one friend on it and that friend is Jeri Ryan (AKA 7 of 9)

So purely for that solitary factoid - Google+ is an electronic spunktrumpet of a social website - more power to its elbow.

MPs blast 'alarmingly weak' management of one-dole-to-rule-them-all

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Re: Get Out

Agree. And he, his immediate family and their offspring for the next 50 years should be made to live in a 2 bedroom council flat in Scunthrorpe.

Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

Get Out

An IT Project Manager is in charge of this abortion.

Name him. Shame him. Sack the useless pillock.

But what's the betting none of the above happens but insert <big fat payoff cheque/>?

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