* Posts by SVV

810 posts • joined 4 Nov 2013

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Having AI assistants ruling our future lives? That's so sad. Alexa play Despacito

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Re: OTT

We should all get our patents in for similar ideas asap.

I'm going for the voice controlled toilet roll dispenser, it will be controllable with phrases such as "Alexa, hand me three sheets" or "Alexa, oh dear I had a really hot curry last night".

Amazon Mime: We train (badly) an AI love bot using divorce bombshell Bezos' alleged sexts to his new girlfriend

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I love you, alive girl

As this was alllegedly one of the genuine texts, it is far more disturbing than the output generated by that program (which is what it was, not an artificial intelligence). I have always taken it for granted that my girlfriends were in the "alive" category.

NHS England's chief digital officer goes full digital, ditches health service for GP app biz

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Ah, the good old revolving door

Set the NHS on some vaguely defined "digital first" path, preferring app baed consultation to gp visits, then shift off to a senior role in a company providing such apps on a ginormous salary. Company mysteriously awarded govt contract worth millions. Rewards for innovation and hard work indeed..

Microsoft vows to destroy Office, er, offices: Campus to be demolished and rebuilt

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Microsoft Office To Be Wiped From The Face Of The Earth

Much better headline. Would have been the best click bait ever.

This is the final straw, evil Microsoft. Making private GitHub repos free? You've gone too far

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Free! For up to three collaborators!

So not very a big deal for anything serious then.

The Windows 10 bug fixing team will save $7 per month on their budget though.

Insiders! The good news: Windows 10 Sandbox is here for testing. Bad news: Microsoft has already broken it

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Windows sandbox

The whole point to a sandbox is that nothing else should be able to break it, it should live in glorious isolation as much as possible. And then an update to the ancient Internet Explorer breaks it. Which could only mean that the brand new sandbox is dependent upon IE code in some way. This is not a good basis on which to create modern reliable software.

If there's some other explanation, it is probably even more concerning.

It's 2019, the year Blade Runner takes place: I can has flying cars?

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Novel predictions

I'm old enough to remember lots of articles like this in 1984, so take some comfort that back then they all had a good laugh about a book that predicted control through mass media propaganda, mass state surveillance through technology, and a situation where countries who were our allies suddenly become our enemies.

How we laughed at the fact that none of that shit had happened.

Racing at the speed of light, Sage superhero bursts through the door...

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It's good to be known for fixing things quickly

But not too quickly. I've often developed reputations as a reliable fixer, but realised it's best to combine this with a calm and methodical demeanour. Panicky bosses looking over your shoulder asking how long it will take need to be informed that it will take much longer unless they move away and stop interrupting your concentration. Get it done, take notes so you can write up the "way to avoid a repeat performance" email or document afterwards and be sure to circulate it to a wide audience within the organisation. Add on a suitable amount of time unless a real code red emergency to manage future expectations. A calmly managed incident will do your reputation more good in the long run than a flustered response and make life far easier in the end for both you and the company if managers see it being effective.

Sometimes, of course, things can get really bad and you have to deal with calamities, but make sure you don't try to handle everything as though it's that bad, otherwise you will go crazy at some point.

London Gatwick Airport reopens but drone chaos perps still not found

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Re: Shoot it down?

The solution is obviously to develop a drone destroying drone. Add a rotating diamond tipped saw to one and equip the police with it. Robot Wars in the sky.

Pork pulled: Plug jerked out of beacon of bacon delight

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Pork Bork

I guess restocking the machine was a bit of a pig. Or else this was just a ham fisted attempt at publicity.

Careful with this latest Microsoft release – tug too hard on the threads and it tends to unravel

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lucky fans?

More woolly thinking from Microsoft.

Who's watching you from an unmarked van while you shop in London? Cops with facial recog tech

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100% failure rate since May

Which will probably still be true once she's gone (ho ho ho , merry Xmas everybody).

Seeing as the kit was tested in 3 very closely situated West End hellholes, it's no surprise that nobody with their mugshot in their databases happened to walk by the vans on those particular days. However, the fact that it DID match people and they were all wrong is troubling, and will of course not be considered a sufficiently good reason to give up on it, when the hope of magical tech solutions is much greater than calm assessment of reality.

Vitamin Water gets massive publicity for new flavor: Utter BS

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They've overspent on this concept

Where I live, the supermarket trolleys in the checkout queues are loaded up with bottles and bottles of what they call "water". Adding vitamins to it is an expensive waste of time when you see how much people will pay to drink something that tastes a little bit of plastic, rather than the perfectly drinkable stuff that comes out of the tap for free.

Equifax how-it-was-mega-hacked damning dossier lands, in all of its infuriating glory

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If 148 million customer records can be nabbed

and the blame shunted to some poor developer for not shoving a new version of a library onto a live production server or twenty, then things were clearly so wrong on so many levels that a lengthy essay could be written about all the failures at every level of the company.

Categories including build and dependency management, release management, integration testing, certificate management, access control to live systems, and so much more would show neglect all over the shop. Neglecting all these things for a company with responsibility for so many people's crucial data is fundamentally negligent. Especially in the context of "aggressive expansion".

And criticising obscene rewards for failure ain't socialism bud, capitalists are supposed to believe that failure comes at a price. For the company that failed, not some easy scapegoat. "The buck stops here" has been replaced with "The bucks stop here" for the bosses who rake in millions every year.

It's December of 2018 and, to hell with it, just patch your stuff

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Remote code execution flaw in Powerpoint

This one sounds like it could be fun. Just imagine, you're yawning your way though the presentation on key strategic objectives for Q2 and Q3 when suddenly the screen comes alive with the sight of command prompt windows springing up and scripts executing, whilst the managers flap about in a panic.

Privacy, security fears about ID cards? UK.gov's digital bod has one simple solution: 'Get over it'

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These repeated calls for ID cards linked to national databases by clueless politicians are becoming a bit of a bad hobbit.

Latest Google+ flaw leads Chocolate Factory to shut down site early

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fixed it within a week of it being introduced

Is that "deliberately" introduced as an excuse to shut it down four months earlier?

I doubt they were doing too much work on it if it was on its' way out anyway. What a great idea if it's believed. "Hey, even though we were going to give you lots of time to get off this software we're desperate to dump, an unfortunate very recently introduced bug means that the plug must be pulled pronto".

Dine crime: Chippy sells deep fried Xmas dinner

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Give them some credit for this

It'll be the first time some of their customers have ever eaten any vegetables.

HCL picks up Notes, spanks total of $1.8bn at Honest John's IBM software sale

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Holmes

Re: That's a lot of notes for Notes

Colonel Smithies : joined today, 2 posts bigging up Notes and criticising naysayers.

DrFierce : joined today, 7 posts bigging up Notes and criticising naysayers.

20 years experience and you thought we might not catch such amateurishness?

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That's a lot of notes for Notes

Reading this reminder that this thing is still alive, a horrible thought occurred to me and I had to see if it might be true. And yes, there are Android and iOS apps available for Notes. Did not want to investigate any further in case it brought back too many memories of when I last had to use it, 20 years ago this year in fact.

Expired cert... Really? #O2down meltdown shows we should fear bungles and bugs more than hackers

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Nice to read a wider look at the issues raised by this screwup

And the image it has painted in my head of Cameron flying into a red faced rage, because his magic smartphone kept failing in his artisan yoghurt eating Cotswold smugster's paradise has put a smile on my face for a few hours at least.

Wow, what a lovely early Christmas present for Australians: A crypto-busting super-snoop law passes just in time

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They're not fair dinkum!

This is just so much the best sounding way of avoiding the use of considered, reasoned arguments about the merits of a particular course of action for politicians, that I propose that all politicians worldwide must now do so, instead of all this Fake News! Take back control! unimaginative crap we've been hearing in the Northern hemisphere for what feels like forever.

I think I could sort of tolerate this much better as at least it makes no pretence at being meaningful and it sounds good. Maybe after about the 500th time, I might begin to tire of it though.

Total Inability To Support User Phones: O2 fries, burning data for 32 million Brits

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Re: Do people really need reminding buses are still running?

On the outskirts of the capital, when the board says 1 min, it means the bus will show up in about 5 minutes time, so you learn to ignore them and wait calmly til it eventually shows up, hoping there's room to get on.

Upside of outage : bus not full today of people gormlessly flicking through Twitter and Facebook.

Downside : bus even more full of people yapping into their phones, all complaining that Internet's not working. May the person who thought of unlimited call plans spend eternity on a crowded rush hour bus in my London suburb.

Microsoft makes a dip in the Azure Cosmos DB pool just a bit more tempting with another price drop

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gives customers availability of 99.999%

This is Microsoft cloud stuff. Blandly regutgitating PR claims such as this is not very credible when their systems have been going down more frequently than, erm, something that frequently descends.

Microsoft: New icons, new drivers, AI! Everything is awesome!

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Signing into Outlook on the web just got easier!

How the hell is having to remember the URL http://t.co/P5TTNEYOSt in any way "easier"?

I can't be the only one who hates these garbled redirect URLs and believes that they're going to redirect me to some machine wrecking malware site. Why have they become a thing? Stop it now!

Surface Book 2 afflicted by mystery Blue Screen Of Death errors

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A veritable smorgasbord of fixes

I'd tend not to classify this as a fix.

Reminds me of a classic explanation once heard at work. "It's fixed, but it's still not working". Except this is fixed and it's now not working.

Musk's popstar girlfriend Grimes croons about next-gen AI, plus more machine-learning news

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Grimes against humanity

That music video and abysmal song explain more about Elon Musk than 100 articles featuring his conceptual ideas.

Giraffe hacks printers worldwide to promote God-awful YouTuber. Did we read that one right?

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Ironically enough, given the huge cost of printer ink cartridges, a long stretch may be exactly what he ends up receiving.

OneDrive is broken: Microsoft's cloudy storage drops from the sky for EU users

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Microsoft has a wide variety of images to illustrate failure

Well, that is probably because they have a wide variety of failures in their cloud every day. Perhaps they should make their images suitable for the type of failure instead of this cute slapstick approach which is really just rubbing salt into the wound.

So, if you can't access Word files, a burning piece of A4. For Excel, some money on fire. OneDrive : a car with no wheels. Active Directory : a phone book with a padlocked chain round it. Azure : an IT manager getting sacked.

Question: How fast is the Windows 10 October 2018 Update rolling out? Answer: Not very

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I suspect it's more than 2.8%

It's just that many of the updated machines are now too broken to be able to report back.

International politicos gather round to grill Dick, head of Facebook policy, on data slurping

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Politicians grill Facebook exec

Then go and update their Facebook pages to brag about it before deciding to spend loads of cash on Facebook ad campaigns for the next election.

Doctors join wombats in sh!tting bricks to help parents relax about kids chowing down on Lego

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Build a Lego recreation of the research someone please

They might even sell it as a kit : Lego Shitheads.

Microsoft suffers the Tuesday shakes as Exchange Online continues to be wobbly for UK users

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Re: Is Daz in sales ?

Never mind Daz, the people you were preaching to now know that you have zero idea of the concepts of risk assessment and mitigation, as indeed the rest of the world do too, after you publicly demonstrated it on Twitter. Good luck with getting hired again after doing that.

Great Scott! Is nothing sacred? US movie-goers vote Back To The Future as most-wanted reboot

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How unimaginative

Trust the Americans to take this seriously and make a dull choice. Someone should have got an internet campaign going to make sure something massively inappropriate won the poll, such as the Russ Meyer classic Beneath the Valley of the Ultravixens.

HMRC: 30 months to prep Northern Ireland backstop systems, 24 for customs

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HMRC systems are a low priority

Once the Golden Unicorn Delivery System project starts in a couple of months time, everybody in the country will receive their golden unicorn a few weeks later, and the unlimited supply of golden unicorn shit available to everyone will mean that we're all so rich that such petty trifles as tax revenue will become an irrelevance.

Tech bosses talk kids' books! Could they show a glimmer of humanity? You only get one guess

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Great Children's authors

I used to love all those books by Biggles about Capt W E Johns.

Must just add here that the worthy self promoting answers that they all gave that didn't answer the actual question asked are the most Silicon Valley thing ever, and rather than condemning them to the ridicule they so richly deserve, will undoubtedly receive much praise from the similarly mush brained narcissistic self actualizing smug leaders of the tech world in California.

Facebook's Sheryl Sandberg can't remember smear firm, but 'some of their work' crossed her desk

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How could they possibly have known?

For a company whose mission is to try and know everything about everybody, it's amusing when their executives try and claim that they didn't know nuffink about anyfink.

Reverse Ferret! Forget what we told you – the iPad isn't really for work

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iPads can be brilliant for productivity

Simply persuade the senior managers and executives to work on them, build them some flashy looking custom information dashboard apps, and explain that these are premium level products aimed mainly at the executive level, and that less prestigious lower level employees are still best served by desktops.

These people will thereafter get much less done, and therefore be less able to interfere with the actual getting the real work done by the actually productive employees.

Talk in Trump's tweets tells whether tale is true: Code can mostly spot Prez lies from wording

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Ecole Normale Superieure

I love this name - it's the SUPERIOR normal school!

1,700 lucky Brit kids to visit Apple Stores for 'Year of Engineering'

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Re: Huh?

The real engineers crease up with laughter at this sort of bullshit, because they're smart enough to see through it. However, thinly disguised plugs for the fruity phone maker's wares are what some of them have to waste their talents on designing - the ones that go into ports and power sockets that is.

Facebook to appeal against ICO fine – says it's a matter of principle not to pay 18 mins' profit

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Facebook are appealing?

This is only true in terms of legal process, otherwise someone's used one E too many.

* I know this spelling based joke doesn't quite work, but what the L eh?

LastPass? More like lost pass. Or where the fsck has it gone pass. Five-hour outage drives netizens bonkers

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Five hour outage drives netizens bonkers

This statement assumes that using a third party cloud based password manager was a sane thing to do in the first place. Anyone who sticks with it after a five hour outage stops people working can be safely classified as not only having being driven there, but permanently resident from now on.

TalkTalk hackhack duoduo thrownthrown in the coolercooler: 'Talented' pair sentenced for ransacking ISP

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Re: "individuals of extraordinary talent."

Over 10 years ago, I used to do consultancy type work on web based systems of this type for companies of this size. I always did a general code review as it's the best way to flag up possible security, performance and maintainability problems. These were generally so obvious that they were simple to spot, and the few times I found SQL injection vulnerabilities I was amazed that they had such stupid developers who had such little experience writing public facing code in such large organisations - one time the "senior developer" on a project that turned over hundreds of millions per week had an impressive 18 months development experience.

The thing that wore me down most though, and eventually made me to decide to stop reviewing other people's work and go back to coding again where I was able to insist on doing things properly, was the sheer inertia and disinterest of managers when I produced reports detailing the problems and the required solutions to them. "Oh, that doesn't sound too important". "We can't change it now or we'll miss the go live date (and I won't get my bonus), "the developers say it's not really a problem", "you've only been hired to produce a review, we'll decide whether we want to act on the recommendations" and countless other examples of stupid made me feel like I was wasting my time and experience on idiots, and it doesn't surprise me one bit to learn that things have not improved at all since then. I doubt whether they ever will.

Behold, the world's most popular programming language – and it is...wait, er, YAML?!?

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Come on now, if world famous devops biz Datree.io says it's so, how can we mere mortals dare to doubt it?

Next you'll be telling me that bullish.it were wrong to tell me that the next big language trend was INTERCAL!

Health secretary Matt Hancock assembles brains trust: OK, guys. Let's cure NHS IT

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This is no brains trust

It's the usual sort of self serving well remunerated execs who can spout the usual mission statement bullshit that loosens the purse strings held by clueless politicians. Until they get truly independent tech experts with no agenda of self promotion other than wanting a fair reward for having led real world successful projects in the driving seat, and being given enough freedom to do the same for government projects without interference from narcissistic politicians, continual failure and waste are inevitable.

Azure, Office 365 go super-secure: Multi-factor auth borked in Europe, Asia, USA

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Microsoft have some explaining to do

Why can changes to Azure that break things not be rolled back almost instantly?

Why is their testing so poor that these issues cannot be identified?

Why is customer communication so poor about clearly mission critical systems?

Why do whole regions get affected when others don't?

What is your plan of action for improvement?

Until we hear full, credible answers to basic questions like these, MS cloud services should be considered too unreliable for business use.

Where to implant my employee microchip? I have the ideal location

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For those with sufficiently low dignity that they will consent to being "chipped" like a pet

I recommend that you still carry an old card with you and appear to wave it over the sensor on the entrance door, even when it's actually detecting the chip in your hand.

That way, if anyone wishes to gain unauthorised access, they will rob you of the card, rather than your hand.

If at first or second you don't succeed, you may be Microsoft: Hold off installing re-released Windows Oct Update

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Try it out before you deploy it on a system you rely on

Other people are doing that for us all, which is why nobody with any sense will install it on a system they rely on (or "use" as I prefer to say).

I like how on every one of these Win 10 update horror story threads, there's always one "well I installed it and everything works for me" post, as if that somehow negates the actual disastrous consequences being described in the article.

Japanese cyber security minister 'doesn't know what a USB stick is'

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I can imagine many UK ministers

At least if there are any left by the end of the day as lots of them are resigning right now, nervously asking their private secretaries what a USB stick is when they hear about this story.

About half of them might even be able to understand the explanation.

That Old Time 2018 IT songbook: Verity, Verity - give us your lyrics, do! We're half crazy, all for the love of you

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Like A Rolling Stones

I live in an apartment on the 99th floor of my block

And sit home swearing at Windows cos my Azure region is a crock

In flies a guy dressed up like a union jack

And says "I've lost 50 grand cos my business relied upon this cack"

They said "hey you get off my cloud

hey you get off of my cloud

hey you get off of my cloud

Don't hang around or we'll bring you down"

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