* Posts by Oh Homer

1113 posts • joined 18 Oct 2013

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Things that make you go zoom: Huawei rolls out pictastic P40 phones, no Google Play Store in sight

Oh Homer
Black Helicopters

In a word, no

But you can do it for $749.00. In about 6 months time. Maybe.

But frankly, why bother?

The whole point of a smartphone is convenience. Take away the convenience and you might as well just go back to dumb phones. A phone without SafetyNet is basically useless to me. No banking apps, no Google Pay, hell even the bus timetable app refuses to run. I've tried hacks like Magisk but it's a game of leapfrog with Google and the banks, so ultimately it's a losing battle.

The top 3 apps I use are all Google: YouTube, Maps and Search, in that order. And BTW that's on both smartphones and the desktop. That, combined with SafetyNet restrictions, means I'm basically Google's bitch, so I may as well suck it up and let them compile whatever data they want on me. It's not like I'm going to die from a fatal case of "Google spying". In fact, as I sit here, I can't imagine a single negative consequence of allowing Google to know that I watched PewdiePie, listened to Eminem, then bought a USB cable on Amazon. What exactly could Google do to me armed with that data, that would in any way cause me harm?

Nothing.

So yeah, rooting and modding and hacking in general is an interesting exercise, and of course taking steps to protect yourself from genuine threats is essential, but this ain't one of them.

Surprise! Plans for a Brexit version of the EU's Galileo have been delayed

Oh Homer
Mushroom

"This year we are launching our new ... Space Council"

Yeah, and that is the only thing you will ever launch, my little Nazi former friends.

Maybe you could ask your equally Nazi soul mates across the Atlantic to plant a Union Jack on the moon, if they ever stop spending money on warfare long enough to save up for the trip.

Who's got the WD-40? Owners of Motorola's rebooted Razr whinge about creaky hinge

Oh Homer
Facepalm

And the award goes to...

I nominate this for the First World Problem Award 2020.

Creaky phone?

Christ.

Trivial backdoor found in firmware for Chinese-built net-connected video recorders

Oh Homer
Childcatcher

Re: Never mind China...

And of course the NSA spied (and is probably still spying) on the entire population of the US, including visiting dignitaries from the EU. Not to mention all the other spying it does elsewhere.

What's that you say? China does it too?

Shocking.

Cheap as chips? Not for much longer, analysts reckon, after rough year for memory makers

Oh Homer
Windows

So let me get this straight...

Manufacturers are shifting more boxes than ever, specifically because prices have finally reached sane levels, and meanwhile they continue to make billions in profit.

And this is a problem because ... it's Y billion instead of X billion.

[Checks bank account]

Excuse me while I get out the world's smallest violin.

GitLab can proclaim diversity all it likes, but it seems to have a real problem keeping women on staff or in management

Oh Homer
Holmes

A problem that solves itself, surely

As a staunch socialist, you might expect that I'd be eagerly in favour of enforcing diversity in the private sector.

Unfortunately, I'm not just socialist, I also have the affliction of logic, and logic dictates that:

  • Commercial entities exist solely for the purpose of making a profit
  • If as a society we are going to accept the profit motive, we must also accept that commercial entities be allowed to succeed or fail as a consequence of their own policies
  • If those policies are unacceptable to the majority, then those commercial entities should fail as a consequence of their unpopularity, otherwise the majority must take responsibility for continuing to support a company whose policies they find unacceptable

In other words, if the democratic majority dislikes a company's policies, then they should vote with their wallets, otherwise they are complicit.

Yes, this is very much a classical liberal view, and not at all socialist, but it's also a pragmatic view in a society that is clearly also not really socialist, except when it suits them. Play by the rules, or stop playing the game. Personally I'd rather do the latter, but I'm in a minority, so the best I can do is point out the hypocrisy of playing a game whose rules you don't like, and hope that somebody besides myself notices this glaring contradiction.

Very little helps: Tesco flashes ancient Windows desktop on Scan-As-You-Shop device

Oh Homer
Childcatcher

Re: pick the freshest produce

I used to be the sort of person who reached all the way to the back of the shelf, to get the newest items with the longest sell-by/use-by dates. Until I realised what a selfish bastard I was, and the fact that my selfishness was actually contributing to global waste.

So now, as a matter of principle, I always choose the oldest produce, provided it's still in date (which it must be by law anyway). And frankly I'd even buy the "out-of-date" stuff if I could, because those sell-by dates are set extremely conservatively, and the fact is that most of it is still perfectly safe and palatable even after that date.

I rarely notice much difference, and I highly doubt that anyone else would either, if they're being honest. There have been a couple of exceptions, such as chicken that turned out to be rather smelly once I opened it up, but the shop replaced it without argument, so no loss there.

So frankly I would much rather that the pickers were fulfilling my online orders with the older (but still in date) stock, as anything else is socially irresponsible.

Oh Homer
Windows

Handheld shopping...

Or what I like to call a "smartphone".

Has the added benefit that I don't actually need to be anywhere near the shop at the time, or even out of bed.

May I be the first to welcome Tesco to the 21st century ... once they actually get here.

Indie VPN WireGuard gets the Torvalds seal of approval with inclusion in Linux kernel 5.6

Oh Homer
Pirate

VPN subversion

Yup, we're all "terrorists" now, hacking the planet from behind the Iron curtain of encrypted tunnels, spreading our subversive agenda.

Allegedly.

It wasn't that long ago that using a VPN, or even knowing about the existence of such a thing, lay exclusively within the realm of geeks, nae Übergeeks. Well OK, and remote office workers. In fact I'm pretty sure I recall mutterings to the effect that VPN and all forms of encryption were on the verge of being criminalized ... any day now.

Now it's virtually impossible to even watch a YouTube video without being spammed by one VPN slinger or another. Everybody's doing it, it seems.

I guess that whole Snoopers' Charter, warrantless mass surveillance, anti-piracy, anti-terrorism thing seriously backfired. Rather than putting a lid on it, it had the exact opposite effect, and now everyone and their pooch is digging tunnels under Big Brother's house.

Finally something to smile about.

You're always a day Huawei: UK to decide whether to ban Chinese firm's kit from 5G networks tomorrow

Oh Homer
Mushroom

Re: officially atheist

Well I was being a tad disingenuous, but my question was not entirely rhetorical.

Regardless of cultural differences, and the Yanks' long-standing hysterical paranoia over, well, frankly anything not American, you'd think they'd at least have the acumen to suck it up and just get on with it out of economic necessity. Moreover, the fact that the Chinese are such significant trading partners, which the Yanks benefit from significantly, makes the Yanks' hostility seem not only irrational but utterly hypocritical.

In other words, if the Yanks hate the Chinese so much, stop trading with them, put up or shut up, and quit whining.

Of course, we all know why they will never do that.

Hypocritical bastards.

Oh Homer
Alert

Yellow Devil

Maybe somebody can explain this mystery, but why exactly are we even considering what amounts to sanctions against a country (yes, this is really about the Chinese government, not a company) that we've never been at war with, which we freely accept £45 billion worth of imports from every year, and which stands to gain nothing from damaging our diplomatic and economic relations, by means of spying, nuking, or any other hostile act?

Now repeat the above paragraph, but substitute £45 billion with $558 billion, then ask the same question of the megalomaniacal Trump regime.

Brit brainiacs say they've cracked non-volatile RAM that uses 100 times less power

Oh Homer
Alien

Non-volatile ram

I had a non-volatile ram once. I called him Yoda, mostly due to his voice. Instead of butting me out of his way, he'd just stand there patiently staring me down, like he was trying to move me with The Force. I suspect he may have been the result of a bizarre military experiment.

Microsoft: 14 January patch was the last for Windows 7. Also Microsoft: Actually...

Oh Homer

Re: flat as a pancake

So which part qualifies as the Maple syrup?

Oh Homer
Windows

Re: Windows 10 just seems to get worse

Not trolling, just genuinely interested, as I don't see anything bad here.

The only annoyance I've come across so far is the fact that I can't use the OneDrive desktop client without changing my Windows logon to a Microsoft account.

Yes, I have a Microsoft account, obviously, otherwise I wouldn't be able to use OneDrive, but the fact is I prefer not to log in to a local machine using remote credentials, if for no better reason than the fact that the Internet in this muddy backwater only seems to work on a part time basis.

I got around this by installing RaiDrive, which is handy because it actually supports a lot of Cloud services, including Google, MEGA and an SFTP to my own domain. But still, I do find it annoying that Microsoft is attempting to force my hand.

They do the same thing with Skype, but only if you use the client from the Microsoft Store. If you download the proper desktop client directly from Skype, you're not forced to change your Windows login. I could find no equivalent desktop app for OneDrive, other than replacing it with RaiDrive.

But that's literally all I have to complain about Windows 10. Everything else has been smooth as butter.

Oh Homer
Paris Hilton

Re: it's all curable, and worth it

I assume the ads are the result of using an unlicensed copy of Windows.

I wouldn't know, as I bought a legitimate OEM key for five quid off eBay.

I also don't use the fuggly Win10 start menu, where I assume most of these mysterious ads live, as I've replaced it with Classic Shell.

As for updates, for me this all happens silently and without any drama. I've never needed to block one, and never suffered the consequences. I'm barely even aware that updates are happening.

This certainly wasn't the case with Win7. Keeping b0rked updates away from that OS was a major battle. But assuming you could keep all that junk out, 7 was mostly OK. I've not encountered anything even remotely like that with 10.

Oh Homer
Windows

Klingons

After the horrifying double fiasco of WinME and Vista, I could understand people clinging to XP. I was one of them. Hell, we all were (except Mac and Linux purists).

Then 7 came along, and it was like a more stable, more secure, better looking version of XP. The clinging recommenced.

Windows 10 is no Vista, in fact I've grown to like it, after replacing that hideous "Flat UI" with third-party alternatives (most notably "Classic Shell"). There's no question that this is the most drama-free version of Windows I've ever used, and that's really my only criteria.

But I can see how 7 users might still balk at the prospect of 10's sheer out-of-the-box fuggliness, not to mention all that Microsoft spyware. Believe me, it's all curable, and worth it, at least for the Windows part of your computing life. For everything else there's Linux (or, increasingly, Android).

Windows takes a tumble in the land of the Big Mac and Bacon Double Cheeseburger

Oh Homer
Headmaster

Re: Tasteless bacon

I think I can solve that mystery. The problem is that all the actual flavour of any given food is locked into hydrophobic molecules, and thus can only be released in the presence of the aforementioned artery-choking fat, which sadly in the case of nearly all Stupormarket® meat these days is almost entirely absent.

The sad fact is that fat-free is, pretty much by definition, tasteless.

It may be a bit of a challenge, given that they're now virtually extinct, but try to find an actual butcher shop, and ask specifically for untrimmed bacon, preferably with a lot of marbling (i.e. lots of fat on the inside, not just a thick wad of it under the rind).

Feel free to conservatively trim the rind, but leave all the fat. Your taste buds will thank you. You'll die in your 50s, but at least you'll die with a big smile on your face. That's my plan, anyway, and I'm sticking to it.

Oh Homer
Pint

To be fair

While we're on the subject of fairness, I've eased off my criticism of "junk food" in recent years, as it's become increasingly clear that pretty much all "pre-made" food (i.e. not grown in your allotment) is essentially junk anyway, especially the stuff labelled "healthy". Not to mention the fact that the Powers That Be® constantly flip-flop between claiming something is an essential elixir of life and, basically, it'll kill you. In other words, I no longer know what to believe, so I have to assume that all claims, one way or the other, are just speculative bullshit.

Now I just eat whatever. Mostly bacon butties. I've often wondered why there has never been a multinational "Bacon R Us" in the vein of MacDs, Hell, it'd be my No1 feeding trough, if it ever happened. Seriously. Sod those utterly tasteless, virtually fat-free patties of minced beef from Hamburg. Give me huge wads of artery-choking bacon any time. Really, any time. Wake me up at 3AM on a Tuesday, if you like, just make sure you come bearing huge pallets of bacon butties, shrinkwrapped for freshness.

As for the arguably inappropriate use of Windows for, well, pretty much anything other than the PC Desktop, meh! I used to care. I used to stand on my upturned (and now empty) bacon box and scream obscenities at anyone daring to suggest using Windows for display terminals etc., spitting bacon bits onto the crowd (of one ... typically a bemused policeman) as I vented my spleen. But once I realised how much precious bacon I was wasting, in my futile efforts to bring salvation to the unwashed masses, I just gave up and went back to eating bacon full time, thus guaranteeing a short but blissful life.

I mean seriously, who wants to live forever anyway, especially without bacon? This irrational obsession with immortality is ill-conceived. An eternity without bacon isn't a good quality of life, it's a cruel and unusual torture. You might as well say wouldn't it be great to live for 200 years, where every day I have someone driving knitting needles through my eyeballs, while hedgehogs chew on my testicles. Well no actually it wouldn't, now that I think about it.

So bring on the greasemongers, and super-size me!

AI 'more profound than fire', Alphabet CEO Sundar Pichai tells rich folks' talking shop

Oh Homer
Terminator

Internet 2.0

Can't remember which article (there's probably been a few), but I seem to recall a few commentaries to the effect that the Internet didn't quite turn out to be the utopia it was expected to be. Yes, there's a few plus points, take El Reg for example, but if we're being brutally honest it's probably an overall negative. Between fake news, Cambridge Analytica style manipulation, paywalls, identity theft, ransomware, spam, adware, e-commerce globalisation destroying small businesses and the high street, data harvesting, privacy violation, NSA warrantless mass surveillance, and the cesspool of human scum that anonymously pervades social networks, the Internet isn't really all it's cracked up to be.

I have a feeling that AI will be a similar story, except this time we're jaded enough to anticipate the dangers in advance.

Mostly I suspect it'll just end up being used for more precisely targetted spam, via profiling. And of course that same profiling will inevitably be abused by paranoid three-letter agencies to target "terrorists" (i.e. anyone who dares to disagree with our Corporatocratic regime's increasingly Draconian policies).

As for positive use cases, I'm not hopeful.

'I am done with open source': Developer of Rust Actix web framework quits, appoints new maintainer

Oh Homer
Windows

Re: Apathetic hobbyist or community contributer

Actually you're both right, depending on the motive.

It's certainly legitimate for someone to apathetically dump the end result of their personal itch-scratching exercise into the public domain, in a half-baked act of philanthropy. I'm sure that is how at least some open source projects begin life. In such cases, expecting the original author to spend days carefully crafting policy documents is not very realistic.

However, it's far more common for open source to begin for more pragmatic reasons, where the license is chosen specifically to encourage community contributions, to distribute the workload among many, in terms of both developer contributions and public scrutiny. In such cases, the community surrounding that project is certainly no peanut gallery, and you absolutely need to listen to what they're telling you, assuming you wish to continue receiving their contributions, that is.

In this case, it seems that Kim started out as one of the latter, then ended up as one of the former.

It happens. Many open source projects see a lot of leadership changes due to irresolvable conflicts of interests, where tempers fray and people storm out. Exactly the same thing happens with proprietary software development too, of course, except behind closed doors, so we rarely get to hear the details.

Whether or not there's any benefit to seeing developers air their dirty laundry in public is debatable, but it's certainly entertaining.

Image-rec startup for cops, Feds can probably identify you from 3 billion pics it's scraped from Facebook, YouTube etc

Oh Homer

Sabotage

I can think of a good way to spoil the AI harvesters fun, ironically using AI technology against itself.

Use a Deep Fake generator to create an endless iteration of modified selfies, merging them with photos of other people's faces to produce hybrids, then upload them as profile pictures and identity-tagged posts to every social network that you suspect has ever had your photo. And not just once, but keep renewing your fake profile photo, and keep spamming these sites with fake selfies, basically forever. Oh, and use TOR or a VPN so this activity can't be linked to the same IP.

If enough people do that often enough, eventually these AI databases will become overwhelmed with so much fake data that they will be rendered essentially useless.

Just a thought.

EU declares it'll Make USB-C Great Again™. You hear that, Apple?

Oh Homer
Headmaster

Re: I don’t see how USB-C solves the charger-zoo problem......

Disingenuous nonsense.

Few devices will ever need 100W chargers. Those are corner cases. By all means have a few exceptions. But a few exceptions does not somehow equate to a market filled with thousands of incompatible chargers, as was the case before a standard was introduced.

This is one of those rare occasions where the free market actually works, once properly regulated. The typical power requirements of the day will determine the power rating of the most common chargers at any given time, evolving as necessary as technology changes.

The important difference is they will all be useable with all devices, but only thanks to regulatory intervention.

Copy-left behind: Permissive MIT, Apache open-source licenses on the up as developers snub GNU's GPL

Oh Homer
Linux

Perspective

I get the feeling that this analysis might be a case of "there's damned lies, then there's statistics", a bit like claiming that cassette tape is making a huge comeback, when in fact it's only huge compared to its own recent history, which belies its single digit market share of the market as a whole.

I think we need some perspective. Open source has gone from zero to omnipresent, which means there's now vastly more open source software out there. Stuff that was GPL is still GPL, it's still part of that - what was it? - 59% ecosystem. It's just that a lot of new stuff has now been added to that ecosystem, coming from places that previously wouldn't touch open source, but which have found it a pragmatic necessity in a predominantly open source world.

This is not a loss for Free Software fundamentalism, it's a testament to the influence it's had on the world of software, transforming the landscape into a world that's now orders of magnitude more open.

So what if most of the new stuff isn't GPL? It's coming from places that had never even heard of open source not that long ago, whose entire portfolio was proprietary. That stuff was never destined to become GPL anyway. It's just been forced to become slightly less proprietary, then even less, and so on.

Mission accomplished, frankly.

IT exec sets up fake biz, uses it to bill his bosses $6m for phantom gear, gets caught by Microsoft Word metadata

Oh Homer
Holmes

Re: planning ways to do it

Planning crimes is not only interesting, it's also a legitimate necessity ... for criminal investigators.

It takes one to catch one is not just an aphorism.

A sprinkling of Star Wars and a dash of Jedi equals a slightly underbaked Rise Of Skywalker

Oh Homer
Thumb Down

Star Wars? I've heard of it.

Sorry kids, but it makes me laugh witnessing supposedly grown adults arguing over the relative merits of the various "new" Star Wars, when frankly even the original holy trinity was just a cheesy cringefest suitable only for brain-dead adolescent American brats. The sequels, prequels, reboots or whatever the bean counters want to call them theses days are only slightly more shite than the originals.

Seriously, even in 77, when I would've been 11, I thought this whole Star Wars mania was just stupid. How any supposed adult can get all teary eyed over this garbage, four decades later, is beyond comprehension.

I can think of at least a dozen films I'd have rather seen that year, had I been old enough, including A Bridge Too Far, The Spy Who Loved Me, and Jabberwocky. Frankly I'd rather watch the home shopping channel all day than even a single minute of any of this franchise of junk.

Let the tsunami of downvotes begin.

Londoner who tried to blackmail Apple with 300m+ iCloud account resets was reusing stale old creds

Oh Homer
Big Brother

Re: The sentence seems a bit light

As part of a hacker group, my guess is he cut a deal to sell out his partners in crime.

But even if Albayrak was a loner and his "group" was a mere fantasy, I'm sure the NCU won't treat it as such, because today's "everything is terrorism" paranoid approach to criminal investigation will ensure he becomes a permanent addition to their watchlist.

Of course, in order for the NCU to have something to watch, useful or otherwise, Albayrak has to be cut loose.

So in reality this sentence is more sinister than it first appears, although in fairness Albayrak only has himself to blame.

Attention! Very important science: Tapping a can of fizzy beer does... absolutely nothing

Oh Homer
Windows

"boffins procured 1,000 330ml cans of Carlsberg"

And never invited me?

Bastards!

In tribute to Galaxy Note 7, BBC iPlayer support goes up in flames for some Samsung TVs

Oh Homer
Headmaster

Re: Non-smart TVs dwindling to zero

What I really meant was "any TV".

Just don't rely on whatever "smart" features are temporarily available, since clearly in today's market those feature are in fact only temporary. Augment it with something that is actually under your control.

Of course, the BBC itself is not under your control (the fact that it just arbitrarily ended service for a large segment of its viewers, without even any consultation, proves that beyond all doubt), and it could theoretically just kill the iPlayer service entirely, at which point all the DIY solutions in the world won't help you. But at least you'd be left with equipment you could reconfigure to use alternative services, since presumably there will always be some alternative.

With a proprietary black box, you won't have that option, you'll just have a very expensive paperweight.

This is more than just a practical consideration, it's a point of principle, and one with the power to affect positive change. If the majority of consumers vote with their wallet and make it clear that they're no longer prepared to have their legally purchased property remotely deactivated, manufacturers will have no choice but to cede to their demands, or go out of business.

In practical terms that means open hardware running open source software, and without any "Tivoization" to block your access to that otherwise open source software.

And not just for TVs, either. I mean everything, from consumer electronics to cars. If it uses software, for any purpose, then it must by right be fully modifiable by the legal owner of that hardware, and that right needs to be protected by law. Anything less is a violation of real property rights, specifically a tortious interference by the abomination known as "intellectual property".

How realistic it is to expect the great unwashed to actually care about such things is another matter, but the principle is incontrovertible.

Oh Homer
Headmaster

Re: We ain't all nerds

No, only about 25 million of us.

The whole point of getting a RPi or similar, instead of yet another proprietary black box, is that you can be guaranteed to self-support it, and thus continue to actually use it, in theory forever, without having to worry about some third party remotely disabling your legally purchased property by "ending support".

Of course, I sadly accept that not everyone cares about such trivia as personal freedom and property rights. There's not much I can do to help people who don't want to be helped, who'd rather submit themselves to serfdom than suffer the minor inconvenience of not being terminally lazy.

Oh Homer
Linux

DIY

Save yourself a lot of money and hassle, use any old "dumb" TV, get a Raspberry Pi and install either Android and/or OSMC.

Not only is your TV now "smart", but it'll stay that way forever, and actually get "smarter" with updates which, unlike standard consumer gear with planned obsolescence kill switches, will continue to be supported.

Tesla has a smashing weekend: Model 3 on Autopilot whacks cop cars, Elon's Cybertruck demolishes part of LA

Oh Homer
Trollface

Re: A man and his dog....

Tesla drivers don't know anything unless there's an indicator on the dash that tells them. The "You've just hit three vehicles and murdered 20 people" indicator is still in beta, and won't be activated until the next firmware update.

Two can play that game: China orders ban on US computers and software

Oh Homer
Mushroom

Re: Brilliant move

If China really wants to crush Trumps little tantrum, by far the most decisive move would be to implement an immediate ban on all exports to the US.

America lives and breathes Chinese goods. It would be suffocated in a matter of days.

Google's Chrome Web Store under fire for shoddy service and cryptic policies

Oh Homer

It's a money problem

I think there's this general misconception that Google is somehow "benevolent" because it provides nearly everything for "free", but it isn't, it's basically just a glorified spammer that's cleverly spun its spam operation into a "service" using various cool delivery vehicles, and Chrome is one such vehicle.

Like any monopoly, Google has zero incentive to engage in good faith undertakings unless it brings in huge wads of cash. This is why it so ruthlessly euthanizes its own services the minute they stop making money. It's also why it has zero interest in providing support for pretty much anything. You're a captive audience in its monopoly. Just eat your gruel and shut the hell up!

Apple blinks on iPhone repairs, touts parts program for independent tech mechanics... sort of

Oh Homer
Mushroom

"the same genuine parts, tools, training, repair manuals and diagnostics"

Very, very unlikely.

See the Louis Rossmann (a repair tech) YouTube Channel, where he explains, via his AASP sources and personal experience, that AASPs are explicitly directed by Apple to not repair anything, ever, but to blindly ship everything (that qualifies) back to Apple (and to simply charge full price for a new unit for everything that doesn't).

Not that any Apple "Genius" or AASP would even have the first clue how to repair anything, even if Apple did actually allow them to. "Training"? LOL! We've heard of it.

The AASP "diagnostic" tool is software only, and absolutely requires the device to be able to both boot and run the OS, in order to run the diagnostic software. If it can't boot, or for whatever reason can display an output, it's an automatic "buy a new one". Something tells me that Apple will never supply that tool to non-AASP independents, even if it were any use, which it isn't.

The most significant change Apple needs to make, other than a change of attitude, is the supply of schematics to independents, and to get rid of that abomination called the T2 "security" chip, and again I'm not holding my breath.

We're great, boasts Huawei in founder's Little Red Book – but isn't that a video game screenshot?

Oh Homer
Trollface

Still waiting for actual proof ...

... so I can celebrate with a stir-fry and a bottle of Baijiu.

UK.gov opens £250k competition to tackle first-world problem of crap conference Wi-Fi

Oh Homer
Trollface

"weak pound is enoguh"?

Listen, Prince Muhammed Ozabogal, I told you before, I don't want your Grandfather's inheritance.

Dropbox would rather write code twice than try to make C++ work on both iOS and Android

Oh Homer
Big Brother

While you're down there...

If they're rewriting that stuff anyway, now would be a good time to finally implement file encryption.

Unless Dropbox's aversion to security is a matter of policy, of course.

Data cops order Ireland to delete 3.2m records after ID card wheeze ruled to be 'unlawful'

Oh Homer
Windows

Just outsource it to Zuck

Facebook has more data on everyone than any government, anyway.

Alternatively, just scrap all borders. No need for ID cards any more.

Job done.

Apple loses FaceTime patent appeal again. And again. And again. And again. And again... yes, it's the fifth time

Oh Homer

Re: As much as I love bashing Apple...

My auto-correct has a very dry sense of humour.

Oh Homer
Childcatcher

As much as I love bashing Apple...

I'm too disgusted with the criminal waste perpetrated by intellectual monopoly and the legal industry, to care much about the individual prawns in this filthy game.

Town admits 'a poor decision was made' after baseball field set on fire to 'dry' it more quickly

Oh Homer
Facepalm

Only in America

Maybe they could just man up and get muddy.

Failing that, there's always astroturf.

But burning away all the grass in a futile attempt to "dry" it...

I can just imagine a golf course greenkeeper's reaction to such a suggestion.

This is some of the most profound idiocy I've ever witnessed. Anywhere. Ever.

The Great British Curry: Put down the takeaway, you're cooking tonight

Oh Homer
Pint

Here's how you actually cheat.

Make a ton of curry and rice in advance, while sober and therefore you can be as fussy as you like, then portion it up into take-away tubs, and freeze the whole lot.

That way you can have a post-pub curry all year round without any effort whatsoever, other than operating the machine that goes "ping".

And why stop at curry. Heck, why stop at post-pub nosh? Do your entire year's menu in one sitting, sell all your kitchen appliances (except the freezer, microwave and kettle) on eBay, then use the money to buy a year's supply of beer and a second-hand bar fridge, and convert your kitchen into your very own pub, beer and curry included.

Move the telly and sofa into the kitchen "bar", turn on Sky Sports, and invite all your mates round.

Job done.

Also, way cheaper than the actual pub, way closer, no taxi required, and you can smoke indoors without being arrested.

Is Google purposefully breaking Microsoft, Apple browsers on its websites? Some insiders are confident it is

Oh Homer
Facepalm

"We compete with Google"

Said the company that, until 2011, and again since 2017, is almost entirely funded by Google.

Mark Zuckerberg did everything in his power to avoid Facebook becoming the next MySpace – but forgot one crucial detail…

Oh Homer
Windows

That's it, I quit teh interwebz!

Dear pseudonymous total strangers "friends",

I am quitting my account with Data Slurping Unlimited®, and moving all my private bits wholesale over to Privacy Pillaging Incorporated®.

So there!

(Or I could liberate myself from corporate slavery using a $5 Raspberry Pi Zero, entirely free self-hosting software, and about an hour of moderate effort, but I'm too apathetic to bother.)

Love, Janis Frumplebottom.

[This message is brought to you by Janis' favourite haemorrhoid treatment, Uranus Hertz®, proud sponsors of Super Bowl LIII®, bringing pain relief to tight ends since 1892]

Latest Google+ flaw leads Chocolate Factory to shut down site early

Oh Homer
Pint

"a viable alternative to Facebook"

Here's one. It's called "the pub".

Cheers.

It's official. Microsoft pushes Google over the Edge, shifts browser to Chromium engine

Oh Homer
Mushroom

"work with anything other than Chromium"

Dear Mozilla,

Here's the problem, see. I was running Firefox ESR 52.9.0, and I was running that version for a very good reason, when all of a sudden it automagically crapped itself by "updating" to that Quantum garbage that breaks absolutely every extension I depend on, despite the fact that I explicitly disabled updates.

This "update by stealth" crap is exactly the sort of shenanigans we expect from Microsoft, not Mozilla.

But despite my better judgement, I gave you the benefit of the doubt, and decided to at least try your Quantum garbage for a while, replacing my ten million now incompatible extensions with alternatives where available. Maybe I'm just being a Luddite, I thought. Maybe I don't really need all those extensions. Maybe there are real benefits to Quantum that I'm just too stupid to understand. Let's find out.

So I stripped every trace of Firefox ESR from my system, including all my profile data, and just let you install whatever experimental junk you demanded, i.e. the latest "stable" version of Quantum, then started with a virgin profile, ready for you to command.

That's when I found out.

What I found out is that the one site that represents probably 99% of my online activity, YouTube, caused Quantum to freeze so hard that penguins began sliding out of the back of my PC. It froze so solid I had to do a hard reset. Every time. Without fail. Including after several more "updates". This was before I even installed any extensions. Other sites fared just as poorly. Anything with more than a couple of graphic elements on the page lagged to the point of being unusable. Tabs were completely unresponsive. I was opening up to a "Firefox crashed" dialogue every launch. It was a total clusterfsck.

For a brief moment there I was tempted to go full tilt Google slut and install Chrome. But I had a better plan. I wiped Quantum and re-installed ESR 52.9.0, then used the sledgehammer approach to force Firefox to never update ever again, using SysInternals' psexec to launch cmd as user SYSTEM, took full ownership of %AppData%\Local\Mozilla\updates, then removed all permissions to read, write, or even glance in the general direction of that directory forever.

This is the real reason that nobody gives a damn if anything works with anything other than Chrome. Your "release early, release often, break always" policy sucks.

Fuck you very much,

Love, Homer.

Funnily enough, China fuming, senator cheering after Huawei CFO cuffed by Canadian cops at Uncle Sam's request

Oh Homer
Mushroom

Just when you think it couldn't get any worse...

Each day in America is more vile than the last.

After all that! Ofcom proposes BT as only broadband universal services provider for whole of UK (except Hull)

Oh Homer
Black Helicopters

Re: free 4G internet connection

You're welcome, although be aware if you go over the monthly cap I've arbitrarily imposed then you will receive a visit from some very irate sheep. They mean business.

Oh Homer
Windows

Re: fibre to the hamlets

You were lucky. I was evicted from my hamlet. Now I have to live in a desolate wasteland surrounded by sheep.

BT is scheduled to duct and fibre this muddy backwater approximately some time after Hell freezes over, not only because it lies at the far corner of the abyss, but also because apparently I have no street cabinet, I'm on an "Exchange Only" line, meaning BT would need to spend the equivalent of three seconds worth of its net profits to duct and fibre my wattle and daub hut.

A few weeks ago I celebrated a new personal record download speed of 3.5 bits per hour. All the sheep were invited and we partied like it was 1899. Sadly this is still not fast enough to support Netflix Ultra HD 4K, or even ASCII mode video, so I thought I'd have to cancel my trial subscription.

But then one day I decided to upgrade my old potato phone to a P20 Pro, and discovered that I'm actually living right at the base of a 4G mast that gives me 100Mb/s download speeds, even in extra muddy conditions when the sheep are off colour.

In a bizarre fit of joy and rage I did an Office Space and smashed the BT telegraph pole cum sheep scratcher with an old tree stump, and waved a cheery goodbye to my landline forever, as the sheep and I watched it sail down the river and into the sunset.

It was a glorious moment. You had to be there.

It's 'nyet' again, yet again, for Kaspersky: Appeal against US govt ban snubbed by Washington DC court

Oh Homer
Mushroom

Let me FTFY, judge

"noting the company's [alleged] close relationship with a Russian government known [claimed] to be actively attacking US networks"

Not saying they don't (after all, they're perfectly entitled to, since the hypocritical Yanks do exactly the same thing to Russia ... and everywhere else). Just wondering when we're going to see some actual proof instead of empty rhetoric.

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