* Posts by Bloakey1

924 posts • joined 3 Sep 2013

Page:

Hell freezes over: We wrote an El Reg chatbot using Microsoft's AI

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: First question

Ahh, the square root of 69 , 181 .

1
0

Make Christmas Great Again: $149 24-karat gold* Trump tree ornament

Bloakey1
Silver badge

ahh but would it be "collectible"?

0
0

'Fappening' hacker gets 18 months in US federal clapper

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Surprisingly low

He probably played the autistic card and said the voices told him to do it.

Meanwhile some muppet who put a viable bomb on the tube in Greenwich is claiming autism and that it was a prank.

We seem to be tarnishing the good name of genuine autism sufferers by using it as a get out of jail free card in examples of mitigation.

1
8

Hell desk thought PC fire report was a first-day-on-the-job prank

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Metaphors

Ahhhhh, so somebody had poured a load of graphite down the vents and stood back and waited. Seen that done in the monitor and PSU, most amusing.

My favourite used to be changing the orientation of the PFYs mouse, it used to be set to 180% and if you change it by around 5 % a day they adapt and get on with things. When you have got them at the apogee and they are working in an impossible contorted position you then switch it back to normal in one fell swoop.

It gets them every time, "it was alright yesterday" they say when in reality they had to twist their hand back on to the wrist and twist the shoulder and arm to use it.

7
0

Possible reprieve for the venerable A-10 Warthog

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Pint due.

<snip>

"Few have seen the elusive Airbus Beluga..."

<snip>

Come over to Spain, I see it quiet regularly at the Military / Airbus side of Seville airport, it brings in A400 bits and pieces for construction there.

The A10 is like the Harrier, a very good design and superb at ground support due to its slow speed and superb armour. The PBI have need of a platform such as this when fast movers are just not practical.

1
0

Sysadmin flees asbestos scare with disk drive, blank pay cheques, angry builders in pursuit

Bloakey1
Silver badge

"This is an eggcorn. The actual expression is "homing in""

<snip>

But the knives were out, perhaps they were "honing in".

11
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Call Girl Principle

I thought she was a payroll clerk! D̶i̶r̶t̶y̶ Enquiring minds would like to know if he made a deposit and was she into double entry ?

it is always the case that a disaster averted has less currency than a disaster that is imminent.

15
2

LG’s V20 may be the phone of the year. So why the fsck can’t you buy it?

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: LG

"Seriously, have El Reg editors stopped proofreading articles?"

aybe, aybe nt.!

3
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: LG

I boght one for my missus and she iis over the moon with it. There are plenty of updates from what I can see and software such as their GPS stuff rivals the Tom Tom or VWs latest GPS kit.

Good stuff LG keep it coming.

1
0

Spain's iPhone killer actually a rebranded Xiaomi – new claim

Bloakey1
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Cute !

"I like that acorn with the bit out ofit as their logo. Reminds me of something, but can't quite put my finger on it. The middle one."

I was discussing the name of the most sensitive part of a woman's body today. We had problems remembering the name. He could not put his finger on it and it was on the tip of my tongue last night.

2
0

Sextortion on the internet: Our man refuses to lie down and take it

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Duct tape...

"Hmmmm... Penny Keith / Margot was hot!"

Felicity Kendal would be my preferred lady on that show, my God she did terrible things to my teenage febrile mind.

Oooohhhhh, the mere thought is enough to solicit a furtive glance over the should as in days of yore to make sure nobody in the family can see the rapt attention I pay to her nether regions.

8
0

There are some really crap budget phones out there. Vodafone's Smart Ultra 7 isn't

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: San Francisco

"Prior to the Kestrel was the Orange San Francisco, which I remember very fondly."

<snip>

Some of us would have to reject that on religious grounds.

Spotted in Belfast Toilet, mid eighties written in different hands:

ULSTER SAYS NO!

But the man from Delmonte says yes.

He should know as he is an orange man.

0
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: I wouldn't buy one if it came with Noddys Rice Krispies ...

Agreed, the amount of auld shite that consumes a lot of battery power and forces you to invalidate your phone by rooting it.

The name Google comes to mind.

1
0

Brit ISP TalkTalk scraps line rental charges

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Interesting timing ...

"Page Junior has just moved into a flat, and is in the market for broadband (or, as he calls it "WiFi" - in a hint as to how the younger generations will lose semantic - and technical - discrimination)."

<snip>

Make sure that Page junior does not take a page out of the talk talk user book, make him turn over a new leaf and show some spine. Hopefully he will not be foxed by this as you can never judge a book by its cover.

<sfx: thwack>

The misses says it is time for Leroy Merlin and an end to inane ramblings, I might be gone some time.

0
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge

Is it Just me?

"Tristia Harrison"

What a sad little girl, one even might say she is a bit triste!

She is no doubt triste because they are going to shaft those who refuse to sign on and thereby extend their contact length. What a fscking shower. dressing an enevitable forced move up as a philanthropic gesture to their customers.

They might talk the talk, but they cretainly do not walk the walk.

4
0

Microsoft warns Windows security fix may break network shares

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Nothing to see it will be sorted

"The word Beta is spelt with a B not a ß. Otherwise you would end up saying Betaeta!"

Which is their exact point! The update was indeed a Beta - eta .

1
0

Dublin shopkeeper catches forecourt fouler with his pants down

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Poor chap

"I have IBS, but I've never done anything like that. On the other hand, I'd rather have IBS than have IDS come anywhere near me."

Commiserations. They are both a pain the arse as it were although IDS would probably create anxiety attacks and irritability of the grey matter.

1
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge

"Yeah, very amusing, but the guy obviously has mental health issues. I assume you wouldn't poke fun at someone with a broken leg for walking funny? I guess it just shows how poorly understood mental health is that you consider this an amusing story."

Not necessarily, it could have any cause ranging from sexual to revenge, a bet perhaps? Mental health is not the one I would plonk for first.

I reserve the right to laugh at anything that I deem a fitting subject. I do not need the likes of you to arbitrarily tell me what topic I am allowed to laugh at and what not.

Well, now that the Phantom Shitter of Old Dublin Town has been caught, we can go back to the Kinahan - Hutch feud and the funeral of the Queen of the Travellers.

15
0

What’s that Sooty? You want a girlfriend?

Bloakey1
Silver badge

I had always assumed that Soo was his bitch {1.} and that Sweep was trying to muscle in on the action.

I also thought that Florence in Magic Roundabout was a seriously sexy looking woman so perhaps my suspect opinions should be treated with the opprobrium they deserve.

1. i do not know the term for a female Panda.

11
0

User couldn't open documents or turn on PC, still asked for reference as IT expert

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: "two monitors plugged into each other, a USB mouse plugged in to an ethernet port"

"Can anyone explain how this could be physically achieved? I'm genuinely stumped."

Some (nearly all nowadays) monitors have a socket in the back that you connect a cable to and then connect to the computer. Take two monitors and one video cable and Bob is your uncle.

The USB plug will slide into a CAT5 socket nicely.

6
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Just yesterday

"I'd also advise you to grip your attitude, not only does it do you no favours, it also damages the reputation of IT in general."

Agreed. It is these people that allow us to generate decent incomes and have a good life. The same kind of laugh could be had at my expense by an artist when reviewing a piece of my work on canvas.

Long live the naive users God bless them and may their gonads never fester.

14
0

Samsung: And for my next trick – exploding WASHING MACHINES

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Competition

<snip>

"Had to replace seals and bushes, but I don't mind paying £50 every 5 years to keep it going."

That sounds a bit like Trigger's Broom.

http://tinyurl.com/htkl3gy

I had a Dyson washing machine that was not good at all, thankfully a Bosch was put in and peace and quiet was resumed.

0
0

That's cold: This is how our boss told us our jobs are at risk, staffers claim

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Witnessed something similar

<snip>

"Speaking of which, I wonder what the origin of the phrase "sacked" is?"

The version I heard is as follows:

Irish builders on building sites in the 1800s used to carry all their tools in a sack. When they got a start (job for the US) they would leave their tools on site and hand the sack to the gangerman / foreman for safe keeping. When the job was over or when their services were no longer required the sack was handed back to them.

Soo, that was how the term to get the sack allegedly came into being.

0
0

Brexit will happen. The EU GDPR will happen. You can't avoid either

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Civil War

"Good plan. We just need to agree on who the racist are."

Kill them all. God / Farage will recognise his own.

Can we start on the politicians, journalists, estate agents, lawyers and priests when we finish. After that we can get the Windows / Linux / Mac users {1.} up against the wall

1. Delete inapplicable.

2
0

French hackers selling hidden .22 calibre pen guns on secret forums

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Newton's Third Law of Motion

"Well, .223 is in no way comparable to .22."

It is and is slightly larger. There are various formats to .22 whether, rimfire, long magnum, accelerator etc.

The results can be similar depending on the .22 round employed.

3
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Newton's Third Law of Motion

<snip>

"The other issue is shooting somebody with a 22. The victim might get very angry, grab the wannabe assassin, and then tear them to shreds with their bare hands. Not always, but likely a sizable fraction."

.22 is a good caliber for whacking people, you just need to know where to put the round. Do not forget that .223 is another mans 5.56, which as we all know is the caliber of many Western assault weapons.

Do not forget that the Israeli Kidon units have long favoured the odd perfume shot [1.] with a .22 .

1. A splash behind the ear.

3
0

Dear sysadmin: This is how you stay relevant

Bloakey1
Silver badge

<snip>

"Usually there isn't a (coherent) answer, as the higher ups don't want to say we read it online and it sounded good."

Preempt the buggers. Dump a load of encrypted data on the cloud, keep it up to date and carry on as normal. When they ask about the cloud enthuse about it , tell them that you have it and carry on as normal ignoring it.

Worked for me and the CEO was 100% behind me. I said to him that the cloud was like lending me his wife, letting me take her home and do what I wanted to her and giving him access when I felt like it. I said there is a risk that you might never see her again for various reasons but you have to accept that as part of the deal.

He thought for a few days and did not let me have either his wife or the Cloud as a solution. He almost let me have the wife for a 3 month test run but did not fancy the repercussions if I found her incompatible.

Say no to the cloud.

20
2

In Red Hat, Veritas: Firm backs OpenStack convergence play

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Not in My Book.

In vino veritas as far as I am concerned. hic!!!

Storage in the cloud , hmmmmm, what a brilliant idea especially if it is backed up every 10 seconds to a server in Nagorny Karabach and your support team are fluent in Engrish <sic>.

That would be a load off my mind as this data has started to worry me and the responsibility of backing it up to multiple disks etc. is a real pain. I do not really need it as it is just accounts, tax details, pictures of my children through the years, holidays taken and snaps of magic moments with friends. Not forgetting business critical data, databases, stacks of stuff on litigation hold etc.

I can get along without it all, sign me up and I understand if it is all lost that nobody but myself is responsible.

1
0

Logins for US Navy, NASA's JPL among US gov logins sold on deepweb

Bloakey1
Silver badge

<snip>

"One government data listing visited by The Register promised alleged access to six unnamed accounts for subdomains of the US Navy including 3.5 bitcoins (US$2132)."

<snip>

Non comprender caballero. Are you saying that the 'sub domains' include bitcoins or that it costs that for the data?

3
0

Post-Brexit UK.gov must keep EU scientists coming, say boffins

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Close the borders!

"Yep, we certainly want to keep these scientists out because not only are they foreigners, what's worse, they're intellectuals as well."

They are probably pinko commie homosexualists <sic> as well. Ban the lot of them and think of the children, or at least the English children.

1
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: "attracting European students and staff members to the UK was necessary"

"LOL - are you related to AmanFromMars by any chance (who seems to have retired to Mars, probably to keep the various NASA explorers off his rose garden)?"

Quod Erat Demonstrandum !

1
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: "attracting European students and staff members to the UK was necessary"

"Bwahaahahahahahaa! Another whiney, bitter Remainderer, resentful that democracy gave The Wrong Answer, eh? And let's try and sum up all the Leave campaign as Little Britain rascists, because the EU has been such a huge success?"

<snip>

I must say at this point that I have seen a definite trend in Brexit coves and their postings. Their mellifluous ducet tones, reasoned argument and general all round education is a joy to behold. When they say chuck out all the foreigners it does not take much textual exigesis to understand that they actually want to throw out all of those rum foreign coves. It is a shame that those who voted remain do not have such clarity of thought, tenacity of mind and insist on using big hard to understand words and concepts such as economy, Immigration, single market etc.

Well done lads, your erudition and deep thought is a joy to behold.

I have never seen such a polarised Britain in my 50 odd years here and abroad. The repercussions from this will be seen for decades.

Ahh, and to the man on the underground who called me a fscking spic 'en passant' this morning. It is called a suntan and yes that was a Portuguese newspaper but could have been any number of languages including English.

15
3
Bloakey1
Silver badge
Pint

Re: "attracting European students and staff members to the UK was necessary"

"Sorry, but Brexit means that is over. You have specifically voted the EU out, so there is no incentive for EU students to deal with you any more."

<snip>

Je pete dans votre direction generale monsieur grenouille.

Hmmm, on a serious note, they voted the EU out? Linguistic tic or perception? I thought they voted themselves out not the EU.

7
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: It gets worse

<snip>

"That they continue to put up with this never ceases to amaze me - if I was in the shoes of my Chinese colleges I'd have left long ago."

<snip>

Why would you steal their footwear? it would probably be too small anyway.

Who needs research? We could go back to things that are traditionally British and none of your foreign muck bandied about by idle creme de menth swigging long haired foreigners. I would suggest the following:

Matches coated in phosphorous.

Camp coffee.

Textiles.

Spotted Dick.

Steam Trains.

Slaves.

Arms.

Coal.

Iron.

Steel.

British Army.

Et Al.

We could make this s̶e̶p̶t̶i̶c̶ sceptered isle great once again and we could challenge the US Empire for hegemony.

Right, I am off to the recruiting office tomorrow, I would look good in khaki and would like to be exported as well.

Exits left singing Soldiers of the Queen.

21
5

So, Gov.UK infosec in 2015. 'Chaotic'. Cost £300m. NINE THOUSAND data breaches...

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Is it me?

There was hope and we were told about the paperless office as well. We would all have lots of leisure time as we were knowledge workers and the machines would facilitate our copious amounts of time in Benidorm and Falaraki.

Ahhh, what halcyon days.

11
0

Using a thing made by Microsoft, Apple or Adobe? It probably needs a patch today

Bloakey1
Silver badge

"It just illustrates how poor software programming is these days."

The first one had a syntax error in it.

0
0

UK oversight body tipped to examine phone snooping tech in prisons

Bloakey1
Silver badge

<snip patronising bit>

"Personally speaking whilst an impending incarceration, several drinks and a shedload of sudacrem might persuade me to shove a feature phone up the unmentionable, there is no effing way I'd be taking the charger in."

I'll give you a fiver if you make the phone a Samsung Galaxy Note 7.

5
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge

"

What if you are outside the prison for example if you live / work nearby, and that is the mast with the strongest signal?"

Agreed. Having a pint for example in the County Arms beside Wandsworth nick.

Apparently a certain Mr. J. Assange had a Stingray in his vicinity and it was switching providers like billyo. They knew it was an IMSI device when they got a clear line when it was purporting to be an EE mast.

These things are as welcome as a ginger stepchild but seem to be fairly ubiquitous in London. During demonstrations some of them have been seen to be mobile moving backwards and forwards at varying speed. A strange thing for a tower to do.

13
1

Florida Man's prized jeep cremated by exploding Samsung Galaxy Note 7

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: I'll have one.

By the sound of it you will be able to turn it upside down and use it as an iron anyway.

Just think of the terrorist potential of these devices. The IRA spent years perfecting small incendiaries to stash in clothes shops etc. Nowadays you could save on the R&D and just by a phone, put it on charge and possibly ring it to aid combustion.

2
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Unusual dog

"In looking this up, I discovered that in the USofA, ASDA is not a supermarket but Autism Service Dogs of America."

We ought to train these up so that they bite all those autistic hackers who break in to American web site. People would know them by their legs, if they were all bitey <sic> and scratched, they had been at it and an extradition could be expedited because of hard evidence and sore legs.

0
4

Kaspersky to 1337 haxors: take down our power grid. We dare you

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Just checking

I thought the same thing. On the other hand it is a good way for Kapersky to test their new products and embedded systems that they are are running off the back of a recent acquisition. It is in their interest to have standard systems hacked so that they can secure SCADA servers etc. and increase market share.

All well and good but what an opportunity for state sponsored hackers to learn new techniques.

2
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Snowdon?

That would truly be a momentous and mountainous task.

Would it not be easier to get Mr. Snowden along to do it.

11
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge

J. R. Hartley wrote summit <sic>

Chess? Nope, I would rather read Fly Fishing, Memories of Angling Days.

What a book, I can read that and perch my feet on the Yellow pages as I do so.

3
0

Europe to order Apple to cough up 'one beeellion Euros in back taxes'

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Photo

No, its is "genuine traditional" St Patricks day get up. All Irish people have red hair, dress in green and drink lager that has been salted with food dye.

You only tend to see us as we are on St Patricks day as the rest of the year we are busy being drunk, writing poetry and fighting each other (if there are no English people in the vicinity). If [1.] the English are around we band together and sing songs about the Saxon foe and our wonderful grey haired mothers all the while hitting the aforementioned English very hard with our sacred Shilleghlaghs.

Oooh, and St Patrick was a Taff by the way.

1. Never start with If or But.

0
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Ooooh! Better short Apple...

"RjLoQxC -- because I'm informed that the post "must contain letters". So there's some!"

Dear Sir,

Sitting s******g I received your letters, the more I read I s**t the better. The ground is bare from want of grass, so with your letters I will wipe my a**e.

Yours.

Bloakey

0
2

Microsoft redfaced after Bing translation cockup enrages Saudis

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Load of Rubbish.

What a load of old twaddle.

Daesh does not actually mean what you say it does i.e. "the name of the medieval terror bastards". Daesh is a word in its own right and it is a pejorative Arabic word that means a group that impose their ways and will on other people. When the West was calling ISIS ISIS, the Arabs were using a bit of word play and calling them Daesh. Slowly but surely the West caught on and they are all calling them Daesh nowadays.

Soooo, do not forget that it is a word (not an acronym) in its own right and could easily be applied about Fanbois, Christians and yes even Saudi's.

6
0

Windows Update borks PowerShell – Microsoft won't fix it for a week

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: What a shame....

Load of rubbish.

Hmmmm now let me see.

Noupdate.reg Contains:

Windows Registry Editor Version 5.00

[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Policies\Microsoft\Windows\WindowsUpdate]

[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Policies\Microsoft\Windows\WindowsUpdate\AU]

"NoAutoUpdate"=dword:00000001

Fixed, no updates and the crappy torrenting function knackered as well.

1
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Ah, Microsoft

I have always said "if the answer is Microsoft then you have misunderstood the question".

Windows 10, hmmm, how about, just locking it down and turning off the updates or failing that defer them.

No problems here, updates on those laptops are not coming through. Mint, MacOS, Win 7 etc. all fine here as well.

7
0

Ireland's govt IT: Recession and job cuts forced us to adapt

Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: So, what exactly is a country?

Well the word that comes to mind is microcosm followed by scale followed by innit.

0
0
Bloakey1
Silver badge

Re: Bill McCluggage

"Wasn't he in various Pratchett books?"

He sounds like a good man but he comes with a lot of baggage.

1
0

Page:

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2017