* Posts by Graham Marsden

6927 posts • joined 19 Jan 2007

Lead ONTO your pencil: Bill Gates pours cash into graphene condoms

Graham Marsden
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... this will also stop bigotted African Bishops claiming that condoms don't prevent HIV!

Berners-Lee: 'Growing tide of surveillance' is destroying the internet

Graham Marsden


As part of the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary, they've rebroadcast the episode "Dalek" in which it "downloads the whole internet".

It's no wonder the Dalek self-destructed in the end...!

Vintage wine laid down in 1600 BC was 'psychotropic'

Graham Marsden

"The 200 year old booze, which was the oldest ever found"

Erm, excuse me, but during a dive in the Mediterranean, Jacques Cousteau and his crew found a *two thousand* year old amphora of wine that was intact. Thinking there would be others, they drank it (and found it tasted terrible!)

IIRC, however, they never found another one...

Sony patents LASER-FIRING Wi-Fi SMARTWIG with sideburn buttons

Graham Marsden

Can I just say....

... What The Everlasting Holy FUCK???

Who in the name of sanity would ever want to use one of these things?!

Kiss goodbye to quiet skies: Now FCC ready to OK in-flight cellphone use

Graham Marsden

@GrumpyOldMan - Re: Oh joy unspeakable!

> at least they have a quiet coach on long runs

And we all know that *nobody* ignores the signs saying "don't use mobiles" on those. And the Guard is *always* walking through the train, so if they find someone using a mobile they tell them to stop and move and....

Fake X-rated Facebook scam vids of Selena Gomez: Man sued

Graham Marsden

How dare he...!

... Doesn't he know that spamming everyone with crap is *our* job!

Of course maybe if we changed it so that users had the choice of whether a page can get access to their friends list, likes and shoe size rather than just saying "if you want to look at this, you've got to give us access to all your data..."

Nah, that's crazy talk.

No woman, no drive: Saddo hackers lob Android nasty at Saudi women's rights campaign

Graham Marsden


Are you friends with amanfrommars1?

Firefox reveals new look: rounded rectangles

Graham Marsden

Firefox Nighties??

Oh, sorry, that's "night *l* ies"...

Google deletes Maps satellite photos of 14-year-old's unsolved murder

Graham Marsden
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@ 5.antiago

"CCTV doesn't directly make you safer necessarily, it does help secure conviction against criminals"

ITYM "may occasionally look a bit like someone who possibly then might be recognised, if you're lucky".

Google, Microsoft to drop child sex abuse from basic web search

Graham Marsden

So let's see...

... someone wants to do some research for an article they're writing on, well, an online tech newspaper, let's call it The Restiger.

The article is about the prevalence of child abuse images around the world and the number of people convicted for possession of such images.

So they enter a search term like "statistics for online child pornography arrests" and, oops, "Sorry, that search term is blocked, what you're looking for is illegal, don't worry about seeking help, we've got your IP address and we'll be knocking on your door in 30 minutes..."

Nope, can't see anything going wrong with *this* brilliant piece of pandering to the tabloids from Cameron...

Budget decay kills NASA plutonium drive project

Graham Marsden

Re: "The Martian Chronicles"

I think you're thinking of the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator

(Icon for Earth-shattering kaboom!)

Salesforce forces Force sales-force sales: Or tries to anyway

Graham Marsden

Waves hand...

... this is not the software you're looking for...

(Mine's the dark brown robe)

Justin BIEBER ploughs cash into NaaS: NARCISSISM-as-a-Service

Graham Marsden

Re: Marsbarbrain @Matt Bryant - Mtech25 This is a good idea

Don't worry, Matt, there will still be room for your moveable goalposts...

Graham Marsden
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@Matt Bryant - Re: Mtech25 This is a good idea

" it would be tempting to jump on Ark Ship B just because you'd be instantly elevated to most intelligent person on the ship."

An excellent idea, Matt, go ahead, be our guest...

Brit ISPs ordered to add more movie-streaming websites to block list

Graham Marsden

"the rights-owner can apply to have a website blocked...

"...provided it can persuade a judge the evidence is strong enough. Lord Justice Arnold agreed the sites have the effect of making unauthorised stuff available."

Pity there isn't an additional clause saying that, in order to have a site blocked, the stuff that it's made available should, instead, be made available by the rights-owner at a fair and reasonable price...

POWER SOURCE that might END humanity's PROBLEMS: A step forward

Graham Marsden

And it will be ready...

... in 20 years time...

(So no change there ;-) )

Microsoft FAILS to encrypt data centre links despite NSA snooping

Graham Marsden
Big Brother

"all three repeated earlier denials...

"...that they provided backdoor (i.e. direct) access to customer data to the NSA"

Only because the NSA are walking through the Front door!

The truth about mystery Trojan found in space

Graham Marsden

Malware checking USB sticks...?

It's not rocket science...

... erm...

Europe, SAVE US! Patriot Act author begs for help to curb NSA spying

Graham Marsden

Hear that sound...?

That's the sound of chickens coming home to roost!

Sysadmins forced to CLEAN UP after bosses WATCH SMUT at work

Graham Marsden

But how many...

... of those "Porn viewers" had pissed off their local BOFH?


MPAA, RIAA: Kids need to learn 3 Rs – reading, writing and NO RIPPING

Graham Marsden

@AC - Re: Careful what you wish for.

Hmm, an Anonymous Coward who refers to me as "Marsden"? Now who do I know who does that...?

And as for "Even with the many rip offs of the old music business you could still earn a living", there's a difference between making a living and being paid fairly for what you do. I recall a documentary about Queen and Brian May commenting that he was still living in a bedsit whilst their manager had just bought a new Rolls Royce.

Still, I'm sure he was happy just "earning a living"...

Graham Marsden
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Re: Careful what you wish for.

And' don't forget that whilst they're "teaching youngsters about the perils of internet piracy", they're not teaching them how to avoid dodgy managers and rip-off contracts with big media companies which mean that they end up with most of the money whilst the artist ends up with a pittanance...

Anonymous claims Parliament Wi-Fi hack during London protest

Graham Marsden

Re: Ahh. Translations needed

Or perhaps "The sound you hear is stable doors being slammed and locked too late..."

Google makes Gmail EVEN NOISIER, or should that be nosier?

Graham Marsden
Black Helicopters

Re: Google slow?

"Google seems to visit another google.com address in between"

You sure that's not google.nsa?

Boffins boggled by ORB-shaped electrons

Graham Marsden

"the Harvard-led ACME collaboration"

Is a Mr W.E.Coyote one of their major donors...?

Hyenas FACEBOOK each other with their ARSES: FACT

Graham Marsden

"a natural social network"

Given the amount of crap there is on Facebook, I can see a comparison...

Ten top stories from New Who

Graham Marsden

Ok, but....

... what about The Pandorica Opens? "Hello Stonehenge! [...] All of you shut up because *I AM SPEAKING*!"

Silence in the Library? The wonderful first appearance of River Song.

The Name of the Doctor? With the flashbacks to other Doctors and other companions?

IMO All of these deserve to be in the Top 10 list.

Which Who to view? Pick one from two: Doctor Who twin trailers hit the interwebs

Graham Marsden
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If they are BBC trailers...

... your choice is really which spoilers you want to watch...

(I choose neither, thanks!)

Chinese shoppers spend £100 MEEEELLION online in SIX minutes

Graham Marsden
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“Singles Day”?

Why am I reminded of "Love Day" in The Simpsons...?

Singaporeans THANK government for BANNING IaaS site

Graham Marsden


Except you can get what is, IIRC, known as the Tyrrany of the Minority. This is where you get a small but vocal group (think the Mary Whitehouse Brigade) who want something banned, the politicians figure it's a good bandwagon to jump on and the majority who are either indifferent or in favour but don't dare to speak out because of embarrassment or social pressure, keep quiet.

So I have to wonder how many people in Singapore *actually* wanted this site banned.

Hand over the goodies, Brazil tells Chocolate Factory

Graham Marsden

"daily fines of 100,000 Brazilian Reals, up to a maximum of R1 million...

"...(about $US430,000 on the current exchange rate)."

Or as Google refers to it: "Petty cash".

World's first 3D-printed metal gun 'more accurate' than factory-built cousin

Graham Marsden

"The cost of the printed firearm is many times that of a traditional model...

"...and the equipment needed to do it is highly specialized."

At the moment.

KRAKOOM! iPad Air explose in fireball, terrified fanbois flee Apple store

Graham Marsden

So it wasn't...

... a Kindle Fire...?

TWITTER CLOSES ... its first day of stock trading with shares up 73 per cent

Graham Marsden

@Khaptain - Re: How do you ring a well ?

> I couldn't see any "corrections" link

Look at the top of this page, next to Post Your Comment and House Rules.

Graham Marsden

And we all know...

... that Socialism is only one step away from Communism...

New security standard for CHAPS who have your CREDIT CARD data

Graham Marsden

@Richard Jukes - Re: BAH!

I have to agree. The full PCI-DSS compliance requirements are ridiculously over-complex for a small business.

The first time I tried to register, I went through their "helpful" questionnaire which then reckoned I needed to do the whole rigmarole and, despite being pretty tech savvy, I ended up going "WTF is *that* all about?"

Fortunately, after phoning up their help line and speaking to someone who actually knew the system, I found that I didn't need to do all that and could skip about 90% of the process.

Alleged Peeping Tom claims First Amendment right to upskirt

Graham Marsden

I just want to point out the irony...

That the next story from El Reg is "Ooh! My naughty SKIRT keeps riding UP! Yup, it's ... INTERNET EXPLORER"

Brit spymasters: Cheers, Snowden. Terrorists are overhauling their comms

Graham Marsden

"We have seen chat among terrorist groups...

"...discussing how to avoid what they now perceive to be vulnerable," said Sir Iain.

Thus revealing valuable intelligence to the Terrorists...

Blood king of the tyrannosaurus, grandad of T-Rex

Graham Marsden

King of Gore?

Or, perhaps, Gore Head?

Has someone been reading Flesh in recent editions of 2000AD?

Google told: Erase Mosley's orgy. Now everyone will view it again

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Furious Google techie on NSA snooping: 'F*CK THESE GUYS'

Graham Marsden
Big Brother

@Khaptain - Re: Mindboggling

"How the fuck do these people sleep at night...."

They just tell themselves they're keeping America safe for Truth, Justice and Mom's Apple Pie! (And if they have to piss all over the Constitution and every Right their people have in order to do it, well, that's just the Price of Freedom...

Thought you didn't need to show ID in the UK? Wrong

Graham Marsden
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@Morzel Re: @Stevie - @Graham Marsden

But road accidents are a *lot* more likely than aircraft accidents, so expecting everyone to have to prove who they are just in the *extremely* unlikely event that they are involved in an air crash is really grasping at straws.

And whilst, yes, countries require you to disclose your identity when crossing their borders, why should such proof be necessary for *internal* flights which are the (safer!) equivalent of catching a bus?

Graham Marsden
Big Brother

@AC Re: @Bongo Jo What exactly is the problem here?

"I was a policeman in the West of England many years ago"

Reading what you wrote after this, I have to say I'm damned glad you're no longer a policeman in this country because your attitude is what brings the Police Service into disrepute (just like the behaviour of some of your colleagues in the Plebgate Affair and many others)

I'm sure you did catch "an awful lot" of people. I'm also equally sure that you harassed a whole lot more people who were completely innocent of any crime, but had their Rights and Civil Liberties violated by some arrogant Jobsworth who liked throwing his weight around and abusing his power.

Arguing that we should all have ID cards to save *our* time when *you* and yours illegally hassle us for the sort of "crimes" that Constable Savage would have been concerned about is ludicrous and to compound that by suggesting that we should be able to "show evidence of who we are" the next time someone decides to engage in a bit of Security Theatre demonstrates that you were quite happy to piss all over the Rights and Liberties which you were supposed to be *protecting* just because you could.

Graham Marsden

@Stevie - Re: @Graham Marsden

Driving a car is a privilege, not a right and you accept that as part of that privilege you are required to 1) Pass a Test to demonstrate you have, at least, achieved the minimum level of skill to be allowed out on the road, 2) Make sure your vehicle has an MOT (and thus is safe to be on the road) and 3) Insure the vehicle to protect others if you behave irresponsibly and damage them, their vehicles or their property. None of these are requirements to be allowed to walk down the street.

Your references to gasment, electric meter readers and students/ lecturers are irrelevant to the situation under discussion.

If you have no problem with me (or anyone else) having to prove who I am to get on a plane with you, what about a bus? What's to stop me forcing the driver out of his seat and then running a load of people over? (GT Omnibus!)

Finally, I find it odd that you *do* object to the "other horseshit" involved in flying. Why is it that you object to all the other bits of Security Theatre (removal of shoes, limits on drinks, restrictions on what you can carry etc) but think that having an ID card to prove who you to be allowed on the flight is acceptable?

Cops: Bloke makes bet with wife. Wife loses - so hubby TASERS her

Graham Marsden

"a domestic battery charge"

Presumably a re-chargeable battery...

World's first astro-bot sends greetings from International Space Station

Graham Marsden

I would so...

... have loved it if someone had changed the message to "People of Earth, Cower before your new Robotic Master! MWAHAHAHAAA!!!!"

'Only nuclear power can save humanity', say Global Warming high priests

Graham Marsden

Re: @Vladimir Plouzhnikov - @ Graham Marsden

"They slow down the traffic and create empty gaps"

You get a higher throughflow of traffic at slower speeds because you don't get the bunching caused by people "driving on their brakes" as they zoom up to the next vehicle/ pedestrian crossing/ traffic lights then slam on the anchors creating an extremely inefficient(!) stop-start situation as they waste momentum turning it into heat (in their brakes) and then have to expend fuel accelerating again.

The empty gaps left when two-wheel users filter can be used for efficient driving by simply going a bit slower and allowing elasticity in the system. (Look up Hypermiling for more details).

And London isn't representative of the whole country. Having travelled on two wheels in that city and others, it seems that the vast majority London road users, no matter how many wheels they are on, are bloody terrible!

Graham Marsden

Re: @Vladimir Plouzhnikov - @ Graham Marsden

" the bicycle uses the roads highly inefficiently and aggravates traffic congestion in the cities"


When transport congestion is modelled, two-wheel users are a positive benefit because whilst they might take up the same sort of space as cars etc whilst traffic is moving, as soon as things slow down, they start filtering between the gaps, thus *reducing* the amount of road space used and thus the congestion caused.

Child protection group's creep-catcher passes Turing Test

Graham Marsden

@Ledswinger - Re: @Scorchio!!

And have a downvote on me for completely missing the point.

He starts by pointing out that chemical castration et al don't work to protect children, but then declares that he's in favour of them raping each other as if that's some sort of "justice".


Graham Marsden


... what about all the other claims in the Bible...?

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