* Posts by Graham Marsden

6926 posts • joined 19 Jan 2007

Male chimps strike 'meat for sex' deals

Graham Marsden
Joke

Home Office Press Release

Jacqui Smith today announced that the Government will be introducing new legislation to prosecute male chips who offer meat to female chimps without first ensuring that the female chimp is not under the control of another male chimp...

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Boffins list sci-fi words which wormed their way into dictionary

Graham Marsden

What about...

... Cyberspace, originally coined by William Gibson in Burning Chrome?

or Waldo - a type of remote manipulator from Robert Heinlein's story of the same name?

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IPS misses its ID cards for foreigners target

Graham Marsden
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adding Chip and PIN to the ID card...?

What next? Making it an Oyster Card as well? Adding RFID and putting scanners on every lamp post? Requiring all computers to have a card scanner? Having you key in your ID Number and PIN before you make a phone call?

After all, if we can track and trace everyone's every move and download and e-mail and phone call that will make us *SO* much safer...

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Balls saves history lessons from Facebook and Twitter

Graham Marsden
Boffin

@Dave

There's a myth that Henry VIII wrote "Greensleeves", tinny renditions of which can be heard on cheap phones with a "hold" facility.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greensleeves#Greensleeves_and_Henry_VIII

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MPs battle to save great British pub

Graham Marsden
Joke

@Andus McCoatover

So I said "Over the next month or so", but you did a single "spot survey" and then extrapolated from that because it gave a result you liked...

Hmm, do you work for the Government?

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Graham Marsden
Boffin

@Smokers

Let's try a little survey:

Over the next month or so (to be fair, because the weather is going to be warm enough to stand outside without freezing anything off) count the number of people in the pub and then count the number of people go outside and smoke. Divide one by the other and get a ratio.

Now consider what the pub would be like for all those inside who *aren't* smoking, don't want to breathe the stuff or end up reeking of it simply to enjoy an evening with their friends, but would be forced to endure it if there wasn't a smoking ban.

I entirely support the right of individuals to make their own lifestyle choices, but not when they force those choices on others out of selfishness.

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Japanese porn at heart of Home-Office terrorism snooping

Graham Marsden
Paris Hilton

Once again...

... our Government shows its inability to control even what it owns itself, yet still thinks that it can (and should!) control what we can see and download...!

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DARPA: Give us solar cells you can use to build stuff

Graham Marsden
Boffin

It's easy to make...

... all they need is a supply of unobtainium...

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Profs: Sex with oldies or youngsters will give you the clap

Graham Marsden
Paris Hilton

Err...

... so having unprotected sex with someone (of whatever age) is *less* risky than shagging someone outside your age group...?

Paris, because... oh figure it out!

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Vatican researcher claims Templars worshipped Turin Shroud

Graham Marsden
Coat

You are accused of heresy on three counts....

... Heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action...

... Four counts!

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A Geeks Guide2 ...Hacking

Graham Marsden
Paris Hilton

you should be able to...

"...outsmart common security measures; gain access to a remote server; hijack TCP connections and more."

And then get arrested and extradited by the Yanks who you've embarassed because they had shite security on their systems...

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Ofcom gets puffed out over wind turbines

Graham Marsden
Boffin

@ Roger Jenkins

And the turbines spin around depending on which way the wind is going...!

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China restricts online video after YouTube police beating

Graham Marsden
Thumb Down

"sexual perversions, extreme violence"

They're just jealous because the English Government got there first with their ban on "extreme pornography"!

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MEPs urge govs: Set up surveillance register

Graham Marsden
Black Helicopters

@Dan

No, they'll set up a consultation asking the Police, the Security Services and similar groups if such a register can be established and then, amazingly, decide that it's not a good idea...!

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UK.gov to get power to force ISPs to block child porn

Graham Marsden
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@Steve Evans

"Personally I'm quite happy for the Govt to go round making stupid statements like this, and then to sit back and watch as the reality of what they are requesting slowly dawns.

"We all suspect they are idiots, so why not let them open their mouths and remove all doubt!"

Unfortunately they are idiots who have the power to pass laws like the "Dangerous Pictures Act" outlawing so-called Extreme Pornography.

It doesn't matter that this is a ridiculous law which will have no real effect on what it is targetting, it doesn't matter that it's effectively unenforceable unless the Police get their hands on someone's computer for some other reason, it doesn't matter that it's very probably in breach of at least two and maybe three articles of the European Convention on Human Rights, what matters is that the damn law got on the statute books in the *first* place!

These idiots don't just go around making statements, they go around passing laws to "make the world a better place" (at least in their minds) and then leave us and now ISPs suffering the consequences.

So don't be happy with this, write to your MP and complain via http://www.writetothem.com

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Graham Marsden
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"accidental exposure to child pornography"?

Why not have the Home Office equip everyone with a modified equivalent of the Joo-Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses which, at the slightest hint of an underage picture, immediately go black to prevent people from seeing something which may offend them...? (The "them" being Wacky Jacqui and the Home Office, of course)

Meanwhile we go another step down the road of complete Government control over our web browsing for our own "protection" and because WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

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Foreign and Commonwealth Office plans biometrics bonanza

Graham Marsden

So...

... let's hope that they find the system a) unreliable and b) unworkable such that c) they'll realise that biometrics are no magic solution.

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Playmobil Bible faces wrath of lawyers

Graham Marsden
Happy

@Alan

> You got my email then :)

And mine! ;-)

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Moderatrix quits El Reg: Latest

Graham Marsden
Boffin

@Poopie McStinklestein

> PVC thigh-highs cost at least £70

Sheesh, do some research, you can get them from £55!

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Graham Marsden
Coat

Can someone sign for...

... a tanker-load of Evening Primrose Oil, please?

(Mine's the one with the target on the back... ;-) )

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‘Unifying standard’ vital for mass-market 3D TV

Graham Marsden
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A technology in search of a need...

Who, exactly, really *wants* 3D TV? If it was so great, why haven't 3D movies become the norm?

Frankly I'd prefer it if they put the money into making a few more decent TV shows!

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BBC Trust moots new licence laws to cope with net

Graham Marsden
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@Charles

> Public roads are free to use, but you still have to pay for some form of conveyance to employ it.

Yes, but I don't have to pay the Government for permission to ride a bicycle (or a horse) on the highway.

Nor should I be obliged to pay them for permission to download content which is provided for free.

As for those who trot out the tired old "the BBC should take advertising", try doing some research and look at the state of the advertising market at the moment. There is simply *not* enough advertising money around and I have little doubt that more than a few of the smaller "commercial" channels will go to the wall over the next year or so as their major source of revenue dries up. Now imagine that the advertisers took most/ all of their money and put it into the BBC instead because that's where the bigger audiences are...

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Florida cops taser satnav lake plunge woman

Graham Marsden
Flame

@Right, fuck all this.

Flame of the Week!

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Bondage bonzer for bonding, beam boffins

Graham Marsden

Not an April Fools...

... simply because anyone who's been in the BDSM scene for any length of time will know that the vast majority of those who participate in this lifestyle have a much more relaxed attitude to the nature of relationships, based on the idea of mutual respect and consent. They are also used to *talking* about problems, whether it's something that happened in a play session or elsewhere in the relationship.

The rest of the world could learn a lot from this if they weren't so hung up on the idea of "Ugh! BDSM I don't do that perverted stuff!"

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Google to fund 'video Street View' for Central London

Graham Marsden

It's almost plausible...

... but I very much doubt the Police would actually ever let us access *their* systems for monitoring us...

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'Big Brother' - the price of self-driving cars

Graham Marsden
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@Charles

"non-CVIS objects, such things would not likely be allowed on roadways"

I presume you've never seen episodes of "Police Stop" or other such low-rent TV where geese, swans, horses or other wildlife have managed to cause major traffic havoc?

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G20 police demand ID as train staff ordered to spy on passengers

Graham Marsden
Stop

You don't have to give your name and address...

... Nor are Police allowed to hassle you or search you *because* you decline to give your name and address.

http://www.liberty-human-rights.org.uk/issues/6-free-speech/s44-terrorism-act/index.shtml

And download a copy of Mark Thomas's "Don't waste my time" card from here.

http://www.markthomasinfo.com/zzz_images/CIFcard.pdf

Meine Papier? Nein, mein Herr!

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Playboy TV offers 'Jacq off' special package

Graham Marsden
Paris Hilton

So...

... Wacky (whack off?) Jacqui and her friends want to control everything we do and see and read and download.

Given that it's now clear she can't even control what goes on in her own home, perhaps she'll learn to mind her own business and get out of *our* bedrooms?!

Of course, as the AC in the "Britards" post points out, even if she is replaced it will no doubt be a case of "here comes the new boss, same as the old boss"

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Software generated attendance letter about dead pupil

Graham Marsden
Boffin

"Originally published at Kablenet"...?

Kablenet Publication date: 27/03/2009 09:50:45

Err, so how come I managed to e-mail your news desk about this at 12:32 on the 25th with this link to a BBC story http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/7963081.stm??

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Canadian cops cry for BlackBerry wiretap

Graham Marsden
Boffin

"an essential tool for the battle against crime"...

... and so are ID cards and DNA databases and Identity Registers and CCTV and ANPR and...

One wonders just how Police ever managed to do their jobs in the past...

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Battlestar Galactica eyes 'technology run amok'

Graham Marsden
Flame

Frakkin' incredible...

... the way that some people who admit that they didn't even *watch* the whole show the way through find it necessary to come on here and slag it off just so they can say "hey, I didn't watch it all and you lot are all lus3rs for doing so!"

No, it wasn't perfect, yes, it had flaws, yes, it was dark to the extent that I've only just watched the final episodes because the series was emotionally draining, but if you didn't like it, why not just go and find something you *do* like instead?

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WAG sues CPW for phone pic nick

Graham Marsden
Paris Hilton

Duh!

Ok, the CW staff member shouldn't have been snooping around, but, frankly, this is as dumb as Gary Glitter leaving kiddie porn on his computer when he took it into PC World!

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PGP email marketing gaffe creates message storm

Graham Marsden
Boffin

A couple of weeks ago...

... I received an e-mail from from Argos plugging their "Spring Blowout Sale", but someone obviously hasn't comprehended the idea of BCC, because it has over one thousand, three hundred e-mail addresses clearly visible in the "To" field!

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China bans YouTube again

Graham Marsden
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China...

...Thailand, Turkey and Pakistan have all previously banned the video sharing site.

So not long before it happens in the UK, then.

Of course it will be to "protect" us because "terrorists" have been using it to spread "messages of hate" or other propaganda...

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Lawyer-client privilege no bar to surveillance, say Lords

Graham Marsden
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@Matt Bryant

"Solicitors are expected to uphold the law, not subvert it, "

Right, so the Police should eavesdrop on every discussion between a Solicitor and their Client *just in case* the Solicitor might be attempting to subvert the law...

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Graham Marsden
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Unlikely...?

Lord Carswell said "It seems to me unlikely that the possibility of RIPA applying to privileged consultations could have passed unnoticed [in Parliament]. On the contrary, it is an obvious application of the Act, yet no provision was put in to exclude them."

Why does this seem unlikely?

Why is it an obvious application of the act?

Whilst concerns were raised about much of the act, just because nobody entertained the thought that "hang on, perhaps someone could bug lawyers talking to client" (or, perhaps, dismissed it thinking "no, that would be silly, nobody would be as stupid to try to use this law to do that) doesn't mean that, ipso facto, it should be allowed.

Oddly enough, this is the same Lord Carswell who said that the police should be allowed to build the largest DNA and fingerprint database possible...

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ID cards not compulsory after all, says Home Office

Graham Marsden
Stop

"It is not our intention..."

... does not mean "we will not..."

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Police union leader calls for 'killer games' sales ban

Graham Marsden
Stop

“the world would be no poorer if there were no more killer games”.

The world would be better if there were fewer idiots who believe that playing a game is sufficient to make someone go out and commit mass murder...

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Police ad urges: 'Trust no one'

Graham Marsden
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Remember:

Be Pure, Be Vigilant, BEHAVE!

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Girls Aloud obscenity trial delayed

Graham Marsden
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@Throatwobbler Mangrove

You'd better keep the coat on as there might be quite a draught from my point going over your head.

The AC from the "Good" post said "When speech threatens the core values that all good Britons should hold dear, it is high-time that speech was silenced" but the point is that the Freedom to express that Speech *is* one of those "core values" and that includes the freedom to say things that that AC or others may not like.

If you want to apply a logical fallacy, try "Special Pleading" because the AC seems to think that "it's different in this case".

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Graham Marsden
Stop

@Good/ @Right, listen up.

I thought originally that the AC who posted the "Good" comment was being ironic, but reading it again, it sounds like the sort of rant that the Daily Mail likes so much.

FYI the "core values that all good Britons should hold dear" include the rights to "go about their lawful business without let or hindrance", yet this AC thinks that any rights he doesn't like should be eliminated or that anyone who tries to exercise them should be thrown out of his "pure lands".

I suggest that he moves to somewhere ruled by the Taliban, then he can have all the "Moral Purity" he wants...

As for the AC from "Right, listen up", if someone writes something about me which is defamatory and untrue, I have a defence in law called Libel. That is why Private Eye gets sued on a regular basis (and sometimes loses).

If I tried to sue for libel simply because I "didn't like" someone writing about me, I would lose.

What you seem to be arguing for is a situation where you can *only* write something about someone if they would like it.

I'm sure our politicians would love that...!

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Ad-supported webcam border surveillance hits Texas

Graham Marsden

How about offering prizes...!

Hey everybody, join in the great new game, everyone's playing: Spying on America's borders!

Spot those illegal immigrants! Watch out for dope shipments!

The more you inform, the more you win!!

PS @Hollerith, no, it's probably not "wile" - http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-whi3.htm

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Google designer quits over performance obsession

Graham Marsden
Coat

Did they land on the B-Ark?

"And the wheel," said the Captain, "What about this wheel thingy? It sounds a terribly interesting project."

"Ah," said the marketing girl, "Well, we're having a little difficulty there."

"Difficulty?" exclaimed Ford. "Difficulty? What do you mean, difficulty? It's the single simplest machine in the entire Universe!"

The marketing girl soured him with a look.

"Alright, Mr. Wiseguy," she said, "if you're so clever, you tell us what colour it should be."

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Nude Oz politico snaps a 'con'

Graham Marsden
Happy

@Tom

"The news print media can't figure out why they keep losing circulation even though they keep pulling this kind of crap."

I think you meant "because they keep pulling this kind of crap"!

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Graham Marsden
Boffin

So...

... The Hitler Diaries

... Pictures of "British servicemen" pi$$ing on Iraqi prisoners

... Photos of Aussie politicians in the nuddy...

You'd think the Papers would be a bit more dilligent about checking the authenticity of this stuff *before* they stuck it into print...

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Ministers spending billions on unlawful databases

Graham Marsden
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"not fit for purpose"

What a perfect description of our current Government!

Of course since they don't agree with this report they'll either ignore it or set up (ie rig) a "consultation exercise" whereby they ask the Police, the Security Services and various other entirely biased groups if they think that such databases are a good idea and then, amazingly enough, come back with a statement that "well all *these* groups think it's fine, so we're going to keep them and change the law..."

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China nabs website staff for erotic audiobooks

Graham Marsden

@skelband

Please, don't perpetuate the myth of the existence of Snuff Movies!

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/madmen/snuff.asp

Thank you.

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Wikileaks tells Aus censorship minister to rack off

Graham Marsden
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Looks like the Aussies...

... are getting as arrogant as the Yanks, thinking that *their* laws should be applicable all over the world...

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US reality TV 'star' attacked fiancé with laptop, cat, apples

Graham Marsden

We need...

... an El Reg Playmobil reconstruction!!!

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Indian call centre credit card 'scam' exposed

Graham Marsden
Thumb Down

BBC - British Broadcasting Crooks...?

So after the criticism of the BBC spending licence fee payers money buying up a botnet, it seems they're also using it to buy stolen credit card details.

What next? Researching organs for sale by buying someone's kidney?

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