* Posts by Graham Marsden

6927 posts • joined 19 Jan 2007

Brit kids failing to fall out of trees

Graham Marsden

Well obviously...

... it's because we're Thinking Of The Children(tm)!

We're protecting the poor little darlings from all those dangers out there, especially all those paedos who are lurking on every street corner.

Far better that our children die early from coronary heart disease...

Aussie censor balks at bijou boobs

Graham Marsden


... no shaved pubes either because that makes the woman "look like a child" too and that will obviously encourage paedophilic thoughts.

I just have to wonder, though, in whose minds these thoughts are being created, because it sounds to me like it's those passing the laws who are having them...

Aussie man convicted for Simpsons smut

Graham Marsden

Don't forget...

.. that following the introduction of the Dangerous Pictures Act in the UK we now have the Dangerous Drawings Act which, like the Australian Law, means it is "an offence for a person to be in possession of a prohibited image of a child."

See http://www.opsi.gov.uk/acts/acts2009/ukpga_20090025_en_5#pt2-ch2-pb1-l1g62

It is sufficient that an image *looks* like a child (in someone else's eyes) that will get you convicted.

Great, another victory for liberty and common sense...

Rubber Duck banned from txt

Graham Marsden

"who is there to hit??"

The person out for a walk, minding their own business who doesn't expect some prat to be riding along using a netbook instead of looking where they're going!

(I'm sure you've heard the expression "Sorry, Mate, I didn't see you...")

Home Office says 'no decision' yet on sex offender disclosure

Graham Marsden

@Citizen Clueless

"i see some paedos have been in to disapprove of my comment."

And there you have a perfect example why a law like this is a bad idea because "anyone who disagrees with it or anyone who supports it must be a paedo!"

Forget about proof. Forget about due process of law. Forget about presumption of innocence, all we need now is suspicion and gossip and hearsay to ruin someone's life.

Oh and FYI the UK Police know where over *ninety eight percent* of all registered sex-offenders live.

In the USA where they have "Megan's Law" it's estimated that *twenty five percent* of registered sex-offenders have absconded.

I'm sure there's a conclusion that can be drawn...

California school pulls 'oral sex' dictionary

Graham Marsden

If I was their teacher...

... I'd set them an assignment on the Thomas Bowdler:


(Followed by one on the First Amendment...!)

Compulsory perv scanners upset everyone

Graham Marsden

@We All Have Equal Rights

But don't you *want* a third glorious decade of total law enforcement...?!

Graham Marsden

You realise of course...

... that the next move will be to introduce corporate sponsorship of these scanners...

"Excuse me, Sir, would you step into this room a moment?"

"What's the problem?"

"Well, I couldn't help but notice that you are, shall we say, somewhat under-endowed, but our sponsors, MegaGrow(tm) supply these excellent pills..."

South African Police reveal Apple tablet photos

Graham Marsden
Dead Vulture

Dear El Reg:

Keep taking the tablets...

Solicitor General takes fresh pop at PunterNet

Graham Marsden
Thumb Up


Yes, it's entirely legal. It's no different from paying any other professional (lawyer, IFA, plumber etc) for their time.

The only difference is in the minds of Harperson et al who think that "I don't like this, so *you* shouldn't be allowed to do it", which has been the rationale behind much of their stupid and unworkable legislation like the Dangerous Pictures and Dangerous Drawings Acts.

Graham Marsden

@ Well how about a non-IT solutiion?

I'm not sure if you're trolling or being ironic or just being stupid here.

If a woman works in a flat on her own and pays her rent from that money, she is not breaking any laws, nor is the landlord if they take the rent. And how is the Landlord going to *know* what the woman is doing to earn her money unless the landlord starts prying into the private affairs of everyone living in his building?

Graham Marsden

Don't reguate: Decriminalise

The problem with legislating prostitution is that, especially with a Government like this one, they'd come up with a virtually unworkable system that would end up over-loading the industry (for that is what it is) with pointless and useless regulations.

There are already examples of stupidity like this, eg if two women work at one address for their own safety, that is classed as "running a brothel" which is illegal. If they employ a security guard, he will be classed as a pimp and "living off immoral earnings". They can employ a "maid" to answer the door, but she can *only* be paid by the client giving her a tip (don't snigger) because, again, if she gets any money from the girl, she will be breaking the law.

All of those laws and many others should be struck off the statute books before there's even the slightest thought of introducing new ones, but that would be sensible...

'You own the road!': Google gets spanking from media giant

Graham Marsden

Google "owns" the motorway...

... which most people drive on.

Others may own the A Roads and B Roads, but they get less traffic because Google pretty much has a hammer-lock on the easiest route.

Buying a new car won't change this.

Web2.0rhea infects International Space Station

Graham Marsden


... isn't this in breach of FCC rules on the use of mobile devices in flight...?!

Amateur goof makes Twitter account hijacking a snap

Graham Marsden

Wow! So you can hack a twitter account...

... and then...?

Who gives a fuck?!

China swings at Clinton as Schmidt fudges exit plan

Graham Marsden

"to maintain political stability..."

Translation: To maintain the current corrupt rulers and administration in their jobs because they know that they'll be first against the wall when the next revolution comes...

Crusty fireball space mango wrecks US doctor's office

Graham Marsden
Dead Vulture


So what's that in Bulgarian Funbags?

Nominet appoints itself web policeman

Graham Marsden
Thumb Down


... unless you can prove you're innocent.

Sounds like typical NuLabour.

German dentists develop 'painless' plasma tooth-blaster

Graham Marsden

So why not just...

... clean your damn teeth properly (and floss as well) and then you'll not have to suffer at all...!!

MoD awards £540m extension to DII

Graham Marsden

On Time...

... On Budget...


... Works.

Pick any two from three.

Manchester ID staff suffer isolation as new dawn fades

Graham Marsden

As usual...

... someone from the "Nothing to Hide" Brigade misses the point and it's more than a little ironic that you post from behind the shield of being an Anonymous Coward!

The point is not that the data is held on "various databases", the point (well, one of them) is that all that data will be held on *ONE* database and that it will be *YOUR* job to ensure that *THEY* have the right information and *YOU* will be punished by a fine if you don't!

And whilst the Government has been claiming that "have no plans" to make it compulsory to carry these cards, it's clear from what's been leaked that that is their ultimate aim, breaching the long established Common Law Right to "Go about your lawful business without let or hindrance".

Your Zombie Arguments have already been comprehensively knocked down in previous articles on El Reg, why not go back and actually look instead of digging them up once more?

UN issues call for international privacy agreement

Graham Marsden


"... had generally been given little opportunity to debate such counter-terrorism powers".

Well of course they hadn't, because nobody needs to debate such powers, do they? It's because we're being attacked and it's to protect the public and we're thinking of the children and so on, so how could anyone disagree with such things? That would be unpatriotic, wouldn't it?

Hang on, why does that ring a bell? Oh yes...

"[...] the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

- Herman Goering

Big Brother Blue seeks biometric anti-terror patents

Graham Marsden
Big Brother

You are being watched!

"[...] in the past no government had the power to keep its citizens under constant surveillance. The invention of print, however, made it easier to manipulate public opinion, and the film and the radio carried the process further. With the development of television, and the technical advance which made it possible to receive and transmit simultaneously on the same instrument, private life came to an end."

George Orwell - 1984

Fifty Strikes and… we'll tell your Mum

Graham Marsden

Err, what?

Which party has actually bothered to put up *ANY* real opposition to NuLabour's nonsense? Here's a hint, it ain't the Tories.

They had the chance to kill idiocy like the Extreme Porn legislation, but they didn't because, as one Tory Peer admitted to me "We don't support Lib Dem amendments".

Wow! Thanks, guys...

Singapore nightclub offers booze for boobs

Graham Marsden

Why not one for the guys...?

Oh, because perhaps a woman shouting out "give this guy a shot-glass of beer" might not be to their liking...?

Government personal data handling 'better'

Graham Marsden


Or just "not as bad"?

(Worse would pretty much be impossible!)

UK border database on target and budget, says Home Office

Graham Marsden

UK border database on target and budget, says Home Office...

... as a flock of pigs flew past a blue moon.

One second-hand space shuttle: Yours for $29m

Graham Marsden


... a full fuel tank!

US makes travellers go online, before getting onboard

Graham Marsden

Another nail in the coffin...

... of the US tourist industry.

Discrimination warning over airport body scanners

Graham Marsden

Be afraid, be VERY afraid...!

The eeeevil terrerist bogeymen are out there! They're coming to get yooouuu! They're around every corner, they're behind every tree. They might be on your train or bus or plane. So if you see someone who's a bit different, who doesn't fit in, who follows a different religion that you don't understand, run, don't walk to your nearest friendly Policeman who will ensure that they get checked over and maybe a good kicking if they deserve it for being foreign.

Or maybe just:

Vote Fascist for a third decade of total law enforcement!

Or perhaps:

Those who would give up essential liberties for a little temporary security deserve neither liberty nor security. Benjamin Franklin.

HMRC fraud warning emails baited by phishers

Graham Marsden

Oh sure...

... HMRC are really going to make it easy for you to get money back from them...!

ACLU challenges US laptop border searches

Graham Marsden
Black Helicopters

Racial profiling...?

... Or just figuring who might have a good collection of porn on their laptop...?

False Moscow CCTV feed scam leads to fraud charges

Graham Marsden
Thumb Up

If only...

... we could have such a system in this country...!

UK.gov dismisses Tory claims UK cyberspace is defenceless

Graham Marsden


... BINGO!

Secretive Brit millionaire buys Segway Inc

Graham Marsden
Dead Vulture

Lembit Optik?

I'll drink to that!

No World Cup anthem for England football heroes

Graham Marsden

However will we survive...?

... We'll have a bunch of over-paid prima-donnas prancing around whilst tedious commentators keep making references to a victory that was close on half a century ago and there won't be a crap song which will be instantly forgotten...

... Tell you what, I'll compose one, to be played on the world's smallest violin...

Scottish doc swerves charges for snooping

Graham Marsden

"out of curiosity..."?

So when all of our records are on the NHS spine and the National Identity Register and a whole lot of others besides, a *LOT* of people are going to have their curiosity satisfied...

'Domestic extremism' police called in on climate hack

Graham Marsden

NDET - Run by ACPO

That's the same ACPO which is a private company and is not answerable to anyone and doesn't have to respond to Freedom of Information Act requests who are now, it seems, running their own private investigatory group who report only to them about "Domestic Extremists", a nice vague, open-ended term...

Why not just call themselves the Secret Police...?

World braces for Lindsay Lohan sex tape

Graham Marsden


... who?

New Labour bring old Nuremberg Laws to Britain

Graham Marsden

Another victory...

... for the terrorists as, once again, our leaders dance to their tune and pi$$ all over another fundamental freedom.

Human rights? We've heard of them, but so what?

Is it art or is it pr0n? Australia decides it's ALL filth

Graham Marsden

What next...?

Seeing your children naked in the bath gets you tagged as a paedo...?

Gambling boss gets three years

Graham Marsden

"the conviction of, and sentence handed down..."

"... should send a message to any foreign business conducting illegal activities in the United States, that geography does not render it untouchable.”

Meanwhile US Businesses can keep on doing what the fuck they like because if it happens abroad it's not the USA's problem...

Small biz sees signs of recession ending

Graham Marsden

El Gordo lead us *into* recession...

... and now he thinks we trust him enough to let him dig the hole deeper!

Judge awards Dish Network $51m from satellite pirate

Graham Marsden

'Substantial and unquantifiable harm'?

According to http://news.cnet.com/8301-1035_3-10237403-94.html

"Things were looking up for satellite TV provider Dish Networks in the first quarter of 2009, with sales and earnings on the rise, the company reported Monday.

"Sales grew 2.1 percent to $2.91 billion for the quarter ended March 31 versus $2.84 billion for the same quarter in 2008. Earnings climbed to $313 million, or 70 cents a share, up from $259 million, or 58 cents a share a year ago."

The amount this man has been fined is approximately 1.75% of Dish Network's quarterly turnover even though "Dish faces a more competitive playing field, not just from fellow satellite provider DirecTV, but also from cable and phone companies offering low-cost TV service."

So obviously it's all this guy's fault that their sales didn't grow more and nothing to do with Dish Network "facing a more competitive playing field".

New mega offshore windfarms could supply 2% of UK energy

Graham Marsden

The ROC scheme...

... does nothing to ensure that turbines will be made in Blighty or even erected/maintained by British workers.

This is from the same Lewis Page who is constantly urging the British Government and Armed Forces to buy the best equipment from the best suppliers, even if they're foreign, rather than pander to the British jobs market?

Google too powerful, warns German minister

Graham Marsden

Both are a threat...

But it's the Tories rather than Labour at the moment:

Cameron: Give the UK's health records to Google


Italians take the 'p' to fight back against Big Brother

Graham Marsden

Please tell me...

... you meant to use the "Troll" icon on that post...

French court says 'oui' on workplace smut

Graham Marsden
Thumb Up

Vive la France!

So whilst here we have the Nanny State telling us that "No, this is bad for you, you're not allowed to see it in case it makes you do something naughty" the French attitude is "what's the big deal?"

Of course that Playmobil video clip (eat your heart out, El Reg!) would probably get you prosecuted for possession of Extreme Porn just as the guy with the "tiger" clip was, even though nobody could possibly consider it to be real...

IPS in cunning 'get an ID card, get crucified' scheme

Graham Marsden

Epic FAIL!

There are those of us who are willing to stand up and say "NO! I will NOT have an ID card."

We will stand up and say "If you are going to prosecute one of us, you'll have to prosecute ALL of us!"

That is, of course, entirely the whole point of the "I'm Spartacus" scene at the end of the film, the slaves are willing to give their lives to show their defiance against the oppressors is undaunted.

Yet this point has gone entirely over the IPS' heads and they think that the slaves should have all pointed out who Spartacus was to save themselves.

Yet again the truth of Ben Franklin's words is shown "Those who give up essential liberties for temporary security deserve neither liberty nor security".

Slovakian police chief quits over Dublin explosives run

Graham Marsden

"What happened at Poprad airport was a stupid human error"

And what happened in Dublin was a ridiculous exercise in Security Theatre!

"Err, hello, Ireland, we've put explosives in this guy's luggage without him knowing it..."

"Right lads, get round to his place and raid it and lock him up!"

"But, Sarge, he's innocent...!"

"If you're going to let things like that worry you, you'll never get far in the Police, sonny boy!"

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