* Posts by Banksy

216 posts • joined 31 Jul 2013

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U wot, m8? OMG SMS is back from dead

Banksy

And Argos texting you five times for each order, online grocery shopping, etc.

China's loose Chang'e: Probe lands on far side of the Moon in science first, says state media

Banksy

Conspiracy theory........

Will they be able to use the rover to travel to the US moon landing site on t'other side of the Moon and confirm if there is a flag planted there, lunar rover, footsteps, etc? Or have they used the same place on Earth to film this? ;)

Staff sacked after security sees 'suspect surfer' script of shame

Banksy

Access Denied

I'm surprised they could access those sites in the first place.

Apple in XS new sensation: Latest iPhone carries XS-sive price tag

Banksy

Razr

I want my Moto Razr back. It was a lovely, slim beast.

A £1.3m prize for a plunging share price at BT? Not so fast...

Banksy

Performance

It seems likely that performance will take a further hit once the news of further price increases for customers arrives. I'll be saying goodbye to Infinity after using it's service from the time it was first available to me.

They also need to knock off the cash guzzling sports and mobile phone stuff.

Britain to slash F-35 orders? Erm, no, scoffs Lockheed UK boss

Banksy
Joke

Commute

If they have any going spare I could probably use one on my commute. The VTOL ability should be useful for that. All the press pieces say they're easy to fly so let's try it out.

Sort your spending habits out, UK Ministry of Defence told over £20bn black hole

Banksy

Procurement process

For projects where we are purchasing a number of 'items' e.g. submarines, fighter planes, etc. I do not understand why they don't have an initial contact for the first of the type to establish cost and then contract for further units as required. As opposed to the current situation where they don't know what it's going to cost, we order a batch upfront and then BAE (or whoever) pass the cost on to the taxpayer for their costing mess ups. Also fixed price contracts, obviously.

Banksy

A truly excellent plan....

....apart from the small detail that it is completely impossible.

It's March 2018, and your Windows PC can be pwned by a web article (well, none of OURS)

Banksy

Not one of ours...

That's exactly what a nefarious hacker would say to lull us into a false sense of security.

Test crash dummies: Pearson VUE broke half-way into all-day exam

Banksy
Coat

Acronym

If only they were called the College of Royal Australasian Physicians instead.

Developer recovered deleted data with his face – his Poker face

Banksy

Truckers

So how did he actually get out of that one? Need more details.

James Damore's labor complaint went over about as well as his trash diversity manifesto

Banksy

The court case is over?

Oh wait, it's not. Feel free to crow once it is but not until then.

Oi! Verizon leaked my fiancée's nude pix to her ex-coworker, says bloke

Banksy

Where's my compo!

Verizon must have some sort of activity logs that would show exactly how these photos arrived on the ex's phone? My guess, the fiancée sent them to the ex.

P.S. Pix or it didn't happen.

Kentucky gov: Violent video games, not guns, to blame for Florida school massacre

Banksy

Not this again...

How many more studies do there have to be that show that video games do not cause violence before dipshits like this senator understand that they do not?

Arrrgh! Put down the crisps! 'Ultra-processed' foods linked to cancer!

Banksy

Absolute risk

The absolute risk values would be useful. 10% increased risk sounds scary but if the actual risk of getting a given cancer is 0.1% are you bothered about a 10% increase?

Banksy

Damn

They just listed my entire diet!

Dori-no! PepsiCo boss says biz is planning to sell lady crisps

Banksy

Not eating the bits at the bottom....

is madness! You get all of the extra flavouring down there. Granted, I don't lick my fingers after eating crisps while I'm at work.

Long haul flights on a one-aisle plane? Airbus thinks you’re up for it

Banksy

Size matters

Presumably a place of that size can be serviced at a range of airports too, not just the larger ones.

We're cutting F-35 costs, honest, insists jet-builder Lockheed Martin

Banksy
Joke

I'll take three!

Well, it is only £90m per plane.

Twitter breaks bad news to 677,775 twits: You were duped by Russia

Banksy

How?

1. Russians,

2. Social media posts,

3. ????

4. Election victory

Seriously, I've yet to hear a coherent explanation of how the Russians 'interfered' in the US Election or EU Referendum to such an extent that millions of people voted one way or the other.

Fancy a fidget? Craze makes debut entry into PornHub's top searches

Banksy

Great wankers

I'm personally impressed that the UK manages to be second in the visitors chart after the US. We must be punching well above our weight for our population.

I don't get this step mom/sister thing. You know all the porn stars who are in these clips. They can't all be realted!

Meet R2-DILDO: 'Star Wars' sex toys? This is where the fun begins

Banksy
Joke

There’s something inside me that’s always been there....

Dirty girl!

Banksy
Coat

This is not the clitoris you're looking for...

I've got nothing else.....

How much will Britain's next F-35s cost? Not telling, says MoD

Banksy

Subs?

What about subs? I thought our nuclear deterrent was constantly at sea?

Report: Women make up just 17% of IT workforce, paid 15% less than men

Banksy

Re: Non-binary

I'm a masculine presenting, transgender, lesbian.

Banksy

The male suicide rate in the UK is about double that of women too. I believe the majority of homeless people are also male.

Ex-cop who 'kept private copies of data' fingers Cabinet Office minister in pr0nz at work claims

Banksy

Wait until you get home...

I've never been desperate enough for a tommy tank that I've had to start looking at the pr0nz at work.

Dick move: Navy flyboy flings firmament phallus for flabbergasted folk

Banksy

Tower, this is Ghost Rider requesting a flyby....

Guy is a genius. Surely this was worth a bollocking (pun intended).

World Vasectomy Day: 15k men line up for live vent-blocking

Banksy

A poke, 2 snips and some smoke

I may well get a vasectomy next year, never had the paternal instinct.

If you can please consider supporting the Vasalgel (injectable polymer plug, non-hormonal, 10 year+) contraception for men. Looks like a good, potentially reversible, alternative to vasectomy.

There is also another product called 'dick click' out there that looks interesting.

It would be good for men to have more than 2 contraceptive choices - condoms or not shagging!

BT hikes prices for third time in 18 months

Banksy

Lack of alternatives

I actually like the Infinity service but I'm sick of the price rises. However, all of the other providers don't seem any cheaper once you add in the line rental and activation fees. There's also no Virgin Media or FTTP to where I live.

Remember when Internet was very expensive when it was first available but gradually came down in price, I long for those days.

Banksy

No, I got the same offer but it's because I've been a customer for 2 years. (I've actually been an Infinity customer for 4/5 years but only 2 at the current address.)

Oddly, they'd only just given me an "offer" to pay £3 more than my current bill a month for the same thing.

Resellers on Surface: Yeah, go ahead and kill it. What do we care...

Banksy

Surface Book 2

They just announced a Surface Book 2 (https://www.engadget.com/2017/10/17/microsoft-introduces-surface-book-2/) so chances of killing off the line don't look too high.

Also, the channel saying "nobody makes any money" misses the point. MS launched these to show that PCs, laptops and tablets running Windows didn't have to be ugly or beige with the intention that other manufacturers would follow the design cues. So they're not necessarily running this product line just for $$$$.

Sole Equifax security worker at fault for failed patch, says former CEO

Banksy

What a load of rubbish...

So their IT team doesn't know a patch is available without someone sending an e-mail about it? They don't have patch management software? Individual software packages don't alert IT about patch availability?

More likely scenario is someone was told not to apply the patch for one reason or another.

BYOD might be a hipster honeypot but it's rarely worth the extra hassle

Banksy

Re: Millennials - CYOD

Yes, definitely. Always thought CYOD was a better alternative. I think a lot of employees either want some sort of Mac or other people on Windows PC want something above the bottom of the range offerings that companies usually get on bulk purchasing / framework agreements.

Ex-sperm-inate! Sam the sex-droid 'heavily soiled' in randy nerd rampage

Banksy
Unhappy

Poor Samantha

Hope she is repaired soon. However, "Samantha can endure a lot, she will pull through."

Ducks ding dongs in face of stiff competition

Banksy

Re: No you haven't heard it all, yet

I'm going to gently rock back and forth while holding my knees now.

The plus side of that video was it had some cute baby ducks in it. They didn't fully compensate for the horrors though.

Banksy

Temporary penises

I've heard it all now.

As AC above says, how does a duck have a 7 incher? Would they be able to take off still?

Boffins discover tightest black hole binary system – and it's supermassive

Banksy
Alien

"Separated by a distance of less than one light-year"

You could fit a space bus through there.

What do you call an all-in-one PC that isn't? 'Upgradeable', says HP

Banksy

How do the 7050s perform? I'd like to get one for work but will wait to see if there is a Coffee Lake refresh.

Banksy

Upgradeable

I like this idea about being able to upgrade parts of a computer. Imagine a world where instead of being in the monitor stand the PC gubbins were in a separate box to make upgrading even easier. I think it may be some years off but imagine the possibilities!

A todger, a 2.5kg dumbbell, the fire brigade... and the inevitable angle grinder

Banksy

It's what you do with it that counts...

That's what I tell the ladies anyway. No need to be trying crazy methods to make it bigger.

Apple: Our stores are your 'town square' and a $1,000 iPhone is your 'future'

Banksy

iPhone IX

So the IX is probably going to look like the X?

What is the advantage of a glass back supposed to be?

Equifax mega-leak: Security wonks smack firm over breach notification plan

Banksy
Joke

As long as it wasn't anything important....

"The information accessed primarily includes names, Social Security numbers, birth dates, addresses and, in some instances, driver’s license numbers."

Pack up, go home to your family: Google Drive is flipping out

Banksy

Rubbish anyway

Google Drive office productivity apps are rubbish anyway. Use anything else.

Mo' money mo' mobile payments... Security risks? Whatever!

Banksy

Re: "with a contactless card you just wave it around"

Some banks and app based banks allow you to turn off the contactless functionality of your card as well as remote purchases (e.g. Starling Bank).

15 'could it be aliens?' fast radio bursts observed in one night

Banksy

Pulsar?

Probably be a pulsar or something like that?

Banksy
Alien

I'm not saying it's aliens....

....but it's aliens!

Two million customer records pillaged in IT souk CeX hack attack

Banksy
Coat

Re: Is anything safe anymore?

You're saying they should have practiced safe Cex?

Banksy

Will the hackers now know about all the tat I sold to CeX?

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