* Posts by Steve Kerr

49 posts • joined 26 Jul 2013

User asked help desk to debug a Post-it Note that survived a reboot

Steve Kerr
FAIL

Xerox photcopiers

One company I worked for had those huge Xerox photocopies with 1/2 dozen trays, scanning facilities, remote connections - the full works, all the bells and whistles.

Could I get it to do photocopy a sheet of paper? No......

10 minutes later and with the user manual managed to finally work out how to go through the menu settings to actually photocopy something.

So much for sticking the paper on the glass and pressing the glowing green button (didn't do anything).

That was the day I realised that photocopiers had become too complex to copy a page of paper! 23 years ago that was

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SCO vs. IBM case over who owns Linux comes back to life. Again

Steve Kerr
Mushroom

But.....

I thought SCO was fully owned by the lawyers who are pushing this?

Can't believe this has been going for so many years now.

Should nuke it from orbit and be done with it :)

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Canucks have beef with Soylent as to whether or not it's a real meal deal

Steve Kerr

Re: Soylent Green

Actually, only in the film was it made of people, and it wasn't a very good film at that.

The original book "Make room, make room" by Harry Harrison is much better and soylent green was actually made from Soya and Lentils hence the name SoyLent Green.

Not being pedantic, much :)

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1

Survey: Tech workers are terrified they will be sacked for being too old

Steve Kerr

Re: Old enough to have worked with the Virtual Machine Environment before VMware was founded

From memory, you had the old George 3, the newer VME but they both ran under CME (Concurrent Machine Environment).

ICL - the company that liked to move against trends in computers, like making them faster as the years went by.

Bank I worked for, got rid of their old 2900's for some spanking new 3900's which were actually slower than their 20 year older counterparts!

Impressive!

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WPA2 KRACK attack smacks Wi-Fi security: Fundamental crypto crapto

Steve Kerr

WPA2-Enterprise

So would this also be the case for WPA2-Enterprise being that both will be based on the same core standards?

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Blade Runner 2049: Back to the Future – the movies that showed us what's to come

Steve Kerr
Coat

Re: Total Recall, Red Planet, The Martian, Mission to Mars, The Last Days on Mars, Escape from Mars

I see a new reality TV show.......

The Kardashians on Mars, The Kardashians in space, just anywhere but here!

13
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Science fiction great Brian Aldiss, 92, dies at his Oxford home

Steve Kerr

Sad to hear this news

Brian Aldiss was one of my all time favourite authors.

Not read any of his books for some time though going to go back through them again now.

Another classic sci-fi author gone.

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Linux-loving lecturer 'lost' email, was actually confused by Outlook

Steve Kerr

Shouting managers

Working for one bank had the following

PHB - "I want you to do A, B, C"

Me - "That's a bad idea becaseu......"

PHB - "I'm tell you what to do, do it"

Me - "Fine, I'll do it against my better judgement"

3 Years later

PHB Approaches desk in front on lots of peopl"

PHB - "Why the <swear swear swear....did you do this?"

PHB - More sweary stuff

2 days of email searching later and email forwarded to PHB with comment "here's what you asked me to do"

Response from PHB......Tumbleweeds blowing past in silence.

No apologies, nothing.

Arse that he was

23
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How can you kill that which will not die? Windows XP is back (sorta... OK, not really)

Steve Kerr

The 64bit versions were because XP64 was actually Windows Server 2003 with all the servery bits removed. I spent days going round and round in circles trying to get updated service packs and it kept taking me to the Windows 2003 server page before I then discovered what it really was.

I had it (still got the install disk somewhere) because having a 64bit machine meant I should have a 64bit OS, silly me.

Who knew the traumas that would cause over the years as various bits of software said I wasn't running Windwos when I went to install them. Still, on a positive note, viruses didn't work either :)

It was stable though, I give it that.

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Look out Silicon Valley, here comes Brit bruiser Amber Rudd to lay down the (cyber) law

Steve Kerr
Big Brother

They don't want terrorists

What they really want is all the information on you.

How better to control the proles by having all their information about.

Think Terry Gilliam's Brazil, but worse, much much worse.

I welcome our ministry of information overlords.

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BOFH: Oh go on. Strap me to your Hell Desk, PFY

Steve Kerr

Re: That's funny

I've been looking for one for a few years and all the ones I've seen have been damn expensive, saw them in offices in Sweden, everyone had them.

Since I was going to work from home a lot, looking at desks and decided to look at Ikea and saw they were selling motorised desks, they're pretty sturdy, the one I've got has a max weight load of 100Kgs. They're also very heavy and have a 10 year warranty, can't sneeze at that.

Best desk I've bought for the price.

Based on hellish work past few weeks, I would still like a management crushing desk though :)

4
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Steve Kerr

That's funny

Especially as I have an electrically operated height adjustable desk that I'm well, sitting at currently.

Better desk at home than in the office but as I work mostly from home nowadays.

Did come from Ikea though and is surprisingly solid.

Was 20% cheaper than 2 months travel on the train into London from just outside the M25 and saves the 3 hour round trip hell that is Southeastern and Thameslink combined.

4
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How to avoid getting hoodwinked by a DevOps hustler

Steve Kerr

Re: If they’re a 'DevOps Expert', they probably aren’t

You mean, it's a whole bunch of cobblers?

13
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Australian govt promises to push Five Eyes nations to break encryption

Steve Kerr

Re: Farenheit 451

I'm sure you've seen the way successive governments on both sides are dumbing down education for the masses whilst keeping the elite schools for their own ilk and rich bodies.

They already ARE producing a nation of illiterates that watch rehashed reality TV and other bilge and are addicted to putting out their inane ramblings on twitter, fkucbook, or whatever the current favourite is.

Politicians are living in cloud cuckoo land if they think they can back door encryption, they'd have to make everyone use key escrow where they (and their global friends and the criminals - hard to say which is which) have the keys. They are bound to produce a law that says, any other type of encryption is a WMD and therefore life imprisonment regardless of why you had - no doubt, this will include security researchers being the first to be investigated and probably imprisoned without trial secretly.

</rant over - got called out last night and in a bad mood!>

7
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Infosec guru Schneier: Govts will intervene to regulate Internet of Sh!t

Steve Kerr

Re: Good, fast, cheap. Pick two

Yup, had one of those as a hand me down.

Had separate tuner (though I used a VCR), teletext box and speakers.

Was a really goof TV, shame it died, took me months to find something comparable which turned out to be a plasma screen.

0
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America 'will ban carry-on laptops on flights from UK, Europe to US'

Steve Kerr
Coat

The safest option

Just ban all flights to/from the US, just to be sure.

No worries about Laptop bombs, Samsung incendiary devices or terrorist hijackers etc......

No need for homeland security peons on minimum wage and minimum clue either

Problem solved.

9
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Well this is awkward. As Microsoft was bragging about Office at Build, Office 365 went down

Steve Kerr

Re: Cloud just means...

But then, the SLA just means that if they don't don't meet it, they'll throw you a scrap like give you a subscription credit for the downtime, will never account for any loss of business due to the outage

9
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Forgetful ZX Spectrum reboot firm loses control of its web domains

Steve Kerr

That's terrible, I remember the launch of that :(

Used to call it the egg flan

0
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Nerd Klaxon: Barbican to host Science Fiction exhibition this summer

Steve Kerr

Thanks

That's round the corner from my office, looks like lunch times when I'm in the office will be spent at the exhibition :)

2
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Would you like to know why I get a lot of action at night?

Steve Kerr

Re: Sorry

Yup, tablet based ones never worked for me, ever.

I use Beconase, when it used to be prescription only and the over the counter version now - been using for 28 years now every summer.

On topic - I hate going into the office on the trains where I always seem to be surrounded by people that seem to be going down wiith the plague. Stay home, you're not a martyr to the cause, all you're doing is spreading misery and decreasing productivity across more people

4
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Why I just bought a MacBook Air instead of the new Pro

Steve Kerr

Bye Bye Apple

Not an apple fan boy.

Have had Macs for years as when I get home, I can't be arsed with messing around with PC's, I do that enough for work, I just want something that does what I want.

So the MBP 13 from 2009 will be carrying on until it dies, maxed out memory at 8GB and a 1TB SSD. Does fine for me for my current needs, got a fast PC for anything else anyway.

Since Steve Jobs popped his clogs, Apple pulled the plug out, and now they're circling the drain, they just don't realise they're on the event horizon of it yet, all just drinking the kool aid and patting each other on the bak.

With all that cash sloshing around, they could really start innovating with really interesting stuff, but no, the accountants have probably taken over so rehash after rehash.

Nearly disappeared many years ago, bounced back to a hugely profitable company, now going make to being lacklustre and just another faceless company at the back of the room.

33
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Cerber ransomware menace now targeting databases

Steve Kerr

Re: Most of these arrive via the Inbox

How about being forced to listen to 24x7 Clinton and Trump campaign speeches alternating on a loop.

I would say about a week, but I would think those scum would sink into insanity after about 6 hours when their brains start dribbling out their ears.

3
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New MacBook Pro beckons fanbois to become strip pokers

Steve Kerr

Was looking at a new macbook pro...

to replace my ageing macbook pro from 2009.

Not any more.

Not paying that much money for something so uninspiring.

So, windows 10 laptop or OS free laptop and install linux on it.

Or just give it and doing something else more interesting instead

5
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Action Fraud warns of fraudulent anti-fraud warnings posing as Action Fraud

Steve Kerr

Answering the phone

Working from home several days a week, I'm aghast at the number of calls to my home phone number per day.

What I'm going to do is get a telephone recording device and answer thus.

"Serious Fraud Office, John speaking, how may I help you?" and see where the conversation goes from there.

7
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Edward Snowden's 40 days in a Russian airport – by the woman who helped him escape

Steve Kerr
Big Brother

Re: If you've got nothing to hide, you've got nothing to fear...

If you've got nothing to hide then they will produce some trumped up charges to get you regardless therefore you have everything to fear.

Don't worry, soon, it'll be brought up that citizens will always commit some crime at some point so whereas in Christianity you get original sin, there will be original crime so every baby will be barcoded on their forehead at birth. Any attempt at coverage will result in instant jail time and there will be barcode scanners on every lamppost, every street corner, every bit of roadside furniture.

Oh yeah, in case of any governments getting thoughts about this, I patent it so I can be barcode free :)

1
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Vodafone: Dear customers. We're sorry we killed your Demon

Steve Kerr

Demon e-mail

I remember joining Demon at the beginning when i had an Amiga and Compuserve (had an account iwth them for one month) didn't support them, had to to run my own mailserver on the Amiga to get my e-mails!

Switched to ADSL when I discovered they were about to start, bought it thru whoever owned them. The support person at Demon when I had an issue (faulty equipment at the exchange) was rather surprised I already had their broadband package as it was actually being sold by them yet.

Left them when their ADSL speeds went off a cliff and it made playing PS3 online games impossible due to network dropouts. Their attempt at keeping me was "we're going to upgrade soon"....yeah, right.

As I've had the e-mail domain so long, when I left, I paid them to keep the e-mail, my paid for service moved to NamesCo or whoever they are a couple of years ago, not had any issues with it, so hopefully getting what I'm "paying" for rather than crying about losing a service I haven't paid for.

0
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You can’t sit there, my IoT desk tells me

Steve Kerr

Electric desks

I was in the market for a desk that could be raised or lowered recently.

IKEA actually do a few models which are really good for the price compared to competing desk companies (dirt cheap in comparison actually).

So, I work from home a lot and having one of these desks is a godsend.

Seems to be a bit silly to have a IoT desk that tells you when you should stand up where you could have, I don't know, an alarm clock that goes off so you know when you should stand, it's cheaper, already available and not so annoying!

3
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Oculus backtracks on open software promise

Steve Kerr

Re: Inevitable

They're not users, they are the product!

1
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What a difference a year makes: ICO tele-spam fines break £2m barrier

Steve Kerr
Mushroom

Change in the law

Let's bring back execution for the company directors.

Kill two birds with one stone so to speak, make 'em scared to spam call and secondly, no repeat offenders anymore starting up another company to do the same.

Problem solved!

1
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Facebook tells Viz to f**k right off

Steve Kerr

Twats

So....

Extremely violent videos and other abusive stuff = OK

A bit of boob, or slightly risque pictures and excerpts from a smutty comic = not OK.

Ah! The joys of American morality being foisted on the world.

Sorry to the silent majority of Americans who are as exasperated with this state of affairs.

33
0

BT broadband is down: Former state monopoly goes TITSUP UK-wide

Steve Kerr

Dammit

Working from home, connection still up, no ping drop or anything, 1ms ping time.

Bugger, better carry on working......

1
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Why the Sun is setting on the Boeing 747

Steve Kerr

Re: Awe inspiring

"But worst flight; from Frankfurt on a really old Boeing 707 of Kenya Airways. The only seat on a flight to London on a Friday evening. Had come in with a fairly full load from Mombasa and was quite ripe. The seat tray fell off when opened and the plane had to be diverted to Manchester as it lacked fog-landing tech."

Worst flight - Bosnia to Serbia on Jat airways, 50 seater prop plane

Looked at the plane and thought "like F... am I getting on that, interior no better

Seat was missing a couple of bolts and rocked backwards and forwards.

Safety information in Russian, done a bit in English then gave up.

Was on the taxiway when full power applied for takeoff

Literally two wheeled turn onto runway for takeoff.

Plane starts shaking badly, thought "that's a bad runway"

Plane takes off, in air, still shaking badly.

The next hour or so thinking "Wonder when the bolts holding the wings on were last checked or for that matter, anything holding the plane together".

Landed with probably all of the plane intact.

Following day flight back, plane switched to an airbus with the same number of people that would've fitted on the prop plane.

Used to fly out to customers at least once a week, hate airplanes, hate flying,

747's weren't bad to fly on.

2
0

Windows 10 will now automatically download and install on PCs

Steve Kerr

Sigh.....

My mum (in her 70's) has Windows 8.1 on a laptop which she has no end of issues with on how to do things. I remotely help her with issues she has as she lives in Spain.

Auto-installing Windows 10 I fear will confuse her even more than 8.1

Looks like it'll be easier to bite the bullet, go pick up a macbook, fly over and take it to her to replace windows hell.

11
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I love you. I will kill you! I want to make love to you: The evolution of AI in pop culture

Steve Kerr

Re: you missed one

Dark Star was a great film, dysfunctional crew, ship falling apart and a bomb with a god comples.

5
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Steve Kerr

That was Demon Seed!

1
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This gun says you ain’t leaving until my PC is fixed

Steve Kerr

Lost engineers

Used to work for a company that had 1000 cabinets in a computer, every direction looked the same.

It wasn't the case that the engineers were being held hostage, more like they couldn't get out. Found one once that had been trying to find the exit for 30 minutes and was getting rather worried.

As an opposite to hostage, had a DEC engineer on site to sort out a VAX issue, went back to see what he was up to and found bits of VAX all other the floor, some of the expletves were "What the f*ck are you up to", was asked to put it back together now, which he did after phone calls to another engineer. Suffice to say he was banned from site after that.

1
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How to help a user who can't find the Start button or the keyboard?

Steve Kerr

The joys of answering the phone

I remember a call to our team from a user:

User: I can't login

Me: To what

User: To the application

Me: What application

User: I don't know

Me: do you know what it's called

User: No, don't you know?

Me: We have several hundred applications, what's your username? (might work out the app from the username)

User: I don't know

Me: Speak to one of your colleagues to find out what you're trying to do, if you're still having problems, call back.]

I've also had "The toilets blocked" to which my response was "speak to facilities management"

The all to common "The printer is out of paper" to which the reponse is "Look, in the cupboard under the printer, take out a ream of paper and put it in the tray", get the answer "Aren't you going to come and do it" to which "No" is the response :)

I

9
1

Stephen Hawking reckons he's cracked the black hole paradox

Steve Kerr

Re: Flipping your mind

Ah cool, cheers.

So something along the lines of all matter being turned into energy in a simplistic way.

0
0
Steve Kerr
Mushroom

Flipping your mind

Feeling like crap here so fuzzy thinking...

If the black hole boils itself away over billions of years at some point there should be a point where the gravity pull of a black hole collapses such that light can escape and therefore you should be able to "see" what's left inside?

Obvioulsy not making comments on the rest as it's so far over my head to be out of sight :)

Nuclear icon as this stuff blows my mind!

3
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Watch out, er, 'oven cleaners': ICO plans nuisance call crackdown in 2016

Steve Kerr
Mushroom

Death penalty

Reintroduce the death penalty for any management of British companies found to be doing this.

Kill 2 birds with one stone so to speak :)

Bit extreme but will fix the issue very quickly.

2
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NSA? Illegal spying? EU top lawyer is talking out of his Bot – US gov

Steve Kerr
Coat

Reminds me of a film.....

America, fcuk yeah! :)

7
1

Attack of the IT monuments men: Museum wants your kit

Steve Kerr

I've still got an RL02 disk at home somewhere - 10MB!

0
0

Well.That.Sucks: New rude dot-word sparks outrage

Steve Kerr

I heard that

gravity.sucks

Why not go for the catch all everything.sucks

1
0

Nutanix to release 'community version' of its secret software sauce

Steve Kerr

Re: Desperate Move

Actually, their boxes aren't that bad, we started using their products last year.

Bit fiddly to set up but they seem to be working really well, we've not had any issues with them.

Only downside is that they're still owned by a bunch of venture capitalists who are going to want their money back sooner or later, probably sooner

0
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Microsoft pulls another dodgy patch

Steve Kerr

Borked my PC

Ran windows update, reboot "Windows cannot start", tried to recover, failed.

Reinstalled Win7, added patches, all 400 odd, reboot, failed.

Reinstalled Win7, added patches, all 400 odd, failed, recovered to pre-400 patches, reinstalled, failed, reinstalled 120 patches.

FFS - 2 days of my life wasted.

Now to find the license keys for the stuff that was there.

4
1

Getting it right on the second attempt: Sony Xperia Z1

Steve Kerr

I got one of these last week to replace a Sony Ericisson Xperia.

So far I'm astounded at how good a phone it is, downloads are fast, it's not crashed on me (yet) and everything seems to work fine.

Battery life is pretty good to, much better than I was expecting.

On the downside, it is a bit large, it's easy to accidentally lock the screen as the unlock/lock button is where you put your fingers on the right hand side. The other thing is get a case, it's a bit slippery so I can see there being lots of these being dropped and broken.

0
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FLIGHTMARE! Inflight cell calling debuts, dealing heavy blow to quality of life

Steve Kerr

I'll put my hands up to using my phone (once on Virgin) on an airplane, 5 minutes, £15 as I found out when I got the bill!

For etiquette, I did go and stand at the back by the toilets so that I wasn't in earshot/annoying anyone. Phoned a friend to joke with him that the plane was delayed though was 3 hours in really.

I would extremely irked if someone proceeded to have a conversation sitting right next to me on the plane and would probably tell them to go somewhere else to make their call.

0
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Despite Microsoft Surface RT debacle, second-gen model in the works

Steve Kerr

Spot the MS Tablet

For all the advertising by MS with their tablets, I've been looking at what people are using on the trains whilst going to and from work.

I've seen the grand total of zero Win Tablets, not one, nada, zilch. In fact I think I saw someone with a winphone a couple of months ago.

MS are failing miserably by missing one key point, find out what people want not what you think they should have.

It's a shame - the original MS Surface (built into desks, walls etc...) were pretty funky things to play with, banality wins again!

0
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Sky falling: 119,000 Brits flee O2, Be after Murdoch broadband gobble

Steve Kerr

Going, going, will be gone

Will be jumping ship after FTTC gets rolled out in my local area, unfortunately, it's been delayed for over 2 years now :(

Will have to bite the bullet and go to BT otherwise, it's SKY, Stalk Stalk, Tiscali or AOL.

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