* Posts by Fruit and Nutcase

1737 posts • joined 10 Jul 2013

Holy moley! The amp, kelvin and kilogram will never be the same again

Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: Reg Standards

Looking through that list...

https://www.theregister.co.uk/Design/page/reg-standards-converter.html

Amongst others, it lists the following two for Volume

"Bulgarian airbag (C-cup Posh Spice)"

"Bulgarian funbag (DD-cup Jordan)"

I was thinking that a "Bulgarian goody-bag" would be a handy addition. Could the Reg Standards Bureau form a working party to look into the proposal please.

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Facebook's CEO on his latest almighty Zuck-up: OK, we did try to smear critics, but I was too out-of-the-loop to know

Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: Clueless

We seek him here, we seek him there,

Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

Is he in heaven? Is he in hell?

That demmed, elusive Pimpernel.

We seek him here, we seek him there,

His employees seek him everywhere.

Is he in heaven? Is he in hell?

That demmed, elusive Zuckerberg.

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Sorry, but NASA says Mars signal wasn't Opportunity knocking

Fruit and Nutcase
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Alien

Re: Pity

(BTW, for vultures, should that not be talons?)

talons?

It could be a Taelon ship crossing the path of the Arecibo message about 22 years ago, thereby causing the signal to be reflected back and what NASA has received is a fragment from it

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Sorry, Mr Zuckerberg isn't in London that day. Or that one. Nope. I'd give up if I were you

Fruit and Nutcase
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Where's Wally?

I mean... Clegg

I thought the reason he was employed was to do the bidding for Zuckerburg in front of governments

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Yikes. UK military looking into building 'fully autonomous' killer drone tech – report

Fruit and Nutcase
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Black Helicopters

Chain of events...

target acquired. Bang, bang threat eliminated.

Therefore what are we talking about here? Has gun then kill? That doesn't work for friendly fire reasons or are we really looking at dark skin has gun then kill or are they just going to go with has dark skin then kill?

Or accent...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/3974461.stm

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/seven-mistakes-that-cost-de-menezes-his-life-1064466.html

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Junior dev decides to clear space for brewing boss, doesn't know what 'LDF' is, sooo...

Fruit and Nutcase
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Joke

Re: Coincidentally...

"...which was based in an East Anglian city well known for football and insurance."

and the "Quiz of the Week!"

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Windows XP? Pfff! Parts of the Royal Navy are running Win ME

Fruit and Nutcase
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Stop

Boatnotes?

Surely this should be filed under "Shipnotes", as a Boat in Navy parlance is a Submarine?

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Keep an eye out for The Register's Boatnotes stories over the coming week. Our man spent four days aboard HMS Enterprise, at the kind invitation of the Royal Navy

Does that mean that there is a chance of Gareth being invited on to Big Lizzie when she sails into the South China Sea with her deck heaving with F-35Bs?

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My hoard of obsolete hardware might be useful… one day

Fruit and Nutcase
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IT Gadget Freebies

Got the odd Powerbank or two? Don't throw them away - they make ideal Christmas presents.

Oh, wait..

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If Shadow Home Sec Diane Abbott can be reeled in by phishers, truly no one is safe

Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: Gullible and feeble minded?

@Voland's right hand

It will take her less than 30 minutes of briefing by the mandarins and she will be emitting laws

and orders which would have made Beria and Mueller(*) green with envy if they were alive.

Even after over 20 years, "Yes Minister" never seems very topical...

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b007jnk7

"A victim of phone tapping, Jim Hacker rebuts state surveillance - until his own life comes under threat.

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Google vows to take claims of sexual assault, harassment seriously, just like privacy

Fruit and Nutcase
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Alert

Very wise

"See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil"

"See no Google, Hear no Google, Speak no Google".

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Lucky, lucky, Westminster residents: Who better to look after your housing benefits than Capita?

Fruit and Nutcase
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...according to our records, this property does not have a TV Licence either

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'Blockchain SAVED my Quango'

Fruit and Nutcase
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Blockchain + Government

Someone please pull the Bogchain on this gravy train

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Bill Gates joined on stage by jar of poop as he confesses deep love for talking about toilets

Fruit and Nutcase
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Joke

The Good, the Bad and Microsoft

Large, hard stools - Bad

Small, soft stools - Good

Microsoft tools - VisualStudio

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Crap! Crap! Crap!

He should have pranced around the stage like Steve Ballmer shoting "Developers! Developers! Developers!"

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iPhone XR, for when £1,000 is just too much for a smartmobe

Fruit and Nutcase
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Happy

XR2

No, not the next model of phone in the series, but I'd rather have one of these...

https://classics.honestjohn.co.uk/reviews/ford/fiesta-xr2/

...with pepper pot alloys and go-faster stripes

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Woke Linus Torvalds rolls his first 4.20, mulls Linux 5.0 effort for 2019

Fruit and Nutcase
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Linux

@wolftone

I do not *like* this new passive aggressive Linus. Bring back the _old_ Linus, all is forgiven!

Pretty Please!

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Has science gone too far? Now boffins dream of shining gigantic laser pointer into space to get aliens' attention

Fruit and Nutcase
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Pint

We are from Trappist-1

We are from Trappist-1, and bring you Beer. We have come to find out if "Earth Girls Are Easy"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earth_Girls_Are_Easy

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UK.gov to roll out voter ID trials in 2019 local elections

Fruit and Nutcase
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@Phil O'Sophical

People who don't care would either spoil their ballot or just tick a box at random. Neither would improve the quality of the results.

And for people who do care, the field of candidates can be somewhat wanting. The solution is...

[ ] None of the above

edit: just realised @Scott Broukell has already remarked...

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Now Europe wants a four-million-quid AI-powered lie detector at border checkpoints

Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: the potential risk posed by the traveler will be recalculated

@BillG

"Why bother when Amazon can deliver your tank for you!

Amazon.com: JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank"

...6hp Tecumseh gasoline (unleaded only) engine, with centrifugal clutch"

If it has a 6hp engine with a centrifugal clutch, it looks as if it is a bit of a toy. A Toyota Land Cruiser would be a much better bet - the vehicle of choice for insurgents the world over

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Joke

Re: the potential risk posed by the traveler will be recalculated

@Voland's right hand

places where you wish you were driving an armoured personnel carrier (ones UK companies refuse to give you an insurance for)

...I am sure there are UK companies who will sell you an armoured personnel carrier. You may also be lucky enough to get injured killed by a projectile manufactured in the UK - one must be thankful that it's not some rubbish ammo from from elsewhere.

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Which scientist should be on the new £50 note? El Reg weighs in – and you should vote, too

Fruit and Nutcase
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Paris Hilton

Re: Only one choice...

She's an intellectual powerhouse, and she's named after the second best city in the world. May I humbly present...

Being very much alive, and American makes her ineligible

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: James Clerk Maxwell

His coffee was crap though!

It was the House blend

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: Hmm. Obviously Isaac Newton

I mean, come on... the cat flap. A work of pure genius... a door within a door!

The door from Classical to Quantum Physics??? (If only Schrödinger's Cat had the use of a Cat Flap?)

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Nikola Tesla's greatest challenge: He could measure electricity but not stupidity

Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: country & western singers

Do the autonomous vehicle AI training image sets contain country & western singers?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-46055595

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Alert

Youtube Stars

With under 1900 views in 3 years at the time of writing, I think Mme Dabbs is not in any danger of becoming a widow due to an autonomous car...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGfYHTJitlo

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This revolution will not be televised – but it will be sanctioned: Googlers walk out over 'sex pest' executive scandals

Fruit and Nutcase
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Google Doodle

Perhaps in years to come, there will be a Google Doodle to mark the occasion

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Need electric propulsion for your satellite? Want a 'made in Britain' sticker? Step right this way...

Fruit and Nutcase
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Happy

Re: I would prefer "Made in the UK"

0118...

That reminds me..

"01 811 8055"

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Joke

Thales

Ah, the Great British French company!

Note: Joke icon...

GB does not mean UK, especially as this is in NI...

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Boffins have fabricated microscopic sci-fi tractor beams for real

Fruit and Nutcase
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Trollface

Re: Bah!

When will The Register hacks get a proper grip on film metaphor jargon? It’s embarrasing.

I think some of us got here by being trapped by the Tractor BeamClick Bait title

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Sorry friends, I'm afraid I just can't quite afford the Bitcoin to stop that vid from leaking everywhere

Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: Racist?

You seem to be making fun of a Chinaman. That is not cool dude.

These blokes would probably be offended to be called Chinamen...

https://www.news24.com/xArchive/Archive/Taiwanese-men-to-pull-plane-with-their-penises-20010108

May be you can redeem yourself by participating in their next stunt, subject to prior approval from Mme Dabbs

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: Racist?

Nope. Your editor needs to get new glasses, or a life!

If the editor needs new glasses, then it's probably due to too much time spent administering corporal punishment to the bishop.

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Joke

...and nervously massaging my scalp in a desperate bid to delay the onset of male pattern baldness.

Don't let that worry you Alistair, a bit of hair loss didn't stop Sean from playing Bond. Just keep working on the eye-brow exercises and we'll have that screen test soon.

Love

Barbara

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Official: IBM to gobble Red Hat for $34bn – yes, the enterprise Linux biz

Fruit and Nutcase
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Joke

So exactly how is IBM going to tame employees that are used to going to work in shorts and dressing gown and do office meetings on the beach

Ginny will get in her Chopper to go and give them a dressing down

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The 'roid in Spain drills mainly on the plain: Plucky Brit Mars robot laps up sun, sand and, er, simulated science

Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: One thing Brexit won't hurt

ahhh, so it is more about Westminster not bending the rules

Yes, that is what is most perplexing - if only our Honourable Members of Parliament treated the EU rules the way they treated the rules regarding parliamentary expenses, we'd not be in this mess right now

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Assange catgate hearing halted as Ecuador hunts around for someone who speaks Australian

Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

Is he actually paying any rent?

He is bringing a lot of free publicity in for Ecuador. How many people knew their Embassy in London was in Kensington before Assange stopped by?

Wouldn't you think that the Ecuadoreans are a very hospitable people just because they have put up with all the grief that their guest has given them.

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F***=off, Google tells its staff: Any mention of nookie now banned from internal files, URLs

Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: I like Fucking!

I like Trucking!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZbQ3lTObas

And I like to Truck

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: Will Dildo disappear as well?

up Google Search

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Happy

Re: And then there are Spoonerisms

'cunning stunt'...

Here's Cupid...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLBW8L198GQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkqxagJglaI

...It's all done in the best possible taste!

Thank you Mr Everett

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SQLite creator crucified after code of conduct warns devs to love God, and not kill, commit adultery, steal, curse...

Fruit and Nutcase
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Pint

Beer!

Brewed by Benedictine Monks

EXEC SQL AMEN

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Cops called after pair enter Canadian home and give it a good clean

Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: Meanwhile in London...

before the free cleaners arrive...

In a car with a blue flashing light on the roof

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Linux

Re: anti-crime

Odd how you go from a story about breaking and entering to indecent exposure.

You could certainly go from "cleaners" to "exposure" - indecent or otherwise in the days of "Eurotrash" on Channel 4, with Chris and Ralf, the Nude "Romeo Cleaners" from Berlin

http://www.rapidotelevision.com/shows/shw.73.php

icon: "Mr Penguin"

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London flatmate (Julian Assange) sues landlord (government of Ecuador) in human rights spat

Fruit and Nutcase
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Allo, Allo

Remake of "Allo, Allo" - story moves from a café in occupied France during the Second World War to the present day Embassy of a South American country in a European capital city.

"Mr Julian" - "A person of interest" to the "Police". A bit like the hapless British Airmen, never managing to escape

"Frau Dick" - The Chief of Police. Walks with a limp, just like Herr Flick

"PC Plod" - himself - patrols the perimeter of the Embassy

"Rene" - "The Ambassador" - Keeps trying to evict "Mr Julian"

"Michelle" - Pamela Anderson

"Mimi" - Paris Hilton

"Tiddles" - Mrs Slocombe's Pussy

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: Won't someone think of the cat?

@TRT

Did he agree to look after Mrs Slocombe's pussy?

That really is an uncanny resemblance!

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: There comes a point....

Chuck him out and have a couple of TV crews follow him

Speed up the footage and add a soundtrack of "Yakety Sax"

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Joke

Re: There comes a point....

Or even invite the UK plod inside for a cup of tea and a quick arrest.

And say bye-bye to our overtime? says PC Plod of the Yard

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Facepalm

UK can give him polical asylum

and free board and lodgings, access to medical care, and plenty of space to exercise in the open air.

At Wormwood Scrubs in London

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Facebook names former Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg head of global affairs

Fruit and Nutcase
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Re: Facebook Then and Now

Then - 1968, London Bridge sold to the Americans (they thought they were getting the famous "Tower Bridge")

Now - 2018 - Nick Clegg to join Facebook (they think they are getting..)

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Fruit and Nutcase
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Paris Hilton

Select Committee appearance

How long before Zuckerberg sends Clegg to represent him before a Select Committee at Westminster?

Paris?? - Unfortunately for her, she is at higher risk now of running into Clegg at some event or the other over in the west coast

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