* Posts by Fruit and Nutcase

1828 posts • joined 10 Jul 2013

Struggling with GDPR compliance? Don't waste money on legal advice: Buy a shredder

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Re: See this as an opportunity

I've started putting "GDPR Compliant" on my resume and I've been getting a lot more calls back.

That gives me an idea - I should put "Certified Nutter" on my LinkedIn profile

French data watchdog dishes out largest GDPR fine yet: Google ordered to hand over €50m

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Re: Lien on Google


I suggest the same strategy.

Impound their toys at Moffet Field

I used to be a dull John Doe. Thanks to Huawei, I'm now James Bond!

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Re: It's a matter of relevance

Please PLEASE let's have Michelle YeohDabbsy as the next Bond.

Let him get this fantasy of playing Bond out of his system

IBM to kill off Watson... Workspace from end of February

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Re: "...AI tool Watson Workspace..."

The AI should have seen this coming...

Elementary, my dear Watson

World's first robot hotel massacres half of its robot staff

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“When you actually use robots you realize there are places where they aren’t needed - or just annoy people”

Is LESTER the Beer Butler still operational or has it been replaced by a PFY/intern at Vulture HQ?

Poland may consider Huawei ban amid 'spy' arrests – reports

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China just upped the stakes in the stand-off with Canada...

"China sentences Canadian man to death for drug smuggling"


Nissan EV app password reset prompts user panic

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Paris Hilton

Re: Juke hazard

I've never worried about the juke hazard.

Reboot of "Dukes of Hazzard" as "Jukes of Hazzard" with a Nissan Juke taking the place of the Dodge Charger, and a Union Jack on the roof to side-step the Confederate Flag issue. The change of flag means it's a change of location to a county in Blighty - Essex???

Paris - Daisy

CES flicks the off switch on massager award… and causes a buzz

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Re: Gently does it.. at least at first

If you're jamming it, you're using it wrong..

"A spoonful of lube makes the dildo pop-in"

as our nanny used to sing when she thought we were not within earshot

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Re: Wait, the authorities closed...

"...a French nudist restaurant?

That must've been a hairy experience."

Closing down a Brazilian nudist restaurant would be a much smoother affair

icon: Mackintosh

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security risk

And lastly it could be remotely controlled, which is a security risk.

Don't even go there - next thing our politicians will be drafting legislation to ban the operation of remote controlled dronesdildos within 5km of an airport.

No doubt the military will be called upon to deploy top secret dildo jamming technology

Dozens of .gov HTTPS certs expire, webpages offline, FBI on ice, IT security slows... Yup, it's day 20 of Trump's govt shutdown

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Re: Another wall?

"They can name it peaches"


I wonder if it wasn't a Freudian slip by Trump - may be he's thinking of asking Apple if it would like to have naming rights to the wall in exchange for the cost of building it

Amazon Mime: We train (badly) an AI love bot using divorce bombshell Bezos' alleged sexts to his new girlfriend

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Re: Calling Mrs Merton...

"So... Donald, what first attracted you to the multi-billionaire MacKenzie Bezos?"

IBM insists it's not deliberately axing older staff. Internal secret docs state otherwise...

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Re: So Ginni should watch out.

Logan's RunGinny's Run

"Procedure 033-03"

Jenny Agutter as "Ginny 7"

Mainframe brains-slurper sues IBM for 'age discrim', calls Ginny and biz 'morally bankrupt'

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A group of millennials ignore the sage advice of the greybeards to produce an AI system where due to an elementary design fault, it thinks it's prime directive is to implement the “Millennial Task Force” initiative at whatever the consequence.

General Intelligence Neural Network analYser 2 (GINNY2) runs amok, putting HAL to shame. It understands that in order to carry out the prime directive, it needs to remove GINNY1 (Rometty, the one with the Heart), but, understands the need for a Human avatar. GINNY1 is trapped in one of the computer suites at Armonk, and her holographic projection is what we now see, created from cutting edge holographic projection technology produced by the few greybeards still employed at IBM Labs.

We need commandos in helicopters to mount a rescue mission to IBM HQ at Armonk to free GINNY1 from her incarceration at the hands of GINNY2

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Couldn't the greybeards distil the virtues of Messrs Watson and come up with an AI (TJ) Watson to replace Ginny as chair, president, and CEO of IBM?

Does corporate law allow AI holders of company office?

Border guards probe 'suspicious bulge' in man's trousers to find he's packing fluffies

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Cat o' nine tails

The chap now faces a maximum $10,000 fine, a year behind bars, or both under Singapore's Animals and Birds Act,

Were he to have transgressed in certain other jurisdictions, he may well have been forcibly acquainted with a Cat o' nine tails

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Mrs Slocombe's Pussy

"Oh, Mr. Rumbold, I hope this isn't going to take long. My pussy's been locked up for eight hours."

"Do you know, I found my pussy trapped in my drawers."


Happy new year, readers. Yes, we have threaded comments, an image-lite mode, and more...

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Re: Width


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Re: Width

Let me just squeeze in here...

Another greybeard has left us: Packet pioneer Larry Roberts dies at 81

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Re: TTL exceeded

@Danny 2 - re TNMOC

Hopefully the Bletchley Park Trust and TNMOC are no longer at loggerheads and the "willy waving" has stopped. Anyway, when you visit, just ensure you go follow the directions on the website, passing the BPVC on your left, ignoring the first sighting of a car park. A while since I've been there, but the directions seem to be the same.

And resist the temptation to sit on the Cray!

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Re: TTL exceeded

@Danny 2

I have some awful, awful tech books from then, very expensive nonsense, I would be eager to donate if El Reg started a library of tech crap.

Why not give first refusal to...


Also, commentards may be able help with the wanted list...


What happens when a Royal Navy warship sees a NATO task force headed straight for it? A crash course in Morse

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That reminds me...

Mr "la-di-da" Gunner Graham

The Great British Curry: Put down the takeaway, you're cooking tonight

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So, when are we going to see LOHAN dusted down and blasted off? At this rate, Beardy will get to Space (Low) Low Orbit before LOHAN

Dutch boyband hopes to reverse Brexit through the power of music

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The Old Boy Band feat. Theresa

(Jacob Rees-Mogg/Boris Johnson/Liam Fox) to release single to counter the Dutch youngsters

Start spreadin' the news, I'm leavin' today

I want to be a part of it

Brexit means Brexit

These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray

Right through the very heart of it

Brexit means Brexit

I want to wake up, in a country that doesn't sleep

And find I'm king of the hill

Top of the heap

These little town blues

Are melting away

I'll make a brand new start of it

In old UK

If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere

It's up to you, UK

Brexit means Brexit

I want to wake up in a country that never sleeps

With thanks to the original writers of "New York, New York" and Frank Sinatra

London Gatwick Airport reopens but drone chaos perps still not found

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Black Helicopters

Re: New info from Police Dec 29th

Oh, and the Police were flying their own drones in the area which could be what some witnesses reported.

Ah, a (Police) Dog chasing it's own tail

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Re: War time innovation


According to the pictures on sky news they made some sort of drone radar from a Thule roofbox they presumably picked up from Halfords.


Thule Radar

Thule Tracking Station

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Black Helicopters

Re: War time innovation

surely someone in their shed could attach a catch net to a drone and just fly up to the nasty one and take it down

Now if Ken Wallis were alive today, he'd have rigged a suitable net to one of his Autogyros and gone up and snatched the miscreant drone, or even given both barrels with a shotgun at close range

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France can now bring the UK to its knees with drones.

If (Yellow) Hi-Visibility Vests were around at the time of Napoleon, we'd all be speaking French!

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Black Helicopters

Re: Spare Drone Dome?

Let's hope there is some spare change in the defence budget to fit them to the QE Class Carriers

Could you speak up a bit? I didn't catch your password

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Re: Craig has nothing on you, Dabs

Let's see...

An upset tummy and a sphincter-loosening blackout: Lunar spaceflight is all glamour

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"almost ridiculous"

rookie ‘naut William Anders (making what would become his only jaunt into space)

I guess he'll pass on a free ride to Mars if Musk or Bezos were to offer...


London's Gatwick airport suspends all flights after 'multiple' reports of drones

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Re: drone takes drone

half decent FPV pilot

patch the comms through to the Army's Watchkeeper drone pilots who probably have time on their hands

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Black Helicopters

Wrong type of Helicopter

Instead of a Police Helicopter, they should call in the Army for a few Apache gunships to patrol the perimeter. Any drone and or drone operator that gets spotted in the vicinity gets blasted with the cannon.

'Year-long' delay to UK 5G if we spike Huawei deals, say telcos

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Re: Paranoia?

I thought one major issue, even without backdoors is that Chinese companies are obliged by law to assist the government when requested. Where as companies in the west can go and argue the case in the courts, no such facility exists for Chinese companies

Corel – yeah, as in CorelDraw – looks in its Xmas stocking and discovers... Parallels

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Re: Oh no!

Corel *used* to be famous for CorelDraw

CorelSCSI was useful at the time

2018 ain't done yet... Amazon sent Alexa recordings of man and girlfriend to stranger

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Re: Bah!


My reviews were deleted.

Probably some indexing issue caused most records to be rejected on migration if they had the same subject of... "Bah!"

A few reasons why cops haven't immediately shot down London Gatwick airport drone menace

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Re: Send in other, bigger, better armed drones?

add a flame thrower in for good measure

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Black Helicopters

Re: They just need to make the penalty so outsized

Forget long prison time - the Police will have a bigger headache keeping the culprit alive, away from the hands of the baying mob of inconvenienced travellers

Mark Zuckerberg did everything in his power to avoid Facebook becoming the next MySpace – but forgot one crucial detail…

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Pinocchio is a fictional character and the protagonist of the children's novel The Adventures of Zuckerberg. Pinocchio is known for having a short nose that becomes longer when he is under stress, especially when avoiding government committees across the world who want to question him about is ethics and business practices

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A Christmas Carol

@disgruntled yank

But even this close to the holidays, aren't there other tech stories?

A Christmas Carol recounts the story of Ebenezer Zuckerberg, an elderly Anti-social Network Meister who is visited by the ghosts of his former associates Winkle and Voss, and the spirits of Christmas Past, Present and Yet to Come. After their visits, Zuckerberg is a changed man who, having seen the error of his ways, is driven to atone for his sins, disbands the company he created and uses all the money he has acquired for good causes

Ding dong merrily on high. In Berkeley, the bots are singeing: Self-driving college cooler droid goes up in flames

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Natural Selection


Brexit-dodging SCISYS Brits find Galileo joy in Dublin

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Re: != Brexit dodging

Try naming more than five wholly owned UK brand name companies.

House of Windsor - German and Greek!

I suppose a knighthood is out of the question now?

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Re: I don't understand...

You don't have to be mad to work here, but it helps

You don't have to be based in Ireland to work on Galileo, but it helps

Who's watching you from an unmarked van while you shop in London? Cops with facial recog tech

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Farcical Recognition Technology

FacialFarcical Recognition Technology

relating to or resembling farce, especially because of absurd or ridiculous aspects.

synonyms: ridiculous, preposterous, ludicrous, absurd, laughable, risible, nonsensical;


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Taylor Swift Concerts

May be we will see Met Police Officers going over to the States to attend Taylor Swift concerts to observe the use of facial recognition technology...


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Re: 650 willing crowd subjects

Add a Taser or Shoot first, ask questions later policy for good measure. In the case of the latter, we may have to have some extra byelections to replace those MPs "eliminated from enquiries"

Vitamin Water gets massive publicity for new flavor: Utter BS

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Where are the Fat Soluble Vitamins?

Perhaps "Vitamin Water" should be renamed "Water Soluble Vitamin Water"

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Food for thought

“The smartphone is a threat to the Amish not only for the darker aspects of the internet, such as access to pornography, but also for the way it can change the way we behave,” says Erik Wesner, founder of the authoritative Amish America website. “We have all got quickly used to finding instant solutions online. These can erode traditional values that the Amish revere, such as patience and dependence upon their community


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Real Water Pub

Essentially it's the whole scam of selling a bottle of water for a couple of bucks

The Two Ronnies were ahead of their time with this sketch...


Astroboffins spy a rare exoplanet evaporating before their eyes

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Scientists estimate that GJ3470b is losing up to 10 billion grams of material every second

What's that in sheep? I can't visualise 10 billion grams...

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