* Posts by malle-herbert

1010 posts • joined 1 Jul 2013

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Developer’s code worked, but not in the right century

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Re : Can someone explain to me...

Why this wasn't tested offline first before applying it to a LIVE database ?

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Dinosaurs permitted to mate: But what does AT&T Time merger mean for antitrust – and you?

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

"The US approach maximises consumer welfare"

No, it doesn't...

It maximises corporate welfare...

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AI built to track you through walls because, er, Parkinsons?

malle-herbert
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Joke

Yeah but...

Can it detect a stick figure holding a bobcat ?

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Hello, 'Apple' here, and this dodgy third-party code is A-OK with us

malle-herbert
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Joke

You're signing it wrong !

See title...

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Trump kept ZTE alive as ‘personal favour’ to Chinese president Xi

malle-herbert
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Trollface

"The US president claims he’s a negotiator"...

The US president seems to claim a lot of things...

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Apple hit with another faulty hardware lawsuit – this time it's the Watch

malle-herbert
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Trollface

So...

You're watching it wrong ?

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Fingered: Pants-down 'poo jogger' alleged to be corp exec

malle-herbert
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Joke

Shiat happens...

See title...

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In World Cup Russia, our Wi-Fi networks will log on to you!

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Why would you even let Russia host the world cup ?

- Shooting down a plane full of innocent people...

- Annexing another sovereign country...

- Meddling in the democratic elections of other countries....

- Poisoning and killing people in foreign countries...

- Cheating on the Olympics...

Why-the-F*CK would you give a country like that the honor of hosting the world cup ?

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RoboCop-ter: Boffins build drone to pinpoint brutal thugs in crowds

malle-herbert
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Joke

Reminds me a bit of those drones in "They live"...

"Mamma don't like tattle-tails... BLAM !... "

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Microsoft commits: We're buying GitHub for $7.5 beeeeeeellion

malle-herbert
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Thumb Down

Re: Shite

They will probably try to force everyone onto Windows 10 and Edge...

(No wonder coders are leaving like rats leaving a sinking ship...)

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Activists hate them! One weird trick Facebook uses to fool people into accepting GDPR terms

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Being honest about data-collection isn't an option anymore is it ?

A LOT of American companies are resorting to sneaky tactics or they're simply blocking everyone from Europe...

F*ck 'em...

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Max Schrems is back: Facebook, Google hit with GDPR complaint

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

This will go nowhere in court...

Because nobody is forcing you to use these services...

If you don't agree to their terms and conditions then don't use them...

If you DO wan't to use them then part of the deal is that you have to agree to their terms...

This guy seems to want his cake and eat it too !

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You know that silly fear about Alexa recording everything and leaking it online? It just happened

malle-herbert
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Joke

I'm surprised...

No one posted this yet...

https://xkcd.com/1807/

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Doc 'Cluetrain' Searls' privacy engine project is just the ticket for IEEE

malle-herbert
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Trollface

Re: Who rates the raters?

And who rates the raters who rate the raters ?

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Within Arm's reach: Chip brains that'll make your 'smart' TV a bit smarter

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

How will it be used?

By advertisers, to squeeze every last drop of data from you...

By governments, to squeeze every last drop of privacy from you...

(see China)

The technology itself is fine... how it's going te be used is different matter...

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Slurp up patient data for algos that will detect cancer early, says UK PM

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

“legally inappropriate”

Funny how, when the government does something wrong, it's “legally inappropriate” while the same would be "illegal" for anyone else....

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TalkTalk ups the (dis)satisfaction ante as UK folk wake up to borked email

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

Re: ISP email

Yes, people who don't want their private email 'slurped' by the likes of Google and/or Microsoft still do...

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Facebook stuck with IRS bill after court tosses $7 BEEELLION appeal

malle-herbert
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Coat

Only two things are certain...

Death and taxes...

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Fitness band-it Garmin adds mobe bank Starling to bonk-to-pay fold

malle-herbert
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Trollface

"How "smart" does a "smartwatch" have to be?"

Smart enough to deactivate itself once it's been stolen...

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Every major OS maker misread Intel's docs. Now their kernels can be hijacked or crashed

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

So all of this is just a case of...

RTFM ?

10
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Google's socially awkward geeks craft socially awkward AI bot that calls people for you

malle-herbert
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Terminator

"The software pretends to be you, or act for you"...

Why am I immediately reminded of this? ------------------------------------------->

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Microsoft vows to bridge phones to PCs, and this time it means it. Honest.

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

Yep...

This is totally not an attempt to slurp some extra data from your phone...

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Social networks have already violated the spirit of GDPR

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

"transparency is the only real safety"

Erm... no...

Anonymity is the ONLY real safety !

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Kremlin's war on Telegram sees 50 VPNs stopped at the border

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Re: Good advertisement for it

What's the Russsian word for 'Streisand effect' ?

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Fork it! Microsoft adds .NET Core 3.0 including Windows Desktop apps

malle-herbert
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Trollface

Re: What a mess

Dying ?

It shot itself in the foot so many times already it should have been dead a long time ago !

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GoDaddy exiles altright.com after civil rights group complaint

malle-herbert
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Coat

I'll just leave this here :

Free speech...

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What could Facebook possibly do next to reassure privacy fears? Yup – make a dating app

malle-herbert
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Thumb Down

F8 ?

More like one big F-U !

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Legal tech startup tries to haul 123-Reg to court over 24-hour backup claims

malle-herbert
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Trollface

24-hour backup...

Sure... they make a backup every 24 hours...

Too bad nobody said anything about being able to restore it...

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Apple's QWERTY gets dirty leaving fanbois shirty

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Re: I Have A Fix

104 tiny exploding Lithium-Ion batteries... Great !

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There's just one month left 'til the big day: May 25... but don't panic!

malle-herbert
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Pint

Have a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster on me !

Or 6 pints of beer... that would probably work too... -------------->

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Turn that bachelor pad into a touch pad: Now you can paint buttons, sensors on your walls

malle-herbert
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Trollface

Re: if a couple were snogging against the wall...

So that's why the lights at my neighbours house keep turning off-on-off-on-off-on-off all the time...

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malle-herbert
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Joke

So it's a...

WALL-E ?

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Medic! Orangeworm malware targets hospitals worldwide

malle-herbert
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Trollface

Orangeworm malware ?

Why am I immediately thinking about the white house ?

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UK.gov demands urgent answers as TSB IT meltdown continues

malle-herbert
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Joke

Re: TSB

Total Server Bullocking...

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IETF: GDPR compliance means caring about what's in your logfiles

malle-herbert
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Joke

What rolls downstairs, alone or in pairs ?

Log, from Blammo !

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Cloud-surfing orgs under attack, Microsoft antivirus for Chrome, Windows 10 S bypass, non-RSA gigs, and more

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

If you use Chrome...

You've already downloaded something dodgy...

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Tech bribes: What's the WORST one you've ever been offered?

malle-herbert
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Trollface

Why don't you just tell them...

To sock off...

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Bloke fruit flies enjoy ejaculating, turn to booze when starved of sexy times

malle-herbert
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Joke

I thought...

Fruit flies like a banana...

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Surprise! Wireless brain implants are not secure, and can be hijacked to kill you or steal thoughts

malle-herbert
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Joke

"Using the brain as a true random number generator"

Yeah... just show someone some random pictures off the telly...

Next thing you know you'll need a dolphin to get the information out !

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Signal app guru Moxie: Facebook is like Exxon. Everyone needs it, everyone despises it

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

This indispensable tool ...

Is :

A) - NOT indispensable AT ALL...

We used to be able to keep in touch with each other perfectly fine before FaceFark was even invented...

B) - The only real tool here is Mark Zuckerberg...

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Facebook admits it does track non-users, for their own good

malle-herbert
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Joke

Re: to say it with that nice song from the South Park movie

You mean :

Mark Zuckerberg is a b*tch...

He's a big fat b*tch...

He's the biggest b*tch in the whole wide world...

B*tch b*tch b*tch b*tch b*tch b*tch....

He's a stupid B*******tch....

Lalalala....lalalala....

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France building encrypted messaging app for politicians

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

"an app whose encryption isn't controlled by the US or Russia."

No, but the OS and Firmware are... so fat-chance there aren't any backdoors in them...

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France wants you to put lights and beacons on your drone

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

I'll add a light to my drone...

Flashing the Morse letters : F U if you don't mind...

All this does is increase power-consumption and weight...

And while we're at it, just add some parameters to the message payload, like :

- shoe size

- I.Q.

- fecal frequency

- number of times you had sex

- left- or right handed

- social security number

- penis size

- a picture of the owner encoded in 24-bit color .BMP format

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Windows Admin Center: Vulture gets claws on browser-based server admin

malle-herbert
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Devil

You're lucky...

It doesn't need Flash or a certain version of Java...

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New Galaxy un-smartphone can’t go online because Samsung's thought of the children

malle-herbert
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Trollface

So it's what you would call...

A "good old days" phone ?

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Sysadmin’s worst client was … his mother! Until his sister called for help

malle-herbert
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Joke

Have you tried turning it off and on again ?

Have you tried sticking it up your arse ?

Ooohhh.... I just realised that was my mother...

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El Reg needs you – to help build an automated beer-transporting robot

malle-herbert
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Pint

What's wrong with...

A mini-fridge under the desk ?

Probably be cheaper than designing and building a robot wouldn't it ?

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An easy-breezy attitude to sharing personal data is the only thing keeping the app economy alive

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

And that's exactly why...

I don't do Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp, Snapchat and App bullcrap !

It's all about slurping people's data...

Sorry, but my privacy is worth a lot more to me than that !

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My PC makes ‘negative energy waves’, said user, then demanded fix

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

The 'G' key ?

Isn't that the one almost in the middle of the frikking keyboard ?

I call bullsh*t on that one !

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Holy helmets, Batman! Bane-like mask lets you 'talk' to computers without making a sound

malle-herbert
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Joke

Looks like a...

Face hugger...

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