* Posts by malle-herbert

1111 posts • joined 1 Jul 2013

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I won't bother hunting and reporting more Sony zero-days, because all I'd get is a lousy t-shirt

malle-herbert Silver badge
Facepalm

Or....

Companies are afraid that offering large sums of money would attract more attention to exposing their incompetence !

Good news! Only half of Internet of Crap apps fumble encryption

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Big Brother

That's because security isn't their primary concern...

Their primary concern is harvesting as much of your personal data as they possibly can....

I can hear the light! Boffins beam audio into ears with freakin' lasers

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Joke

So...

That's where the strange voices are coming from that I keep hearing in my head !

Microsoft’s Bing dinged: What happened, Xi Jinping?

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Facepalm

Maybe it's time...

To just cut them off from the internet completely... See how long that lasts...

All of it just smells like xenophobia to me....

MCMA !

(Make China Great Again...)

You heard the latest Chinese CRISPRs? They are real: Renegade bio-boffin did genetically modify baby twins

malle-herbert Silver badge
Joke

CRISPR...

Chinese Republic Initiative for creating Super Powered Rug-rats....

Want to spin up Ubuntu VMs from Windows 10's command line, eh? We'll need to see a Multipass

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Big Brother

Looks like the NSA is really desperate to find out what the penguin-people are up to !

Dear humans, We thought it was time we looked through YOUR source code. We found a mystery ancestor. Signed, the computers

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Joke

Maybe it was...

Lizard people....

Black Horse slowed down: Lloyds Banking Group confirms problem with 'Faster' payments

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Trollface

Faster Payments...

They should have called it : No payments...

It’s baaack – Microsoft starts pushing out the Windows 10 October 2018 Update

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Facepalm

Re: "our next generation machine learning model"

Their machines may be learning... but their programmers certainly aren't,,,,

Slack to fend off the collaboration competition with... a new logo

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Trollface

Looks like...

Four Microsoft-colored dicks trying to screw you over in every direction...

If I could turn back time, I'd tell you to keep that old Radarange at home

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Coat

Re: Why would it run faster?

Because the interference from an external source would provide extra clock-pulses to the (very) sensitive input of the crystal oscillator...

As for your DCF77 clock... it probably has bad reception due to a low battery and thus not recieving the correct time...

(It olny tries to synchronize it's internal clock every hour...)

The internal clock that keeps the time is the one that's running a bit fast

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Coat

Running backwards ?

I don't think so...

Running forwards faster than expected due to outside interference from a strong electromagnetic field would be possible,

but backwards ? Seems to me something other than the crystal oscillator within the pc was affected...

Americans are just fine with facial recognition technology – as long as they get shorter queues

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Big Brother

I think the real problem is...

That the younger generations mostly tend to choose convenience over privacy...

Google Play Store spews malware onto 9 million 'Droids

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Facepalm

Re: Or users are more gullible than I think?

Probably downloaded by the same people who think they can charge their phone by putting it in the microwave for a few minutes...

Y'know how you might look at someone and can't help but wonder if they have a genetic disorder? We've taught AI to do the same

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Joke

Why not test the system on politicians ?

A lot of them are clearly suffering from anal-cranial inversion syndrome ....

My 2019 resolution? Not to buy any of THIS rubbish

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Trollface

Might I add...

14. ANYTHING with Windows 10 on it !

It's 2019, and from Beijing to Blighty folk are still worried about slurp-happy apps

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Big Brother

And people look at me funny...

When I tell them I don't own a smartphone...

Then I point them to sh*t like this...

Staff sacked after security sees 'suspect surfer' script of shame

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Coat

And that's why...

Using HTTPS everywhere is a good idea....

Facebook Like, social sharing buttons on your website may land you in GDPR hot water if data goes a-wanderin'

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Big Brother

Good...

Maybe that will stop them shadow-profiling everyone...

Windows 10 or Cisco Advanced Malware Protection: Pick one

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Trollface

Advanced Malware Protection ?

Refusing to let Microsoft install Windows 10 build 1809 ?

I'd say it's working just fine...

AI snaps business titan jaywalking

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Big Brother

And my friends and family are wondering...

Why I don't do social media...

Everytime they ask I point them to crap like this...

Great Scott! Is nothing sacred? US movie-goers vote Back To The Future as most-wanted reboot

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Joke

Why ?

We allready have Rick & Morty !

Consultant misreads advice, ends up on a 200km journey to the Exchange expert

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Joke

Someone should have told him...

That the warnings come AFTER the spells...

Tech bosses talk kids' books! Could they show a glimmer of humanity? You only get one guess

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Big Brother

Re: A more relevant book comes to mind...

What about 1984 ?

Groundhog Day comes early as Intel Display Drivers give Windows 10 the silent treatment

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Trollface

You're updating it wrong !

I'm sorry... got a little confused with Apple there....

Talk in Trump's tweets tells whether tale is true: Code can mostly spot Prez lies from wording

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Trollface

Why not just...

If mouth=open then lies=true;

Works for almost any politician...

Influential Valley gadfly and Intel 8051 architect John Wharton has died

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Coat

Re : A conspiracy theorist might see a pattern emerging

Well... Charles Babbage and John von Neumann are dead too.. .so...

Microsoft sysadmin hired for fake NetWare skills keeps job despite twitchy trigger finger

malle-herbert Silver badge
Facepalm

Had it the other way around...

As a Netware guy I was asked to administer a Windows-only network...

Didn't even know what a domain controller was at that time...

But the boss figured that since I was working with Windows all day anyway Windows server wouldn't be too much of a problem to figure out...

Holy moley! The amp, kelvin and kilogram will never be the same again

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Joke

And as usual...

There's always an appropriate xkcd...

Mi 8 Pro: Xiaomi early buyers wait for modern firmware

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Big Brother

Does it come...

With all the mandatory Chinese spyware ?

Because I don't want to upset my social credit score...

'Frontline workers' of the world, unite! And grab yourselves a Surface Go White Van Man edition

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Joke

I think...

Microsoft needs something better than a surface tablet to lure people into their white van....

Upgraders rejoice! The 2018 Mac Mini heralds a return to memory slots!

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Thumb Down

I really don't care that much about upgradability....

But I DO care about getting my data back after the damn thing dies !

Instead of the RAM they should have put the SSD in a socket...

This just in: What? No, I can't believe it. The 2018 MacBook Air still a huge pain to have repaired

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malle-herbert Silver badge
WTF?

Wow... do you work for Apple or something ?

If the engineering is so great then why not engineer devices to be easily serviceable with easy to replace parts ?

UK rail lines blocked by unexpected Windows dialog box

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Holmes

"Why a copy of Office is needed on a PC tasked with showing line information is anyone’s guess"

Powerpoint ?

Bill Gates joined on stage by jar of poop as he confesses deep love for talking about toilets

malle-herbert Silver badge
Joke

"Reinvented Toilet Expo"

Or as we call it : "Windows 10 developers conference"....

Which scientist should be on the new £50 note? El Reg weighs in – and you should vote, too

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Trollface

What about Tony Blair ?

Inventor of Weapons of Mass Destruction ?

Clunk, bang, rattle: Is that a ghost inside your machine?

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Coat

Scary ?

Try working in a building that's still under construction....

After being told to install a couple of computers in a couple of offices located at the other side of the bulding...

I found myself walking down a darkened hallway...

At the end of the hallway was a door I thought led to another office...

After opening it... taking a step forward... and being blinded by sunlight...

I suddenly realised there was no floor underneath my feet...

Only a 60 foot drop onto the concrete pavement...

It turned out it was a fire-escape door... and the ladder wasn't installed yet...

Luckily I managed to firmly grasp the doorhandle and pull myself back in...

Now THAT scared the crap out me !

5.1 update sends Apple's Watch 4 bling spinning into an Infinite Loop of reboot cycles

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Trollface

You're...

Updating it wrong !

We're Zuckers for a sequel: Brit MPs' battle to grill Facebook boss continues

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Coat

Zuck just doesn't give a...

F*ck...

Maybe they could ask for him to be extradited for questioning ?

Microsoft to staff: We remain locked and loaded with US military – and will keep adding voice to AI ethics debate

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Trollface

Re: Likely outcomes

The update would most likely delete all your files ?

Top AI conference NIPS won't change its name amid growing protest over 'bad taste' acronym

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Coat

Sexist ?

Men have #NIPSTOO...

From today, it's OK in the US to thwart DRM to repair your stuff – if you keep the tools a secret

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

But how are...

Those poor companies going to make any money selling their overpriced crap that only works together with all their other overpriced crap ?

Oz opposition backs the 'regulatory hallucinogen' of anti-piracy laws

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

"primary effect test"

So... is Google in trouble now ?

Because the primary reason I use Google is to search for torrents....

Should a robo-car run over a kid or a grandad? Healthy or ill person? Let's get millions of folks to decide for AI...

malle-herbert Silver badge
Facepalm

So...

The car would rather kill someone with skills and years of experience...

Someone whom society has invested a lot of money in to educate...

Someone who is actually capable of providing value to society...

Instead of some selfie-taking, facebooking, instagramming twerp ?

Worrying Windows 10 wrecking-ball weapon weirdly wanders wildly on worldwide web

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Trollface

Re: Windows 10

The gift that keeps f*cking up your computer !

Euro eggheads call it: Facebook political ads do change voters' minds – and they worked rather well for Trump in 2016

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Joke

Re: Idiocracy

Somehow i am "not sure"...

F***=off, Google tells its staff: Any mention of nookie now banned from internal files, URLs

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Facepalm

Just tell 'em...

To smeg off...

Microsoft Azure looks to make cloud-native payments SWIFTer

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Big Brother

I'm wondering...

If all of this is just a prelude to Microsoft slurping people's banking details...

All through the house, not a creature was stirring... especially Samsung smartwatches: Batteries empty at 3AM

malle-herbert Silver badge
Trollface

How about disabling the "drain battery" option....

It's under the "Settings" >> "locked filing cabinet" >> "disused lavatory" >> "Beware of the Leopard" menu....

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