* Posts by malle-herbert

874 posts • joined 1 Jul 2013

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Arm Inside: Is Apple ready for the next big switch?

malle-herbert
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Joke

Re: meh

Or they slice up one hamster into two and call it hyperhamstering...

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Royal Bank of Scotland website goes TITSUP*

malle-herbert
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Trollface

This seems to happen so often...

You should just make a macro for this story...

Just automatically add in some twitter reactions from RBS and a few angry customers...

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Container ship loading plans are 'easily hackable'

malle-herbert
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Joke

A4...BOOM!...B4...BOOM!....C4....BOOM!....

You sunk my battleship !

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US govt to use software to finger immigrants as potential crims? That's really dumb – boffins

malle-herbert
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Trollface

Re: I've seen the algorithm

If $PERSON = RICH then $GUILTY=False;

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malle-herbert
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Facepalm

"generate a minimum of 10,000 investigative leads annually"

So instead of actually looking for terrorists they're going to 'create' 10,000 of them each year ?

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The Quantum of Firefox: Why is this one unlike any other Firefox?

malle-herbert
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Joke

Re: The Quantum of Firefox

Yeah... because a 30% faster browser would really scare the living daylights out of their competition...

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What is DJI Terra? Mystery builds over Chinese biz's trademark

malle-herbert
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Joke

Re: playing with the spelling of normal words

So it's a DJI Error ?

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malle-herbert
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Coat

Maybe...

It's some kind of remote controlled hovercraft ?

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Donald Trump's tweets: Are they presidential statements or not?

malle-herbert
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Devil

I dunno...

Is the man himself presidential or not ? See icon ---------------------->

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EU court advised: Schrems is a consumer in Facebook case, but can't file class-action

malle-herbert
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Trollface

Facebook is right...

He isn't a consumer...

He's the product...

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Your attention has value, personal cryptocurrency will advertise it

malle-herbert
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Joke

Nananana nananana...

BATCoin !

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Your next laptop will feature 'CMF' technology

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Translation :

We will do our best to make sure our laptops will be completely unserviceable and upgradeable...

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Brace yourselves, fanboys. Winter is coming. And the iPhone X can't handle the cold

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Let's see...

You're holding it wrong....

You're looking at it wrong...

And now it's : You're touching it wrong ?

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Automatic for the people: Telcos forced to pay for giving you crap services

malle-herbert
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Coat

Call me again...

When ISP's actually can get fined for NOT delivering the advertised download speeds they promised...

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Commvault cosies up to Google Cloudies, vows to keep you safe from dreaded GDPR

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

In compliance with the European Union's GDPR...

Not as long as they're a USA based company ...

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Google's answer to the Pixel 2 XL CRT-style screen burn in: Lower the brightness

malle-herbert
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Joke

Re: Cure for crt-style display burn-in

Deflector coils ?

What is this... Star Trek ?

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will.i.am's tech tat biz is going enterprise, snags $117m from Salesforce

malle-herbert
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Joke

I've got a feeling...

That tonight's not going to be a good night for Will.i.am...

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Transparent algorithms? Here's why that's a bad idea, Google tells MPs

malle-herbert
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Big Brother

What a load of bullcr*p...

My microwave doesn't make a decision on how long the food should be cooked... I do...

My car doesn't decide where it should go... I do...

My lights don't turn themselves on or off... I do...

The algorithms used by Google and other companies however decide how to best violate my privacy, extract more money from me and have a real impact on my life WITHOUT me having ANY control over it...

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Look out, Pepe: Martha Lane Fox has a plan

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

And how many websites are going to sport this badge ?

Because there aren't that many popular websites left that actually respect people's privacy...

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No humans allowed: How would a machine-centric data centre look?

malle-herbert
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Terminator

Re: But who puts the clothes into the washing machine?

Your own personal household droid ?

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Hackers tiptoe out, launch Silence trojan, quietly raid banks of meeelllions

malle-herbert
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Joke

Silence will fall...

Did they forget them as soon as they walked out of the bank ?

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First iPhone X fondlers struggle to admit that Face ID sort of sucks

malle-herbert
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Joke

Re: you said facial...

Would you rather I said fecal ?

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malle-herbert
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Big Brother

We expect Face ID to be the new gold standard for facial authentication...

And so does the police...

Though i'm not sure if it's still able to recognize you after being beaten to a pulp by the plods...

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Only good guys would use an automated GPU-powered password-cracker ... right?

malle-herbert
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Joke

Yeah but...

Can it go round the office looking for post-it notes with passwords scribbled on them ?

Because that would be a lot faster...

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Robot takes the job of sitting on your arse

malle-herbert
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Joke

BUM9000...

See title...

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Robot granted Saudi citizenship has more rights than Saudi women

malle-herbert
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Joke

Re: Obvious really

They should have named her "Bender"...

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DJI Aeroscope won't stop drone-diddlers flying round airports

malle-herbert
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Joke

7.5nm is 13.9km...

Really ? I thought it was a LOT shorter...

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Boss put chocolate cake on aircon controller, to stop people using it

malle-herbert
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Joke

A whole new version of...

"Let them eat cake !"

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What just trousered a $4.5bn profit, has glum desktop chip sales, and rhymes with go to hell?

malle-herbert
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Joke

Re: What news site just entered the "fake news" section?

What ain't no country I ever heard of...

Do they speak english in What ?.

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WhatsApp? You still don't get EU privacy laws, that's WhatsApp

malle-herbert
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Trollface

Re: Helpful tips to make the above concept better welcome.

Don't use FaceBook, WhatsApp, Instagram or any of those other

"so called" media ?

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Sex harassment scandal scoops up Silicon Valley's Slimy Scoble

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Why is it...

That these people are always sooooo incredibly sorry about what happened

only AFTER they've been called out on their crappy behaviour ?

(Well, all except for Trump maybe... he seems to actually be proud of it...)

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Boffins trapped antiprotons for days, still can't say why they survived the Big Bang

malle-herbert
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Coat

Re: anti-particles "moving backwards in time" ?

Time is nothing more than entropy...

So anti-particles moving backwards in time would fit nicely in the "bullcrap" category...

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malle-herbert
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Joke

Re: The universe will now disappear

"I reject your reality and substitute my own !"

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Plants in SPAAAAAAACE are good for you

malle-herbert
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Joke

Re: There's got to be a lot more of this if humans want to live on other planets.

Meal, Ready to Excrement...

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Wanna exorcise Intel's secretive hidden CPU from your hardware? Meet Purism's laptops

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Re: and it allows customers to boot Windows if they want...

Really ?

First you try to make a laptop as secure as possible, only then to run the most insecure operating system known to man on it ?

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MEPs vote to update 'cookie law' despite ad industry pressure

malle-herbert
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Holmes

"Content that must be given away for nothing will ultimately end up being worth nothing."

Or maybe it was worth nothing to begin with...

If it was, people would be willing to pay for it wouldn't they ?

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Didn't install a safety-critical driverless car patch? Bye, insurance!

malle-herbert
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Coat

So...

If your car is old enough to NOT recieve any safety-critical updates anymore

you're basically screwed ?

Planned obsolescence indeed...

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First annual review of Privacy Shield gives it a resounding... 'adequate'

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Re : until a customer requires certified proof...

Aaaaand that's when the wheels come off of this entire agreement...

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No, the FCC can't shut down TV stations just because Donald Trump is mad at the news

malle-herbert
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Facepalm

Ein Trump, Ein reich...

Ein whatever...

Too bad ElReg doesn't have a stupid-Hitler icon...

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Huge power imbalance between firms and users whose info they grab

malle-herbert
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Coat

This has always been the case in America...

Big powerful companies screwing over their customers...

But thanks to the internet these companies are now able to do this worldwide...

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Keep your voice down in the data centre, the HDDs have ears! I SAID, KEEP...

malle-herbert
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Joke

They should start...

A "worlds crappiest microphone" competition...

Because everything seems to have ears these days...

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Q. Why's Oracle so two-faced over open source? A. Moolah, wonga, dosh

malle-herbert
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Trollface

Re: There is nothing two-faced

You could have just gone with 'a goldfish'...

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Hackers in Arab world collaborate more than hoodie-clad Westerners

malle-herbert
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Joke

Allahu hackbar !

See title...

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Three words: Synthetic gene circuit. Self-assembling bacteria build pressure sensor

malle-herbert
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G.O.R.T.

Genetically Organized Robotic Technology...

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Blade Runner 2049: Back to the Future – the movies that showed us what's to come

malle-herbert
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The 6th Day...

Human cloning ?

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malle-herbert
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The Machine / Chappie...

True self-learning AI ?

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malle-herbert
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Robocop...

Brain-controlled artificial limbs...

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malle-herbert
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Johnny Mnemonic...

Human-brain interfaces ?

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Hollywood has savaged enough sci-fi classics – let's hope Dick would dig Blade Runner 2049

malle-herbert
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Joke

You want me to tell you about my mother ?

I'll tell you about my mother...

(I really hope they put a somewhat similar scene in the new movie...)

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