* Posts by Jerky Jerk face

61 posts • joined 21 May 2013


Apple's secret 12.9-inch MONSTER needs a good fondle, say biz sources

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Max iPad

Your kidding right?

Lavabit founder: Feds ORDERED email providers to stay open

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Silly people.

Privacy is dead.

Good job all the criminals are now behind bars..... oh wait.....

#ALERT! There'll be emergencies on Twitter for UK, Ireland

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tweeting hell! what the tweet will they tweet of next?


TOQ of the TOWN: A second screen for the second screen. Third screen?

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If its waterproof - i wouldnt mind that as a motorbike accessory.

When ever i feel my phone go off i have to wonder if its worth stopping to check or not :)

HAUNTED HOWITZERS, it’s Call of Duty Ghosts

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What a [non] surprise.

The newest FPS, looks like an FPS plays like an FPS and is just as boring as an FPS.

The gaming industry needs a new "thing" to lead with for a few years before returning to beat this old horse of a game.

Can we has more half-life and portal games again please? :)

Sony scoffs at the Microsoft EX-BOX: A MILLION PS4s sell in ONE day

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If it was released with GTA V available on it - id buy one for sure.

If only to play the heck out of GTA V and sell the console a few months later, one more PS4 over xbox' LAUGHABLE spy bullshit and TV crap at every turn.

Go sony!

Brit ISPs ordered to add more movie-streaming websites to block list

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GCHQ hijacked LinkedIn profiles to hack Belgian telecoms network – report

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Re: Heads will roll

Which as we all know, stops planes and missiles just like the pentag..... oh wait never mind

Google in PRODUCT RECALL for its Glass spy-goggles

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What a bargin

Be a guinea pig AND be a salesman - SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.

ha! only joking, google can kiss my glass.

DON'T BREW THAT CUPPA! Your kettle could be a SPAMBOT

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A steam punk VDU ?

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Use an array of steel pins to create the display, like the old timey "Pin Art" desk toy from the 70s80s?

Brought to life recently by the latest Superman movie and also featured in The Tom Cruise Sci Fi movie oblivion.

Would 'look' right at home as part of steam punk take

Payday loan firms are the WORST. Ugh, my mobe's FILLED with filthy SPAM

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SMS spam, 'jamster' wallet rape text services etc.

All sick intrusions, that, by the sheer volume of spam they can afford to send out, must be emptying out stupid and susceptible peoples cash at an alarming rate.

Close their criminal empires down now!!!!!

Netflix original TV shows gamble pays off... to the tune of 10m new viewers

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Who would cancel arrested development?

Good job netflix picked it up! Would be sad to see that go the way of alphas, firefly and even an early south park!

I am a recovering Superwoman wannabee

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This all seems rather sexist, assuming that men dont raise their children at all?

I work all day and i am a man so i demand zero responsibility? This isnt the 50s you know.

Also i wouldnt mind a few more females hold a door for me once in a while, it does swing both ways you know.

Met Police vid: HIDE your mobes. Pavement BIKER cutpurses on the loose

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Re: Link to the video

Thank you - the reg player rarely works no matter the browser i pick. They should contact somone in IT :)

Meet the 'KARDASHIAN Phone' – what Apple bods nicknamed the iPhone 5s

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The gold edition smartphone, that takes "smart" out of the equation!

Id have thought the Kardashian phone would have had more battery life, with all that extra junk in the trunk :D

MPs to grill Facebook: You're going to let our teens do WHAT?

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It makes you wonder whether it should be down to the site owners to set policy's like this at all.

Considering the information on people on facebook is so extensive, I would expect that a government team for such vast sites should exist in the first place.

It should be reacting to requests to change the policy's, not reacting after they are pushed through!!

I mean, my driving license means the DVLA has all my info, if they decided to share it with the world (drivebook lol) they are bound by the UK governments policys - so why shouldn't facebook?

Our info, our policys.

Hands up, who couldn't post to Facebook today? Oh, MILLIONS of you

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Oh noes!!!

What with the internet do without a few hours worth of cat pics and status updates about taking a crap!

Turn FB off for a week and watch as dozens of people emerge into the real world again, pale and frightened :P

Apple accused over 'secure' iMessage encryption

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You had me at "public key"

Wanna sell a phone in New York? Better have a receipt

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WOW half of all robberies in San Francisco are smartphones? I find this shocking.

Not sure about the fix to stop the problem though, where does that put the likes of ebay purchased second hand phones and such? Seems like many legitimate dealers would find them selves at a huge loss one day if somthing like this was to come in.

LIVE CHAT: You, El Reg, experts chat about Win 8.1 and Surface 2

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Microsoft have really stuffed up with this 8/8.1 and surface debacle.

One and a half grand for a late, slow tablet thats behind devices that were out a year ago.... Bring nothing new to the table(t), and expect cues around the corner.

Take a page from apples book M$, make next years tech this year, not last years tech this year. Wheres that roll eyes emote thingy :P

Forget Wi-Fi, boffins get 150Mbps Li-Fi connection from a lightbulb

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Cant we rig up our broadband to the sun?

Solar panels/LiFi aerials anyone?

energy and connectivity!

Snap-happy blogger babe posts catcalling blokes' mugshots online

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Wolf whistling girls used to be a compliment of sorts.

Im surprised it still happens, with all the shut in, stare at your phone all day types walking around. Actually its refreshing to know some men bark out loud!

Brit boffins trap light in Lego-like lumps

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This is basically the difference between normal florescent lights, and ones with all the reflective slats that burn our retinas daily.

Im really surprised this sort of idea wasnt implemented from the start, then again i bet they were just happy to finally receive decent electrical energy from sunlight to bother to refine the design much.

Apple's first iPhone now COSTS MORE than golden mobe 5S

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Im a fan of real buttons on my phones. Still using a HTC desire-Z and loving it, battery still good and i still get to see my whole screen AND have an entire qwerty keyboard - rather than a screen with more pixels than ive had hot dinners and the battery the size of a song birds bladder.

I hope they (HTC or anyone else) make a new one.... But apart of thinner and lighter i cant think of anything its missing, perhaps an impossibly overkill camera would be nice :)

Microsoft pulls Win 8.1 RT code which upgraded Surface 'slabs into BRICKS

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Internet Explorer 11 BREAKS Google, Outlook Web Access

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I dont think i can remember a time when a windows explorer release did not feel like it was still in beta.

heck, do they ever fix all issues before rolling another broken version out?!

Im shocked to hear 11 is in 8.1

Wait for it, waaiiit for it: We update an Atom tablet to Windows 8.1 Pro

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Uninstall encryption please.

Windows 8.1 NSA-pro-lite cannot see all your shit, please uninstall any and all security, take your pants down, and let the loading begin :D

Windows 8.1: A bit square, sure, but WAIT! It has a Start button

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Re: Right click admin options

Ahhhh Poo.

There i was hoping for a patch in shining armor riding a small download to come and swoop me off my feet away from my 8 purchase blues.


Ubisoft's Watch Dogs muzzled by delays

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Hack is already a game.

I played a hacking game year sbefore this one and im still uninterested and useless at real world hacking.

Dont forget the billions(?) of people playing FPS games every day that work normal jobs and are perfectly safe and sane.

Just more "oh noes our jobs might get harder" panic rabble.

Alarming tales: What goes on INSIDE Reg hack's hi-tech bedroom

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Ive got into the loud, abrupt world-is-ending blast of an alarm - it wakes me up instantly and i can turn it off within a few seconds. My gf however, seems to be able to ignore it completely for about 10-20 seconds before she really wakes up.

As long as i hit the STFU button fast enough, all is well.

Good luck :)

Here comes Windows 8.1! Microsoft grits teeth, pushes upgrade to world

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In my humble opinion - what M$ did with the new windows from the start was cramming an upgrade to a great solid platform like 7 for desktops and laptops AND making a leap into the tablet world - And the part they messed up was having a choice about using either, or a mash up of both.

Ive used windows 8 on a touch screen laptop and its a nice mix, you get to use touch intuitively and yet still get most things done as normal with a mouse/trackpad and keyboard.

All they had to do was ask when you start your machine up, "would you like computer mode, tablet mode or a mix"

People like options if they are RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU, why not make them available.

Forcing new trends with your flagship OS on users who have been clicking for decades was bound for failure.

NSA's Project Marina stores EVERYONE'S metadata for A YEAR

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Well im happy with it.

Think of all the crimes they have stopped. Oh wait they havnt stopped shit have they? I bet they are selling their findings to the highest bidder.

metadata on that scale you could track ALL KINDS of patterns to SELL MORE SHIT to people.

dO NOT SAY ITS About anti terror because terrorists dont use the fucking internet to chat on fucking MSN jesus titty fucking christ people.

Grand Theft Auto V: Violent, sweary and amazingly ambitious

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Re: Am I unusual?

Playing another persons life sometimes feels like a 9-5 job?

Doesnt that mean they got it spot on?!

Fan whips out own pair of iPhone 32Cs, 'unlocks' mobe using breasticle

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Its a nice idea....

But i cant risk my nippleprints getting in the hands of the NSA

My nipples have been party to many many crimes, crimes of passion :D

Hardbitten NYC cops: Sir, I'm gonna need you to, er, upgrade to iOS 7

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Hang on a minute....

Where are all the cops with flyers BEFORE iSO7 came out saying "dont use it, its unsecure"

"iSO7 is more secure for you and you should use it, because it also comes with better spyware, which is more secure for us" - thanks, Dah Guv

'Occupy' affiliate claims Intel bakes SECRET 3G radio into vPro CPUs

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Apparently connectivity means hardwired now.

Yes it can wake it self up using 3g IF its all online and connected too, no its not got 3g inside the chip - that would be impossible for a number of reason including - "dont be fuckin' retarded"

Mach 8 Scramjet flies but sends no data

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Re: class - fly on the wall required


if in doubt, blame Bruce.


IT bloke denies trying to shag sheep outside football ground

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Pauls obviously got a lot of lovell to give :D

Angry Brazilian whacks NASA to put a stop to ... er, the NSA

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come on admit it: Who read this thread because of the lovely Brazilian volleyball bottom on the pic :D

It's Grand Theft Auto 5 day: Any of you kids remember GTA the First?

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Ahhh i remember that few months in 1997 when i grabbed a pre pre pre pre release trail version (i think about 15 minutes of game play) and i played it and played it and played over and over, unfortunately i was 14 and my money was my parents money - playing this demo so much convinced them at the cost of the full game, the 18 rating were not suitable and the fact they wouldn't see me for months smashing into little heads and shoulders constantly was a bad thing......


well i still got to cane that demo AND LOVED IT.

Want to sit in Picard's chair while spying on THE WORLD? We can make it so – ex-NSA man

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"Its the president is hailing us, he probably wants to know why our datacenter uses so much power" - coms girl

"Main screen" - captain NSA spy master

OK, so we paid a bill late, but did BT have to do this?

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Thanks for bringing this up.

im sure there will be a virus page created that looks the same as the BT warning now, thanks for that

iPhone 5S: Apple, you're BORING us to DEATH (And you too, Samsung)

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Re: Should have called it iPhone5TDS

Apple no longer need to prove themselves.

They are making too much money to really care any more.

Huawei CTO insists: 'We are not a threat to UK and US national security'

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I did busniess with Huawei 10 years ago.

Upgrading mobile phone networks and i can tell you that there were rumors of possible hardwired spy tech in the exchange equipment. The equipment was units like the mDSLAM which is a load and connection hardware management of many user connections to the main internet back bones etc (sort of a modem of modems) and other critical data handling devices.

I dont know who started the rumors but it was one shared by the CEO of the mobile site contractor company i was working for (who met with the Huawei top business men many times).

remeber, that was ten years before any of the NSA spy stuff was confirmed.

Intel reveals 14nm PC, declares Moore's Law 'alive and well'

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Re: Moore's law

Yeah im sure...

When we are using 7mn chips to compute how to make a photon based processor, Moore's law will be resurrected again!

First rigid airship since the Hindenburg cleared for outdoor flight trials

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And the award for most UFO reports for a non extraterrestrial air vehicle go to.....

Three used cheap deal to lure me into buying expensive slab, chap tells ASA

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Fuss over nothing.

Do you think everyone has an infinite supply of everything all the time?

Me "hello, I want to buy a cheap slab"

them "Hi Sir, we have run out im sorry, would you like to buy one of the more expensive ones we do have in stock?"

me "no thanks i just wanted the good value cheap one, bye"

them "okay sir, no problem, laters geezer"

Holiday HELL: Pourquoi, monsieur, why is there no merdique Wi-Fi here?

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Holiday HELL: Pourquoi, monsieur, why is there no merdique Wi-Fi here?

Sorry to be that guy, but shouldn't it be Pardon, instead of pourquoi

BILLION-TONNE BELCH emitted from Sun to hit Earth this weekend

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All i want to see is some aurora borealis without going to the north pole and it will be worth it for me.

If my phone craps out or the internet berps, i'll alive on and happily if i get to see the light show! :)



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