* Posts by Artaxerxes

46 posts • joined 15 Apr 2013

All that dust on Mars is coming from one weird giant alien structure

Artaxerxes

Just need a bigger Hoover thats all.

http://spaceballs.wikia.com/wiki/Mega_Maid

No, seriously, why are you holding your phone like that?

Artaxerxes

My phone has an unfortunate habit of disconnecting when held to my ear because it assumes my ear is pressing the red disconnect button, it also has the weakest speaker I've ever heard so if its not on speaker phone and I'm in even light traffic then the other person cannot be heard at all.

I do try and use headphones and then hold the phone like a mic at a gig (upside down of course) as much as possible but sometimes the headphones go walkies so I'm forced to have a speaker phone conversation.

10 years of the Kindle and the curious incident of a dog in the day-time

Artaxerxes

Annoyingly the Kindle Keyboard (original) is far superior to the later ones, Amazon seems to have just gone for touch sensitive display just because when it was far more intuitive to just hit the toggle at the side of the thing to change pages.

Ebook pricing is also still all over the place sadly.

I like e-books and I like my Kindle though, it saves so much space and its lighter and easier than carrying a book a lot of the time.

AWS's S3 outage was so bad Amazon couldn't get into its own dashboard to warn the world

Artaxerxes

Good job we got rid of all that annoying kit in our datacenters in favour of the ever reliable Cloud isn't it?

Oh. Oh shit.

The big day is here and it's time to decide: Patch Flash, Windows, Office or Android first?

Artaxerxes

Very very unhappy with the Microsoft changes. Am going to have to be very wary incase they dump an "optional" patch on me that adds that diagnostic service back in or as is almost certain a general dodgy patch.

Also the changes to the download site make it even more annoying to download a patch.

Build your Type 26 warships next year? Sure, MoD – now, about that contract...

Artaxerxes

Re: Have they finished the aircraft carriers yet?

Yes, planes are still on order though.

Accessories to crime: Facial recog defeated by wacky paper glasses

Artaxerxes

Pretty sure most of the Dystopias and scifi films from the 70's and 80's had this sort of thing in.

My Microsoft Office 365 woes: Constant crashes, malware macros – and settings from Hell

Artaxerxes

Blue Sky Thinking

But its in The Cloud and The Cloud is good.

So my manager and CIO keep telling me.

The Microsoft-LinkedIn hookup will be the END of DAYS, I tell you

Artaxerxes

As far as I'm aware Linked In is only actually useful to recruitment agents to prove you are who you say you are and to scan for potential mugs so they can send you unsuitable job offers.

10 times a week. (Please. Stop. Please.)

Its about the only social media account I don't have locked down to hell or use an pseudonym for. Its also the only one I need to check every 6 months to deal with the backlog of recruitment people adding me as a contact.

Now Google backs everyone's favorite trade pact: The TPP

Artaxerxes

Re: Can we even officially read it yet?

We're going to get TTIP'd in the arse whether we are In or Out of the EU. I can't see either Red or Blue managing to keep us away from it, in fact I see less chance of us staying out of TTIP if we leave the EU.

For me sticking in the EU means we're protected (just about) from the worst of the governments follies.

Artaxerxes

Large company backs treaty to ensure large companies get more money and can move profits and jobs around more easily

I AM SHOCKED.

Smartwatches: I hate to say ‘I told you so’. But I told you so.

Artaxerxes

Re: Tiz the future!

I'm still waiting for the wristband that can tell the extension of your fingers/vibration/impact from ultrasonic analysis of your tendons so it could allow you to touchtype on anything.

I was wondering where that was for a Mouse replacement, it would solve a lot of problems I'm having with my wrist in my old age.

Brits don't want their homes to be 'tech-tastic'

Artaxerxes

Re: Show me the money

Using the wrong kind of rabbit clearly.

We will end misleading broadband adverts, thunders ASA...

Artaxerxes

Stopping you right there, take a look at the Parlimentary watchdog, the guys who ensure MP's don't sidestep into cushy jobs.

Those are the most useless bastards.

The ASA is merely a bit crap by comparison.

UK.gov wasted £20m telling you to 'be safe online, mmkay'

Artaxerxes

Re: Well it's the first I've heard of it

So thats who to blame for the dullness of that campaign.

Iain Duncan Smith's Universal Credit: A timeline

Artaxerxes

Re: existing system and new idea

Thats actually more of an appealing way of working than our current 5 day a week, 9-5 lifestyle (9-5, who am I kidding, we work until we drop with just enough time to go home and sleep, if we get a weekend we're lucky)

Is it a fresh sheep? Do you have to kill it yourself?

Data-thirsty mobile owners burn through 5GB a month

Artaxerxes

Re: Poor Web Development

Websites are utterly foul to visit these days, many of them don't bother with backwards compatibility (LinkedIn is a bugger for this), have a horrible design for PC monitors and as soon as you hit them with a mobile browser spam you to install the app.

Most news sites are going down the Buzzfeed route for content as well, I'm watching the BBC site turn into a video infested shithole these days

Artaxerxes

Go for GiffGaff for your provider, best value for money packages I've found.

We're going to use your toothbrush to snoop on you, says US spy boss

Artaxerxes

Re: .......and probably a lot more I've not thought of

"It appears you are trying to wipe your ass? How can I help?"

Love - Drippy, the TP roll

Government in-sourcing: It was never going to be that easy

Artaxerxes

Re: Hmm...

Once we can convince the politicians what computers are capable of and the requirements to do so we can see IT projects work or be allocated the right resources.

Instead you have someone who doesn't use the software, tell the organisation it must have the software, then be built by people who aren't going to be there to nursemaid and test the project through to implementation and use by a range of people who aren't very skilled with computers.

Ad-clicking bots predicted to rip US$7.2 billion from Mad Men

Artaxerxes

Type COKE for refreshment!

Adblock Plus blocked from attending ad industry talkfest

Artaxerxes

Bloody ads.

Web browsing on a tablet or mobile is like sex without a condom, you pick up all sorts of nasty diseases. Some sites are so different without adverts on its unbelievable.

Microsoft to OneDrive users: We're sorry, click the magic link to keep your free storage

Artaxerxes

Can MS please let me view documents in my browser without downloading them to a fucking Zip file or viewing them online?

Pisses me right off.

And Onedrive is a waste of time.

'Dear Daddy...' Max Zuckerberg’s Letter back to her Father

Artaxerxes

Re: How about we get them modern electricity grids and cheap reliable energy first?

How about a comprehensive use of renewable energy and nuclear plants instead?

Doctor Who's good/bad duality, war futility tale in The Zygon Inversion fails to fizz

Artaxerxes

Re: We've been here before...

1) I took away that it had been 15 attempts for Bonnie to not just up and press the button.

2) The memory wipe was merely to ensure that noone was aware the box was empty, a bluff.

If MR ROBOT was realistic, he’d be in an Iron Maiden t-shirt and SMELL of WEE

Artaxerxes

Did you just call British cosplayers fat?

Boffins: We know what KILLED the DINOS – and it wasn't just an asteroid

Artaxerxes

Not alone, sure I'd seen this before. In the 80's it was the Asteroid, then in the 90's it was a changing climate due to volcanoes, now its a mix of both.

As always in life, its a little from column a, a little from column b.

Flaky Flickr's pic upload faulty for weeks, fume fed-up photographers

Artaxerxes

Re: I know it's not cool

I'd left myself subscribed to Flickr by mistake for a year or two, they updated the stats page so its now almost unusable compared to how it used to be.

Sub promptly stopped.

Feels good man.

Lies from VW: 'Our staff acted criminally but board didn't know'

Artaxerxes

Christ its such an awful defence "We the managers didn't know"

YOU ARE FUCKING PAID TO TAKE THE BLAME AND THE RESPONSIBILITY YOU FAT FUCKS.

Whats more you are paid hundreds of thousands, millions even, and yet always when the fall out occurs its on Dave from Research paid less than 60k.

VW: Just the tip of the pollution iceberg. Who's to blame? Hippies

Artaxerxes

Re: re: I still don't understand the irrational fear of nuclear power though.

Because I'm a London millionaire digging down in to a subterranean lair to avoid planning permission and increase the value of my multi-million pound home.

Durr.

BOFH: Don't go changing on Friday evenings, I don't wanna work that hard

Artaxerxes

Re: Reach out...

Pretty sure you'd be arrested for saying that to the wrong lady in a bar

Q: What's black and white and read all over? A: E-reader displays

Artaxerxes

Re: Could be a paradigm shift

I miss my Kindle Keyboard.

Got a new Paperwhite as my KK got damaged, and urgh the interface is a step backwards by a mile, and I miss those little buttons on the side that meant you could go back and forwards without touching the screen, yes touchscreen is useful, but its now actually harder for me to turn the page and oh fuck it'll be winter soon and I'll have to take gloves off... shit.

Still, the screen lights up which is useful at bus stops and low light.

Home Office splashed £35m trying to escape e-Borders contract

Artaxerxes

Re: Henry VI part II, Act IV Sc 2 line 77

Most government contracts seem to punish the government if the private firm responsible does shoddy work.

Its insane, no matter how good or bad the work the company profits while the public pays the bill.

CIOs: What tech will be running your organisation in 2020?

Artaxerxes

Re: Something that spellchecks headlines, maybe

A bastard amalgamation of butchered employee parts shaped into a twisted parody of a man, FrankenCIO, or just CIO for short.

GCHQ: Ensure biz security by STOPPING everyone from TALKING

Artaxerxes
Trollface

Lets not let a little thing like facts get in the way of giving GCHQ a good kicking

Artaxerxes

No fucking shit its a security risk, so is cloud computing and I'd happily stop users using things like the Good app/BYOD but for some reason upper management are obsessed with the bastard concept, probably as it ultimately means more work for less pay from the users as they check emails in what should be downtime.

My HOUSE used to be a PUB: How to save the UK high street

Artaxerxes

The high streets far from dead, its just filled with fried chicken and pizza shops.

I am NOT a PC repair man. I will NOT get your iPad working

Artaxerxes

Re: Before I move into a house

Carpentry set

True optical zoom coming to HTC smartphone cameras

Artaxerxes

Re: Yes, no doubt. And no - no possible way

I can see the future being to integrate phones into your DSLR somehow, allowing for wireless uploading or editing on the fly. Whether this is through a clip/micro USB on the camera or something more aking to keeping the sensor on the DSLR and using the phone as the 'brain' of the camera.

How I BLEW my co-workers' HEADS OFF ... without going to jail

Artaxerxes

RE: slapping LCD monitors, sometimes it just feels good to hit a particularly annoying bit of IT kit. Even if you know it won't do a damn bit of good sometimes those bloody monitors deserve a good slap around the face for freezing every. damn. time. you open an IE window or whatever.

PC sales continue meteoric death plunge through 3rd quarter, drop another 8.6 per cent

Artaxerxes

I'd be curious to see if this is pre-built PC's only or custom PC's as well, HP and Dell have always been focused on the mass consumer market (and come preconfigured and filled with cr*p) so I could imagine they'd see a die off when more casual users no longer require them and use things like tablets instead.

Places like Overclockers and other third party manufacturers seem to be doing ok on a casual glance.

Study accuses media companies of cooking the books on piracy losses

Artaxerxes

For some reason Film, Music and Game, companies equate every download with a lost sale, thats clearly not the case.

You do have assholes who just download it forever but then you get people who try it by pirating it and then get it or get it once its got to an affordable price (£60 games I'm looking at you...) you then have people who just download it and never watch half the crap they pirate because they are just addicted to the data and don't have time to watch or use half the shit they steal.

It's the software, stupid: Samsung Galaxy Gear smartwatch bags big apps

Artaxerxes
Childcatcher

Re: I must be too old

Nope, I really do not see the point of these devices while they have to be tethered.

Superstar cluster-Zuck as Facebook tries out celeb-only edition

Artaxerxes

Good, fuck off to your own little world 'celebrities'

British bookworms deem Amazon 'evil'

Artaxerxes
Trollface

Re: What sort of cretin buys a Amazon Swindle anyway?

Hell, if I want half the books I read from the library I have to get stuck on a waiting list for a couple of weeks and make the trek to the library (they get further and further away with every new Government) sometimes you just want to read the latest GRR Martin/Gaiman/E.L. James/Whatever without all the fuss so may as well pay and get it delivered to your device.

Or torrent like a dirty pervert...

Amazon: We cut prices to scare ourselves into innovation

Artaxerxes

While the main site for Amazon is very useful and I rarely shop elsewhere support and customer service for other subfirms/applications not branded Amazon is bloody awful

Still no support for streaming on Android devices with Lovefilm for example

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