* Posts by knarf

316 posts • joined 8 Mar 2013

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Do not adjust your set: Hats off to Apple, you struggle to shift iPhones 'cos you're oddly ethical

knarf

Losing customer

All four in my household were on iphones, there is one left me with an iphone 7 everyone else switched to droid as you can get a £200 phone that does everything an iphone does.

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FYI NASA just lobbed its Parker probe around the Sun in closest flyby yet: A nerve-racking 15M miles from the surface

knarf

That's cool ... I mean hot

Its a hot cool ride ...even

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Dell upping its margins again: Precision 5530 laptop will sting you for $13m. Yep, six zeroes

knarf

Apple Goading

Wait till Apple sees this price, all new ipads will be at least £30,000,000 and extra £20,000,000 for that extra 250mb of storage.

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Which scientist should be on the new £50 note? El Reg weighs in – and you should vote, too

knarf

James Clark Maxwell

His most notable achievement was to formulate the classical theory of electromagnetic radiation, bringing together for the first time electricity, magnetism, and light as different manifestations of the same phenomenon.

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Fujitsu: Closes director's gate to Tait, 9 execs abdicate, and for German workers – a crap Weihnachtszeit

knarf

Wurst news ever

too soon....

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More than a third of Euro IT pros worry about keeping server lights on

knarf

Hmmm... Sound like 1999

IT has always been under resourced, never heard of a dept that boosts of loads of cash.

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Barclays and RBS on naughty step: Banks told to explain service meltdown to UK politicos

knarf

Explain to a bunch of FuckTurds who can't even do proper expenses

Explain it in MP expense terms

1. Oh I forgot

2. We didn't the rules

3. It's allowed

4. I forgot the rules changed

5. It's in my wife's name even though I'm single

6. I'll pay it back .... honest....

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Scrapping UK visa cap on nurses, doctors opened Britain's doors to IT workers

knarf

oh eh... No....

I like been part of a limited skill set, its good for pay packet.

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Whisky business: Uni of Edinburgh servers Irn-Scru'd by cyber-attack

knarf

Dam it Janet where are you

Rocky road ahead

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Dust off that old Pentium, Linux fans: It's Elive

knarf

Apple released its very first iPad

I still have it, £699 I remember bought for the wife who hated it, she loved the £80 kindle fire I bought her a few years later. It still works perfectly, long battery life, but there are ZERO apps that I can install from the AppStore so its effectually useless.

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Don't let Google dox me on Lumen Database, nameless man begs

knarf

Can't they just Google it ?

If that doesn't work try Bing

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Microsoft takes another whack at killing off Windows Phone 8.x

knarf

So you bought APPs paid good money.....

But can no longer reinstall them, so do you get a refund then ?

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That was quick: Seattle rushes to kill tax that would mildly inconvenience Amazon

knarf

All this could solved by RollerBall

Sure his has been tried before though.

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Scratch Earth-killer asteroid off your list of existential threats

knarf

You never hear the rock that kills you

or is that bullets....

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Facebook job ad hints at homebrew silicon plans

knarf

What this is....

home hub ... no.. low power discounts this.

Phone/tablet.. maybe

Spy devices...... ticks all the boxes.

Mr Zuck Control system..... maybe.. Needs to be more human, more Mr Data than Mr Data

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El Reg needs you – to help build an automated beer-transporting robot

knarf

Eh.. Get an office Jnr its easier....maybe

Not really in the spirit/beer of the article but Office Jnrs do have flaws

1. They expect a reward

2. Office Jnr on previous errand was told to get something for themselves, so they bought themselves a nice jumper (sweater if your USA).

3. Good ones always break down or get lost.

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Ocado to stock cannabidiol-infused water

knarf

THIS WOULD KILL YOU --> plough through 25 litres of the stuff,

You would die of hydropoxia or at least soil yourself

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Bitcoin heist with a twist: This time it's servers that were stolen

knarf

The nation USED TO HAVE a low crime rate.

Seems to be a mega for it now :)

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In America, tech support conmen get a mild slap. In Blighty, scammers get the book thrown at them

knarf

Scammed money goes to....

The government or the crims at no point no one thought of getting it returned to the people who it was stolen from.

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Curse of Woz strikes again – first Fusion-io fizzles out, now Primary Data goes down

knarf

What they need is a ...

...very good mid-tier compression algorithm.

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France to lend Brexit Britain sore souvenir of Norman yoke – the Bayeux Tapestry

knarf

Bloody Normans..

Coming over here and taking.... eh... everything really.

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Drone crashes after operator failed to spot extra building site crane

knarf

I hit the lamp shade

I hit the lampshade in the living room at xmas while drunk and flying a drone in doors, should I submit a report. My wife's comments at the time on my piloting skills would make interesting and colourful addition to the report.

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Tata for now: Marks & Spencer transfers 250 tech jobs to outsourcer

knarf

Customer Data

Hope they are going to ask all their customer if getting all the data serviced in India is acceptable

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What's taking so long? UK.gov pressed over continued delays to biometrics strategy

knarf

They have bigger problems

enuf said

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What’s the real point of being a dev? It's saving management from themselves

knarf

what a load of Tosh!

OO is a very big success and if your coding and not using OO then I don't know wtf your doing with your code.

This sort of airy piece belongs in the broadsheet where snr managers can talk bollocks over it.

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Five ways Apple can fix the iPhone, but won't

knarf

Windows Phone Type Tiles

Sadly windows phone is not an option today and I miss my Nokia 1020 and it was a better device than my iphone 7

1. Voice for car audio, Windows phone read my texts to me,

2. Siri is so useless I turned it off. Cortania is much better

3. Oh Tiles, they were great get a quick view of udates at single glance.

4. Ditch Itunes, I'd rather pay spottily than use Itunes.

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As Hurricane Irma grows, Earth now lashed by SOLAR storms

knarf

We'll all go blind and be ruled by man eating plants

This will be Triffic !

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Hey, cloud big three! AI-wielding Huawei says it's coming for you

knarf

Trust

Sooo would you trust China with your data

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Surfacegate: Microsoft execs 'misled Nadella', claims report

knarf

Yup drivers

When I got my surface book about a year ago its barely booted out the box and was completely unusable .

Spent a whole day doing updates and to get it back to a working machine.

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Kaspersky axes antitrust complaints against Microsoft after Windows giant vows to play nice

knarf

In Time

We will be free of the CRAPWARE that is called anti-virus.

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Microsoft's Surface Pro 2017, unhinged: Luxury fondleslab that's good...

knarf

If only....

They just rammed it eh... full of RAM and DISK, made it cheaper than a MAC and it would sell in buckets.

I've a Surface Book i7 16gb 1tb.... yip I;'m mad, but the mac alternatives where not worth the cash

But I can play Elite and Civ V/VI

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Uber drivers game Uber's system like Uber games the entire planet

knarf

Customers???

At no point does customer needs and wants feature in this, its all about screwing them for every penny.

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Beancounter nicks $5m from bosses, blows $1m on fantasy babe Kate Upton's mobe game

knarf

Wonder if the fast car was a VW Golf

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Creditors urge Toshiba to consider bankruptcy – reports

knarf

Tish Tosh and your gone

Was once the envy of the west.

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UK regulator set to ban ads depicting bumbling manchildren

knarf

Quite Right!

I'm sick of ads showing men as bumbling idiot that need a good women to sort them out!

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Azure Stack's debut ends the easy ride for AWS, VMware and hyperconverged boxen

knarf

The Conjoined Triangles of Success

Looks like Jack Barker is now in charge of Microsoft and building boxes like only he knows how.

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Apple eats itself as iPhone fatigue spreads

knarf

Listen and Charge at same time

I have an iphone 7 after many years of a Nokia 1020.

When I moved across (not an upgrade it was a move!) I asked the "genis" for an adaptor where I could listen to music and charge the phone at the same time. This adaptor didn't exist in the apple shop. No demand it seems.

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HMRC IT cockup misses nearly 1m Scottish taxpayers for devo PAYE letters

knarf

Good for Scotland

I don't mind paying a bit extra tax if it benefits others.

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Military reservist bemoans frost-bitten baby-maker on Antarctic trek

knarf

South Pole its summer

Surely Vulture South told you the difference

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Scotland's Skyscanner sold to Chinese rival Ctrip in £1.4bn deal

knarf

Have you heard of a search engine called "Google" ?

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knarf

Dev events, Free beer and Pizza

Been to a fair few events at Sky Scanner offices in Glasgow and is a tech hub of excellence where they sponsor events such as a very good docker series. Lets hope they firmly remain in the UK.

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The sharks of AI will attack expensive and scarce workers faster than they eat drivers

knarf

WebMD

Doctors in the UK are already using a WikiMD as the basis for their consults. This has been mentioned in the reg already.

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AMD will sell server CPUs at Happy Meal prices so you can supersize servers

knarf

1024 cores...

would not mind at all getting my sticky little mitts on a 1024 core board.

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Publishing military officers' names 'creates Islamic State hitlist'

knarf

Major Hazard

I was working at an insurance company where they have a policy for a gentleman in the army called "Major Hazard" .

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Samsung to acquire Joyent

knarf

Will it be know as Joy Division internally

Cos that would be cool

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Robo-buses join the traffic in Helsinki

knarf

Rise of the machines

It does worry me slightly that in the near future that their will be no human taxi drivers, I'll miss the complete right wing bull shite that is provided a free service.

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CERN staff conduct 'human sacrifice' at supercollider site

knarf

Trumps next speech

Oh hum never a dull day at cern, now we know what they do when its broke.

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Physicists believe they may have found fifth force of nature

knarf

Re: paywall on linked article

I HATE pay walls on research data, it should be make illegal as its generally the public paying for the research in the first place....gggrrrrrrr

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£1m military drone crashed in Wales after crew disabled anti-crash systems – report

knarf

Drones for UK that can't land in the Wet

Sounds like some missing non functional requirements to me.

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Your mission, should you accept it, is to use cheap VMs before they self-destruct

knarf

Sounds good to me

If you a bunch of data you want to process over a couple of weeks then this looks idea.

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