* Posts by aqk

297 posts • joined 19 Nov 2012


Xiaomi Mi 9 owners furious after dodgy Vodafone software patch bricked their mobes


Re: Android One

Wow! A headphone socket? And an SD port?

Truly amazing! Has the rest of the Android and iPhone industry heard yet?


Re: To be fair

Keep your physical shop.

I bought my Xiami Note7-Pro a few months ago from Ali-Express.

Still works great!

Of course I researched it first, and didn't ignorantly fall for the verbal diarrhea of some white-shirted punk with a smile.


Re: To be fair

In which country? I've never heard of the UK.

There- fixed that for ya...

Getting a pizza the action, AS/400 style

IT Angle


I used to have NIGHTMARES after every time eating at a US PizzaHut!

Nightmares of drinking copious gallons of cold water! I could not get enough! My wife wondered why I was moaning so much in bed.

I finally figured out that it was THE SALT that PizzaHut dumps into its pizza! Unbelievable! Probably just so that the customers would buy more 3% American beer! UGH!

WOW! Maybe Pizza Hut ran an AS/400? ...And the RPG-II made the pizza-dough recipes...?


Ah...! The AS/400

I worked with one of these 20 years ago. I suppose I was probably the "Systems Programmer" for it.

At one point the RPG-II programmers were having difficulty "transitioning from RPG-II to RPG-3. or was it 4? I forget.

So I suggested to the "Director" that we upgrade or at least "transition" to COBOL.

Nope! That would be... uh, a long leaning curve. They would have have all sorts of training courses.

Sheesh! So in a week or two, I learned RPG-3 (or was it 4?) and wrote a coupla programs for HTML integration - we had our own web-server running some Lotus-crap called "Domino" which I had to maintain, in spite of me secretly running Apache and IIS on my static IS Win2000 system.

HEY! Maybe Domino was the Pizza? I never thought of that!

Finally the CEO let me go, and, a 11 months later the company folded. Goodbye AS-400 system, Domino, RPG and the whole kit'n'kaboodle.

The president then retired to his luxurious home in the Florida keys.

The programmers? They got out of computer programming and became the 2000s' decade version of Uber drivers.

It was the second worse job I had in my life. You really don't wish to hear about the first- a COBOL programmer in the late 1960s! lol.

India says 'Zoom is a not a safe platform' and bans government users


To paraphrase Dr. Johnson...

To paraphrase Dr. Johnson- "No, Madam. With Zoom, YOU leak. I Skype."

Cloudflare goes retro with COBOL delivery service. Older coders: Who's laughing now? Turns out we're still vital

IT Angle

Re: It's all in the execution.

Well, it's nice to know that Admiral Grace Hopper died a peaceful and civilised death.

Stop worrying – Larry Ellison and Prez Trump will have this whole coronavirus thing licked shortly with the power of data


Re: Larry knows who the devil is

Well, yeah. Isn't it Bill Gates? Or is that Scott McNealy's theory?

All these Gates-haters get me so cofused. How did I ever wind up on El-Reg?

Paris Hilton

At last, Larry has his DISEASE!

Well, his hated "rival", Bill Gates has Malaria, so Larry has finally got his own disease!

Oh, My! Nice goin', Larry!

You may yet steal that Nobel prize away from the evil anti-Christ Bill !

Keep pluggin' away! If you have to, hock a jet-fighter or two! And don't let some pipsqueak's Maria stop you!

NASA to launch 247 petabytes of data into AWS – but forgot about eye-watering cloudy egress costs before lift-off

Big Brother

Cloudy days ahead? Demand your own SSDs

Well, I just wanna know when Amazon will sell me a hard disk with one or two Exabytes on it.

Gonna need it for my modest Pr0n stash....

SSD preferably.

Please- do not suggest this "cloud" nonsense to me!

Firefox 74 slams Facebook in solitary confinement: Browser add-on stops social network stalking users across the web


Re: Google is the lesser evil


I've heard that Google does no evil.

Long ago, some wise IT guru said that. Sorry- I can't remember who....

Paris Hilton

Re: No FB for me, ever

Edge unloaded? Don't forget to czech your Edge cookies in Firefox.

Big Brother

Re: "Log in with Facebook"

How about Gravatar? I have several of these, using the Anonnie Mouse Sudo nims...

Or has Gravatar been co-opted by Wordpress?

The Reg produces exhibit A1: A UK court IT system running Windows XP


Re: in fairness - Such foolishness!

Milling stone by computer?

This is the 21st Century! Now, they should melt the stone or granite, and then write it.

Usinga VERY (Uhh.. ULTRA?) High temperature 3-D printer, and print the tablets out!


Re: in fairness

No, silly!

Like Dr. Mengele.

Jeff Bezos: I will depose King Trump


For further disturbing info on this Amazon Borg-

Just watch PBS FRONTLINE next Tuesday. SCARY!

Or watch it online- ( https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/frontline/ )

That is, if you or your IP address lives in the USA.

Your IP is not in the USA? Well, you know what to do, right?

5G signals won't make men infertile, sighs UK ad watchdog as it bans bonkers scary poster

Paris Hilton


Where can I get one (for Free) ?

I gotta give it to a friend so he can hang it up in his "man-cave".

A good excuse for him when things don't go right with... uh, the ladies!

But then maybe one of the following might be better! https://dietsheriff.com/5g-male-review/

Tesla has a smashing weekend: Model 3 on Autopilot whacks cop cars, Elon's Cybertruck demolishes part of LA


Re: I just can't wait

re: I just can't wait

I know the feeling. See my comment elsewhere here.

Paris Hilton

I know the feeling, Elon.

Perhaps Elon just got "overly excited" when his silver, daft-looking, low-poly girlfriend decided to get "overly amorous" while "thanking him" for a great Sushi dinner.

I know the feeling. Or I used to. Long ago... when a girlfriend tried that stunt on me while I was doing 130KPH on the NY route 87.

"Wait, WAIT! Let me find a rest stop first!"

Alas about 40+ years ago. Oh- the car was a (gulp) infamous Chevrolet Vega, not a sexy electric batmotruck. Well, chacun à son goût, (no pun intended)

Ah... Glory days, glory days.

Cloudy with a chance of colocation: Taiwan's Delta Electronics rolls out beastly 600kVA UPS



Supposedly this is the backup power supply for all those huge lasers pointed at the sky, and across the Strait in case the mainland hordes decide to attack.

Either that, or Taiwan has finally found a way to make a miniature power-producing Tokamak.

Probably both.

Space-wrecks: Elon's prototype Moon ferry Starship blows its top during fuel tank test


StainlessSteel is the future?

Or was the top of this stainless steel cylinder actually constructed out of sturdy laminated chicken-fat?

Note that Elon's new Cyber Truck will also be made of this new Stainless Musksteel.


Gas-guzzling Americans continue to shun electric vehicles as sales fail to bother US car market


Re: 50-mile commute? Fly? Get an electric!

Isn't it about time that some of these trendy lawyer types started to drive electric airplanes?

US Air Force inks deal with Raytheon on Windows 10 (and other) support for ARSE

Big Brother

But will this take the Edge off of the F35?

Unless it's built with Chrome and not Titanium.

IBM looks to boost sales the same way it has for 65 years – yes, it's a new mainframe: The z15


COBOL "In the box"?

You must have retired before the IBM software unbundling occurred - somewhere back in early 1970s. At least in North America- in Europe it was a tad later.

Ask your systems programmer- the guy who installed this COBOL and Fortran stuff for you. If he's still alive.

Somehow, I still am.

Tinfoil-hat search engine DuckDuckGo gifts more options, dark theme and other toys for the 0.43%


Re: Go. So?

So which search engine do YOU recommend?

Be careful with your answer.

It will never be safe to turn off your computer: Prankster harnesses the power of Windows 95 to torment fellow students

IT Angle

Re: sad mac

I always KNEW that Parkinson's was a sinister disease.

Don't let your dreams be dreams! Itty-bitty space shuttle to ride into orbit on a Vulcan Centaur


What about that secret unmanned shuttle that is now in orbit?

The US air force has at least twice blasted a small shuttle - the X37B - into orbit- maybe more times.

The first time was for a whole year- I remember seeing pictures of it landing.

The second time it went into orbit, I lost track of its story. Is it still in orbit?

Why can't they use this design? Is it too small for a human? Or is it just too secret?

Ubuntu says i386 to be 86'd with Eoan 19.10 release: Ageing 32-bit x86 support will be ex-86


What about 16-bit? Any support?

Does this mean I will not have any further support for my 5¼" floppies? I have two of my bitcoin wallets (from 2009) on one!

And what about my 8-bit paper-tape reader? Thank goodness this was obsoleted before I decided to save crypto-wallets off-site!

Guess I quickly better get those wallets copied over to a good 32-bit device.

Nah- it's time to use 64 bit for even this cryptic stuff also, I suppose.

Why did my idiot geek nephew tell me to invest in bitcoin 8 years ago? BAH! I woulda been better off with FTSE or NASDAQ!

Zorin OS 15 nods at Ubuntu and welcomes Windows escapees


But it still won't run WordPerfect!

Even if WINE is bundled with it.

Not that I care. I'm quite happy with LibreOffice. But other old folks NEEEED their WP!

Hmmmm.... Say! Is WINE included?

RIP: Microsoft finally pulls plug on last XP survivor... POSReady 2009


Are they in Ireland also?

....all those cashpoints that still run XP in the UK .....

You still appear clueless. You brexit, you pays for it.

Now, go sell some of those cruddy old Nuclear submarines that the UK (excuse me, ENGLAND) does not want anymore

Don't try to sell them to Scotland. Or Canada. We've already learned not to buy any more Britshit.

Welcome to the 3rd world, laddie!


OMG! How will I ever read my 5¼" floppies?

Oh, how sad! What next in this dread new century? Now, I suppose that I shall have to install something called a "starter motor" on my old 1938 Vauxhall! BLOODY ENOUGH!

Well - I SHALL NEVER give up my highly reliableXP! Or for that matter, buy some trendy new expensive motor vehicle that has an absurd petrol-burning system called "fuel injection"!

But I have been promised by the expert Registroids here that I may be able to soon convert all my desktops to something called "Linux"! This is wonderful news!

They say that everyone will soon be dumping their Windows systems for this "Linux" by 2015! I can hardly wait!

Wait? um.. what year is this? 2008? 2009? Goodness! I had better hurry!

Prepare yourselves for Windows 10 May-hem. Or is it June, no, July?


Methinks I'd be deleting MSWindows first...

Didn't you say this in 2011? And trusted that everyone would no doubt be on Linux by 2014?

Me? I am still awaiting delivery of my 2008 Hydrogen-powered BMW, which I ordered in 2006.


I asked Cortana about this. Her reply was "No".

Can't do it the US way? Then we'll do it Huawei – and roll our own mobile operating system


We need the Mozilla / Firefox phone!

Now! More than ever!

Why did Shuttleworth bail out so soon?

Big Brother

Another operating system?

I've had a Huawei phone (well, a couple) for 5+ years and they always seemed to have their own OS. Is this just a cosmetic front-end to Android?

And what's the difference? I assume that Android, as a Linux clone, is open?

Put down the cat, coffee, beer pint, martini, whatever you're holding, and make sure you've updated Chrome (unless you enjoy being hacked)


Mint? Ubuntu?

What! Why aren't you using the supplied Firefox as recommended?

Problem solved.

IBM so very, very sorry after jobs page casually asks hopefuls: Are you white, black... or yellow?


You don't have to go back to 1939.

In the late 1970s and early '80s I was systems programmer for a large Canadian hospital. After designing my own online CICS registration/admissions system and successfully getting it up and running, I was gradually implementing more and more features into it.

Then the IBM suits walked in with their inferior (in my modest estimation) system, and sold it to the top brass for beaucoup $$.

Anyway- one of the demographic boxes on this "new" IBM system had exactly that: WHITE, BLACK YELLOW. I don't remember if there was a fourth "MULATTO" box - this may have come in a later release.

BTW, our IBM sales "engineer" had just come back from Rio de Janeiro, where he had helped to install this vaunted IBM hospital system. Perhaps this is where Brazil picked up these descriptions.

Anyhow, I was gladly outa there, and let several COBOL hacks, um.. programmers (not hackers!) take over its implementation, replete with an older version of CICS.

Finally, by the 21st century, I had thankfully retired, as the suits with their "Master of Hospital Administration" and MBA degrees had increased at least tenfold, running rampant. Then the hospital became embroiled in huge financial and operating scandals, with the CEO and his wife escaping arrest by fleeing to Panama, where he eventually died. But I think it's still safe to have an operation or other medical procedure performed in this hospital - the medical staff appears to be competent enough....

We did Nazi see this coming... Internet will welcome Earth's newest nation with, sigh, a brand new .SS TLD


Re: worth it! Brex it?


You brex it, you pays for it!

According to http://www.brex.it/wp/

Apple hardware priced so high that no one wants to buy it? It's 1983 all over again


I don't care. I use whatever system / machine does the job.

Exactly. And 30 years ago Apple (and its weenie fanbois) COULD NOT do the job. I was there. I saw them. All they could do is whine "But my APPLE is sooo much better than this cheap DOS machine!"

"OK, shithead. Do the job!" they were told by a boss who would not even use a Windows mouse! (it was too effete)

And they failed. Then they were tossed out. Their expensive company Apples were then raffled off to us.

Yet strangely, nothing has changed! The incessant yammering nerdyboys here no doubt still mutter "BILL GATES? HE'S THE ANTICHRIST!" (yawn...) Well.. at least they no longer shout it.

Hey- I'm STILL waiting for Linux to take over the business office. Gee! Is it 2016 yet?

Mind you, I'm still waiting for my 2008 Hydrogen-powered BMW that I ordered in 2006...


Re: Expansion slots. Meh. Indeed!

Who had the last laugh?

How much did you pay for these "add-ons"? And the original XT? It must have been at least TRIPLE the price of a fully-loaded Apple, right?


Check out Huawei- the Apple of the 2020s...

People actually still buy Apples? I mean beside the El-Rag faithful and their weenie acolytes?

What do they actually DO with their Apples? I mean the overpriced iPads, iPhones and iCraps..

Just read https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/22/technology/huawei-europe-china.html

In particular, read the reply from "Godfree" in California.

Anyhow, I've used Huawei phones for 5+ years. A pox on your Apples.

And DON'T be afraid of the Yellow Peril spying on you! Nor are the Huawei phones filled with opium to hook you.

Oh wait! I'm mixed up. This is what the British did to the Chinese a hundred years ago!

RIP 2019-2019: The first plant to grow on the Moon? Yeah, it's dead already, Chinese admit

Paris Hilton

NO! Not even to grow cotton! Although you might ply me with Cashmere....



A pub?

Hey, I make the local atmosphere! As long as there no smokers nearby.

Oh- the Moon is airless! No problem!

But I'd like an awning perhaps. Or a large umbrella for my acolytes. Then you all may gather around, and listen to my bon mots. The atmosphere will come.


Re: Should have sent the tardigrades

Of course they know. But capitalism reigns.

Cotton is also responsible for draining the Mare Imbrium and Mare Frigoris, etc At one a great colony of Lunatechs lived there.

Earthling, take note.


Re: Cotton is interesting

3D printing a loom?

Get with it man! You feed the cotton juice into the printer and it prints your undies!


Re: Cotton?

In China, they use noodle suppositories. And of course bones from dead tigers.


(-274 degrees in Freedom units)

Great! As a Canadian living next door to the US, I have to remember this one.

Besides the US, does any other "developed" country in the world still use Faren,... uh, Freedum degrees?

The local US radio stations drive me nuts with their antiquated weather reports.

hmmm... So one KM is now approx .625 Freedomiles.

And it takes 2.54 cm to make a Freeduminch. Yeah, that's about right

How many stone does a Brit weigh? ??? Oh! A Stone = 14 FreedumLb

Uhh.. I mean ONE Brexitstone of course!

Excuse me, sir. You can't store your things there. Those 7 gigabytes are reserved for Windows 10


Re: I think I can spare 7Gb out of the 8Tb I'm using for storage at the moment.

Admittedly, disk cleanup needs to be automatic,

WHAT??? NO! Heaven forbid!

El-Reg weenies don't like this "automatic" stuff! Particularly automatic updates!


Re: I think I can spare 7Gb out of the 8Tb I'm using for storage at the moment.

Hey! 75 DOWNVOTES! (so far)

The Android and MAC weenies really don't like you! You must be saying something sensible!

China's loose Chang'e: Probe lands on far side of the Moon in science first, says state media


Re: Spot the 'deliberate' mistake in the video

Now tell us your 9-11 theory about how steel will not melt at 800 degrees!




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