* Posts by Nolveys

751 posts • joined 6 Nov 2012

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TV piracy ring walks the plank after Euro cops launch 14 raids and shutter 11 data centres

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Headmaster

M'dog 'us barkin'in d'yard so I shut'erin.

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Re: Expensiv

Stadiums - Billion $ spends are common

Usually tax payers get to pay that bill.

Chap joins elite support team, solves what no one else can. Is he invited back? Is he f**k

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Headmaster

Re: Unfortunately predicable

After that I always produced a PPT with the mission-critical specs to present to those with short attention spans

  • When extending the reach of forklifts by lifting them with other forklifts the larger forklift should be used to lift the smaller forklift.
  • Always use the side of the industrial fan that the air comes out of rather than the side it goes into when impressing coworkers by stopping the fan with your tongue.
  • When driving equipment through the bay doors always make sure the bay doors are open first.
  • The vending machines are heavy, try not to pull them over on yourself.

Mayors having a right 'mare in Florida: Acting mayor arrested weeks after boss also arrested

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Trollface

Caligula wanted to make his fav horse (Incitatus) a consul...

I don't believe that was mentioned in the critically acclaimed documentary staring Malcolm McDowell.

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Windows

Even former Toronto mayor Rob Ford (who only smoked crack during his drunken stupors) drew the line at shooting at swat teams.

Microsoft changes DHCP to 'Dammit! Hacked! Compromised! Pwned!' Big bunch of security fixes land for Windows

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Windows

Re: Disable TFTP services

I think you need it for pxe. Super-handy for installing winders, just boot a super-basic windows image over tftp, net use a location with Windows installs and run setup. The only crappy part is making sure the basic windows has the right network drivers. That and the part where you are using Windows.

Science says death metal fans delightful and intelligent people, great at dinner parties

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Re: Free Thinkers

Oh, Rocky!

We can do this the easy way or the Huawei, US tells Germany with threat to snip intel over 5G fears

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Windows

I think that we should trust the US when it says that Huawei has weapons of mass destruction and must be invaded in order to rid the world of evil-doers.

Freelance devs: Oh, you wanted the app to be secure? The job spec didn't mention that

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Add salt to improve the flavour.

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Beat me to it. freelancer.com is a scam and the chances of getting anyone who knows what they are doing through it is about nil.

Still fewer Windows 10 devices out there than Instagrammer Kylie Jenner has dollars

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Trollface

Bad numbers

The actual number is already well past 1B, it's just that the telemetry doesn't count bricked devices.

You have the right to remain on-prem, but you should really head for the cloud, UK plod told

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Trollface

One force questioned had gone all-in on the public cloud (with restricted access, of course)

Access restricted to those with Internet connections.

Customer: We fancy changing a 25-year-old installation. C'mon, it's just one extra valve... Only wafer thin...

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Re: The dirtiest four-letter word...

"I'd better look inside...hmmm, how does this open? Can I borrow your drill? Never mind, I've got an angle grinder in the car..."

Microsoft unveils HoloLens 2: Pitches AR goggles at suits

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Holmes

Re: How do you know...

Your coworkers stop laughing?

Eggheads want YOU to name Jupiter's five newly found moons ‒ and yeah, not so fast with Moony McMoonface

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Screw Your Rules

Name them:

  • We Do Not Really Understand The Economy, Hope You Are Working On That
  • Take Some Time To Learn About World War Two
  • We Invented The Internet
  • Moony McMoonface
  • Good Luck

Australian prime minister blames 'state level' baddies for Oz parliament breach

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Meh

Our cyber experts...

Three words in and I already need a vomit bag.

Pokemon No! Good news: You can now ban the virtual pests, er, pets to stop nerds wandering around your property

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Windows

From: jane@niantic.com

To: fred@niantic.com

Subject: New location exclusions

Hi Fred,

We've gone through last month's incident reports and have a new list of location exclusions for you to add to the placement checks:

bombing ranges

artillery ranges

hydro-electric turbine inlets

hospital operating theatres

nuclear reactors

transformer stations

frozen lakes

waterfalls

nuclear missile silos

train yards

automotive assembly plants

demolition sites

CDC research laboratories

airport runways

Baltimore

Please get those entered in time for the batch run on Friday.

Thanks,

Jane

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Headmaster

Other way around.

'Now is the winter of our disk contents'... Decision on Lauri Love's seized gear due next week

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Holmes

Re: He's still assuming the kit is still in the UK...

His stuff is parked next to the ark of the covenant, awaiting the attention of top men.

HMRC: We 'rigorously tested' IR35 tax-check tool... but have almost nothing to show for it

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Meh

High Quality Test Software Of High Quality

echo "THE SOFTWARE, IT NO WORKY!"

If you work for the UK government and are interested in a custom version of our test suite for your disaster of a project then contact us for quotes. Custom test suite modifications can be quoted for prices as low as £38m and can be realized for actual prices as low as £450m.

Our test software has been used in such projects as Defence Information Infrastructure, NHS National Program for IT, Digital Services at the Border, Emergency Services Mobile Communications Programme, Universal Credit and many others.

Call today!

OK, Google. Music in 2019 isn't what it was, but Play nice, will ya?

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Unhappy

Re: All the best music was written before 1988 anyway

It used to be that selecting a station on the radio was about finding something I wanted to hear. Now I feel lucky if I find something that doesn't make me want to punch someone in the face.

Sure, you can keep Grandpa Windows 7 snug in the old code home – for a price

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Windows

Re: Updating to Windows 10

Remember an OS exists only to run applications.

I don't think Microsoft would agree with that statement.

Crypto exchange in court: It owes $190m to netizens after founder 'dies without telling anyone vault passwords'

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And seriously, if you've got inflammatory bowel disease, is a holiday in India good idea?

Maybe he was hooked on adrenaline and a trip to India was like his version of base jumping.

I won't bother hunting and reporting more Sony zero-days, because all I'd get is a lousy t-shirt

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Headmaster

This story makes no sense...

...how does one install a root kit on a shirt?

Windows Defender update: So secure, it wouldn't let Secure-Boot Windows PCs, er, boot

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Unhappy

Re: All fine here

My Windows froze. It was -37c when I woke up.

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Windows

Seems up for me, though actually buying anything from the damn thing seems near impossible so maybe there's not much of a difference.

Oh dear! Amazon's facial recognition is racist and sexist – and there's a JLaw deep fake that will make you want to tear out your eyes

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Windows

Rekognition was being sold to government agencies and could be inaccurate - especially when trying to identify people with darker skin tones.

Reminds me of an episode of Better Off Ted in which they install facial recognition to activate everything from elevators to water fountains. The only problem is that the system can't see black people. Instead of admiting the system is a failure they install separate water fountains for black employees as well as designating them to specific elevators...

Mobile network Three UK's customer details exposed in homepage blunder

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Re: Only three?!

It's like they can't tell the three from the fourest.

Forget snowmageddon, it's dropageddon in Azure SQL world: Microsoft accidentally deletes customer DBs

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Windows

Redmond is offering months of database service for free as compensation...

That sounds like a good deal.

Canadians moot methods to embiggen moose monument and make Mac great again

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Headmaster

the city of Moose Jaw (yes, really)

For those wondering where this is, it's about 6 hours east of Head-Smashed_in Buffalo Jump.

PSA: Disable FaceTime. Miscreants can snoop on your iPhone, Mac mic before you pick up call

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Meh

Hopefully this will save someone a few seconds:

Iphone 4ish: settings -> general -> restrictions -> FaceTime

...and maybe it even works.

Whats(goes)App must come down... World in shock as Zuck decides to intertwine Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp

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Windows

Re: Your Future Red Hat

Probably more likely that red hat gradually gets hobbled, the employees leave or get laid off, RedHat Linux gets renamed Watson Blockchain AI and gets binned after everyone abandons it.

Miscreants sweep internet for unpatched Cisco kit, fears over bugged Chinese parts, Roger Stone nabbed...

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Terminator

Re: Same old, same old...

I think that part of the problem is the focus on cybersecurity. More time and resources should be spent securing things that aren't cyborgs.

Hardworking Americans keep busy during the government shutdown driving up smut traffic

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If it hadn't been for DJO's post I would have assumed that all the down-votes were from people who found the humour disgusting and juvenile. I never would have imagined that anyone would have taken that nonsense seriously.

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Trump could have asked for finance before when the Republicans controlled the purse strings but he didn't, now the Democrats have control it's a national emergency?

You just want Trump on his hands and knees with someegg on his face, don't you? You can't have your cream pie and eat it too.

Al the Democrats are doing is refusing to finance a pointless vanity project which everybody knows will have zero effect on illegal border crossings.

Are you saying that the immigrants will use the back door? I don't think the back door is big enough for that, it'll be a tight squeeze.

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Paris Hilton

This government shutdown has been very long and very hard. It's tempting to finger Trump, but the democrats have been plugging things up too. Hopefully they can pound something out before too long or either congress or the White House pulls out.

I can honestly see the thrust of Trump's point, though maybe foreigners penetrating into places they don't belong isn't so bad. Let's just hope that the slope isn't too slippery.

This is certainly a sticky situation and we seem so be stuck between a eock and a hard place.

Are you sure your disc drive has stopped rotating, or are you just ignoring the messages?

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Windows

Re: I can believe it!

I work for a company that sends out all their invoices in emails in a batch run every month. The procedure is thus:

1. Print the invoices

2. Scan the printed invoices

3. Email the scanned invoices

4. Bin the invoices

I showed them "print to PDF" once, but there was no interest.

Microsoft partner portal 'exposes 'every' support request filed worldwide' today

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Meh

Re: File a support request?

An azure support agent will reach out to you.

I don't think that groping will help this situation.

The Iceman cometh, his smartwatch told the cops: Hitman jailed after gizmo links him to Brit gangland slayings

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Headmaster

Re: Hi-viz bike

The "Professional Hitman Services" along with home phone number in flashing LEDs on the vest didn't help either.

IBM to kill off Watson... Workspace from end of February

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Re: @Jeffy "...AI tool Watson Workspace..."

President Joe once had a dream

The world held his hand, gave their pledge

So he told them his scheme for a savior machine

They called it the Prayer, its answer was law

Its logic stopped war, gave them food

How they adored till it cried in its boredom

Please don't believe in me, please disagree with me

Life is too easy, a plague seems quite feasible now

Or maybe a war, or I may kill you all

Don't let me stay, don't let me stay

My logic says burn so send me away

Your minds are too green, I despise all I've seen

You can't stake your lives on a savior machine

Come mobile users, gather round and learn how to add up

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Mushroom

This is why test/development environments and production environments should never be the same network.

That seems to imply that they aren't on the same machine, accessed by the same user account and located in the same directory.

US Department of Defense to fling $1.76bn at Microsoft

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Windows

Support for tools, access to knowledgebases, “custom changes to source-code”.

DoD: "If we pay you $1.76B will you make your garbage work properly for us?"

MS: "We can pretend that we will."

SpaceX sends Iridium-8 into space while Musk flaunts his retro rocket

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Thumb Up

Falcon 9 boosters should be able to manage 10 flights without needing an overhaul, and go for at least 100 flights before retirement.

That is just too cool. Can't wait for the first landing attempt on another world.

Also, I think Starship will look pretty cool once they get the wrinkles out.

Q. How exactly do you test car seats? A. With this sweaty 'robutt' that twerks for days and days

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Re: Last I checked

I was just going to say that they really should use brine if they want to arrive at a valid ass-essment.

Windows 10 Insiders sent on quest deep into Registry to fetch goblet of Reserved Storage

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Re: Kill Windows 10 version of Start Menu

I don't get why people care about the start menu.

They probably try to use their computers to do work, the silly fools.

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Windows

Re: Kill Windows 10 version of Start Menu

Before you've finished typing it has narrowed down the choices and normally has what you're after in the top 1-3.

Or it doesn't find it at all and instead comes up with irrelevant garbage. The funny thing is that the search works pretty well under Windows 7.

Case in point, adding a TAP adapter for OpenVPN. Under Windows 7 start search and "TAP" immediately finds "Add a new TAP virtual ethernet adapter", under 10: No results found for "TAP".

Luckily winkey+r still works (for now).

Mainframe brains-slurper sues IBM for 'age discrim', calls Ginny and biz 'morally bankrupt'

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Windows

A pension is a pay deduction that covers portions of currently-due unfunded liabilities.

Yeesh, even I know that.

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Windows

As a literal greybeard I'm fortunate to be nearing my pension date.

What's a "pension date"?

Despite vows to spend more with smaller firms, UK.gov sure does seem to love legacy lock-in

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Windows

Re: the bad old days of legacy lock-in

Erm correct me if I am wrong but I thought these were the bad days of legacy lock-in.

They've managed to avoid lock-in in recent years by ensuring that each and every government IT project is a dismal failure that gets thrown in the bin.

LA Times knocked out, HackerOne slips up and – amazingly – router security still sucks

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Re: Military, calm

"Right! Everyone can relax, we're here to calm the situation! Men, fire at random in all directions!"

Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-tat...

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