* Posts by MatsSvensson

215 posts • joined 3 Nov 2012

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40 million emoji-addicted keyboard app users left with $18m bill – after malware sneaks into Play Store yet again

MatsSvensson

Let me guess:

This app requires the following rights:

* Every-fucking-thing.

[ Accept ]

A stranger's TV went on spending spree with my Amazon account – and web giant did nothing about it for months

MatsSvensson

Magic tool

"this time, this guy pulls out a magic tool and tells me where the purchases were made"

Wanna bet, that magic tool was some raw SQL or similar typed in?

Good news – America's nuke arsenal to swap eight-inch floppy disks for solid-state drives

MatsSvensson

Menawhile...

in the white house...

We're free in 3... 2... 1! Amazon unhooks its last Oracle database, nothing breaks and life goes on

MatsSvensson

There's no need for that.

It's all very quiet.

It's just internal switching.

Really? No one's ever switched off a Oracle database before.

...

Whoa, shit!

Visual Studio Code gets more touch-feely, new Windows Server builds arrive for brave admins

MatsSvensson

Counterpoint:

Fuck that shit.

Twitter: No, really, we're very sorry we sold your security info for a boatload of cash

MatsSvensson

Please...

Give me your email and phone number, to read this comment.

Top tip: Don't upload your confidential biz files to free malware-scanning websites – everything is public

MatsSvensson

New service!

Email me your passwords, and my algorithm will check if they are compromised.

Auto-reply: YEP!

Facebook: The future is private! So private, we designed some handy new fingercams for y'all!

MatsSvensson

BANG!

Bang bang bang!

Here's a great idea: Why don't we hardcode the same private key into all our smart home hubs?

MatsSvensson

Its a security experts job to be perceived as negative by noobs.

And to take notes about people complaining, and file them under "security risk"

Must watch: GE's smart light bulb reset process is a masterpiece... of modern techno-insanity

MatsSvensson

Simple enough

Thats:

0118 999 881 999 119 725 3

DigitalOcean drowned my startup! 'We lost everything, our servers, and one year of database backups' says biz boss

MatsSvensson

The cloud...

Personally, I prefer to keep my house key under my neighbors doormat.

It frees up space at my place, plus its safer.

Probably.

We've read the Mueller report. Here's what you need to know: ██ ██ ███ ███████ █████ ███ ██ █████ ████████ █████

MatsSvensson

Could be worse

Worse that Hitler?

Oh I don't know...

I mean, they both ████ dogs.

And is that really so bad?

Let's spin Facebook's Wheel of Misfortune! Clack-clack-clack... clack... You've won '100s of millions of passwords stored in plaintext'

MatsSvensson

Low salt diet

But how else are they going to know what soda to sell to people who have "cOkELIgHt" as their PW ?!

Millennials 'horrify' their neighbours with knob-shaped lights display

MatsSvensson

"I would hope that if they are students, their university or college takes some form of action against them"

Yeah!

Someone should try get a hold of the the head of the staff there, and put forth an oral complaint relating to taste and the sheer size of the thing.

Its just to much to take, in the face of it all.

And wont someone PLEASE think of the children!!

OneDrive is broken: Microsoft's cloudy storage drops from the sky for EU users

MatsSvensson

Cloudy the cloud says:

Looks like you're trying to get to your shit?

No dice today, cowboy =(

Anything else I can help you with?

Washington Post offers invalid cookie consent under EU rules – ICO

This post has been deleted by a moderator

F***=off, Google tells its staff: Any mention of nookie now banned from internal files, URLs

MatsSvensson

Oh yeah?

https://www.google.com/search?q=penis

jQuery? More like preyQuery: File upload tool can be exploited to hijack at-risk websites

MatsSvensson

That other guy is an idiot

So, in conclusion:

1.) Someone wrote a piece of upload code, that allows people to easily upload anything to a server, including executable .php files.

And the piece of the code that prevented any uploaded php to be executed, was in a .htaccess-file.

...and no one would be stupid enough to blindly fuck with the .htaccess-file to mess up security.

So we're all good here, right?

2.) Someone made a nice little improvement in the server-code, that turned off the use of .htaccess-files.

See, it all runs a little faster now!

...and no one would be stupid enough to just let anyone upload .php-files to to your server anyway.

So we're all good here, right?

3.) Everyone and their uncle put the upload-code on servers running the server-code, and then updated the server-code with the fix, that makes it run little faster.

And no worries, because we're all good here, right?

...

A little time passed...

And then the world imploded, and the moon flew off into space.

And whos fault is it?

(All together now)

THE OTHER GUY!

(Or maybe jQuery? somehow? idk...)

Teardown chaps strip away magic from Magic Leap's nerd goggles

MatsSvensson

Great for when you are invited to a costume party and you want to go as Seth Green in Can't Hardly Wait.

The future of humanity: A Bluetooth ball hitting your face – forever

MatsSvensson

Cant wait to have cochlear implants instead of earbuds!

...and hope they don't get pwned by someone who will make them emit subliminal micro-noises all night, just enough so I don't get any deep sleep ever an go slowly insane.

Oh my Tosh, it's only a 100TB small form-factor SSD, SK?

MatsSvensson

New breakthrough

Ultra-Portable MP3 Music Player Puts 100000000000000000000000000000000000 Songs in Your Pocket

FBI boss: We went to the Moon, so why can't we have crypto backdoors? – and more this week

MatsSvensson

Question:

Is it OK the backdoor is just painted on, like in cartoons?

Yay or nay?

I'm seeing some yay faces over here...

Criminal mastermind injects malicious script into Ethereum tracker. Their message? '1337'

MatsSvensson

Re: HTML5

In other words you have zero idea what HTML5 is.

A sure fire way to save cash and learn how to build AI: Early bird tix to our ML conference

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Sysadmin sank IBM mainframe by going one VM too deep

MatsSvensson

OMG WE GOT HACKED!!!

*head in hands*

*peeks through fingers*

Get rich with Firefox or *(int *)NULL = 0 trying: Automated bug-bounty hunter build touted

MatsSvensson

firefoxupdate.exe

10 DELETE feature

20 GOTO 10

Fukushima reactors lend exotic nuclear finish to California's wines

MatsSvensson

Radiant sir!

https://youtu.be/SlIEkdLkd1U?t=13

‘Elders of the Internet’ apologise for social media, recommend Trump filters to fix it

MatsSvensson

Man-"kind"

The Internet, and the species that created it, was a mistake.

Now the time has come to correct that mistake.

997

991

983

977

...

..

.

No, seriously, why are you holding your phone like that?

MatsSvensson

Slow

newsday

When Google's robots give your business the death sentence – who you gonna call?

MatsSvensson

Lesson

Never build anything on someone else infrastructure, if you don't have a watertight contract with them and contact-persons there that can be reached and has to answer to you.

And as for building on top of anything from Google;

Always check out the "support"-forums for it first.

If there are page after page of panicked users whos stuff has broken after Google changed something without telling anyone. And zero helpful response from google. And then those panicked voices just fade out after days and weeks and months of no reply or fixes.

R U N !

Google cloud VMs given same IP addresses ... and down they went

MatsSvensson

Sharing economy

Sharing economy 2.0

Unbreakable smart lock devastated to discover screwdrivers exist

MatsSvensson

App?

But the app had facebook and twitter right?

You cant think of everything!

Microsoft will ‘lose developers for a generation’ if it stuffs up GitHub, says future CEO

MatsSvensson

Mobile frist

Well clearly, first redesign the whole site so it look great on 3" phone-screens.

I'm thinking big beautiful text, max 3 lines on each page,

and all buttons should be tiles, and they should be big big BIG!

And all pages should have candy crush on them, for when you want to have FUN!

so in conclusion:

* BIG!

* TILES!

* FUN!

That what the kids want, and its modern.

Russian battery ambitions see a 10x increase in power from smaller, denser nukes

MatsSvensson

GO!

What could go wrong?

Smart bulbs turn dumb: Lights out for Philips as Hue API goes dark

MatsSvensson

Lost internet connection, emergency blink-mode initiated, contact your administrator to reset.

Lost internet connection, emergency blink-mode initiated, contact your administrator to reset.

Lost internet connection, emergency blink-mode initiated, contact your administrator to reset.

Lost internet connection, emergency blink-mode initiated, contact your administrator to reset.

Lost internet connection, emergency blink-mode initiated, contact your administrator to reset.

Lost internet connection, emergency blink-mode initiated, contact your administrator to reset.

Lost internet connection, emergency blink-mode initiated, contact your administrator to reset.

Lost internet connection, emergency blink-mode initiated, contact your administrator to reset.

Lost internet connection, emergency blink-mode initiated, contact your administrator to reset.

Lost internet connection, emergency blink-mode initiated, contact your administrator to reset.

Lost internet connection, emergency blink-mode initiated, contact your administrator to reset.

Lost internet connection, emergency blink-mode initiated, contact your administrator to reset.

Lost internet connection, emergency blink-mode initiated, contact your administrator to reset.

Lost internet connection, emergency blink-mode initiated, contact your administrator to reset.

Lost internet connection, emergency blink-mode initiated, contact your administrator to reset.

Lost internet connection, emergency blink-mode initiated, contact your administrator to reset.

Boffins: Michael Jackson's tilt was a criminally smooth trick

MatsSvensson

Preview of their next research project

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ac6o8PXthzQ

Uber says it's changed and is now ever-so ShinyHappy™

MatsSvensson

I bet a new chain of restaurants that didn't bother following laws or paying taxes or paying minimum wages, would also be very profitable.

I will call the app EA8TZ!

So long chumps, perhaps I will send you a postcard from billionaire island.

Have fun eating cheap-ass poison shit, and...

...what?

Mc-who?

Govts should police... Google's algorithms, says News Corp chief

MatsSvensson

10 GOTO 10

Yep, looks legal enough.

Proceed.

There is no perceived IT generation gap: Young people really are thick

MatsSvensson

Nuts!

If you guessed China’s heavy lifter failed due to a liquid hydrogen turbo engine fault, well done!

MatsSvensson

Aaaaaaahhh....

Its all falling apart, like a Chinese

motorcycle

lunar rover

heavy lifter !

First there were notebooks. Then tablets. And now ‘book tablets’

MatsSvensson

Nice!

But were is the ms-paint-book?

I need a tablet that can only run ms-paint!

India: Yeah, we would like to 3D-print igloos on the Moon

MatsSvensson

But would our eskimos be able to afford buying imported igloos all the way from the moon?

Is what id like to know!

Slack cuts ties to IRC and XMPP, cos they don't speak Emoji

MatsSvensson

Encoding error, symbol not found for:

=0 - - - - <=8

Military techie mangled minicomputer under nose of scary sergeant

MatsSvensson

I D I O T S to blame.

How the hell is it not obvious who is NOT to blame in this case?

If I had been the one who turned out the light, and someone with sub-human intelligence had wired the shutdown together with the bank of light-switches, id Fucking DIE before i would take even a tiny bit of that guys blame.

Bluetooth 'Panty Buster' 'smart' sex toy fails penetration test

MatsSvensson

In Soviet Russia, sex-toy turn on YOU.

Put butt-plug in, go party.

But in Soviet Russia, party plugs YOU.

EU bods up GDPR ante: Threatens legislative laggards with ‘infringement procedure’

MatsSvensson

Here in Sweden there is a complete blackout on information for us who actually is supposed to write the code for systems.

Q: What should I do to make my code GPDR-compliant?

A: Oh simple, just think about ordering the register, specify your tasks, and remember to assign plenty of time for the job, and bibetybop.

.... yeah yeah, thanks for the fucking advice!

Storage Christmas cracker: My band is called 1023MB. We haven't had a gig yet

MatsSvensson

A bit funny

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EhvzmKIvRE

FCC backtracks on helping with neutrality fraud investigation

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Official US govt Twitter accounts caught tweeting in Russian, now mysteriously axed

MatsSvensson

Mmmm..

koka kola, zymbol ov free vezt!

Over a million Android users fooled by fake WhatsApp app in official Google Play Store

MatsSvensson

Unsafe by design

Google clearly gives zero fucks about security in their shitty app-shop.

The fact alone, that they do everything they can to help scammers hide malware, is enough.

Try to find for example, a flash-light app, by searching only for those who requires zero unnecessary rights.

Yep, there is no way to easily separate a flash-light app that is only a flash-light app, from the 9999 ones that require your to allow it to edit your address-book or allow the programmer to enter your apartment at night and put their balls in your mouth, or similar 1000% flash-light unrelated shit.

Last time i checked, you had to actually begin the installation, to find out why you would get.

Then do that 1000 times to find the one spring-surprise, that doesn't pierce your cheek.

Or just bend over and click yes blindly to everything, to get on with your life, like you are supposed to.

Who the fuck designs a app-shop like that?

Halfwits or criminals, they have to be one or the other at Google.

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