"Boffins conclude AI humour not very punny"
113 posts • joined 12 Oct 2012
"Personal Cheeses" (by Johnny Cash or Depeche Mode - take your pick)
"My Whey" (Frank Sinatra)
"Buffalo Mozzarella Soldier" (Bob Marley)
"I'll Be Your Babybel Tonight" (Robert Parmigiana)
"Life on Marscapone" (David Bowie)
Anything recorded by Emmental As Anything
(Sorry if any / all of these are duplicates.)
On the seventh anniversary of Steve Jobs' death, we give you 7 times he served humanity and acted as an example to others
Re: It's not April 1st, is it?
Wow! Does a Reg article actually need a big bold headline "WARNING: SATIRE AHEAD" to avoid being misconstrued?
I thought that the simple fact that a piece appears in the Reg would be warning enough for most readers - finding a non-satirical piece is the real challenge!
Re: Let me get this straight...
Yep - call me cynical, but scrapping the collection of statistics on household internet usage just when the NBN is approaching "peak monumental cock-up" status sounds awfully convenient to me.
"Move along people - there's (literally) nothing to see here. (Because we didn't measure anything.)"
Hmmm ... I'm begging to sense a trend ...
Queensland Health payroll debacle - AU$6.19 million contract won by IBM; balloons out by AU$1.18 billion. (Yes, billion, not million.)
Australian Census-fail debacle; IT services supplied by IBM.
Pennsylvania unemployment benefits debacle - services provided by IBM.
Canada payroll debacle - services provided by IBM.
Re: Oh FFS
">80% on 25Mbps or slower should be considered mediocure."
You won't get any argument from me on that one (although "mediocre" is probably overselling this polished turd) - but that is all the MTM is delivering for a lot of people.
"If you accept that a technology change is less than a kitchen renovation or moving house then it is not that significant for owners. "
That is a joke, right? Are you seriously arguing that something in the order of $10,000 - $20,000 (or more) "is not significant" for a home owner who would like to upgrade to FTTP to get a decent internet connection?! Or that moving house "is not significant"? I assure you - that would be a VERY significant cost impost for everybody that I know. Where do you live - Kirribilli House?
"This is entirely due to Labor's policy decisions not MTM."
I'm not sure whether you've noticed - but the LNP has been in power since 2013. They own the current MTM _AND_ the funding arrangements. If they can change the technology, they can also change the funding model. (Indeed - it can be argued that a different technology, which was promised on the basis of "sooner, cheaper and more affordably" HAS to have a different funding model!)
Re: Contention ratios are poor guide to congestion
@mathew42: "Fibre fanboi FUD. If this was happening in the real world then you would see articles about it everywhere, instead we see that people are reporting speeds of 80Mbps and higher on FTTN."
You must be reading different newspapers, and watching different news and current affairs shows to me - we ARE seeing articles about the growing level of dissatisfaction with the under-performing NBN everywhere, and this is just the tip of the iceberg as the NBN deployment picks up speed.
Yes - SOME people on FTTN are seeing 80 Mbps (the lucky ones who won "Node Lotto"), but the vast majority are not. In fact, most people are signing up for 12 Mbps or 25 Mbps services, and the RSPs are down-grading them to those speeds, because the technology simply cant deliver 50 to 100 Mbps to many households.
Did you miss the fact that this week all the major RSPs have stopped advertising their services as "up to 25 Mbps", but are now referring to "between 5 and 12 Mbps", "between 5 and 25 Mbps", and "between 12 and 100 Mbps" services. Why do you think they would call it "between 12 and 100 Mbps" if it could reliably deliver 80 Mbps or higher?
"Something doesn't add up."
That was my thought exactly - why is NBNco trialling a technology that it won't be able to deliver to the significant majority of connected customers, delivering speed that they believe nobody wants?
Maybe somebody at NBNco just noticed the CEO's new clothes are something of an illusion?
Re: Swamp Gas!
"So why doesn't this happen every other day?"
It does - I suggest you do a Google search for "contrail fireball", and check out some of the linked videos and images.
(Of course, all this "evidence" that these fireballs are really just jet planes is EXACTLY what the global governments want us to believe - when in fact, they are in direct communication with the aliens.)
If you watch the video of the event, you can see that it is in fact a jet contrail, being under-lit from a very low angle by the dawn sun.
And yes, there was a confirmed Emirates A380 flying over Hobart at the time the video was taken. (But of course, the government WOULD say that, wouldn't they, if they wanted to keep the truth under wraps.)
Re: Large Satellites?
So how do you deal with the Pluto - Charon system?
Charon is spherical, and has half the diameter of Pluto (and about 1/8 the mass), making Pluto - Charon a binary system (much more so than Earth - Moon, for example). And the barycentre of Pluto - Charon lies WELL outside Pluto.
Re: Bad Uber
"Also, how can you be sure that an Uber driver is insured to carry passengers?
By the taxi licencing authority plate affixed to the rear of the vehicle, eg picture. If it isn't plated it isn't licensed and isn't insured, and is breaking the law."
What Uber does and does not require of its drivers varies according to what the local regulators insist upon. The evidence suggests their business model is to enter a new market with no requirements whatsoever ("We're not a taxi service, so taxi laws don't apply"), and then tough it out until the lawmakers buckle.
Perhaps in some jurisdictions, they carry and display some sort of "commercial vehicle" plate, but in my part of the world (Queensland, Australia), Ubers have been deemed to be legal, but don't carry any physical evidence of being licensed or insured for commercial use. I won't catch an Uber for this reason - I don't want to find out the hard way that my driver isn't insured for commercial use (I know that's what my car insurance policy says), and so they aren't covered for any injuries I might suffer in an accident.
Surely if you're an internet company ...
... and you create a new internet-themed type-able logo, you'd make an effort to make sure the internet could take your logo and direct people to your site.
I just highlighted "moz://a" in the article, right-clicked and chose "Search Google for moz://a" - The-Company-Formerly-Known-As-Mozilla comes a long-way down the search list.
(But a company called "Moz" is probably wondering why hits on their site have increased dramatically in the last day or two. Ironically, their business seems to be based on the concept of "being found" in internet searches!)
Re: Welcome to embedded system engineering
Re: Deploying a parachute at negative altitude:
This happens just about every day to Wile E. Coyote: pursues Road Runner, falls off cliff, tugs desperately at rip-cord, hits the ground, making a coyote-shaped hole - and then the parachute pops out of the ground, and settles gracefully down over the coyote.
I'd like to think that is how Schiaparelli's last moments transpired!
Re: I call bullshit on this
Yes, there are roughly 10 million households in Australia, but you would have to wonder why the ABS claim the Census website was supposed designed for "up to 1 million forms per hour" (by their own website publicity before the Census night debacle).
The vast majority of the Australian population live in the eastern states, which were all in the same time zone on Census night (and South Australia is only half an hour behind). Common sense should have told the ABS that most households would try to fill in the form "after dinner" - between say 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm, so "up to 1 million forms per hour" was simply nowhere near enough capacity.
If the ABS can't even get simple "order of magnitude" estimates right, what chance of success did the Online census ever have?
Maybe this is just a Chinese propaganda tool?
Putting Melbourne just off the coast of Japan, would place a large amount of the Australian mainland inside the disputed South China Sea - we should probably expect an angry diplomatic statement that Australia should immediately hand over all the iron ore mines in Western Australia that are on traditional Chinese land?
RE: "our calculation on the effects of dark energy could be wrong"
"Firstly, our calculation on the effects of dark energy could be wrong. Dark energy, which can't be detected on current instruments, is already causing the expansion of the universe and may have additional properties that theorists haven't accounted for."
Surely the fundamental problem is that we don't know what Dark Energy is, or have anything like a coherent theory of how it works - so what chance is there that our "calculations" (guesswork?) would be right?!
Re: "Absolutely no one can make sense of the United States' infatuation with firearms."
"You need guns because you're scared of Koalas? WTF?"
Drop Bears are not exactly "cute and cuddly" - I suggest anyone contemplating visiting Australia should read this paper first:
"Indirect Tracking of Drop Bears Using GNSS Technology"
"highly unlikely that such destructive devices would ever be used"
"It is the power of thermonuclear devices that convinced Dr Brownlee that test explosions should be resumed and held regularly with the world's politicians watching the spectacle first hand. Once you have witnessed something that powerful, he explained, it would make it highly unlikely that such destructive devices would ever be used in anger."
Witnessing a nuke might be all a rational person needs to convince themselves that such weapons must never be used, but for megalomaniacs and dictators, the evidence that it CAN be done is all it takes to fund a program to develop one of their own.
Anyone remember "The War to End All Wars", dynamite as a weapon so terrible that it would never be used ...
"Partly filled with wrong"
When I read this:
"Handelsblatt beats Google's translation with the sentence “Die Software für die Steuerung der Motoren sei bei der Endmontage falsch aufgespielt worden” "
Well ... I had to see what Google Translate offers up:
"The software for controlling the motors had been partly filled with wrong during the final assembly"
"Partly filled with wrong" - my new catch-phrase for every time somebody cocks something up!
Bernie wonders why F1 viewer numbers are falling ...
TV coverage is being pushed from FTA to over-priced Pay TV (in Australia, only ten races will be shown live on FTA, and they're not covering the qualifying or practice sessions; Pay TV is only available through Foxtel at $50 per month for SD or $60 per month for HD), and they can't even get their mobile app to work reliably, or link your subscription to the web-site so you can get the data stream there.
I was promised linked app / website access for the first race in Australia; then they said it would be ready in April, then they said they couldn't process registrations which were made on the Google Play store when you buy the app, then they said it would be working in time for the Spanish Grand Prix (10 May), so I'm not in the least bit surprised its still not working for Monaco.
I'm a massive F1 fan, but getting access to my fortnightly fix is getting harder and harder ....
Re: Here comes the drill...
By the same logic, there should be no GST on a Domino's pizza, because each of the hole-in-the-wall outlets is a separately franchised "small business", and the guy who delivers it is an independent contractor (not an employee) who makes at the most a couple of hundred dollars a week.
No, these are global multi-billion-dollar businesses, and they engineer their income structures to gain a competitive advantage by declaring all their income in low tax havens. They should be collecting and paying their taxes, insurances and licence fees in whatever countries they operate.
Google and GST
If you scroll to the bottom of the page on the Australian Google Play site, it clearly says "All prices include GST" for apps, books, movies and TV shows, etc, so hopefully this is a true statement, and the GST is indeed rendered to the ATO.
Interestingly, if you click on "Devices", it takes you to the Google Store page, and there is no statement about GST there as far as I can tell. I have bought a few Nexus devices from the Google Play site in the past (before they moved "Devices" to the new Google Store). The dealings were with a Google Singapore subsidiary, and while some of the invoices stated that the invoice price included Tax, some indicated no tax was collected. Where Tax was shown, the amount was not always 1/11 of the full invoice price, which it should be for the Australian GST of 10%. Also the Invoice was not labelled as a "Tax Invoice", and there was no ABN, which suggests to me that the invoice would not meet the requirements of a GST Receipt for Australian Tax purposes. In other words, it would appear that Google Singapore sometimes collected some tax for somebody, but it isn't clear where that tax was sent.
The answer is obvious, really ...
Everybody knows that if you leave a bottle or can of soft drink (Australian term for "soda") open, it loses its fizz. This is true for both flavoured carbonated drinks and unflavoured Soda Water.
All we need to do is have a big Soda Water plant attached to every coal-fired power station, making gigalitres of soda water. The soda water can be dumped into a holding pond for a few days until it loses its fizz, and then the fresh water can be released for other purposes, or even recycled to make the next batch of soda water.
Re: We are only thinking of your health
"I think you have discovered a new source of green energy! We can use treadmill-generators to run our data centres."
No ... given the reported battery life issues, you need to be on the treadmill to keep the Apple Watch powered up. Some commentators have noted that this tends to limit the portability of the device, but Apples Execs have been keen to highlight the health benefits of a smartwatch which requires you to be constantly active to keep it charged.
Re: Unconvincing hype @ ST
Perhaps you should at least peruse the paper before decrying it as bunkum. The author absolutely does NOT make any claims that:
"- there is only one way these bumps could have been created - namely bacteria
- the mud bumps on Mars were created by the same exact process as the mud bumps on Earth"
What she DID say is as follows (taken from the abstract):
"In this paper, the similarities of the macroscopic morphologies, spatial associations, and temporal succession of sedimentary structures on Mars to MISS preserved on Earth has led to the following hypothesis: The sedimentary structures in the <3.7 Ga Gillespie Lake Member on Mars are ancient MISS produced by interactions between microbial mats and their environment. Proposed here is a strategy for detecting, identifying, conﬁrming, and differentiating possible MISS during current and future Mars missions."
Notice anything about that last sentence?
"... a strategy for detecting, identifying, conﬁrming, and differentiating ..."
That's called Science!
Re: Natural causes ?
If you check the actual article http://online.liebertpub.com/doi/pdf/10.1089/ast.2014.1218 , she hasn't actually claimed that she has found compelling evidence for life on Mars. She has published a "Hypothesis Article" entitled "Ancient Sedimentary Structures in the <3.7 Ga Gillespie Lake Member, Mars, That Resemble Macroscopic Morphology, Spatial Associations, and Temporal Succession in Terrestrial Microbialites", and provides a hypothesis (NOT a claim!) that "The sedimentary structures in the <3.7 Ga Gillespie Lake Member on Mars are ancient MISS produced by interactions between microbial mats and their environment", and spells out what further detailed investigations this would prompt to test the hypotheses. Specifically, she gives "a strategy for detecting, identifying, conﬁrming, and differentiating possible MISS during current and future Mars missions."
Seems like an entirely reasonable and scientific basis to me, which will no doubt be examined and tested by others; i.e. in accordance with "The Scientific Method".
Wouldn't it be simpler to just ...
... put a function in the OS which monitors the phone's accelerometers, and disables "social media" apps such as email / gmail / Twitter / Facebook etc whenever the phone recognises that the user is walking? (Or at least pops up a window that says something like "Oi! Watch where you're going!")
Should I patent that before anyone else has the same idea?
I'll bet that ...
... these "Dark Social" scum are the same free-loaders who watch TV without filling in ratings surveys, hang up on telemarketers, walk past "marketing muggers" in shopping malls without so much as making eye contact, and never fill in the survey forms at hotels where they stay.
Anti-social vermin! Have they no concept of our shared responsibility to assist in the collection of marketing data?