* Posts by Unep Eurobats

383 posts • joined 4 Oct 2012

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I am just a mapper: Solar drones take to the skies above Blighty

Unep Eurobats
Paris Hilton

Re: Brilliant

A sysadmin is an El Reg unit now? What's that in diplodocuses?

Mini computer flingers go after a slice of the high street retail Pi

Unep Eurobats
Thumb Up

Hipster demographic

If you could also get a decent coffee and a quick lube for your bike they'd be onto a surefire winner.

Straight outta Blighty: Readers, if you were a tech billionaire, what would you do?

Unep Eurobats
Boffin

Nature abhors a powerful vacuum

I thought Dyson wanted to leave the EU because Brussels are going to limit the wattage of domestic appliances, ostensibly in order to save the planet from climate change. Their real reason for doing this, allegedly, is because Dyson's extra-powerful vacuum cleaners are wiping the floor (see what I did there) with the continental competition. The scoundrels.

So it doesn't really matter whether Sir Jim is in Singapore or not, as long as we Brits remain free to Take Back Control (TM) of our living-room carpets with the super-puissant suckage of our Mega-Cyclones.

Forget Finding Nemo: This AI can identify a single zebrafish out of a 100-strong shoal

Unep Eurobats
Coat

AI can identify a single zebrafish out of a 100-strong shoal

That's easy, it's the stripy one. Duh.

Forget DeepFakes. This robo-Rembrandt with AI for brains is not bad at knocking off paintings

Unep Eurobats
Headmaster

robo-Rembrant [sic]

Presumably to stop the real Rembrandt suing their ass.

You don't mess with the old masters. That Caravaggio, 'e'll 'ave yer for tuppence.

Samsung 'reveals' what looks like a tablet that folds into a phone, but otherwise we're quite literally left in the dark

Unep Eurobats
Go

Use cases

Cool games, of course. One where you have to get a ball into a hole by bending the display to get it to roll up and down hill. (I haven't thought out the details.)

If Shadow Home Sec Diane Abbott can be reeled in by phishers, truly no one is safe

Unep Eurobats
Facepalm

At least she uses a PC

Whoever the current home secretary is (they will likely have changed by the time I Google it) probably has someone to do it for them.

Uncool: Google won't be setting up shop in disused Berlin electrical substation

Unep Eurobats
Gimp

The G word

The question is, what's going to happen to it now? As a wannabe hipster I love disused electricity substations, particularly if they have an artisan cafe, a bike shop, a tattooist and a moustache-waxing boutique.

Swedish ISP spanked for sexist 'distracted boyfriend' advert for developer jobs

Unep Eurobats
Facepalm

We're not talking about whether the image itself, per se and on its own, is sexist, derogatory, offensive, stereotypical, discriminatory or otherwise.

We're talking about whether using it in an ad for a job is consistent with the spirit of equal opportunity that the company responsible pays the usual lip service to. Which it quite obviously isn't. Bahnhof are a bunch of sexist bros in a hole and should stop digging.

Has anyone seen REM lately? No, we mean rare earth minerals

Unep Eurobats
Coat

Ore metallic for the people

Gotta go, I'm Out of Time ->

New Horizons eyeballs Kuiper Belt object Ultima Thule, its next flyby goal

Unep Eurobats
Megaphone

'New Horizons has peeped its next target'

In space, no one can hear you whistle.

Et tu, Brute? Then fail, Caesars: When it's hotel staff, not the hackers, invading folks' privacy

Unep Eurobats
Coat

Re: "Et tu Bruté"

Shakespeare got it wrong. It's actually a corruption of 'Et tu, brew tea', meaning that Caesar wanted his trusty lieutenant Brutus to bring him a nice cuppa, sharpish. However the only thing sharp in the vicinity is Brutus's dagger, which he proceeds to bury in the imperial ribcage, thereby allowing Caesar to utter his actual last words which, as any fule kno, are 'Infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me!'

Hey, don't route the messenger! Telegram redirected through Iran by baffling BGP leak

Unep Eurobats
Coat

'Don't route the messenger'

You like your centers and colors and modelings, but here's a headline that only works with British English pronunciation. An explanatory footnote is required,Shirley?

I predict a riot: Amazon UK chief foresees 'civil unrest' for no-deal Brexit

Unep Eurobats
Alert

Perhaps in a very mild form

Cross reviews on Trustpilot when delivery of a new Kindle is delayed or the price of avocados goes up.

'I was livid I tell you! I only gave them three stars.'

What if tech moguls brewed real ale?

Unep Eurobats
Gimp

Apple cider

Only £9.99 a pint. The glass must be held right and includes a Notch at the rim to keep your hipster moustache free of froth. Other brands offering their alcoholic beverages in cyclindrical receptacles will be sued.

Made from water in a mysterious process by master brewer S Jobs.

Tasting notes: distinct flavour of rainbows with a subtle hint of unicorn.

Unep Eurobats
Windows

Small-batch Micro(soft)brew

Low in alcohol, subtly hopped with the Nadella variety, becoming cloudier after increased storage, allowing the flavours to develop! develop!!!! develop!!!!1111!1. (Warning: trying to remove the pump may cause the whole bar to stop working.)

You wanna be an alpha... tester of The Register's redesign? Step this way

Unep Eurobats
Flame

Re: more threading in the comments section

Definitely. All too often the replies to the first comment effectively become the comment thread, sometimes taking it down a tedious off-topic rabbit hole that causes interesting top-level comments further down (eg mine) to be denied their due number of upvotes.

Jimmy Hill feted in Shoreditch

Unep Eurobats
Coat

Re: Did you know...

So he is! By just 13 days.

It is, however, unfortunately not true that Jim Morrison was born in a van and Van Morrison was born in a gym.

Painful truth: DNS, CDNs and CAs are Achilles' Heel for top websites

Unep Eurobats
Boffin

Re: Obligatory apostrophe moan

To refer to the actual heel of the Greek hero, Achilles' heel is of course correct. But for the meaning intended here, of a fatal vulnerability, the word Achilles is used as an adjective and an apostrophe makes no sense. It's certainly not right to talk of my Achilles' heel, since it doesn't belong to him.

Unep Eurobats
Headmaster

Obligatory apostrophe moan

It's Achilles heel, not Achilles' heel and certainly not Achilles' Heel. It's the same as, for example, Belisha beacon. Grammatically the same, I mean, not physically. If your heel is flashing yellow I've no idea what that is. See a doctor, I would.

MSDN unleashes a fresh round of unintentional innuendo bingo

Unep Eurobats

Indeed, the Microsoft article is confused. Its author appears to think that knob is a synonym for parameter.

Unep Eurobats
Facepalm

Does knob really have two meanings any more?

The problem is, if you can't use it in its primary sense to refer to a control because it can also refer to a penis, then it really now only has one meaning.

So now we have an inordinate number of words for penis but no word for a cylindrical control that can be rotated to alter the state of a machine.

Programmers! Close the StackOverflow tabs. This AI robot will write your source code for you

Unep Eurobats
Joke

Re: steriods

I too saw that and rushed here armed with my pedantry icon. But I think El Reg is teasing us with a subtle reminder of how well auto-correct wroks.

Car-crash television: 'Excuse me ma'am, do you speak English?' 'Yes I do,' replies AMD's CEO

Unep Eurobats
Facepalm

Re: F1 is a Car Crash

'What about having the drivers change their tires alone, one by one.'

Thanks. If I want to watch a bloke changing tyres I'll pop down to ATS in my lunch hour.

Horn star Sudan, last male northern white rhino, dies aged 45

Unep Eurobats
Boffin

Re: Extinction

+1 for Sapiens - a great read.

Java EE renamed 'Jakarta EE' after Big Red brand spat

Unep Eurobats
Holmes

Unsurprising outcome

The baffling thing is that 35% thought that Enterprise Profile was a good name for it. The phrase makes me think of CRM or biometrics.

Inviting nearby exoplanet revealed as radiation-baked hell

Unep Eurobats
Angel

Re: Not really near

'I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space.'

We already give up our privacy to use phones, why not with cars too?

Unep Eurobats
Go

If the payback is safer, cheaper, less-congested driving...

what's not to like? It's going to happen; bring it on.

Unep Eurobats
Angel

Re: So drive a..

bicycle?

World+dog ignores Rubin's Wonderdroid

Unep Eurobats
Boffin

Model number PH-1 suggests 'a wider home automation ecosystem'?

Or maybe it just suggests that it's their 1st PHone?

Apple's HomePod beams you up into new audio dimensions

Unep Eurobats
Coat

'harder to get into than Fort Knox'

Since they're not telling us about that little escapade, we'll just have to believe them it was easier.

Talk down to Siri like it's a mere servant – your safety demands it

Unep Eurobats
Black Helicopters

That story about the 83-year-old

It's completely made up, right?

UK PM Theresa May orders review of online abuse laws in suffrage centenary speech

Unep Eurobats
WTF?

Re: Bad Behaviour has Always Been There

Er, we're talking about hate speech, not interrupting someone.

A Hughes failure: Flat Earther rocketeer can't get it up yet again

Unep Eurobats

Re: Although...

Of course he doesn't believe the earth is flat. He's simply discovered that playing the part of someone who does, in his own 24/7 reality show, is fun and lucrative for him and, let's face it, entertaining for the rest of us.

When you play this song backwards, you can hear Satan. Play it forwards, and it hijacks Siri, Alexa

Unep Eurobats
Windows

My, that Dilbert is old: he still has a CRT. And Wally has yet to become so addicted to coffee that he's surgically attached to his cafetiere.

Intellectual Property Office drops, er, patently cool cartoon to teach kids about trademarks

Unep Eurobats

Re: 'I'm guessing there's no caricature of Taylor Swift in there'

No, but the follow-up will be about someone whose business name implies they'll sew your clothes very quickly.

Destroying the city to save the robocar

Unep Eurobats
Childcatcher

What price safety?

We've been told that autonomous cars will be safer for other road users. Their sensors are better and their reactions faster and more reliable than those of human drivers.

Now it sounds like the industry is beginning to go back on that promise. We're hearing that autonomous vehicles will mean 'the barricades go up'; that pedestrian safety is 'difficult, expensive' and 'cannot be dealt with by today's technology'.

So which is it? A driverless utopia or autogeddon? I suspect car-makers are too unwilling to spend the money required to give us the former, so are beginning to soften us up for the latter. You do want that fleet of robot vehicles bringing you cheap deliveries, right? So stay behind those barricades.

Apple agrees to pay £136m in back idiot taxes to UK taxman

Unep Eurobats
Coat

That duck advert did the trick then

Quack.

WikiLeave? Assange tipped for Ecuadorian eviction

Unep Eurobats
Big Brother

"A third country might offer a new couch"

But he'd still have to get from couch A to couch B, meaning he could be nabbed en route. Although the Ecuadorian embassy is now no longer under 24-hour surveillance by the police.

Oh good. Transport for London gives Capita £80m for WAN, LAN and Wi-Fi

Unep Eurobats
Coat

'TfL reckons it will save £33m'

... which will be passed on as fare reductions to the hard-pressed London commuter. I'm certain.

Auto auto fleets to dodge British potholes in future

Unep Eurobats
Childcatcher

Re: Pothole reporting

The worry is that the council will think they don't have to fix potholes any more because the connected cars know to avoid them. And they will, slaloming all over the road to the dismay of any non-connected road-user who happens to be in the vicinity.

Coventry: Once a 'Ghost Town', soon to be UK City of Culture

Unep Eurobats
Flame

Sunderland

was robbed.

Inside Internet Archive: 10PB+ of storage in a church... oh, and a little fight to preserve truth

Unep Eurobats
Go

Re: More of this sort of thing

Yes: cafes, concert halls, art venues... And of course data centres in those nice, cool, secure crypts.

Imagine the candles on its birthday cake: Astro-eggheads detect galaxy born in universe's first billion years

Unep Eurobats
Flame

Re: Astro-eggheads

Here's another vote for boffin. I suppose egghead is an alternative to prevent too much repetition but I feel it has more negative connotations.

How about an El Reg poll to find a better synonym?

Someone liked dwarf planet Haumea so much they put a ring on it

Unep Eurobats
Headmaster

J L Ortiz, a minor planet specialist

I know they're unfashionable, but there's a case for the strategic deployment of a hyphen here, Shirley?

Google touts Babel Fish-esque in-ear real-time translators. And the usual computer stuff

Unep Eurobats

Re: No audio jack

Don't call me...

No, you've heard that one too many times already.

Er, nice-looking phones.

¡Dios mío! Spain blocks DNS to hush Catalonian independence vote sites

Unep Eurobats
Facepalm

Having their cake and eating it

While I totally respect the autonomy and distinctiveness of the wonderful Catalan people and their region, this seems like another attempt by a nationalistic entity to have their cake and eat it. They want recognition of that autonomy and distinctiveness on the global stage without the consequences of true independence: the hard border, the trade deal negotiations, the economic self-reliance.

They want to stick two fingers up to the Spanish government and get a warm glow inside without anything actually changing.

Why Uber isn't the poster child for capitalism you wanted

Unep Eurobats
Childcatcher

Restriction of choice?

Clogging central London with private-hire vehicles restricts people's choice to walk happily, cycle safely or journey quickly by bus.

Programming in the Middle Ages: Docker makes a lovely pair of trousers

Unep Eurobats
Paris Hilton

Came here to post a really witty comment

Forgotten it though.

Farewell Cassini! NASA's Saturnian spacecraft waves goodbye for its Grand Finale

Unep Eurobats
Headmaster

[T]he Solar System’s most ... unique-looking planet

And after all that time and money, are they at last able to tell us how unique-looking it is?

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