* Posts by Huw D

253 posts • joined 10 Sep 2012


'It's full of beer!' Miracle fridge reveals itself to pals tuckered out from cleaning flooded cabin

Huw D

Depends on what sort of cider.

This ain't AI, it's a goddamn arms race – but US shouldn't get too heated, Congressman warns

Huw D

Re: it's a goddamn arms race

I think you'll find it's an emo reference (This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race)


Facebook blames 'server config change' for 14-hour outage. Someone run that through the universal liar translator

Huw D

Re: Optional

"What kind of stupidity got us to this point?"

Letting the General Public on to the Internet and letting people market to them.

Science says death metal fans delightful and intelligent people, great at dinner parties

Huw D

Re: OMFG factually-accurate death metal references!

I've had the displeasure for working local crew for Brian Warner.

The man is a complete cockwomble.

Huw D

Re: Not surprising

I used to work with Fraser Craske's dad...

Huw D

Re: On the one hand

I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world. Life in plastic, it's fantastic...

Go on, get that out of your head. :D

Huw D

I asked the manager of my usual punk/rock/metal bar why he looked so grumpy when his music of choice was supposed to make him joyous.

Trapped wind, apparently.

Yelp-for-MAGAs app maker is warned there are holes in its code. Does it A. Just fix the problem, or B. Threaten to call the FBI, too?

Huw D

I thought 63Red was one of those online gambling places... ;)

'What's up, Skip?' asks paraglider – before 'roo beats the snot out of him

Huw D

Re: Nothing is more enjoyable

People will always be idiots. Even when there's warnings.


Unless you want your wine bar to look like a brothel, purple curtains are a no-no apparently

Huw D

"There is"


"A house"


"In Lostwithiel"

"What's it called?"

"They call it the Rising Sun"

"What's it been?"

"And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy"

"How do you know?"

"And God, I know"

"Who's a prat?"

"I'm one..."


Hipster whines at tech mag for using his pic to imply hipsters look the same, discovers pic was of an entirely different hipster

Huw D

Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

Did that one. The answer was "A motorbike".

Huw D

Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

Apparently"chicks dig scars"...

Huw D

Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

Yup. I remember at a large bike rally a small child was found wandering around early in the morning and was taken to rally control.

"Ok, lad? You've lost your parents?"


"What's your Dad's name?"


"Ok, and what does John look like?"

"He's got a bald head and a long beard and tattoos down his arms!"

"Let me take a guess. Is he wearing jeans and a black shirt and a leather jacket?"

"Yes, do you know him?"

YouTube's pedo problem is so bad, it just switched off comments on millions of vids of small kids to stem the tide of vileness

Huw D

Re: You've just bought a toaster [etc]

Still like Zoe Lyons take on reviews (paraphrased) "Women who bought '1000 pictures of cats' also bought "Why men leave'"

Qbot malware's back, and latest strain relies on Visual Basic script to slip into target machines

Huw D

Re: You can lead a user to security,

If you can work out that an email is infected, to the point that you can prepend ***INFECTED*** to the subject line, why is it even getting to the end-user??

Oh no, look out, Google, Facebook, and pals. You're doomed. Here comes another watchdog to, er, nip at your ankles

Huw D

Toe sucking?

I didn't know David Mellor was back on the scene.

OK, your boss allegedly called you a lazy n*****, promoted the person you trained ahead of you and paid you less, but you can't PROVE it's racism, Facebook says

Huw D

Re: A Narcissist's Corporate Prayer

Reminds me of the Blues Brothers.

I ran outta gas.

I had a flat tyre.

I didn't have enough money for cab fare.

My tux didn't come back from the cleaners.

An old friend came in from outta town.

Someone stole my car.

There was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locusts.

It wasn't my fault!!

I swear to God!!

Twilight of the sundials: Archaic timepiece dying out and millennials are to blame, reckons boffin

Huw D

Even the The Queen doesn't get sundials...


Return of the audio format wars and other money-making scams

Huw D

Walkman -> Zune is the way forward.

Cops looking for mum marauding uni campus asking students if they fancy dating her son

Huw D

"Stiffness guaranteed"

Hungover this morning? Thought 'beer before wine and you'll be fine'? Boffins prove old adage just isn't true

Huw D

Question or two...

"In the first experiment, 31 people slurped beer until their breath alcohol concentration (BrAC) measured 0.05 per cent, they then sipped wine until their BrAC increased to 0.11 per cent. Another handful of 31 participants repeated the same experiment but consumed wine before beer. The rest of the group, 28 people, acted as the control group and were only given one type of alcoholic beverage to drink."

How much alcohol are we talking here to get a BrAC of 0.11% ? Can different people get to the BrAC on different quantities?

I'm confused.

iPhone price cuts are coming, teases Apple CEO. *Bring-bring* Hello, Apple UK? It's El Reg. You free to chat?

Huw D

Re: so

Skinny bloke. Ate no fat. His wife, on the other hand...

Worried about Brexit food shortages? North Korean haute couture has just the thing

Huw D

Re: the Commonwealth. Many produce food. Also a few make textiles.

"You see that bridge out there? Built it myself, hand laid every stone, and it's the best bridge over the river in 20 miles! But do they call me "Jones the Bridge"? No! And you see that house over there? I built that, took me two months, through rain, sleet and scorching weather, but do they call me "Jones the House"? No! And you see that farm over there? I run that, providing some of the best local produce in the county! But do they call me "Jones the Farm"? No!"

"but you fuck one sheep..."

RIP 2019-2019: The first plant to grow on the Moon? Yeah, it's dead already, Chinese admit

Huw D

*looks at photo accompanying the article*

*makes note to get Pringles on the way home*

NHS England claims it will be all-digital within the decade

Huw D

Re: creating joined-up systems

"It resulted in one female patient being given erectile dysfunction cream for an eye condition causing considerable pain and additional treatment needs, hence costs."

Bet they looked hard...

Attention all British .eu owners: Buy dotcom domains and prepare to sue, says UK govt

Huw D

Re: Brexit just gets better?

As per an earlier post, people that don't vote don't get a say.

Um, I'm not that Gary, American man tells Ryanair after being sent other Gary's flight itinerary

Huw D

Yes, you can keep the money...

I once got mailed a royalties cheque from the Musician's Union (I am a member) for a recording session I allegedly played on.

I rang and said I hadn't played on that session. Their response? Well, the paperwork has your name AND membership number on it, so keep the cash. There's nobody with a name even close to mine in the MU directory so... WTF?

New Horizons probe reveals Ultima Thule is huge, spinning... chicken drumstick?

Huw D

Replace Ultima Thule with Uma Thurman.

London's Gatwick airport suspends all flights after 'multiple' reports of drones

Huw D

Re: I wonder if...

Oi, I'm flying out of Birmingham tomorrow. We'll have less of that nonsense, thank you!

Apple iPhone X screen falls short of promises, lawsuit says

Huw D

Pentile dysfunction...

Something something, blue diamond pills.

'Bomb threat' scammers linked to earlier sextortion campaign

Huw D

There's a new one doing the rounds.

Effectively "Someone has paid me to arrange for you to have acid thrown in your face. Pay me in BTC and I'll call off the attack"

US bitcoin bomb threat ransom scam looks like a hoax say FBI, cops

Huw D

Standards in extortion and terrorism went downhill after Hans Gruber fell from the Nakatomi Plaza...

Huawei CFO poutine cuffs by Canadian cops after allegedly busting sanctions on Iran

Huw D

Re: Messy business

Minutes? I haven't had poutine in ages. Luckily I'm going to be in Quebec in two weeks :)


Customers baffled as Citrix forces password changes for document-slinging Sharefile outfit

Huw D

Re: On the bright side

Same here. It appears that the security training is working!

European fibre lobby calls for end to fake fibre broadband ads

Huw D


Curry with Meat 10p

Curry with Named Meat 15p...

Office 365 Exchange enjoys a less than manic Monday. Users? Not so much

Huw D

Re: Echoing in Redmond

Leave it at 0. It's more likely to be right.

Facebook spooked after MPs seize documents for privacy breach probe

Huw D

Re: Off to the tower with Zuck

Why Yorkies? Why not Lancastrians? ;)

Consultant misreads advice, ends up on a 200km journey to the Exchange expert

Huw D

Re: I hate the expression "click this"

Ah, the assumption that you're using a touchscreen device...

What the #!/%* is that rogue Raspberry Pi doing plugged into my company's server room, sysadmin despairs

Huw D

Re: I'm sure I've read...

Ah, security by WTF-ery.

Washington Post offers invalid cookie consent under EU rules – ICO

Huw D

"(How can you tell? All the websites look exactly the same)"

You know when something's been Mirrored...

My hoard of obsolete hardware might be useful… one day

Huw D
Thumb Up

Internal hard drives with dust, fluff and shit on


Scans perfectly and describes every old HDD I have in my "box o'shite".

SMBs: We don't want to spoil all of this article, but have you patched, taken away admin rights, made backups yet?

Huw D

Re: Office 365?

In my experience, SME is fairly new to the UK. It was prevalent in the US where SMB was the UK equivalent. Over the last 10? 15? years, it's now become more widely used.

Same goes for Chairman/Managing Director/Finance Director/IT Director type titles being replaced with US style designations (CxO).

HSBC now stands for Hapless Security, Became Compromised: Thousands of customer files snatched by crims

Huw D

Re: There's no excuse...

"I would change banks if I had to carry around a card-reader or token just to do everyday transactions - one reason I'm ditching Barclays, in addition to their appalling SmartInvestor."

Barclays PinSentry comes as an app on your phone. Nothing extra to carry.

Solid state of fear: Euro boffins bust open SSD, Bitlocker encryption (it's really, really dumb)

Huw D

I'm hurting here...

Never mind the security aspect.

El Reg, how could you use the phrase "We've pinged Microsoft, Crucial, and Samsung for comment"? Seriously. Using ping that way is the language of marketers and buffoons.


Silent running: Computer sounds are so '90s

Huw D

Oh Gawd...

I am reminded of a painful day in an office where some wag had decided to set the Windows startup sound on every PC to be Robin Williams screaming "GOOD MORNING VIETNAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Take my advice: The only safe ID is a fake ID

Huw D


Why pay hundreds of pounds for a personalised number plate when it's cheaper to change your name by deed poll to match your current plate?


CF 52 JFY (Mr).

Windows 10 1809: Now arriving on a desktop near you (if you want it)

Huw D

Why, thank you very much AC!

Huw D

Tried it. It broke LMI Rescue Technicians console.

Back to 1803 until I can work out what's going on.

Why are sat-nav walking directions always so hopeless?

Huw D


I used my sat-nav around Woburn Safari Park.

It said bear left so I looked left, but it wasn't a bear, it was a monkey having a w**k...

Perfect timing for a two-bank TITSUP: Totally Inexcusable They've Stuffed Up Payday

Huw D

So, in a nutshell, all the major UK banks are equally shit.


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