* Posts by Huw D

229 posts • joined 10 Sep 2012


NHS England claims it will be all-digital within the decade

Huw D

Re: creating joined-up systems

"It resulted in one female patient being given erectile dysfunction cream for an eye condition causing considerable pain and additional treatment needs, hence costs."

Bet they looked hard...

Attention all British .eu owners: Buy dotcom domains and prepare to sue, says UK govt

Huw D

Re: Brexit just gets better?

As per an earlier post, people that don't vote don't get a say.

Um, I'm not that Gary, American man tells Ryanair after being sent other Gary's flight itinerary

Huw D

Yes, you can keep the money...

I once got mailed a royalties cheque from the Musician's Union (I am a member) for a recording session I allegedly played on.

I rang and said I hadn't played on that session. Their response? Well, the paperwork has your name AND membership number on it, so keep the cash. There's nobody with a name even close to mine in the MU directory so... WTF?

New Horizons probe reveals Ultima Thule is huge, spinning... chicken drumstick?

Huw D

Replace Ultima Thule with Uma Thurman.

London's Gatwick airport suspends all flights after 'multiple' reports of drones

Huw D

Re: I wonder if...

Oi, I'm flying out of Birmingham tomorrow. We'll have less of that nonsense, thank you!

Apple iPhone X screen falls short of promises, lawsuit says

Huw D

Pentile dysfunction...

Something something, blue diamond pills.

'Bomb threat' scammers linked to earlier sextortion campaign

Huw D

There's a new one doing the rounds.

Effectively "Someone has paid me to arrange for you to have acid thrown in your face. Pay me in BTC and I'll call off the attack"

US bitcoin bomb threat ransom scam looks like a hoax say FBI, cops

Huw D

Standards in extortion and terrorism went downhill after Hans Gruber fell from the Nakatomi Plaza...

Huawei CFO poutine cuffs by Canadian cops after allegedly busting sanctions on Iran

Huw D

Re: Messy business

Minutes? I haven't had poutine in ages. Luckily I'm going to be in Quebec in two weeks :)


Customers baffled as Citrix forces password changes for document-slinging Sharefile outfit

Huw D

Re: On the bright side

Same here. It appears that the security training is working!

European fibre lobby calls for end to fake fibre broadband ads

Huw D


Curry with Meat 10p

Curry with Named Meat 15p...

Office 365 Exchange enjoys a less than manic Monday. Users? Not so much

Huw D

Re: Echoing in Redmond

Leave it at 0. It's more likely to be right.

Facebook spooked after MPs seize documents for privacy breach probe

Huw D

Re: Off to the tower with Zuck

Why Yorkies? Why not Lancastrians? ;)

Consultant misreads advice, ends up on a 200km journey to the Exchange expert

Huw D

Re: I hate the expression "click this"

Ah, the assumption that you're using a touchscreen device...

What the #!/%* is that rogue Raspberry Pi doing plugged into my company's server room, sysadmin despairs

Huw D

Re: I'm sure I've read...

Ah, security by WTF-ery.

Washington Post offers invalid cookie consent under EU rules – ICO

Huw D

"(How can you tell? All the websites look exactly the same)"

You know when something's been Mirrored...

My hoard of obsolete hardware might be useful… one day

Huw D
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Internal hard drives with dust, fluff and shit on


Scans perfectly and describes every old HDD I have in my "box o'shite".

SMBs: We don't want to spoil all of this article, but have you patched, taken away admin rights, made backups yet?

Huw D

Re: Office 365?

In my experience, SME is fairly new to the UK. It was prevalent in the US where SMB was the UK equivalent. Over the last 10? 15? years, it's now become more widely used.

Same goes for Chairman/Managing Director/Finance Director/IT Director type titles being replaced with US style designations (CxO).

HSBC now stands for Hapless Security, Became Compromised: Thousands of customer files snatched by crims

Huw D

Re: There's no excuse...

"I would change banks if I had to carry around a card-reader or token just to do everyday transactions - one reason I'm ditching Barclays, in addition to their appalling SmartInvestor."

Barclays PinSentry comes as an app on your phone. Nothing extra to carry.

Solid state of fear: Euro boffins bust open SSD, Bitlocker encryption (it's really, really dumb)

Huw D

I'm hurting here...

Never mind the security aspect.

El Reg, how could you use the phrase "We've pinged Microsoft, Crucial, and Samsung for comment"? Seriously. Using ping that way is the language of marketers and buffoons.


Silent running: Computer sounds are so '90s

Huw D

Oh Gawd...

I am reminded of a painful day in an office where some wag had decided to set the Windows startup sound on every PC to be Robin Williams screaming "GOOD MORNING VIETNAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Take my advice: The only safe ID is a fake ID

Huw D


Why pay hundreds of pounds for a personalised number plate when it's cheaper to change your name by deed poll to match your current plate?


CF 52 JFY (Mr).

Windows 10 1809: Now arriving on a desktop near you (if you want it)

Huw D

Why, thank you very much AC!

Huw D

Tried it. It broke LMI Rescue Technicians console.

Back to 1803 until I can work out what's going on.

Why are sat-nav walking directions always so hopeless?

Huw D


I used my sat-nav around Woburn Safari Park.

It said bear left so I looked left, but it wasn't a bear, it was a monkey having a w**k...

Huw D

Dabbsy, are you channeling Dave Gorman?

Why coffee has ruined tea.


Perfect timing for a two-bank TITSUP: Totally Inexcusable They've Stuffed Up Payday

Huw D

So, in a nutshell, all the major UK banks are equally shit.

Man cuffed for testing fruit with bum cheek pre-purchase

Huw D

Did he have a turnip shaped like a thingy or a thingy shaped like a turnip?

A boss pinching pennies may have cost his firm many, many pounds

Huw D

Or patients and staff in some cases.

Huw D

Tightest of the tight

Many, many moons ago I was the PFY at a large UK Accountancy firm.

We were rolling out Tax software to each office. They had been told what to purchase - Compaq Deskpro 286e for the clients, a 386/25 for the server, Netware 2.15, yadda yadda...

I get to one office to do the rollout (only about 5 PCs) to find no server or clients.

The Partner in charge of that office had decided in his own wisdom that he didn't want to pay the sort of prices involved, so had gone to an auction and bought a load of "PCs and servers" for next to nothing.

When I pointed out that what he had bought were a load of word processors, not PCs and didn't have DOS/Win 3.1 on them, and couldn't be networked he decided to throw a fit and call my BOFH to complain about my ability to "do a simple task".

Turns out his idea of "next to nothing" was about 40% of what he would have paid for the proper kit, which he ended up having to buy anyway. When I revisited the office a few weeks later, the Partner was nowhere to be seen.

Cobbler feels the shoe-leather: An IP address is still not a human

Huw D

"What else would a film called "The Gobbler" be about, after all?"

A man out on a mission to become the champion eater of all the restaurant food challenges.

Starring Adam Richman.

Somerset boozer prepares to declare its inn-dependence from UK

Huw D

At the risk of a shedload of downvotes...

No Surrender to the IPA.

Go Zuck Yourself: Facebook destroys patent suit over timeline

Huw D

Re: When does the hunting season

Hopefully it's immediately after the hunting season for the US PTO, who are responsible for half the nonsense patents in the first place.

Rejoice! Thousands more kids flock to computing A-level

Huw D

Not a lot has changed

That GCSE syllabus looks a hell of a lot like the one for my Computing O Level in 1984.

Wasted worker wasps wanna know – oi! – who are you looking at?

Huw D

Sir David Attenborough was walking past a second-hand vinyl shop and saw an album in the window - "Wasp sounds of the Amazon".

He asked the shop assistant if he could have a listen. The LP was duly placed on the turntable and a set of headphones passed to him.

After a few minutes, he threw the headphones down in disgust. "I'm Sir David Attenborough! I've spent months in the Amazon! We did a special on the wasps and I don't recognise ANY of this! What's up?"

The assistant turned around and apologised. "Sorry sir, I was playing the Bee side..."

Google Spectre whizz kicked out of Caesars, blocked from DEF CON over hack 'attack' tweet

Huw D

In a complete about face...

I can imagine a few hundred people going to Blackpool and then finding out there's sod all worth hacking.

"Yeah, I fleeced the guy for 30 sticks of rock and a 'Kiss Me Quick' hat..."

'Unhackable' Bitfi crypto-currency wallet maker will be shocked to find fingernails exist

Huw D

Re: Money talks, bullshit walks

"That's Life"?

You mean Esther Rantzen and her curious shaped vegetables?

Who'da thunk it!

Mamma Mia! UK film fans forced to Q as Vue's website craps itself

Huw D
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Re: "Nina Pretty Ballerina"

Yup, I inwardly chuckled at the reference.

East Midlands network-sniffer wails: Openreach, fix my outage-ridden line

Huw D

Tell me about it. Client in Nottingham had issues with their VoIP setup. 3 engineers turned up and did the "No Fault Found because we ran a simple check and couldn't be arsed to hang around for the INTERMITTENT problem to happen." routine. The 4th engineer actually bothered to wait and actually witness the fault happening and then things moved pretty quickly.

And in current affairs: Rogue raccoon blacks out city power grid after shocking misstep

Huw D

Don't mess with raccoons. Pick on the wrong one and you'll have a very angry tree on your case (if the raccoon hasn't shot you first)

At last! Apple admits its MacBook Pro butterfly keyboards utterly suck, offers free replacements

Huw D

... go online to see how good a product is

Yeah, because all the rave reviews of things on the Internet are never likely to be fake are they? And the shit reviews are all people just dissing $Brand by default?

Atari accuses El Reg of professional trolling and making stuff up. Welp, here's the interview tape for you to decide...

Huw D

Re: I wonder if anyone

"Has printed this out multiple times and pinned it to the Atari board of directors, using nails and a hammer"

That's better.

ICANN pays to push Whois case to European Court of Justice

Huw D

In a complete about face...

Especially if done in the style of the French knights in Holy Grail.

"You don't frighten us, American pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person! Ah blow my nose at you, so-called "Eeeee Kaaaneeen"! You and all your silly Whois Knnnnnnnn-ighuts!!"

Nominet throws out US corp's attempt to seize Brit domain names

Huw D

Re: Back in 20001?

Time is an illusion. Lunchtimes doubly so.

Headless man found in lava’s embrace

Huw D

In a complete about face...

I think you'll find it was a full-face head-off stone. ;)

Microsoft gives users options for Office data slurpage – Basic or Full

Huw D


$PRODUCT-X blah, blah, blah = $DEVIL.

You should all be using $PRODUCT-Y because = $DEITY.

If you don't you're a $WOSSNAME.


Right, that's a shedload of the Internet covered...

You have GNU sense of humor! Glibc abortion 'joke' diff tiff leaves Richard Stallman miffed

Huw D

Re: The joke is a reference to the USA

"I give Stallman credit for sticking to his guns."

Sticking to his GNUs, surely?

New Monty Python movie to turn old jokes into new royalties

Huw D

Re: Short of cash?

Yes he did.

No top-ups, please, I'm a millennial: Lightweight yoof shunning booze like never before

Huw D

Re: Alternatives

"Which if salty led to an increased thirst."

Which led to a further few spliffs while the discussion about who was going down the shop to get more booze and munchies happened.

Sysadmin unplugged wrong server, ran away, hoped nobody noticed

Huw D

"After reading this column for a while I notice one thing. all these cock ups happen in regular industry where the worst thing can happen is a little bit of data loss. maybe important data or a few people dont get emails for a few hours, but lets face it, nobody is getting killed...."

Do you even BOFH, bro?


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